kids bowling sets for 7 year olds under 50 dollarsThe Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders
The affordable bath toys under 10 dollarsFortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders, &c.
Who was Born in Newgate, and during a Life of continu’d Variety forThreescore Years, besides her Childhood, was Twelve Year a Whore, five times aWife (whereof once to her own Brother), Twelve Year a Thief, Eight Year aTransported Felon in Virginia, at last grew Rich, liv’d Honest, and diesa Penitent. Written from her own Memorandums . . .
by Daniel Defoe
THE AUTHOR’S PREFACE
The world is so taken up of late with novels and romances, that it will be hardfor a private history to be taken for genuine, where the names and othercircumstances of the person are concealed, and on this account we must becontent to leave the reader to pass his own opinion upon the ensuing sheet, andtake it just as he pleases.
The author is here supposed to be writing her own history, and in the verybeginning of her account she gives the reasons why she thinks fit to concealher true name, after which there is no occasion to say any more about that.
It is true that the original of this story is put into new words, and the styleof the famous lady we here speak of is a little altered; particularly she ismade to tell her own tale in modester words that she told it at first, the copywhich came first to hand having been written in language more like one still inNewgate than one grown penitent and humble, as she afterwards pretends to be.
The pen employed in finishing her story, and making it what you now see it tobe, has had no little difficulty to put it into a dress fit to be seen, and tomake it speak language fit to be read. When a woman debauched from her youth,nay, even being the offspring of debauchery and vice, comes to give an accountof all her vicious practices, and even to descend to the particular occasionsand circumstances by which she ran through in threescore years, an author mustbe hard put to it wrap it up so clean as not to give room, especially forvicious readers, to turn it to his disadvantage.
All possible care, however, has been taken to give no lewd ideas, no immodestturns in the new dressing up of this story; no, not to the worst parts of herexpressions. To this purpose some of the vicious part of her life, which couldnot be modestly told, is quite left out, and several other parts are very muchshortened. What is left ’tis hoped will not offend the chastest reader orthe modest hearer; and as the best use is made even of the worst story, themoral ’tis hoped will keep the reader serious, even where the story mightincline him to be otherwise. To give the history of a wicked life repented of,necessarily requires that the wicked part should be make as wicked as the realhistory of it will bear, to illustrate and give a beauty to the penitent part,which is certainly the best and brightest, if related with equal spirit andlife.
It is suggested there cannot be the same life, the same brightness and beauty,in relating the penitent part as is in the criminal part. If there is any truthin that suggestion, I must be allowed to say ’tis because there is notthe same taste and relish in the reading, and indeed it is too true that thedifference lies not in the real worth of the subject so much as in the gust andpalate of the reader.
But as this work is chiefly recommended to those who know how to read it, andhow to make the good uses of it which the story all along recommends to them,so it is to be hoped that such readers will be more pleased with the moral thanthe fable, with the application than with the relation, and with the end of thewriter than with the life of the person written of.
There is in this story abundance of delightful incidents, and all of themusefully applied. There is an agreeable turn artfully given them in therelating, that naturally instructs the reader, either one way or other. Thefirst part of her lewd life with the young gentleman at Colchester has so manyhappy turns given it to expose the crime, and warn all whose circumstances areadapted to it, of the ruinous end of such things, and the foolish, thoughtless,and abhorred conduct of both the parties, that it abundantly atones for all thelively description she gives of her folly and wickedness.
The repentance of her lover at the Bath, and how brought by the just alarm ofhis fit of sickness to abandon her; the just caution given there against eventhe lawful intimacies of the dearest friends, and how unable they are topreserve the most solemn resolutions of virtue without divine assistance; theseare parts which, to a just discernment, will appear to have more real beauty inthem, than all the amorous chain of story which introduces it.
In a word, as the whole relation is carefully garbled of all the levity andlooseness that was in it, so it all applied, and with the utmost care, tovirtuous and religious uses. None can, without being guilty of manifestinjustice, cast any reproach upon it, or upon our design in publishing it.
The advocates for the stage have, in all ages, made this the great argument topersuade people that their plays are useful, and that they ought to be allowedin the most civilised and in the most religious government; namely, that theyare applied to virtuous purposes, and that by the most lively representations,they fail not to recommend virtue and generous principles, and to discourageand expose all sorts of vice and corruption of manners; and were it true thatthey did so, and that they constantly adhered to that rule, as the test oftheir acting on the theatre, much might be said in their favour.
Throughout the infinite variety of this book, this fundamental is most strictlyadhered to; there is not a wicked action in any part of it, but is first andlast rendered unhappy and unfortunate; there is not a superlative villainbrought upon the stage, but either he is brought to an unhappy end, or broughtto be a penitent; there is not an ill thing mentioned but it is condemned, evenin the relation, nor a virtuous, just thing but it carries its praise alongwith it. What can more exactly answer the rule laid down, to recommend eventhose representations of things which have so many other just objectionsleaving against them? namely, of example, of bad company, obscene language, andthe like.
Upon this foundation this book is recommended to the reader as a work fromevery part of which something may be learned, and some just and religiousinference is drawn, by which the reader will have something of instruction, ifhe pleases to make use of it.
All the exploits of this lady of fame, in her depredations upon mankind, standas so many warnings to honest people to beware of them, intimating to them bywhat methods innocent people are drawn in, plundered and robbed, and byconsequence how to avoid them. Her robbing a little innocent child, dressedfine by the vanity of the mother, to go to the dancing-school, is a goodmemento to such people hereafter, as is likewise her picking the gold watchfrom the young lady’s side in the Park.
Her getting a parcel from a hare-brained wench at the coaches in St. JohnStreet; her booty made at the fire, and again at Harwich, all give us excellentwarnings in such cases to be more present to ourselves in sudden surprises ofevery sort.
Her application to a sober life and industrious management at last in Virginia,with her transported spouse, is a story fruitful of instruction to all theunfortunate creatures who are obliged to seek their re-establishment abroad,whether by the misery of transportation or other disaster; letting them knowthat diligence and application have their due encouragement, even in theremotest parts of the world, and that no case can be so low, so despicable, orso empty of prospect, but that an unwearied industry will go a great way todeliver us from it, will in time raise the meanest creature to appear again inthe world, and give him a new case for his life.
There are a few of the serious inferences which we are led by the hand to inthis book, and these are fully sufficient to justify any man in recommending itto the world, and much more to justify the publication of it.
There are two of the most beautiful parts still behind, which this story givessome idea of, and lets us into the parts of them, but they are either of themtoo long to be brought into the same volume, and indeed are, as I may callthem, whole volumes of themselves, viz.: 1. The life of her governess, as shecalls her, who had run through, it seems, in a few years, all the eminentdegrees of a gentlewoman, a whore, and a bawd; a midwife and a midwife-keeper,as they are called; a pawnbroker, a childtaker, a receiver of thieves, and ofthieves’ purchase, that is to say, of stolen goods; and in a word,herself a thief, a breeder up of thieves and the like, and yet at last apenitent.
The second is the life of her transported husband, a highwayman, who it seems,lived a twelve years’ life of successful villainy upon the road, and evenat last came off so well as to be a volunteer transport, not a convict; and inwhose life there is an incredible variety.
But, as I have said, these are things too long to bring in here, so neither canI make a promise of the coming out by themselves.
We cannot say, indeed, that this history is carried on quite to the end of thelife of this famous Moll Flanders, as she calls herself, for nobody can writetheir own life to the full end of it, unless they can write it after they aredead. But her husband’s life, being written by a third hand, gives a fullaccount of them both, how long they lived together in that country, and howthey both came to England again, after about eight years, in which time theywere grown very rich, and where she lived, it seems, to be very old, but wasnot so extraordinary a penitent as she was at first; it seems only that indeedshe always spoke with abhorrence of her former life, and of every part of it.
In her last scene, at Maryland and Virginia, many pleasant things happened,which makes that part of her life very agreeable, but they are not told withthe same elegancy as those accounted for by herself; so it is still to the moreadvantage that we break off here.
MOLL FLANDERS
My true name is so well known in the records or registers at Newgate, and inthe Old Bailey, and there are some things of such consequence still dependingthere, relating to my particular conduct, that it is not be expected I shouldset my name or the account of my family to this work; perhaps, after my death,it may be better known; at present it would not be proper, no not though ageneral pardon should be issued, even without exceptions and reserve of personsor crimes.
It is enough to tell you, that as some of my worst comrades, who are out of theway of doing me harm (having gone out of the world by the steps and the string,as I often expected to go), knew me by the name of Moll Flanders, so you maygive me leave to speak of myself under that name till I dare own who I havebeen, as well as who I am.
I have been told that in one of our neighbour nations, whether it be in France orwhere else I know not, they have an order from the king, that when any criminalis condemned, either to die, or to the galleys, or to be transported, if theyleave any children, as such are generally unprovided for, by the poverty orforfeiture of their parents, so they are immediately taken into the care of theGovernment, and put into a hospital called the House of Orphans, where they arebred up, clothed, fed, taught, and when fit to go out, are placed out to tradesor to services, so as to be well able to provide for themselves by an honest,industrious behaviour.
Had this been the custom in our country, I had not been left a poor desolategirl without friends, without clothes, without help or helper in the world, aswas my fate; and by which I was not only exposed to very great distresses, evenbefore I was capable either of understanding my case or how to amend it, butbrought into a course of life which was not only scandalous in itself, butwhich in its ordinary course tended to the swift destruction both of soul andbody.
But the case was otherwise here. My mother was convicted of felony for acertain petty theft scarce worth naming, viz. having an opportunity ofborrowing three pieces of fine holland of a certain draper in Cheapside. Thecircumstances are too long to repeat, and I have heard them related so manyways, that I can scarce be certain which is the right account.
However it was, this they all agree in, that my mother pleaded her belly, andbeing found quick with child, she was respited for about seven months; in whichtime having brought me into the world, and being about again, she was calleddown, as they term it, to her former judgment, but obtained the favour of beingtransported to the plantations, and left me about half a year old; and in badhands, you may be sure.
This is too near the first hours of my life for me to relate anything of myselfbut by hearsay; it is enough to mention, that as I was born in such an unhappyplace, I had no parish to have recourse to for my nourishment in my infancy;nor can I give the least account how I was kept alive, other than that, as Ihave been told, some relation of my mother’s took me away for a while asa nurse, but at whose expense, or by whose direction, I know nothing at all ofit.
The first account that I can recollect, or could ever learn of myself, was thatI had wandered among a crew of those people they call gypsies, or Egyptians;but I believe it was but a very little while that I had been among them, for Ihad not had my skin discoloured or blackened, as they do very young to all thechildren they carry about with them; nor can I tell how I came among them, orhow I got from them.
It was at Colchester, in Essex, that those people left me; and I have a notionin my head that I left them there (that is, that I hid myself and would not goany farther with them), but I am not able to be particular in that account;only this I remember, that being taken up by some of the parish officers ofColchester, I gave an account that I came into the town with the gypsies, butthat I would not go any farther with them, and that so they had left me, butwhither they were gone that I knew not, nor could they expect it of me; forthough they send round the country to inquire after them, it seems they couldnot be found.
I was now in a way to be provided for; for though I was not a parish chargeupon this or that part of the town by law, yet as my case came to be known, andthat I was too young to do any work, being not above three years old,compassion moved the magistrates of the town to order some care to be taken ofme, and I became one of their own as much as if I had been born in the place.
In the provision they made for me, it was my good hap to be put to nurse, asthey call it, to a woman who was indeed poor but had been in bettercircumstances, and who got a little livelihood by taking such as I was supposedto be, and keeping them with all necessaries, till they were at a certain age,in which it might be supposed they might go to service or get their own bread.
This woman had also had a little school, which she kept to teach children toread and to work; and having, as I have said, lived before that in goodfashion, she bred up the children she took with a great deal of art, as well aswith a great deal of care.
But that which was worth all the rest, she bred them up very religiously, beingherself a very sober, pious woman, very house-wifely and clean, and verymannerly, and with good behaviour. So that in a word, expecting a plain diet,coarse lodging, and mean clothes, we were brought up as mannerly and asgenteelly as if we had been at the dancing-school.
I was continued here till I was eight years old, when I was terrified with newsthat the magistrates (as I think they called them) had ordered that I should goto service. I was able to do but very little service wherever I was to go,except it was to run of errands and be a drudge to some cookmaid, and this theytold me of often, which put me into a great fright; for I had a thoroughaversion to going to service, as they called it (that is, to be a servant),though I was so young; and I told my nurse, as we called her, that I believed Icould get my living without going to service, if she pleased to let me; for shehad taught me to work with my needle, and spin worsted, which is the chieftrade of that city, and I told her that if she would keep me, I would work forher, and I would work very hard.
I talked to her almost every day of working hard; and, in short, I did nothingbut work and cry all day, which grieved the good, kind woman so much, that atlast she began to be concerned for me, for she loved me very well.
One day after this, as she came into the room where all we poor children wereat work, she sat down just over against me, not in her usual place as mistress,but as if she set herself on purpose to observe me and see me work. I was doingsomething she had set me to; as I remember, it was marking some shirts whichshe had taken to make, and after a while she began to talk to me. “Thoufoolish child,” says she, “thou art always crying” (for I was cryingthen); “prithee, what dost cry for?” “Because they will takeme away,” says I, “and put me to service, and I can’t workhousework.” “Well, child,” says she, “but though youcan’t work housework, as you call it, you will learn it in time, and theywon’t put you to hard things at first.” “Yes, theywill,” says I, “and if I can’t do it they will beat me, andthe maids will beat me to make me do great work, and I am but a little girl andI can’t do it”; and then I cried again, till I could not speak anymore to her.
This moved my good motherly nurse, so that she from that time resolved I shouldnot go to service yet; so she bid me not cry, and she would speak to Mr. Mayor,and I should not go to service till I was bigger.
Well, this did not satisfy me, for to think of going to service was such afrightful thing to me, that if she had assured me I should not have gone till Iwas twenty years old, it would have been the same to me; I should have cried, Ibelieve, all the time, with the very apprehension of its being to be so atlast.
When she saw that I was not pacified yet, she began to be angry with me.“And what would you have?” says she; “don’t I tell youthat you shall not go to service till your are bigger?” “Ay,”said I, “but then I must go at last.” “Why, what?” saidshe; “is the girl mad? What would you be—a gentlewoman?”“Yes,” says I, and cried heartily till I roared out again.
This set the old gentlewoman a-laughing at me, as you may be sure it would.“Well, madam, forsooth,” says she, gibing at me, “you wouldbe a gentlewoman; and pray how will you come to be a gentlewoman? What! willyou do it by your fingers’ end?”
“Yes,” says I again, very innocently.
“Why, what can you earn?” says she; “what can you get at yourwork?”
“Threepence,” said I, “when I spin, and fourpence when I workplain work.”
“Alas! poor gentlewoman,” said she again, laughing, “whatwill that do for thee?”
“It will keep me,” says I, “if you will let me live withyou.” And this I said in such a poor petitioning tone, that it made thepoor woman’s heart yearn to me, as she told me afterwards.
“But,” says she, “that will not keep you and buy you clothestoo; and who must buy the little gentlewoman clothes?” says she, andsmiled all the while at me.
“I will work harder, then,” says I, “and you shall have itall.”
“Poor child! it won’t keep you,” says she; “it willhardly keep you in victuals.”
“Then I will have no victuals,” says I, again very innocently;“let me but live with you.”
“Why, can you live without victuals?” says she.
“Yes,” again says I, very much like a child, you may be sure, andstill I cried heartily.
I had no policy in all this; you may easily see it was all nature; but it wasjoined with so much innocence and so much passion that, in short, it set thegood motherly creature a-weeping too, and she cried at last as fast as I did,and then took me and led me out of the teaching-room. “Come,” saysshe, “you shan’t go to service; you shall live with me”; andthis pacified me for the present.
Some time after this, she going to wait on the Mayor, and talking of suchthings as belonged to her business, at last my story came up, and my good nursetold Mr. Mayor the whole tale. He was so pleased with it, that he would callhis lady and his two daughters to hear it, and it made mirth enough among them,you may be sure.
However, not a week had passed over, but on a sudden comes Mrs. Mayoress andher two daughters to the house to see my old nurse, and to see her school andthe children. When they had looked about them a little, “Well, Mrs.——,” says the Mayoress to my nurse, “and pray which isthe little lass that intends to be a gentlewoman?” I heard her, and I wasterribly frighted at first, though I did not know why neither; but Mrs.Mayoress comes up to me. “Well, miss,” says she, “and whatare you at work upon?” The word miss was a language that had hardly beenheard of in our school, and I wondered what sad name it was she called me.However, I stood up, made a curtsy, and she took my work out of my hand, lookedon it, and said it was very well; then she took up one of the hands.“Nay,” says she, “the child may come to be a gentlewoman foraught anybody knows; she has a gentlewoman’s hand,” says she. Thispleased me mightily, you may be sure; but Mrs. Mayoress did not stop there, butgiving me my work again, she put her hand in her pocket, gave me a shilling,and bid me mind my work, and learn to work well, and I might be a gentlewomanfor aught she knew.
Now all this while my good old nurse, Mrs. Mayoress, and all the rest of themdid not understand me at all, for they meant one sort of thing by the wordgentlewoman, and I meant quite another; for alas! all I understood by being agentlewoman was to be able to work for myself, and get enough to keep mewithout that terrible bugbear going to service, whereas they meant to livegreat, rich and high, and I know not what.
Well, after Mrs. Mayoress was gone, her two daughters came in, and they calledfor the gentlewoman too, and they talked a long while to me, and I answeredthem in my innocent way; but always, if they asked me whether I resolved to bea gentlewoman, I answered Yes. At last one of them asked me what a gentlewomanwas? That puzzled me much; but, however, I explained myself negatively, that itwas one that did not go to service, to do housework. They were pleased to befamiliar with me, and like my little prattle to them, which, it seems, wasagreeable enough to them, and they gave me money too.
As for my money, I gave it all to my mistress-nurse, as I called her, and toldher she should have all I got for myself when I was a gentlewoman, as well asnow. By this and some other of my talk, my old tutoress began to understand meabout what I meant by being a gentlewoman, and that I understood by it no morethan to be able to get my bread by my own work; and at last she asked mewhether it was not so.
I told her, yes, and insisted on it, that to do so was to be a gentlewoman;“for,” says I, “there is such a one,” naming a womanthat mended lace and washed the ladies’ laced-heads; “she,”says I, “is a gentlewoman, and they call her madam.”
“Poor child,” says my good old nurse, “you may soon be such agentlewoman as that, for she is a person of ill fame, and has had two or threebastards.”
I did not understand anything of that; but I answered, “I am sure theycall her madam, and she does not go to service nor do housework”; andtherefore I insisted that she was a gentlewoman, and I would be such agentlewoman as that.
The ladies were told all this again, to be sure, and they made themselves merrywith it, and every now and then the young ladies, Mr. Mayor’s daughters,would come and see me, and ask where the little gentlewoman was, which made menot a little proud of myself.
This held a great while, and I was often visited by these young ladies, andsometimes they brought others with them; so that I was known by it almost allover the town.
I was now about ten years old, and began to look a little womanish, for I wasmighty grave and humble, very mannerly, and as I had often heard the ladies sayI was pretty, and would be a very handsome woman, so you may be sure thathearing them say so made me not a little proud. However, that pride had no illeffect upon me yet; only, as they often gave me money, and I gave it to my oldnurse, she, honest woman, was so just to me as to lay it all out again for me,and gave me head-dresses, and linen, and gloves, and ribbons, and I went veryneat, and always clean; for that I would do, and if I had rags on, I wouldalways be clean, or else I would dabble them in water myself; but, I say, mygood nurse, when I had money given me, very honestly laid it out for me, andwould always tell the ladies this or that was bought with their money; and thismade them oftentimes give me more, till at last I was indeed called upon by themagistrates, as I understood it, to go out to service; but then I was come tobe so good a workwoman myself, and the ladies were so kind to me, that it wasplain I could maintain myself—that is to say, I could earn as much for mynurse as she was able by it to keep me—so she told them that if theywould give her leave, she would keep the gentlewoman, as she called me, to beher assistant and teach the children, which I was very well able to do; for Iwas very nimble at my work, and had a good hand with my needle, though I wasyet very young.
But the kindness of the ladies of the town did not end here, for when they cameto understand that I was no more maintained by the public allowance as before,they gave me money oftener than formerly; and as I grew up they brought me workto do for them, such as linen to make, and laces to mend, and heads to dressup, and not only paid me for doing them, but even taught me how to do them; sothat now I was a gentlewoman indeed, as I understood that word, I not onlyfound myself clothes and paid my nurse for my keeping, but got money in mypocket too beforehand.
The ladies also gave me clothes frequently of their own or theirchildren’s; some stockings, some petticoats, some gowns, some one thing,some another, and these my old woman managed for me like a mere mother, andkept them for me, obliged me to mend them, and turn them and twist them to thebest advantage, for she was a rare housewife.
At last one of the ladies took so much fancy to me that she would have me hometo her house, for a month, she said, to be among her daughters.
Now, though this was exceeding kind in her, yet, as my old good woman said toher, unless she resolved to keep me for good and all, she would do the littlegentlewoman more harm than good. “Well,” says the lady,“that’s true; and therefore I’ll only take her home for aweek, then, that I may see how my daughters and she agree together, and how Ilike her temper, and then I’ll tell you more; and in the meantime, ifanybody comes to see her as they used to do, you may only tell them you havesent her out to my house.”
This was prudently managed enough, and I went to the lady’s house; but Iwas so pleased there with the young ladies, and they so pleased with me, that Ihad enough to do to come away, and they were as unwilling to part with me.
However, I did come away, and lived almost a year more with my honest oldwoman, and began now to be very helpful to her; for I was almost fourteen yearsold, was tall of my age, and looked a little womanish; but I had such a tasteof genteel living at the lady’s house that I was not so easy in my oldquarters as I used to be, and I thought it was fine to be a gentlewoman indeed,for I had quite other notions of a gentlewoman now than I had before; and as Ithought, I say, that it was fine to be a gentlewoman, so I loved to be amonggentlewomen, and therefore I longed to be there again.
About the time that I was fourteen years and a quarter old, my good nurse,mother I rather to call her, fell sick and died. I was then in a sad conditionindeed, for as there is no great bustle in putting an end to a poorbody’s family when once they are carried to the grave, so the poor goodwoman being buried, the parish children she kept were immediately removed bythe church-wardens; the school was at an end, and the children of it had nomore to do but just stay at home till they were sent somewhere else; and as forwhat she left, her daughter, a married woman with six or seven children, cameand swept it all away at once, and removing the goods, they had no more to sayto me than to jest with me, and tell me that the little gentlewoman might setup for herself if she pleased.
I was frighted out of my wits almost, and knew not what to do, for I was, as itwere, turned out of doors to the wide world, and that which was still worse,the old honest woman had two-and-twenty shillings of mine in her hand, whichwas all the estate the little gentlewoman had in the world; and when I askedthe daughter for it, she huffed me and laughed at me, and told me she hadnothing to do with it.
It was true the good, poor woman had told her daughter of it, and that it layin such a place, that it was the child’s money, and had called once ortwice for me to give it me, but I was, unhappily, out of the way somewhere orother, and when I came back she was past being in a condition to speak of it.However, the daughter was so honest afterwards as to give it me, though atfirst she used me cruelly about it.
Now was I a poor gentlewoman indeed, and I was just that very night to beturned into the wide world; for the daughter removed all the goods, and I hadnot so much as a lodging to go to, or a bit of bread to eat. But it seems someof the neighbours, who had known my circumstances, took so much compassion ofme as to acquaint the lady in whose family I had been a week, as I mentionedabove; and immediately she sent her maid to fetch me away, and two of herdaughters came with the maid though unsent. So I went with them, bag andbaggage, and with a glad heart, you may be sure. The fright of my condition hadmade such an impression upon me, that I did not want now to be a gentlewoman,but was very willing to be a servant, and that any kind of servant they thoughtfit to have me be.
But my new generous mistress, for she exceeded the good woman I was withbefore, in everything, as well as in the matter of estate; I say, in everythingexcept honesty; and for that, though this was a lady most exactly just, yet Imust not forget to say on all occasions, that the first, though poor, was asuprightly honest as it was possible for any one to be.
I was no sooner carried away, as I have said, by this good gentlewoman, but thefirst lady, that is to say, the Mayoress that was, sent her two daughters totake care of me; and another family which had taken notice of me when I was thelittle gentlewoman, and had given me work to do, sent for me after her, so thatI was mightily made of, as we say; nay, and they were not a little angry,especially madam the Mayoress, that her friend had taken me away from her, asshe called it; for, as she said, I was hers by right, she having been the firstthat took any notice of me. But they that had me would not part with me; and asfor me, though I should have been very well treated with any of the others, yetI could not be better than where I was.
Here I continued till I was between seventeen and eighteen years old, and hereI had all the advantages for my education that could be imagined; the lady hadmasters home to the house to teach her daughters to dance, and to speak French,and to write, and other to teach them music; and I was always with them, Ilearned as fast as they; and though the masters were not appointed to teach me,yet I learned by imitation and inquiry all that they learned by instruction anddirection; so that, in short, I learned to dance and speak French as well asany of them, and to sing much better, for I had a better voice than any ofthem. I could not so readily come at playing on the harpsichord or spinet,because I had no instrument of my own to practice on, and could only come attheirs in the intervals when they left it, which was uncertain; but yet Ilearned tolerably well too, and the young ladies at length got two instruments,that is to say, a harpsichord and a spinet too, and then they taught methemselves. But as to dancing, they could hardly help my learningcountry-dances, because they always wanted me to make up even number; and, onthe other hand, they were as heartily willing to learn me everything that theyhad been taught themselves, as I could be to take the learning.
By this means I had, as I have said above, all the advantages of education thatI could have had if I had been as much a gentlewoman as they were with whom Ilived; and in some things I had the advantage of my ladies, though they were mysuperiors; but they were all the gifts of nature, and which all their fortunescould not furnish. First, I was apparently handsomer than any of them;secondly, I was better shaped; and, thirdly, I sang better, by which I mean Ihad a better voice; in all which you will, I hope, allow me to say, I do notspeak my own conceit of myself, but the opinion of all that knew the family.
I had with all these the common vanity of my sex, viz. that being really takenfor very handsome, or, if you please, for a great beauty, I very well knew it,and had as good an opinion of myself as anybody else could have of me; andparticularly I loved to hear anybody speak of it, which could not but happen tome sometimes, and was a great satisfaction to me.
Thus far I have had a smooth story to tell of myself, and in all this part ofmy life I not only had the reputation of living in a very good family, and afamily noted and respected everywhere for virtue and sobriety, and for everyvaluable thing; but I had the character too of a very sober, modest, andvirtuous young woman, and such I had always been; neither had I yet anyoccasion to think of anything else, or to know what a temptation to wickednessmeant.
But that which I was too vain of was my ruin, or rather my vanity was the causeof it. The lady in the house where I was had two sons, young gentlemen of verypromising parts and of extraordinary behaviour, and it was my misfortune to bevery well with them both, but they managed themselves with me in a quitedifferent manner.
The eldest, a gay gentleman that knew the town as well as the country, andthough he had levity enough to do an ill-natured thing, yet had too muchjudgment of things to pay too dear for his pleasures; he began with the unhappysnare to all women, viz. taking notice upon all occasions how pretty I was, ashe called it, how agreeable, how well-carriaged, and the like; and this hecontrived so subtly, as if he had known as well how to catch a woman in his netas a partridge when he went a-setting; for he would contrive to be talking thisto his sisters when, though I was not by, yet when he knew I was not far offbut that I should be sure to hear him. His sisters would return softly to him,“Hush, brother, she will hear you; she is but in the next room.”Then he would put it off and talk softlier, as if he had not known it, andbegin to acknowledge he was wrong; and then, as if he had forgot himself, hewould speak aloud again, and I, that was so well pleased to hear it, was sureto listen for it upon all occasions.
After he had thus baited his hook, and found easily enough the method how tolay it in my way, he played an opener game; and one day, going by hissister’s chamber when I was there, doing something about dressing her, hecomes in with an air of gaiety. “Oh, Mrs. Betty,” said he to me,“how do you do, Mrs. Betty? Don’t your cheeks burn, Mrs.Betty?” I made a curtsy and blushed, but said nothing. “What makesyou talk so, brother?” says the lady. “Why,” says he,“we have been talking of her below-stairs this half-hour.”“Well,” says his sister, “you can say no harm of her, that Iam sure, so ’tis no matter what you have been talking about.”“Nay,” says he, “’tis so far from talking harm of her,that we have been talking a great deal of good, and a great many fine thingshave been said of Mrs. Betty, I assure you; and particularly, that she is thehandsomest young woman in Colchester; and, in short, they begin to toast herhealth in the town.”
“I wonder at you, brother,” says the sister. “Betty wants butone thing, but she had as good want everything, for the market is against oursex just now; and if a young woman have beauty, birth, breeding, wit, sense,manners, modesty, and all these to an extreme, yet if she have not money,she’s nobody, she had as good want them all for nothing but money nowrecommends a woman; the men play the game all into their own hands.”
Her younger brother, who was by, cried, “Hold, sister, you run too fast;I am an exception to your rule. I assure you, if I find a woman so accomplishedas you talk of, I say, I assure you, I would not trouble myself about themoney.”
“Oh,” says the sister, “but you will take care not to fancyone, then, without the money.”
“You don’t know that neither,” says the brother.
“But why, sister,” says the elder brother, “why do youexclaim so at the men for aiming so much at the fortune? You are none of themthat want a fortune, whatever else you want.”
“I understand you, brother,” replies the lady very smartly;“you suppose I have the money, and want the beauty; but as times go now,the first will do without the last, so I have the better of myneighbours.”
“Well,” says the younger brother, “but your neighbours, asyou call them, may be even with you, for beauty will steal a husband sometimesin spite of money, and when the maid chances to be handsomer than the mistress,she oftentimes makes as good a market, and rides in a coach before her.”
I thought it was time for me to withdraw and leave them, and I did so, but notso far but that I heard all their discourse, in which I heard abundance of thefine things said of myself, which served to prompt my vanity, but, as I soonfound, was not the way to increase my interest in the family, for the sisterand the younger brother fell grievously out about it; and as he said some verydisobliging things to her upon my account, so I could easily see that sheresented them by her future conduct to me, which indeed was very unjust to me,for I had never had the least thought of what she suspected as to her youngerbrother; indeed, the elder brother, in his distant, remote way, had said agreat many things as in jest, which I had the folly to believe were in earnest,or to flatter myself with the hopes of what I ought to have supposed he neverintended, and perhaps never thought of.
It happened one day that he came running upstairs, towards the room where hissisters used to sit and work, as he often used to do; and calling to thembefore he came in, as was his way too, I, being there alone, stepped to thedoor, and said, “Sir, the ladies are not here, they are walked down thegarden.” As I stepped forward to say this, towards the door, he was justgot to the door, and clasping me in his arms, as if it had been by chance,“Oh, Mrs. Betty,” says he, “are you here? That’s betterstill; I want to speak with you more than I do with them”; and then,having me in his arms, he kissed me three or four times.
I struggled to get away, and yet did it but faintly neither, and he held mefast, and still kissed me, till he was almost out of breath, and then, sittingdown, says, “Dear Betty, I am in love with you.”
His words, I must confess, fired my blood; all my spirits flew about my heartand put me into disorder enough, which he might easily have seen in my face. Herepeated it afterwards several times, that he was in love with me, and my heartspoke as plain as a voice, that I liked it; nay, whenever he said, “I amin love with you,” my blushes plainly replied, “Would you were,sir.”
However, nothing else passed at that time; it was but a surprise, and when hewas gone I soon recovered myself again. He had stayed longer with me, but hehappened to look out at the window and see his sisters coming up the garden, sohe took his leave, kissed me again, told me he was very serious, and I shouldhear more of him very quickly, and away he went, leaving me infinitely pleased,though surprised; and had there not been one misfortune in it, I had been inthe right, but the mistake lay here, that Mrs. Betty was in earnest and thegentleman was not.
From this time my head ran upon strange things, and I may truly say I was notmyself; to have such a gentleman talk to me of being in love with me, and of mybeing such a charming creature, as he told me I was; these were things I knewnot how to bear, my vanity was elevated to the last degree. It is true I had myhead full of pride, but, knowing nothing of the wickedness of the times, I hadnot one thought of my own safety or of my virtue about me; and had my youngmaster offered it at first sight, he might have taken any liberty he thoughtfit with me; but he did not see his advantage, which was my happiness for thattime.
After this attack it was not long but he found an opportunity to catch meagain, and almost in the same posture; indeed, it had more of design in it onhis part, though not on my part. It was thus: the young ladies were all gonea-visiting with their mother; his brother was out of town; and as for hisfather, he had been in London for a week before. He had so well watched me thathe knew where I was, though I did not so much as know that he was in the house;and he briskly comes up the stairs and, seeing me at work, comes into the roomto me directly, and began just as he did before, with taking me in his arms,and kissing me for almost a quarter of an hour together.
It was his younger sister’s chamber that I was in, and as there wasnobody in the house but the maids below-stairs, he was, it may be, the ruder;in short, he began to be in earnest with me indeed. Perhaps he found me alittle too easy, for God knows I made no resistance to him while he only heldme in his arms and kissed me; indeed, I was too well pleased with it to resisthim much.
However, as it were, tired with that kind of work, we sat down, and there hetalked with me a great while; he said he was charmed with me, and that he couldnot rest night or day till he had told me how he was in love with me, and, if Iwas able to love him again, and would make him happy, I should be the saving ofhis life, and many such fine things. I said little to him again, but easilydiscovered that I was a fool, and that I did not in the least perceive what hemeant.
Then he walked about the room, and taking me by the hand, I walked with him;and by and by, taking his advantage, he threw me down upon the bed, and kissedme there most violently; but, to give him his due, offered no manner ofrudeness to me, only kissed a great while. After this he thought he had heardsomebody come upstairs, so got off from the bed, lifted me up, professing agreat deal of love for me, but told me it was all an honest affection, and thathe meant no ill to me; and with that he put five guineas into my hand, and wentaway downstairs.
I was more confounded with the money than I was before with the love, and beganto be so elevated that I scarce knew the ground I stood on. I am the moreparticular in this part, that if my story comes to be read by any innocentyoung body, they may learn from it to guard themselves against the mischiefswhich attend an early knowledge of their own beauty. If a young woman oncethinks herself handsome, she never doubts the truth of any man that tells herhe is in love with her; for if she believes herself charming enough tocaptivate him, ’tis natural to expect the effects of it.
This young gentleman had fired his inclination as much as he had my vanity,and, as if he had found that he had an opportunity and was sorry he did nottake hold of it, he comes up again in half an hour or thereabouts, and falls towork with me again as before, only with a little less introduction.
And first, when he entered the room, he turned about and shut the door.“Mrs. Betty,” said he, “I fancied before somebody was comingupstairs, but it was not so; however,” adds he, “if they find me inthe room with you, they shan’t catch me a-kissing of you.” I toldhim I did not know who should be coming upstairs, for I believed there wasnobody in the house but the cook and the other maid, and they never came upthose stairs. “Well, my dear,” says he, “’tis good tobe sure, however”; and so he sits down, and we began to talk. And now,though I was still all on fire with his first visit, and said little, he did asit were put words in my mouth, telling me how passionately he loved me, andthat though he could not mention such a thing till he came to this estate, yethe was resolved to make me happy then, and himself too; that is to say, tomarry me, and abundance of such fine things, which I, poor fool, did notunderstand the drift of, but acted as if there was no such thing as any kind oflove but that which tended to matrimony; and if he had spoke of that, I had noroom, as well as no power, to have said no; but we were not come that lengthyet.
We had not sat long, but he got up, and, stopping my very breath with kisses,threw me upon the bed again; but then being both well warmed, he went fartherwith me than decency permits me to mention, nor had it been in my power to havedenied him at that moment, had he offered much more than he did.
However, though he took these freedoms with me, it did not go to that whichthey call the last favour, which, to do him justice, he did not attempt; and hemade that self-denial of his a plea for all his freedoms with me upon otheroccasions after this. When this was over, he stayed but a little while, but heput almost a handful of gold in my hand, and left me, making a thousandprotestations of his passion for me, and of his loving me above all the womenin the world.
It will not be strange if I now began to think, but alas! it was but with verylittle solid reflection. I had a most unbounded stock of vanity and pride, andbut a very little stock of virtue. I did indeed case sometimes with myself whatyoung master aimed at, but thought of nothing but the fine words and the gold;whether he intended to marry me, or not to marry me, seemed a matter of nogreat consequence to me; nor did my thoughts so much as suggest to me thenecessity of making any capitulation for myself, till he came to make a kind offormal proposal to me, as you shall hear presently.
Thus I gave up myself to a readiness of being ruined without the least concernand am a fair memento to all young women whose vanity prevails over theirvirtue. Nothing was ever so stupid on both sides. Had I acted as became me, andresisted as virtue and honour require, this gentleman had either desisted hisattacks, finding no room to expect the accomplishment of his design, or hadmade fair and honourable proposals of marriage; in which case, whoever hadblamed him, nobody could have blamed me. In short, if he had known me, and howeasy the trifle he aimed at was to be had, he would have troubled his head nofarther, but have given me four or five guineas, and have lain with me the nexttime he had come at me. And if I had known his thoughts, and how hard hethought I would be to be gained, I might have made my own terms with him; andif I had not capitulated for an immediate marriage, I might for a maintenancetill marriage, and might have had what I would; for he was already rich toexcess, besides what he had in expectation; but I seemed wholly to haveabandoned all such thoughts as these, and was taken up only with the pride ofmy beauty, and of being beloved by such a gentleman. As for the gold, I spentwhole hours in looking upon it; I told the guineas over and over a thousandtimes a day. Never a poor vain creature was so wrapt up with every part of thestory as I was, not considering what was before me, and how near my ruin was atthe door; indeed, I think I rather wished for that ruin than studied to avoidit.
In the meantime, however, I was cunning enough not to give the least room toany in the family to suspect me, or to imagine that I had the leastcorrespondence with this young gentleman. I scarce ever looked towards him inpublic, or answered if he spoke to me when anybody was near us; but for allthat, we had every now and then a little encounter, where we had room for aword or two, and now and then a kiss, but no fair opportunity for the mischiefintended; and especially considering that he made more circumlocution than, ifhe had known my thoughts, he had occasion for; and the work appearing difficultto him, he really made it so.
But as the devil is an unwearied tempter, so he never fails to find opportunityfor that wickedness he invites to. It was one evening that I was in the garden,with his two younger sisters and himself, and all very innocently merry, whenhe found means to convey a note into my hand, by which he directed me tounderstand that he would to-morrow desire me publicly to go of an errand forhim into the town, and that I should see him somewhere by the way.
Accordingly, after dinner, he very gravely says to me, his sisters being allby, “Mrs. Betty, I must ask a favour of you.” “What’sthat?” says his second sister. “Nay, sister,” says he verygravely, “if you can’t spare Mrs. Betty to-day, any other time willdo.” Yes, they said, they could spare her well enough, and the sisterbegged pardon for asking, which they did but of mere course, without anymeaning. “Well, but, brother,” says the eldest sister, “youmust tell Mrs. Betty what it is; if it be any private business that we must nothear, you may call her out. There she is.” “Why, sister,”says the gentleman very gravely, “what do you mean? I only desire her togo into the High Street” (and then he pulls out a turnover), “tosuch a shop”; and then he tells them a long story of two fine neckclothshe had bid money for, and he wanted to have me go and make an errand to buy aneck to the turnover that he showed, to see if they would take my money for theneckcloths; to bid a shilling more, and haggle with them; and then he made moreerrands, and so continued to have such petty business to do, that I should besure to stay a good while.
When he had given me my errands, he told them a long story of a visit he wasgoing to make to a family they all knew, and where was to be such-and-suchgentlemen, and how merry they were to be, and very formally asks his sisters togo with him, and they as formally excused themselves, because of company thatthey had notice was to come and visit them that afternoon; which, by the way,he had contrived on purpose.
He had scarce done speaking to them, and giving me my errand, but his man cameup to tell him that Sir W—— H——’s coach stoppedat the door; so he runs down, and comes up again immediately.“Alas!” says he aloud, “there’s all my mirth spoiled atonce; sir W—— has sent his coach for me, and desires to speak withme upon some earnest business.” It seems this Sir W—— was agentleman who lived about three miles out of town, to whom he had spoken onpurpose the day before, to lend him his chariot for a particular occasion, andhad appointed it to call for him, as it did, about three o’clock.
Immediately he calls for his best wig, hat, and sword, and ordering his man togo to the other place to make his excuse— that was to say, he made anexcuse to send his man away—he prepares to go into the coach. As he wasgoing, he stopped a while, and speaks mighty earnestly to me about hisbusiness, and finds an opportunity to say very softly to me, “Come away,my dear, as soon as ever you can.” I said nothing, but made a curtsy, asif I had done so to what he said in public. In about a quarter of an hour Iwent out too; I had no dress other than before, except that I had a hood, amask, a fan, and a pair of gloves in my pocket; so that there was not the leastsuspicion in the house. He waited for me in the coach in a back-lane, which heknew I must pass by, and had directed the coachman whither to go, which was toa certain place, called Mile End, where lived a confidant of his, where we wentin, and where was all the convenience in the world to be as wicked as wepleased.
When we were together he began to talk very gravely to me, and to tell me hedid not bring me there to betray me; that his passion for me would not sufferhim to abuse me; that he resolved to marry me as soon as he came to his estate;that in the meantime, if I would grant his request, he would maintain me veryhonourably; and made me a thousand protestations of his sincerity and of hisaffection to me; and that he would never abandon me, and as I may say, made athousand more preambles than he need to have done.
However, as he pressed me to speak, I told him I had no reason to question thesincerity of his love to me after so many protestations, but—and there Istopped, as if I left him to guess the rest. “But what, my dear?”says he. “I guess what you mean: what if you should be with child? Is notthat it? Why, then,” says he, “I’ll take care of you andprovide for you, and the child too; and that you may see I am not injest,” says he, “here’s an earnest for you,” and withthat he pulls out a silk purse, with an hundred guineas in it, and gave it me.“And I’ll give you such another,” says he, “every yeartill I marry you.”
My colour came and went, at the sight of the purse and with the fire of hisproposal together, so that I could not say a word, and he easily perceived it;so putting the purse into my bosom, I made no more resistance to him, but lethim do just what he pleased, and as often as he pleased; and thus I finished myown destruction at once, for from this day, being forsaken of my virtue and mymodesty, I had nothing of value left to recommend me, either to God’sblessing or man’s assistance.
But things did not end here. I went back to the town, did the business hepublicly directed me to, and was at home before anybody thought me long. As formy gentleman, he stayed out, as he told me he would, till late at night, andthere was not the least suspicion in the family either on his account or onmine.
We had, after this, frequent opportunities to repeat our crime—chiefly byhis contrivance—especially at home, when his mother and the young ladieswent abroad a-visiting, which he watched so narrowly as never to miss; knowingalways beforehand when they went out, and then failed not to catch me allalone, and securely enough; so that we took our fill of our wicked pleasure fornear half a year; and yet, which was the most to my satisfaction, I was notwith child.
But before this half-year was expired, his younger brother, of whom I have madesome mention in the beginning of the story, falls to work with me; and he,finding me alone in the garden one evening, begins a story of the same kind tome, made good honest professions of being in love with me, and in short,proposes fairly and honourably to marry me, and that before he made any otheroffer to me at all.
I was now confounded, and driven to such an extremity as the like was neverknown; at least not to me. I resisted the proposal with obstinacy; and now Ibegan to arm myself with arguments. I laid before him the inequality of thematch; the treatment I should meet with in the family; the ingratitude it wouldbe to his good father and mother, who had taken me into their house upon suchgenerous principles, and when I was in such a low condition; and, in short, Isaid everything to dissuade him from his design that I could imagine, excepttelling him the truth, which would indeed have put an end to it all, but that Idurst not think of mentioning.
But here happened a circumstance that I did not expect indeed, which put me tomy shifts; for this young gentleman, as he was plain and honest, so hepretended to nothing with me but what was so too; and, knowing his owninnocence, he was not so careful to make his having a kindness for Mrs. Betty asecret in the house, as his brother was. And though he did not let them knowthat he had talked to me about it, yet he said enough to let his sistersperceive he loved me, and his mother saw it too, which, though they took nonotice of it to me, yet they did to him, an immediately I found their carriageto me altered, more than ever before.
I saw the cloud, though I did not foresee the storm. It was easy, I say, to seethat their carriage to me was altered, and that it grew worse and worse everyday; till at last I got information among the servants that I should, in a verylittle while, be desired to remove.
I was not alarmed at the news, having a full satisfaction that I should beotherwise provided for; and especially considering that I had reason every dayto expect I should be with child, and that then I should be obliged to removewithout any pretences for it.
After some time the younger gentleman took an opportunity to tell me that thekindness he had for me had got vent in the family. He did not charge me withit, he said, for he know well enough which way it came out. He told me hisplain way of talking had been the occasion of it, for that he did not make hisrespect for me so much a secret as he might have done, and the reason was, thathe was at a point, that if I would consent to have him, he would tell them allopenly that he loved me, and that he intended to marry me; that it was true hisfather and mother might resent it, and be unkind, but that he was now in a wayto live, being bred to the law, and he did not fear maintaining me agreeable towhat I should expect; and that, in short, as he believed I would not be ashamedof him, so he was resolved not to be ashamed of me, and that he scorned to beafraid to own me now, whom he resolved to own after I was his wife, andtherefore I had nothing to do but to give him my hand, and he would answer forall the rest.
I was now in a dreadful condition indeed, and now I repented heartily myeasiness with the eldest brother; not from any reflection of conscience, butfrom a view of the happiness I might have enjoyed, and had now made impossible;for though I had no great scruples of conscience, as I have said, to strugglewith, yet I could not think of being a whore to one brother and a wife to theother. But then it came into my thoughts that the first brother had promised tomade me his wife when he came to his estate; but I presently remembered what Ihad often thought of, that he had never spoken a word of having me for a wifeafter he had conquered me for a mistress; and indeed, till now, though I said Ithought of it often, yet it gave me no disturbance at all, for as he did notseem in the least to lessen his affection to me, so neither did he lessen hisbounty, though he had the discretion himself to desire me not to lay out apenny of what he gave me in clothes, or to make the least show extraordinary,because it would necessarily give jealousy in the family, since everybody knowI could come at such things no manner of ordinary way, but by some privatefriendship, which they would presently have suspected.
But I was now in a great strait, and knew not what to do. The main difficultywas this: the younger brother not only laid close siege to me, but suffered itto be seen. He would come into his sister’s room, and his mother’sroom, and sit down, and talk a thousand kind things of me, and to me, evenbefore their faces, and when they were all there. This grew so public that thewhole house talked of it, and his mother reproved him for it, and theircarriage to me appeared quite altered. In short, his mother had let fall somespeeches, as if she intended to put me out of the family; that is, in English,to turn me out of doors. Now I was sure this could not be a secret to hisbrother, only that he might not think, as indeed nobody else yet did, that theyoungest brother had made any proposal to me about it; but as I easily couldsee that it would go farther, so I saw likewise there was an absolute necessityto speak of it to him, or that he would speak of it to me, and which to dofirst I knew not; that is, whether I should break it to him or let it alonetill he should break it to me.
Upon serious consideration, for indeed now I began to consider things veryseriously, and never till now; I say, upon serious consideration, I resolved totell him of it first; and it was not long before I had an opportunity, for thevery next day his brother went to London upon some business, and the familybeing out a-visiting, just as it had happened before, and as indeed was oftenthe case, he came according to his custom, to spend an hour or two with Mrs.Betty.
When he came and had sat down a while, he easily perceived there was analteration in my countenance, that I was not so free and pleasant with him as Iused to be, and particularly, that I had been a-crying; he was not long beforehe took notice of it, and asked me in very kind terms what was the matter, andif anything troubled me. I would have put it off if I could, but it was not tobe concealed; so after suffering many importunities to draw that out of mewhich I longed as much as possible to disclose, I told him that it was truesomething did trouble me, and something of such a nature that I could notconceal from him, and yet that I could not tell how to tell him of it neither;that it was a thing that not only surprised me, but greatly perplexed me, andthat I knew not what course to take, unless he would direct me. He told me withgreat tenderness, that let it be what it would, I should not let it trouble me,for he would protect me from all the world.
I then began at a distance, and told him I was afraid the ladies had got somesecret information of our correspondence; for that it was easy to see thattheir conduct was very much changed towards me for a great while, and that nowit was come to that pass that they frequently found fault with me, andsometimes fell quite out with me, though I never gave them the least occasion;that whereas I used always to lie with the eldest sister, I was lately put tolie by myself, or with one of the maids; and that I had overheard them severaltimes talking very unkindly about me; but that which confirmed it all was, thatone of the servants had told me that she had heard I was to be turned out, andthat it was not safe for the family that I should be any longer in the house.
He smiled when he heard all this, and I asked him how he could make so light ofit, when he must needs know that if there was any discovery I was undone forever, and that even it would hurt him, though not ruin him as it would me. Iupbraided him, that he was like all the rest of the sex, that, when they hadthe character and honour of a woman at their mercy, oftentimes made it theirjest, and at least looked upon it as a trifle, and counted the ruin of thosethey had had their will of as a thing of no value.
He saw me warm and serious, and he changed his style immediately; he told me hewas sorry I should have such a thought of him; that he had never given me theleast occasion for it, but had been as tender of my reputation as he could beof his own; that he was sure our correspondence had been managed with so muchaddress, that not one creature in the family had so much as a suspicion of it;that if he smiled when I told him my thoughts, it was at the assurance helately received, that our understanding one another was not so much as known orguessed at; and that when he had told me how much reason he had to be easy, Ishould smile as he did, for he was very certain it would give me a fullsatisfaction.
“This is a mystery I cannot understand,” says I, “or how itshould be to my satisfaction that I am to be turned out of doors; for if ourcorrespondence is not discovered, I know not what else I have done to changethe countenances of the whole family to me, or to have them treat me as they donow, who formerly used me with so much tenderness, as if I had been one oftheir own children.”
“Why, look you, child,” says he, “that they are uneasy aboutyou, that is true; but that they have the least suspicion of the case as it is,and as it respects you and I, is so far from being true, that they suspect mybrother Robin; and, in short, they are fully persuaded he makes love to you;nay, the fool has put it into their heads too himself, for he is continuallybantering them about it, and making a jest of himself. I confess I think he iswrong to do so, because he cannot but see it vexes them, and makes them unkindto you; but ’tis a satisfaction to me, because of the assurance it givesme, that they do not suspect me in the least, and I hope this will be to yoursatisfaction too.”
“So it is,” says I, “one way; but this does not reach my caseat all, nor is this the chief thing that troubles me, though I have beenconcerned about that too.” “What is it, then?” says he. Withwhich I fell to tears, and could say nothing to him at all. He strove to pacifyme all he could, but began at last to be very pressing upon me to tell what itwas. At last I answered that I thought I ought to tell him too, and that he hadsome right to know it; besides, that I wanted his direction in the case, for Iwas in such perplexity that I knew not what course to take, and then I relatedthe whole affair to him. I told him how imprudently his brother had managedhimself, in making himself so public; for that if he had kept it a secret, assuch a thing ought to have been, I could but have denied him positively, withoutgiving any reason for it, and he would in time have ceased his solicitations;but that he had the vanity, first, to depend upon it that I would not deny him,and then had taken the freedom to tell his resolution of having me to the wholehouse.
I told him how far I had resisted him, and told him how sincere and honourablehis offers were. “But,” says I, “my case will be doubly hard;for as they carry it ill to me now, because he desires to have me,they’ll carry it worse when they shall find I have denied him; and theywill presently say, there’s something else in it, and then out it comesthat I am married already to somebody else, or that I would never refuse amatch so much above me as this was.”
This discourse surprised him indeed very much. He told me that it was acritical point indeed for me to manage, and he did not see which way I shouldget out of it; but he would consider it, and let me know next time we met, whatresolution he was come to about it; and in the meantime desired I would notgive my consent to his brother, nor yet give him a flat denial, but that Iwould hold him in suspense a while.
I seemed to start at his saying I should not give him my consent. I told him heknew very well I had no consent to give; that he had engaged himself to marryme, and that my consent was the same time engaged to him; that he had all alongtold me I was his wife, and I looked upon myself as effectually so as if theceremony had passed; and that it was from his own mouth that I did so, hehaving all along persuaded me to call myself his wife.
“Well, my dear,” says he, “don’t be concerned at thatnow; if I am not your husband, I’ll be as good as a husband to you; anddo not let those things trouble you now, but let me look a little farther intothis affair, and I shall be able to say more next time we meet.”
He pacified me as well as he could with this, but I found he was verythoughtful, and that though he was very kind to me and kissed me a thousandtimes, and more I believe, and gave me money too, yet he offered no more allthe while we were together, which was above two hours, and which I muchwondered at indeed at that time, considering how it used to be, and whatopportunity we had.
His brother did not come from London for five or six days, and it was two daysmore before he got an opportunity to talk with him; but then getting him byhimself he began to talk very close to him about it, and the same evening gotan opportunity (for we had a long conference together) to repeat all theirdiscourse to me, which, as near as I can remember, was to the purposefollowing. He told him he heard strange news of him since he went, viz. that hemade love to Mrs. Betty. “Well,” says his brother a little angrily,“and so I do. And what then? What has anybody to do with that?”“Nay,” says his brother, “don’t be angry, Robin; Idon’t pretend to have anything to do with it; nor do I pretend to beangry with you about it. But I find they do concern themselves about it, andthat they have used the poor girl ill about it, which I should take as done tomyself.” “Whom do you mean by they?” says Robin.“I mean my mother and the girls,” says the elder brother.“But hark ye,” says his brother, “are you in earnest? Do youreally love this girl? You may be free with me, you know.” “Why,then,” says Robin, “I will be free with you; I do love her aboveall the women in the world, and I will have her, let them say and do what theywill. I believe the girl will not deny me.”
It struck me to the heart when he told me this, for though it was most rationalto think I would not deny him, yet I knew in my own conscience I must deny him,and I saw my ruin in my being obliged to do so; but I knew it was my businessto talk otherwise then, so I interrupted him in his story thus.
“Ay!” said I, “does he think I cannot deny him? But he shallfind I can deny him, for all that.”
“Well, my dear,” says he, “but let me give you the wholestory as it went on between us, and then say what you will.”
Then he went on and told me that he replied thus: “But, brother, you knowshe has nothing, and you may have several ladies with good fortunes.”
“’Tis no matter for that,” said Robin; “I love thegirl, and I will never please my pocket in marrying, and not please myfancy.” “And so, my dear,” adds he, “there is noopposing him.”
“Yes, yes,” says I, “you shall see I can oppose him; I havelearnt to say No, now though I had not learnt it before; if the best lord inthe land offered me marriage now, I could very cheerfully say No to him.”
“Well, but, my dear,” says he, “what can you say to him? Youknow, as you said when we talked of it before, he will ask you many questionsabout it, and all the house will wonder what the meaning of it shouldbe.”
“Why,” says I, smiling, “I can stop all their mouths at oneclap by telling him, and them too, that I am married already to his elderbrother.”
He smiled a little too at the word, but I could see it startled him, and hecould not hide the disorder it put him into. However, he returned, “Why,though that may be true in some sense, yet I suppose you are but in jest whenyou talk of giving such an answer as that; it may not be convenient on manyaccounts.”
“No, no,” says I pleasantly, “I am not so fond of letting thesecret come out without your consent.”
“But what, then, can you say to him, or to them,” says he,“when they find you positive against a match which would be apparently somuch to your advantage?”
“Why,” says I, “should I be at a loss? First of all, I am notobliged to give me any reason at all; on the other hand, I may tell them I ammarried already, and stop there, and that will be a full stop too to him, forhe can have no reason to ask one question after it.”
“Ay,” says he; “but the whole house will tease you aboutthat, even to father and mother, and if you deny them positively, they will bedisobliged at you, and suspicious besides.”
“Why,” says I, “what can I do? What would you have me do? Iwas in straight enough before, and as I told you, I was in perplexity before,and acquainted you with the circumstances, that I might have youradvice.”
“My dear,” says he, “I have been considering very much uponit, you may be sure, and though it is a piece of advice that has a great manymortifications in it to me, and may at first seem strange to you, yet, allthings considered, I see no better way for you than to let him go on; and ifyou find him hearty and in earnest, marry him.”
I gave him a look full of horror at those words, and, turning pale as death,was at the very point of sinking down out of the chair I sat in; when, giving astart, “My dear,” says he aloud, “what’s the matterwith you? Where are you a-going?” and a great many such things; and withjogging and called to me, fetched me a little to myself, though it was a goodwhile before I fully recovered my senses, and was not able to speak for severalminutes more.
When I was fully recovered he began again. “My dear,” says he,“what made you so surprised at what I said? I would have you considerseriously of it? You may see plainly how the family stand in this case, andthey would be stark mad if it was my case, as it is my brother’s; and foraught I see, it would be my ruin and yours too.”
“Ay!” says I, still speaking angrily; “are all yourprotestations and vows to be shaken by the dislike of the family? Did I notalways object that to you, and you made light thing of it, as what you wereabove, and would value; and is it come to this now?” said I. “Isthis your faith and honour, your love, and the solidity of yourpromises?”
He continued perfectly calm, notwithstanding all my reproaches, and I was notsparing of them at all; but he replied at last, “My dear, I have notbroken one promise with you yet; I did tell you I would marry you when I wascome to my estate; but you see my father is a hale, healthy man, and may livethese thirty years still, and not be older than several are round us in town;and you never proposed my marrying you sooner, because you knew it might be myruin; and as to all the rest, I have not failed you in anything, you havewanted for nothing.”
I could not deny a word of this, and had nothing to say to it in general.“But why, then,” says I, “can you persuade me to such ahorrid step as leaving you, since you have not left me? Will you allow noaffection, no love on my side, where there has been so much on your side? HaveI made you no returns? Have I given no testimony of my sincerity and of mypassion? Are the sacrifices I have made of honour and modesty to you no proofof my being tied to you in bonds too strong to be broken?”
“But here, my dear,” says he, “you may come into a safestation, and appear with honour and with splendour at once, and the remembranceof what we have done may be wrapt up in an eternal silence, as if it had neverhappened; you shall always have my respect, and my sincere affection, only thenit shall be honest, and perfectly just to my brother; you shall be my dearsister, as now you are my dear——” and there he stopped.
“Your dear whore,” says I, “you would have said if you hadgone on, and you might as well have said it; but I understand you. However, Idesire you to remember the long discourses you have had with me, and the manyhours’ pains you have taken to persuade me to believe myself an honestwoman; that I was your wife intentionally, though not in the eyes of the world,and that it was as effectual a marriage that had passed between us as if we hadbeen publicly wedded by the parson of the parish. You know and cannot butremember that these have been your own words to me.”
I found this was a little too close upon him, but I made it up in what follows.He stood stock-still for a while and said nothing, and I went on thus:“You cannot,” says I, “without the highest injustice, believethat I yielded upon all these persuasions without a love not to be questioned,not to be shaken again by anything that could happen afterward. If you havesuch dishonourable thoughts of me, I must ask you what foundation in any of mybehaviour have I given for such a suggestion?
“If, then, I have yielded to the importunities of my affection, and if Ihave been persuaded to believe that I am really, and in the essence of thething, your wife, shall I now give the lie to all those arguments and callmyself your whore, or mistress, which is the same thing? And will you transferme to your brother? Can you transfer my affection? Can you bid me cease lovingyou, and bid me love him? It is in my power, think you, to make such a changeat demand? No, sir,” said I, “depend upon it ’tis impossible,and whatever the change of your side may be, I will ever be true; and I hadmuch rather, since it is come that unhappy length, be your whore than yourbrother’s wife.”
He appeared pleased and touched with the impression of this last discourse, andtold me that he stood where he did before; that he had not been unfaithful tome in any one promise he had ever made yet, but that there were so manyterrible things presented themselves to his view in the affair before me, andthat on my account in particular, that he had thought of the other as a remedyso effectual as nothing could come up to it. That he thought this would not beentire parting us, but we might love as friends all our days, and perhaps withmore satisfaction than we should in the station we were now in, as things mighthappen; that he durst say, I could not apprehend anything from him as tobetraying a secret, which could not but be the destruction of us both, if itcame out; that he had but one question to ask of me that could lie in the wayof it, and if that question was answered in the negative, he could not butthink still it was the only step I could take.
I guessed at his question presently, namely, whether I was sure I was not withchild? As to that, I told him he need not be concerned about it, for I was notwith child. “Why, then, my dear,” says he, “we have no timeto talk further now. Consider of it, and think closely about it; I cannot butbe of the opinion still, that it will be the best course you can take.”And with this he took his leave, and the more hastily too, his mother andsisters ringing at the gate, just at the moment that he had risen up to go.
He left me in the utmost confusion of thought; and he easily perceived it thenext day, and all the rest of the week, for it was but Tuesday evening when wetalked; but he had no opportunity to come at me all that week, till the Sundayafter, when I, being indisposed, did not go to church, and he, making someexcuse for the like, stayed at home.
And now he had me an hour and a half again by myself, and we fell into the samearguments all over again, or at least so near the same, as it would be to nopurpose to repeat them. At last I asked him warmly, what opinion he must haveof my modesty, that he could suppose I should so much as entertain a thought oflying with two brothers, and assured him it could never be. I added, if he wasto tell me that he would never see me more, than which nothing but death couldbe more terrible, yet I could never entertain a thought so dishonourable tomyself, and so base to him; and therefore, I entreated him, if he had one grainof respect or affection left for me, that he would speak no more of it to me,or that he would pull his sword out and kill me. He appeared surprised at myobstinacy, as he called it; told me I was unkind to myself, and unkind to himin it; that it was a crisis unlooked for upon us both, and impossible foreither of us to foresee, but that he did not see any other way to save us bothfrom ruin, and therefore he thought it the more unkind; but that if he must sayno more of it to me, he added with an unusual coldness, that he did not knowanything else we had to talk of; and so he rose up to take his leave. I rose uptoo, as if with the same indifference; but when he came to give me as it were aparting kiss, I burst out into such a passion of crying, that though I wouldhave spoke, I could not, and only pressing his hand, seemed to give him theadieu, but cried vehemently.
He was sensibly moved with this; so he sat down again, and said a great manykind things to me, to abate the excess of my passion, but still urged thenecessity of what he had proposed; all the while insisting, that if I didrefuse, he would notwithstanding provide for me; but letting me plainly seethat he would decline me in the main point—nay, even as a mistress;making it a point of honour not to lie with the woman that, for aught he knew,might come to be his brother’s wife.
The bare loss of him as a gallant was not so much my affliction as the loss ofhis person, whom indeed I loved to distraction; and the loss of all theexpectations I had, and which I always had built my hopes upon, of having himone day for my husband. These things oppressed my mind so much, that, in short,I fell very ill; the agonies of my mind, in a word, threw me into a high fever,and long it was, that none in the family expected my life.
I was reduced very low indeed, and was often delirious and light-headed; butnothing lay so near me as the fear that, when I was light-headed, I should saysomething or other to his prejudice. I was distressed in my mind also to seehim, and so he was to see me, for he really loved me most passionately; but itcould not be; there was not the least room to desire it on one side or other,or so much as to make it decent.
It was near five weeks that I kept my bed and though the violence of my feverabated in three weeks, yet it several times returned; and the physicians saidtwo or three times, they could do no more for me, but that they must leavenature and the distemper to fight it out, only strengthening the first withcordials to maintain the struggle. After the end of five weeks I grew better,but was so weak, so altered, so melancholy, and recovered so slowly, that thephysicians apprehended I should go into a consumption; and which vexed me most,they gave it as their opinion that my mind was oppressed, that somethingtroubled me, and, in short, that I was in love. Upon this, the whole house wasset upon me to examine me, and to press me to tell whether I was in love ornot, and with whom; but as I well might, I denied my being in love at all.
They had on this occasion a squabble one day about me at table, that had liketo have put the whole family in an uproar, and for some time did so. Theyhappened to be all at table but the father; as for me, I was ill, and in mychamber. At the beginning of the talk, which was just as they had finishedtheir dinner, the old gentlewoman, who had sent me somewhat to eat, called hermaid to go up and ask me if I would have any more; but the maid brought downword I had not eaten half what she had sent me already.
“Alas,” says the old lady, “that poor girl! I am afraid she willnever be well.”
“Well!” says the elder brother, “how should Mrs. Betty bewell? They say she is in love.”
“I believe nothing of it,” says the old gentlewoman.
“I don’t know,” says the eldest sister, “what to say toit; they have made such a rout about her being so handsome, and so charming,and I know not what, and that in her hearing too, that has turned thecreature’s head, I believe, and who knows what possessions may followsuch doings? For my part, I don’t know what to make of it.”
“Why, sister, you must acknowledge she is very handsome,” says theelder brother.
“Ay, and a great deal handsomer than you, sister,” says Robin,“and that’s your mortification.”
“Well, well, that is not the question,” says his sister;“that girl is well enough, and she knows it well enough; she need not betold of it to make her vain.”
“We are not talking of her being vain,” says the elder brother,“but of her being in love; it may be she is in love with herself; itseems my sisters think so.”
“I would she was in love with me,” says Robin; “I’dquickly put her out of her pain.”
“What d’ye mean by that, son,” says the old lady; “howcan you talk so?”
“Why, madam,” says Robin, again, very honestly, “do you thinkI’d let the poor girl die for love, and of one that is near at hand to behad, too?”
“Fie, brother!”, says the second sister, “how can you talkso? Would you take a creature that has not a groat in the world?”
“Prithee, child,” says Robin, “beauty’s a portion, andgood-humour with it is a double portion; I wish thou hadst half her stock ofboth for thy portion.” So there was her mouth stopped.
“I find,” says the eldest sister, “if Betty is not in love,my brother is. I wonder he has not broke his mind to Betty; I warrant shewon’t say No.”
“They that yield when they’re asked,” says Robin, “areone step before them that were never asked to yield, sister, and two stepsbefore them that yield before they are asked; and that’s an answer toyou, sister.”
This fired the sister, and she flew into a passion, and said, things were cometo that pass that it was time the wench, meaning me, was out of the family; andbut that she was not fit to be turned out, she hoped her father and motherwould consider of it as soon as she could be removed.
Robin replied, that was business for the master and mistress of the family, whowhere not to be taught by one that had so little judgment as his eldest sister.
It ran up a great deal farther; the sister scolded, Robin rallied and bantered,but poor Betty lost ground by it extremely in the family. I heard of it, and Icried heartily, and the old lady came up to me, somebody having told her that Iwas so much concerned about it. I complained to her, that it was very hard thedoctors should pass such a censure upon me, for which they had no ground; andthat it was still harder, considering the circumstances I was under in thefamily; that I hoped I had done nothing to lessen her esteem for me, or givenany occasion for the bickering between her sons and daughters, and I had moreneed to think of a coffin than of being in love, and begged she would not letme suffer in her opinion for anybody’s mistakes but my own.
She was sensible of the justice of what I said, but told me, since there hadbeen such a clamour among them, and that her younger son talked after such arattling way as he did, she desired I would be so faithful to her as to answerher but one question sincerely. I told her I would, with all my heart, and withthe utmost plainness and sincerity. Why, then, the question was, whether therewas anything between her son Robert and me. I told her with all theprotestations of sincerity that I was able to make, and as I might well, do,that there was not, nor ever had been; I told her that Mr. Robert had rattledand jested, as she knew it was his way, and that I took it always, as Isupposed he meant it, to be a wild airy way of discourse that had nosignification in it; and again assured her, that there was not the least tittleof what she understood by it between us; and that those who had suggested ithad done me a great deal of wrong, and Mr. Robert no service at all.
The old lady was fully satisfied, and kissed me, spoke cheerfully to me, andbid me take care of my health and want for nothing, and so took her leave. Butwhen she came down she found the brother and all his sisters together by theears; they were angry, even to passion, at his upbraiding them with their beinghomely, and having never had any sweethearts, never having been asked thequestion, and their being so forward as almost to ask first. He rallied themupon the subject of Mrs. Betty; how pretty, how good-humoured, how she sungbetter than they did, and danced better, and how much handsomer she was; and indoing this he omitted no ill-natured thing that could vex them, and indeed,pushed too hard upon them. The old lady came down in the height of it, and toput a stop it to, told them all the discourse she had had with me, and how Ianswered, that there was nothing between Mr. Robert and I.
“She’s wrong there,” says Robin, “for if there was nota great deal between us, we should be closer together than we are. I told her Iloved her hugely,” says he, “but I could never make the jadebelieve I was in earnest.” “I do not know how you should,”says his mother; “nobody in their senses could believe you were inearnest, to talk so to a poor girl, whose circumstances you know so well.
“But prithee, son,” adds she, “since you tell me that youcould not make her believe you were in earnest, what must we believe about it?For you ramble so in your discourse, that nobody knows whether you are inearnest or in jest; but as I find the girl, by your own confession, hasanswered truly, I wish you would do so too, and tell me seriously, so that Imay depend upon it. Is there anything in it or no? Are you in earnest or no?Are you distracted, indeed, or are you not? ’Tis a weighty question, andI wish you would make us easy about it.”
“By my faith, madam,” says Robin, “’tis in vain tomince the matter or tell any more lies about it; I am in earnest, as much as aman is that’s going to be hanged. If Mrs. Betty would say she loved me,and that she would marry me, I’d have her tomorrow morning fasting, andsay, ‘To have and to hold,’ instead of eating my breakfast.”
“Well,” says the mother, “then there’s one sonlost”; and she said it in a very mournful tone, as one greatly concernedat it.
“I hope not, madam,” says Robin; “no man is lost when a goodwife has found him.”
“Why, but, child,” says the old lady, “she is abeggar.”
“Why, then, madam, she has the more need of charity,” says Robin;“I’ll take her off the hands of the parish, and she and I’llbeg together.”
“It’s bad jesting with such things,” says the mother.
“I don’t jest, madam,” says Robin. “We’ll comeand beg your pardon, madam; and your blessing, madam, and myfather’s.”
“This is all out of the way, son,” says the mother. “If youare in earnest you are undone.”
“I am afraid not,” says he, “for I am really afraid shewon’t have me; after all my sister’s huffing and blustering, Ibelieve I shall never be able to persuade her to it.”
“That’s a fine tale, indeed; she is not so far out of her sensesneither. Mrs. Betty is no fool,” says the younger sister. “Do youthink she has learnt to say No, any more than other people?”
“No, Mrs. Mirth-wit,” says Robin, “Mrs. Betty’s nofool; but Mrs. Betty may be engaged some other way, and what then?”
“Nay,” says the eldest sister, “we can say nothing to that.Who must it be to, then? She is never out of the doors; it must be betweenyou.”
“I have nothing to say to that,” says Robin. “I have beenexamined enough; there’s my brother. If it must be between us, go to workwith him.”
This stung the elder brother to the quick, and he concluded that Robin haddiscovered something. However, he kept himself from appearing disturbed.“Prithee,” says he, “don’t go to shame your stories offupon me; I tell you, I deal in no such ware; I have nothing to say to Mrs.Betty, nor to any of the Mrs. Bettys in the parish”; and with that herose up and brushed off.
“No,” says the eldest sister, “I dare answer for my brother;he knows the world better.”
Thus the discourse ended, but it left the elder brother quite confounded. Heconcluded his brother had made a full discovery, and he began to doubt whetherI had been concerned in it or not; but with all his management he could notbring it about to get at me. At last he was so perplexed that he was quitedesperate, and resolved he would come into my chamber and see me, whatever cameof it. In order to do this, he contrived it so, that one day after dinner,watching his eldest sister till he could see her go upstairs, he runs afterher. “Hark ye, sister,” says he, “where is this sick woman?May not a body see her?” “Yes,” says the sister, “Ibelieve you may; but let me go first a little, and I’ll tell you.”So she ran up to the door and gave me notice, and presently called to himagain. “Brother,” says she, “you may come if youplease.” So in he came, just in the same kind of rant.“Well,” says he at the door as he came in, “where is thissick body that’s in love? How do ye do, Mrs. Betty?” I would havegot up out of my chair, but was so weak I could not for a good while; and hesaw it, and his sister too, and she said, “Come, do not strive to standup; my brother desires no ceremony, especially now you are so weak.”“No, no, Mrs. Betty, pray sit still,” says he, and so sits himselfdown in a chair over against me, and appeared as if he was mighty merry.
He talked a lot of rambling stuff to his sister and to me, sometimes of onething, sometimes of another, on purpose to amuse his sister, and every now andthen would turn it upon the old story, directing it to me. “Poor Mrs.Betty,” says he, “it is a sad thing to be in love; why, it hasreduced you sadly.” At last I spoke a little. “I am glad to see youso merry, sir,” says I; “but I think the doctor might have foundsomething better to do than to make his game at his patients. If I had been illof no other distemper, I know the proverb too well to have let him come tome.” “What proverb?” says he, “Oh! I remember it now.What—
“Where love is the case,
The doctor’s an ass.”
Is not that it, Mrs. Betty?” I smiled and said nothing.“Nay,” says he, “I think the effect has proved it to be love,for it seems the doctor has been able to do you but little service; you mendvery slowly, they say. I doubt there’s somewhat in it, Mrs. Betty; Idoubt you are sick of the incurables, and that is love.” I smiled andsaid, “No, indeed, sir, that’s none of my distemper.”
We had a deal of such discourse, and sometimes others that signified as little.By and by he asked me to sing them a song, at which I smiled, and said mysinging days were over. At last he asked me if he should play upon his flute tome; his sister said she believe it would hurt me, and that my head could notbear it. I bowed, and said, No, it would not hurt me. “And, pray,madam,” said I, “do not hinder it; I love the music of the flutevery much.” Then his sister said, “Well, do, then, brother.”With that he pulled out the key of his closet. “Dear sister,” sayshe, “I am very lazy; do step to my closet and fetch my flute; it lies insuch a drawer,” naming a place where he was sure it was not, that shemight be a little while a-looking for it.
As soon as she was gone, he related the whole story to me of the discourse hisbrother had about me, and of his pushing it at him, and his concern about it,which was the reason of his contriving this visit to me. I assured him I hadnever opened my mouth either to his brother or to anybody else. I told him thedreadful exigence I was in; that my love to him, and his offering to have meforget that affection and remove it to another, had thrown me down; and that Ihad a thousand times wished I might die rather than recover, and to have thesame circumstances to struggle with as I had before, and that his backwardnessto life had been the great reason of the slowness of my recovering. I addedthat I foresaw that as soon as I was well, I must quit the family, and that asfor marrying his brother, I abhorred the thoughts of it after what had been mycase with him, and that he might depend upon it I would never see his brotheragain upon that subject; that if he would break all his vows and oaths andengagements with me, be that between his conscience and his honour and himself;but he should never be able to say that I, whom he had persuaded to call myselfhis wife, and who had given him the liberty to use me as a wife, was not asfaithful to him as a wife ought to be, whatever he might be to me.
He was going to reply, and had said that he was sorry I could not be persuaded,and was a-going to say more, but he heard his sister a-coming, and so did I;and yet I forced out these few words as a reply, that I could never bepersuaded to love one brother and marry another. He shook his head and said,“Then I am ruined,” meaning himself; and that moment his sisterentered the room and told him she could not find the flute. “Well,”says he merrily, “this laziness won’t do”; so he gets up andgoes himself to go to look for it, but comes back without it too; not but thathe could have found it, but because his mind was a little disturbed, and he hadno mind to play; and, besides, the errand he sent his sister on was answeredanother way; for he only wanted an opportunity to speak to me, which he gained,though not much to his satisfaction.
I had, however, a great deal of satisfaction in having spoken my mind to himwith freedom, and with such an honest plainness, as I have related; and thoughit did not at all work the way I desired, that is to say, to oblige the personto me the more, yet it took from him all possibility of quitting me but by adownright breach of honour, and giving up all the faith of a gentleman to me,which he had so often engaged by, never to abandon me, but to make me his wifeas soon as he came to his estate.
It was not many weeks after this before I was about the house again, and beganto grow well; but I continued melancholy, silent, dull, and retired, whichamazed the whole family, except he that knew the reason of it; yet it was agreat while before he took any notice of it, and I, as backward to speak as he,carried respectfully to him, but never offered to speak a word to him that wasparticular of any kind whatsoever; and this continued for sixteen or seventeenweeks; so that, as I expected every day to be dismissed the family, on accountof what distaste they had taken another way, in which I had no guilt, so Iexpected to hear no more of this gentleman, after all his solemn vows andprotestations, but to be ruined and abandoned.
At last I broke the way myself in the family for my removing; for being talkingseriously with the old lady one day, about my own circumstances in the world,and how my distemper had left a heaviness upon my spirits, that I was not thesame thing I was before, the old lady said, “I am afraid, Betty, what Ihave said to you about my son has had some influence upon you, and that you aremelancholy on his account; pray, will you let me know how the matter standswith you both, if it may not be improper? For, as for Robin, he does nothingbut rally and banter when I speak of it to him.” “Why, truly,madam,” said I, “that matter stands as I wish it did not, and Ishall be very sincere with you in it, whatever befalls me for it. Mr. Roberthas several times proposed marriage to me, which is what I had no reason toexpect, my poor circumstances considered; but I have always resisted him, andthat perhaps in terms more positive than became me, considering the regard thatI ought to have for every branch of your family; but,” said I,“madam, I could never so far forget my obligation to you and all yourhouse, to offer to consent to a thing which I know must needs be disobliging toyou, and this I have made my argument to him, and have positively told him thatI would never entertain a thought of that kind unless I had your consent, andhis father’s also, to whom I was bound by so many invincibleobligations.”
“And is this possible, Mrs. Betty?” says the old lady. “Thenyou have been much juster to us than we have been to you; for we have alllooked upon you as a kind of snare to my son, and I had a proposal to make toyou for your removing, for fear of it; but I had not yet mentioned it to you,because I thought you were not thorough well, and I was afraid of grieving youtoo much, lest it should throw you down again; for we have all a respect foryou still, though not so much as to have it be the ruin of my son; but if it beas you say, we have all wronged you very much.”
“As to the truth of what I say, madam,” said I, “refer you toyour son himself; if he will do me any justice, he must tell you the story justas I have told it.”
Away goes the old lady to her daughters and tells them the whole story, just asI had told it her; and they were surprised at it, you may be sure, as Ibelieved they would be. One said she could never have thought it; another saidRobin was a fool; a third said she would not believe a word of it, and shewould warrant that Robin would tell the story another way. But the oldgentlewoman, who was resolved to go to the bottom of it before I could have theleast opportunity of acquainting her son with what had passed, resolved toothat she would talk with her son immediately, and to that purpose sent for him,for he was gone but to a lawyer’s house in the town, upon some pettybusiness of his own, and upon her sending he returned immediately.
Upon his coming up to them, for they were all still together, “Sit down,Robin,” says the old lady, “I must have some talk with you.”“With all my heart, madam,” says Robin, looking very merry.“I hope it is about a good wife, for I am at a great loss in thataffair.” “How can that be?” says his mother; “did notyou say you resolved to have Mrs. Betty?” “Ay, madam,” saysRobin, “but there is one has forbid the banns.” “Forbid, thebanns!” says his mother; “who can that be?” “Even Mrs.Betty herself,” says Robin. “How so?” says his mother.“Have you asked her the question, then?” “Yes, indeed,madam,” says Robin. “I have attacked her in form five times sinceshe was sick, and am beaten off; the jade is so stout she won’tcapitulate nor yield upon any terms, except such as I cannot effectuallygrant.” “Explain yourself,” says the mother, “for I amsurprised; I do not understand you. I hope you are not in earnest.”
“Why, madam,” says he, “the case is plain enough upon me, itexplains itself; she won’t have me, she says; is not that plain enough? Ithink ’tis plain, and pretty rough too.” “Well, but,”says the mother, “you talk of conditions that you cannot grant; what doesshe want—a settlement? Her jointure ought to be according to her portion;but what fortune does she bring you?” “Nay, as to fortune,”says Robin, “she is rich enough; I am satisfied in that point; but’tis I that am not able to come up to her terms, and she is positive shewill not have me without.”
Here the sisters put in. “Madam,” says the second sister,“’tis impossible to be serious with him; he will never give adirect answer to anything; you had better let him alone, and talk no more of itto him; you know how to dispose of her out of his way if you thought there wasanything in it.” Robin was a little warmed with his sister’srudeness, but he was even with her, and yet with good manners too. “Thereare two sorts of people, madam,” says he, turning to his mother,“that there is no contending with; that is, a wise body and a fool;’tis a little hard I should engage with both of them together.”
The younger sister then put in. “We must be fools indeed,” saysshe, “in my brother’s opinion, that he should think we can believehe has seriously asked Mrs. Betty to marry him, and that she has refusedhim.”
“Answer, and answer not, say Solomon,” replied her brother.“When your brother had said to your mother that he had asked her no lessthan five times, and that it was so, that she positively denied him, methinks ayounger sister need not question the truth of it when her mother didnot.” “My mother, you see, did not understand it,” says thesecond sister. “There’s some difference,” says Robin,“between desiring me to explain it, and telling me she did not believeit.”
“Well, but, son,” says the old lady, “if you are disposed tolet us into the mystery of it, what were these hard conditions?”“Yes, madam,” says Robin, “I had done it before now, if theteasers here had not worried me by way of interruption. The conditions are,that I bring my father and you to consent to it, and without that she protestsshe will never see me more upon that head; and to these conditions, as I said,I suppose I shall never be able to grant. I hope my warm sisters will beanswered now, and blush a little; if not, I have no more to say till I hearfurther.”
This answer was surprising to them all, though less to the mother, because ofwhat I had said to her. As to the daughters, they stood mute a great while; butthe mother said with some passion, “Well, I had heard this before, but Icould not believe it; but if it is so, then we have all done Betty wrong, andshe has behaved better than I ever expected.” “Nay,” says theeldest sister, “if it be so, she has acted handsomely indeed.”“I confess,” says the mother, “it was none of her fault, ifhe was fool enough to take a fancy to her; but to give such an answer to him,shows more respect to your father and me than I can tell how to express; Ishall value the girl the better for it as long as I know her.” “ButI shall not,” says Robin, “unless you will give yourconsent.” “I’ll consider of that a while,” says themother; “I assure you, if there were not some other objections in theway, this conduct of hers would go a great way to bring me to consent.”“I wish it would go quite through it,” says Robin; “if youhad as much thought about making me easy as you have about making me rich, youwould soon consent to it.”
“Why, Robin,” says the mother again, “are you really inearnest? Would you so fain have her as you pretend?” “Really,madam,” says Robin, “I think ’tis hard you should question meupon that head after all I have said. I won’t say that I will have her;how can I resolve that point, when you see I cannot have her without yourconsent? Besides, I am not bound to marry at all. But this I will say, I am inearnest in, that I will never have anybody else if I can help it; so you maydetermine for me. Betty or nobody is the word, and the question which of thetwo shall be in your breast to decide, madam, provided only, that mygood-humoured sisters here may have no vote in it.”
All this was dreadful to me, for the mother began to yield, and Robin pressedher home on it. On the other hand, she advised with the eldest son, and he usedall the arguments in the world to persuade her to consent; alleging hisbrother’s passionate love for me, and my generous regard to the family,in refusing my own advantages upon such a nice point of honour, and a thousandsuch things. And as to the father, he was a man in a hurry of public affairsand getting money, seldom at home, thoughtful of the main chance, but left allthose things to his wife.
You may easily believe, that when the plot was thus, as they thought, brokeout, and that every one thought they knew how things were carried, it was notso difficult or so dangerous for the elder brother, whom nobody suspected ofanything, to have a freer access to me than before; nay, the mother, which wasjust as he wished, proposed it to him to talk with Mrs. Betty. “For itmay be, son,” said she, “you may see farther into the thing than I,and see if you think she has been so positive as Robin says she has been, orno.” This was as well as he could wish, and he, as it were, yielding totalk with me at his mother’s request, she brought me to him into her ownchamber, told me her son had some business with me at her request, and desiredme to be very sincere with him, and then she left us together, and he went andshut the door after her.
He came back to me and took me in his arms, and kissed me very tenderly; buttold me he had a long discourse to hold with me, and it was not come to thatcrisis, that I should make myself happy or miserable as long as I lived; thatthe thing was now gone so far, that if I could not comply with his desire, wewould both be ruined. Then he told the whole story between Robin, as he calledhim, and his mother and sisters and himself, as it is above. “And now,dear child,” says he, “consider what it will be to marry agentleman of a good family, in good circumstances, and with the consent of thewhole house, and to enjoy all that the world can give you; and what, on theother hand, to be sunk into the dark circumstances of a woman that has lost herreputation; and that though I shall be a private friend to you while I live,yet as I shall be suspected always, so you will be afraid to see me, and Ishall be afraid to own you.”
He gave me no time to reply, but went on with me thus: “What has happenedbetween us, child, so long as we both agree to do so, may be buried andforgotten. I shall always be your sincere friend, without any inclination tonearer intimacy, when you become my sister; and we shall have all the honestpart of conversation without any reproaches between us of having done amiss. Ibeg of you to consider it, and to not stand in the way of your own safety andprosperity; and to satisfy you that I am sincere,” added he, “Ihere offer you £500 in money, to make you some amends for the freedoms Ihave taken with you, which we shall look upon as some of the follies of ourlives, which ’tis hoped we may repent of.”
He spoke this in so much more moving terms than it is possible for me toexpress, and with so much greater force of argument than I can repeat, that Ionly recommend it to those who read the story, to suppose, that as he held meabove an hour and a half in that discourse, so he answered all my objections,and fortified his discourse with all the arguments that human wit and art coulddevise.
I cannot say, however, that anything he said made impression enough upon me soas to give me any thought of the matter, till he told me at last very plainly,that if I refused, he was sorry to add that he could never go on with me inthat station as we stood before; that though he loved me as well as ever, andthat I was as agreeable to him as ever, yet sense of virtue had not so farforsaken him as to suffer him to lie with a woman that his brother courted tomake his wife; and if he took his leave of me, with a denial in this affair,whatever he might do for me in the point of support, grounded on his firstengagement of maintaining me, yet he would not have me be surprised that he wasobliged to tell me he could not allow himself to see me any more; and that,indeed, I could not expect it of him.
I received this last part with some token of surprise and disorder, and hadmuch ado to avoid sinking down, for indeed I loved him to an extravagance noteasy to imagine; but he perceived my disorder. He entreated me to considerseriously of it; assured me that it was the only way to preserve our mutualaffection; that in this station we might love as friends, with the utmostpassion, and with a love of relation untainted, free from our just reproaches,and free from other people’s suspicions; that he should ever acknowledgehis happiness owing to me; that he would be debtor to me as long as he lived,and would be paying that debt as long as he had breath. Thus he wrought me up,in short, to a kind of hesitation in the matter; having the dangers on one siderepresented in lively figures, and indeed, heightened by my imagination ofbeing turned out to the wide world a mere cast-off whore, for it was no less,and perhaps exposed as such, with little to provide for myself, with no friend,no acquaintance in the whole world, out of that town, and there I could notpretend to stay. All this terrified me to the last degree, and he took careupon all occasions to lay it home to me in the worst colours that it could bepossible to be drawn in. On the other hand, he failed not to set forth theeasy, prosperous life which I was going to live.
He answered all that I could object from affection, and from formerengagements, with telling me the necessity that was before us of taking othermeasures now; and as to his promises of marriage, the nature of things, hesaid, had put an end to that, by the probability of my being hisbrother’s wife, before the time to which his promises all referred.
Thus, in a word, I may say, he reasoned me out of my reason; he conquered allmy arguments, and I began to see a danger that I was in, which I had notconsidered of before, and that was, of being dropped by both of them and leftalone in the world to shift for myself.
This, and his persuasion, at length prevailed with me to consent, though withso much reluctance, that it was easy to see I should go to church like a bearto the stake. I had some little apprehensions about me, too, lest my newspouse, who, by the way, I had not the least affection for, should be skillfulenough to challenge me on another account, upon our first coming to bedtogether. But whether he did it with design or not, I know not, but his elderbrother took care to make him very much fuddled before he went to bed, so thatI had the satisfaction of a drunken bedfellow the first night. How he did it Iknow not, but I concluded that he certainly contrived it, that his brothermight be able to make no judgment of the difference between a maid and amarried woman; nor did he ever entertain any notions of it, or disturb histhoughts about it.
I should go back a little here to where I left off. The elder brother havingthus managed me, his next business was to manage his mother, and he never lefttill he had brought her to acquiesce and be passive in the thing, even withoutacquainting the father, other than by post letters; so that she consented toour marrying privately, and leaving her to manage the father afterwards.
Then he cajoled with his brother, and persuaded him what service he had donehim, and how he had brought his mother to consent, which, though true, was notindeed done to serve him, but to serve himself; but thus diligently did hecheat him, and had the thanks of a faithful friend for shifting off his whoreinto his brother’s arms for a wife. So certainly does interest banish allmanner of affection, and so naturally do men give up honour and justice,humanity, and even Christianity, to secure themselves.
I must now come back to brother Robin, as we always called him, who having gothis mother’s consent, as above, came big with the news to me, and told methe whole story of it, with a sincerity so visible, that I must confess itgrieved me that I must be the instrument to abuse so honest a gentleman. Butthere was no remedy; he would have me, and I was not obliged to tell him that Iwas his brother’s whore, though I had no other way to put him off; so Icame gradually into it, to his satisfaction, and behold we were married.
Modesty forbids me to reveal the secrets of the marriage-bed, but nothing couldhave happened more suitable to my circumstances than that, as above, my husbandwas so fuddled when he came to bed, that he could not remember in the morningwhether he had had any conversation with me or no, and I was obliged to tellhim he had, though in reality he had not, that I might be sure he could make toinquiry about anything else.
It concerns the story in hand very little to enter into the further particularsof the family, or of myself, for the five years that I lived with this husband,only to observe that I had two children by him, and that at the end of fiveyears he died. He had been really a very good husband to me, and we lived veryagreeably together; but as he had not received much from them, and had in thelittle time he lived acquired no great matters, so my circumstances were notgreat, nor was I much mended by the match. Indeed, I had preserved the elderbrother’s bonds to me, to pay £500, which he offered me for myconsent to marry his brother; and this, with what I had saved of the money heformerly gave me, about as much more by my husband, left me a widow with about£1200 in my pocket.
My two children were, indeed, taken happily off my hands by my husband’sfather and mother, and that, by the way, was all they got by Mrs. Betty.
I confess I was not suitably affected with the loss of my husband, nor indeedcan I say that I ever loved him as I ought to have done, or as wasproportionable to the good usage I had from him, for he was a tender, kind,good-humoured man as any woman could desire; but his brother being so always inmy sight, at least while we were in the country, was a continual snare to me,and I never was in bed with my husband but I wished myself in the arms of hisbrother; and though his brother never offered me the least kindness that wayafter our marriage, but carried it just as a brother ought to do, yet it wasimpossible for me to do so to him; in short, I committed adultery and incestwith him every day in my desires, which, without doubt, was as effectuallycriminal in the nature of the guilt as if I had actually done it.
Before my husband died his elder brother was married, and we, being thenremoved to London, were written to by the old lady to come and be at thewedding. My husband went, but I pretended indisposition, and that I could notpossibly travel, so I stayed behind; for, in short, I could not bear the sightof his being given to another woman, though I knew I was never to have himmyself.
I was now, as above, left loose to the world, and being still young andhandsome, as everybody said of me, and I assure you I thought myself so, andwith a tolerable fortune in my pocket, I put no small value upon myself. I wascourted by several very considerable tradesmen, and particularly very warmly byone, a linen-draper, at whose house, after my husband’s death, I took alodging, his sister being my acquaintance. Here I had all the liberty and allthe opportunity to be gay and appear in company that I could desire, mylandlord’s sister being one of the maddest, gayest things alive, and notso much mistress of her virtue as I thought at first she had been. She broughtme into a world of wild company, and even brought home several persons, such asshe liked well enough to gratify, to see her pretty widow, so she was pleasedto call me, and that name I got in a little time in public. Now, as fame andfools make an assembly, I was here wonderfully caressed, had abundance ofadmirers, and such as called themselves lovers; but I found not one fairproposal among them all. As for their common design, that I understood too wellto be drawn into any more snares of that kind. The case was altered with me: Ihad money in my pocket, and had nothing to say to them. I had been tricked onceby that cheat called love, but the game was over; I was resolved now to bemarried or nothing, and to be well married or not at all.
I loved the company, indeed, of men of mirth and wit, men of gallantry andfigure, and was often entertained with such, as I was also with others; but Ifound by just observation, that the brightest men came upon the dullesterrand—that is to say, the dullest as to what I aimed at. On the otherhand, those who came with the best proposals were the dullest and mostdisagreeable part of the world. I was not averse to a tradesman, but then Iwould have a tradesman, forsooth, that was something of a gentleman too; thatwhen my husband had a mind to carry me to the court, or to the play, he mightbecome a sword, and look as like a gentleman as another man; and not be onethat had the mark of his apron-strings upon his coat, or the mark of his hatupon his periwig; that should look as if he was set on to his sword, when hissword was put on to him, and that carried his trade in his countenance.
Well, at last I found this amphibious creature, this land-water thing called agentleman-tradesman; and as a just plague upon my folly, I was catched in thevery snare which, as I might say, I laid for myself. I said for myself, for Iwas not trepanned, I confess, but I betrayed myself.
This was a draper, too, for though my comrade would have brought me to abargain with her brother, yet when it came to the point, it was, it seems, fora mistress, not a wife; and I kept true to this notion, that a woman shouldnever be kept for a mistress that had money to keep herself.
Thus my pride, not my principle, my money, not my virtue, kept me honest;though, as it proved, I found I had much better have been sold by myshe-comrade to her brother, than have sold myself as I did to a tradesman thatwas rake, gentleman, shopkeeper, and beggar, all together.
But I was hurried on (by my fancy to a gentleman) to ruin myself in thegrossest manner that every woman did; for my new husband coming to a lump ofmoney at once, fell into such a profusion of expense, that all I had, and allhe had before, if he had anything worth mentioning, would not have held it outabove one year.
He was very fond of me for about a quarter of a year, and what I got by thatwas, that I had the pleasure of seeing a great deal of my money spent uponmyself, and, as I may say, had some of the spending it too. “Come, mydear,” says he to me one day, “shall we go and take a turn into thecountry for about a week?” “Ay, my dear,” says I,“whither would you go?” “I care not whither,” says he,“but I have a mind to look like quality for a week. We’ll go toOxford,” says he. “How,” says I, “shall we go? I am nohorsewoman, and ’tis too far for a coach.” “Too far!”says he; “no place is too far for a coach-and-six. If I carry you out,you shall travel like a duchess.” “Hum,” says I, “mydear, ’tis a frolic; but if you have a mind to it, I don’tcare.” Well, the time was appointed, we had a rich coach, very goodhorses, a coachman, postillion, and two footmen in very good liveries; agentleman on horseback, and a page with a feather in his hat upon anotherhorse. The servants all called him my lord, and the inn-keepers, you may besure, did the like, and I was her honour the Countess, and thus we traveled toOxford, and a very pleasant journey we had; for, give him his due, not a beggaralive knew better how to be a lord than my husband. We saw all the rarities atOxford, talked with two or three Fellows of colleges about putting out a youngnephew, that was left to his lordship’s care, to the University, and oftheir being his tutors. We diverted ourselves with bantering several other poorscholars, with hopes of being at least his lordship’s chaplains andputting on a scarf; and thus having lived like quality indeed, as to expense,we went away for Northampton, and, in a word, in about twelve days’ramble came home again, to the tune of about £93 expense.
Vanity is the perfection of a fop. My husband had this excellence, that hevalued nothing of expense; and as his history, you may be sure, has very littleweight in it, ’tis enough to tell you that in about two years and aquarter he broke, and was not so happy to get over into the Mint, but got intoa sponging-house, being arrested in an action too heavy from him to give bailto, so he sent for me to come to him.
It was no surprise to me, for I had foreseen some time that all was going towreck, and had been taking care to reserve something if I could, though it wasnot much, for myself. But when he sent for me, he behaved much better than Iexpected, and told me plainly he had played the fool, and suffered himself tobe surprised, which he might have prevented; that now he foresaw he could notstand it, and therefore he would have me go home, and in the night take awayeverything I had in the house of any value, and secure it; and after that, hetold me that if I could get away one hundred or two hundred pounds in goods outof the shop, I should do it; “only,” says he, “let me knownothing of it, neither what you take nor whither you carry it; for as forme,” says he, “I am resolved to get out of this house and be gone;and if you never hear of me more, my dear,” says he, “I wish youwell; I am only sorry for the injury I have done you.” He said some veryhandsome things to me indeed at parting; for I told you he was a gentleman, andthat was all the benefit I had of his being so; that he used me very handsomelyand with good manners upon all occasions, even to the last, only spent all Ihad, and left me to rob the creditors for something to subsist on.
However, I did as he bade me, that you may be sure; and having thus taken myleave of him, I never saw him more, for he found means to break out of thebailiff’s house that night or the next, and go over into France, and forthe rest of the creditors scrambled for it as well as they could. How, I knewnot, for I could come at no knowledge of anything, more than this, that he camehome about three o’clock in the morning, caused the rest of his goods tobe removed into the Mint, and the shop to be shut up; and having raised whatmoney he could get together, he got over, as I said, to France, from whence Ihad one or two letters from him, and no more. I did not see him when he camehome, for he having given me such instructions as above, and I having made thebest of my time, I had no more business back again at the house, not knowingbut I might have been stopped there by the creditors; for a commission ofbankrupt being soon after issued, they might have stopped me by orders from thecommissioners. But my husband, having so dexterously got out of thebailiff’s house by letting himself down in a most desperate manner fromalmost the top of the house to the top of another building, and leaping fromthence, which was almost two storeys, and which was enough indeed to havebroken his neck, he came home and got away his goods before the creditors couldcome to seize; that is to say, before they could get out the commission, and beready to send their officers to take possession.
My husband was so civil to me, for still I say he was much of a gentleman, thatin the first letter he wrote me from France, he let me know where he had pawnedtwenty pieces of fine holland for £30, which were really worth £90,and enclosed me the token and an order for the taking them up, paying themoney, which I did, and made in time above £100 of them, having leisureto cut them and sell them, some and some, to private families, as opportunityoffered.
However, with all this, and all that I had secured before, I found, uponcasting things up, my case was very much altered, any my fortune much lessened;for, including the hollands and a parcel of fine muslins, which I carried offbefore, and some plate, and other things, I found I could hardly muster up£500; and my condition was very odd, for though I had no child (I had hadone by my gentleman draper, but it was buried), yet I was a widow bewitched; Ihad a husband and no husband, and I could not pretend to marry again, though Iknew well enough my husband would never see England any more, if he lived fiftyyears. Thus, I say, I was limited from marriage, what offer might soever bemade me; and I had not one friend to advise with in the condition I was in,least not one I durst trust the secret of my circumstances to, for if thecommissioners were to have been informed where I was, I should have beenfetched up and examined upon oath, and all I have saved be taken away from me.
Upon these apprehensions, the first thing I did was to go quite out of myknowledge, and go by another name. This I did effectually, for I went into theMint too, took lodgings in a very private place, dressed up in the habit of awidow, and called myself Mrs. Flanders.
Here, however, I concealed myself, and though my new acquaintances knew nothingof me, yet I soon got a great deal of company about me; and whether it be thatwomen are scarce among the sorts of people that generally are to be foundthere, or that some consolations in the miseries of the place are morerequisite than on other occasions, I soon found an agreeable woman wasexceedingly valuable among the sons of affliction there, and that those thatwanted money to pay half a crown on the pound to their creditors, and that runin debt at the sign of the Bull for their dinners, would yet find money for asupper, if they liked the woman.
However, I kept myself safe yet, though I began, like my Lord Rochester’smistress, that loved his company, but would not admit him farther, to have thescandal of a whore, without the joy; and upon this score, tired with the place,and indeed with the company too, I began to think of removing.
It was indeed a subject of strange reflection to me to see men who wereoverwhelmed in perplexed circumstances, who were reduced some degrees belowbeing ruined, whose families were objects of their own terror and otherpeople’s charity, yet while a penny lasted, nay, even beyond it,endeavouring to drown themselves, labouring to forget former things, which nowit was the proper time to remember, making more work for repentance, andsinning on, as a remedy for sin past.
But it is none of my talent to preach; these men were too wicked, even for me.There was something horrid and absurd in their way of sinning, for it was all aforce even upon themselves; they did not only act against conscience, butagainst nature; they put a rape upon their temper to drown the reflections,which their circumstances continually gave them; and nothing was more easy thanto see how sighs would interrupt their songs, and paleness and anguish sit upontheir brows, in spite of the forced smiles they put on; nay, sometimes it wouldbreak out at their very mouths when they had parted with their money for a lewdtreat or a wicked embrace. I have heard them, turning about, fetch a deep sigh,and cry, “What a dog am I! Well, Betty, my dear, I’ll drink thyhealth, though”; meaning the honest wife, that perhaps had not ahalf-crown for herself and three or four children. The next morning they are attheir penitentials again; and perhaps the poor weeping wife comes over to him,either brings him some account of what his creditors are doing, and how she andthe children are turned out of doors, or some other dreadful news; and thisadds to his self-reproaches; but when he has thought and pored on it till he isalmost mad, having no principles to support him, nothing within him or abovehim to comfort him, but finding it all darkness on every side, he flies to thesame relief again, viz. to drink it away, debauch it away, and falling intocompany of men in just the same condition with himself, he repeats the crime,and thus he goes every day one step onward of his way to destruction.
I was not wicked enough for such fellows as these yet. On the contrary, I beganto consider here very seriously what I had to do; how things stood with me, andwhat course I ought to take. I knew I had no friends, no, not one friend orrelation in the world; and that little I had left apparently wasted, which whenit was gone, I saw nothing but misery and starving was before me. Upon theseconsiderations, I say, and filled with horror at the place I was in, and thedreadful objects which I had always before me, I resolved to be gone.
I had made an acquaintance with a very sober, good sort of a woman, who was awidow too, like me, but in better circumstances. Her husband had been a captainof a merchant ship, and having had the misfortune to be cast away coming homeon a voyage from the West Indies, which would have been very profitable if hehad come safe, was so reduced by the loss, that though he had saved his lifethen, it broke his heart, and killed him afterwards; and his widow, beingpursued by the creditors, was forced to take shelter in the Mint. She soon madethings up with the help of friends, and was at liberty again; and finding thatI rather was there to be concealed, than by any particular prosecutions andfinding also that I agreed with her, or rather she with me, in a justabhorrence of the place and of the company, she invited to go home with hertill I could put myself in some posture of settling in the world to my mind;withal telling me, that it was ten to one but some good captain of a ship mighttake a fancy to me, and court me, in that part of the town where she lived.
I accepted her offer, and was with her half a year, and should have beenlonger, but in that interval what she proposed to me happened to herself, andshe married very much to her advantage. But whose fortune soever was upon theincrease, mine seemed to be upon the wane, and I found nothing present, excepttwo or three boatswains, or such fellows, but as for the commanders, they weregenerally of two sorts: 1. Such as, having good business, that is to say, agood ship, resolved not to marry but with advantage, that is, with a goodfortune; 2. Such as, being out of employ, wanted a wife to help them to a ship;I mean (1) a wife who, having some money, could enable them to hold, as theycall it, a good part of a ship themselves, so to encourage owners to come in;or (2) a wife who, if she had not money, had friends who were concerned inshipping, and so could help to put the young man into a good ship, which tothem is as good as a portion; and neither of these was my case, so I lookedlike one that was to lie on hand.
This knowledge I soon learned by experience, viz. that the state of things wasaltered as to matrimony, and that I was not to expect at London what I hadfound in the country: that marriages were here the consequences of politicschemes for forming interests, and carrying on business, and that Love had noshare, or but very little, in the matter.
That as my sister-in-law at Colchester had said, beauty, wit, manners, sense,good humour, good behaviour, education, virtue, piety, or any otherqualification, whether of body or mind, had no power to recommend; that moneyonly made a woman agreeable; that men chose mistresses indeed by the gust oftheir affection, and it was requisite to a whore to be handsome, well-shaped,have a good mien and a graceful behaviour; but that for a wife, no deformitywould shock the fancy, no ill qualities the judgment; the money was the thing;the portion was neither crooked nor monstrous, but the money was alwaysagreeable, whatever the wife was.
On the other hand, as the market ran very unhappily on the men’s side, Ifound the women had lost the privilege of saying No; that it was a favour nowfor a woman to have the Question asked, and if any young lady had so mucharrogance as to counterfeit a negative, she never had the opportunity given herof denying twice, much less of recovering that false step, and accepting whatshe had but seemed to decline. The men had such choice everywhere, that thecase of the women was very unhappy; for they seemed to ply at every door, andif the man was by great chance refused at one house, he was sure to be receivedat the next.
Besides this, I observed that the men made no scruple to set themselves out,and to go a-fortunehunting, as they call it, when they had really no fortunethemselves to demand it, or merit to deserve it; and that they carried it sohigh, that a woman was scarce allowed to inquire after the character or estateof the person that pretended to her. This I had an example of, in a young ladyin the next house to me, and with whom I had contracted an intimacy; she wascourted by a young captain, and though she had near £2000 to her fortune,she did but inquire of some of his neighbours about his character, his morals,or substance, and he took occasion at the next visit to let her know, truly,that he took it very ill, and that he should not give her the trouble of hisvisits any more. I heard of it, and I had begun my acquaintance with her, Iwent to see her upon it. She entered into a close conversation with me aboutit, and unbosomed herself very freely. I perceived presently that though shethought herself very ill used, yet she had no power to resent it, and wasexceedingly piqued that she had lost him, and particularly that another of lessfortune had gained him.
I fortified her mind against such a meanness, as I called it; I told her, thatas low as I was in the world, I would have despised a man that should think Iought to take him upon his own recommendation only, without having the libertyto inform myself of his fortune and of his character; also I told her, that asshe had a good fortune, she had no need to stoop to the disaster of the time;that it was enough that the men could insult us that had but little money torecommend us, but if she suffered such an affront to pass upon her withoutresenting it, she would be rendered low-prized upon all occasions, and would bethe contempt of all the women in that part of the town; that a woman can neverwant an opportunity to be revenged of a man that has used her ill, and thatthere were ways enough to humble such a fellow as that, or else certainly womenwere the most unhappy creatures in the world.
I found she was very well pleased with the discourse, and she told me seriouslythat she would be very glad to make him sensible of her just resentment, andeither to bring him on again, or have the satisfaction of her revenge being aspublic as possible.
I told her, that if she would take my advice, I would tell her how she shouldobtain her wishes in both these things; and that I would engage to bring theman to her door again, and make him beg to be let in. She smiled at that, andplainly let me see, that if he came to her door, her resentment was not sogreat as to give her leave to let him stand long there.
However, she listened very willingly to my offer of advice; so I told her thatthe first thing she ought to do was a piece of justice to herself, namely, thatwhereas she had been told by several people that he had reported among theladies that he had left her, and pretended to give the advantage of thenegative to himself, she should take care to have it well spread among thewomen—which she could not fail of an opportunity to do in a neighbourhoodso addicted to family news as that she live in was—that she had inquiredinto his circumstances, and found he was not the man as to estate he pretendedto be. “Let them be told, madam,” said I, “that you had beenwell informed that he was not the man that you expected, and that you thoughtit was not safe to meddle with him; that you heard he was of an ill temper, andthat he boasted how he had used the women ill upon many occasions, and thatparticularly he was debauched in his morals”, etc. The last of which,indeed, had some truth in it; but at the same time I did not find that sheseemed to like him much the worse for that part.
As I had put this into her head, she came most readily into it. Immediately shewent to work to find instruments, and she had very little difficulty in thesearch, for telling her story in general to a couple of gossips in theneighbourhood, it was the chat of the tea-table all over that part of the town,and I met with it wherever I visited; also, as it was known that I wasacquainted with the young lady herself, my opinion was asked very often, and Iconfirmed it with all the necessary aggravations, and set out his character inthe blackest colours; but then as a piece of secret intelligence, I added, aswhat the other gossips knew nothing of, viz. that I had heard he was in verybad circumstances; that he was under a necessity of a fortune to support hisinterest with the owners of the ship he commanded; that his own part was notpaid for, and if it was not paid quickly, his owners would put him out of theship, and his chief mate was likely to command it, who offered to buy that partwhich the captain had promised to take.
I added, for I confess I was heartily piqued at the rogue, as I called him,that I had heard a rumour, too, that he had a wife alive at Plymouth, andanother in the West Indies, a thing which they all knew was not very uncommonfor such kind of gentlemen.
This worked as we both desire it, for presently the young lady next door, whohad a father and mother that governed both her and her fortune, was shut up,and her father forbid him the house. Also in one place more where he went, thewoman had the courage, however strange it was, to say No; and he could trynowhere but he was reproached with his pride, and that he pretended not to givethe women leave to inquire into his character, and the like.
Well, by this time he began to be sensible of his mistake; and having alarmedall the women on that side of the water, he went over to Ratcliff, and gotaccess to some of the ladies there; but though the young women there too were,according to the fate of the day, pretty willing to be asked, yet such was hisill-luck, that his character followed him over the water and his good name wasmuch the same there as it was on our side; so that though he might have hadwives enough, yet it did not happen among the women that had good fortunes,which was what he wanted.
But this was not all; she very ingeniously managed another thing herself, forshe got a young gentleman, who as a relation, and was indeed a married man, tocome and visit her two or three times a week in a very fine chariot and goodliveries, and her two agents, and I also, presently spread a report all over,that this gentleman came to court her; that he was a gentleman of a £1000a year, and that he was fallen in love with her, and that she was going to heraunt’s in the city, because it was inconvenient for the gentleman to cometo her with his coach in Redriff, the streets being so narrow and difficult.
This took immediately. The captain was laughed at in all companies, and wasready to hang himself. He tried all the ways possible to come at her again, andwrote the most passionate letters to her in the world, excusing his formerrashness; and in short, by great application, obtained leave to wait on heragain, as he said, to clear his reputation.
At this meeting she had her full revenge of him; for she told him she wonderedwhat he took her to be, that she should admit any man to a treaty of so muchconsequence as that to marriage, without inquiring very well into hiscircumstances; that if he thought she was to be huffed into wedlock, and thatshe was in the same circumstances which her neighbours might be in, viz. totake up with the first good Christian that came, he was mistaken; that, in aword, his character was really bad, or he was very ill beholden to hisneighbours; and that unless he could clear up some points, in which she hadjustly been prejudiced, she had no more to say to him, but to do herselfjustice, and give him the satisfaction of knowing that she was not afraid tosay No, either to him or any man else.
With that she told him what she had heard, or rather raised herself by mymeans, of his character; his not having paid for the part he pretended to ownof the ship he commanded; of the resolution of his owners to put him out of thecommand, and to put his mate in his stead; and of the scandal raised on hismorals; his having been reproached with such-and-such women, and having a wifeat Plymouth and in the West Indies, and the like; and she asked him whether hecould deny that she had good reason, if these things were not cleared up, torefuse him, and in the meantime to insist upon having satisfaction in points tosignificant as they were.
He was so confounded at her discourse that he could not answer a word, and shealmost began to believe that all was true, by his disorder, though at the sametime she knew that she had been the raiser of all those reports herself.
After some time he recovered himself a little, and from that time became themost humble, the most modest, and most importunate man alive in his courtship.
She carried her jest on a great way. She asked him, if he thought she was so ather last shift that she could or ought to bear such treatment, and if he didnot see that she did not want those who thought it worth their while to comefarther to her than he did; meaning the gentleman whom she had brought to visither by way of sham.
She brought him by these tricks to submit to all possible measures to satisfyher, as well of his circumstances as of his behaviour. He brought herundeniable evidence of his having paid for his part of the ship; he brought hercertificates from his owners, that the report of their intending to remove himfrom the command of the ship and put his chief mate in was false andgroundless; in short, he was quite the reverse of what he was before.
Thus I convinced her, that if the men made their advantage of our sex in theaffair of marriage, upon the supposition of there being such choice to be had,and of the women being so easy, it was only owing to this, that the womenwanted courage to maintain their ground and to play their part; and that,according to my Lord Rochester,
“A woman’s ne’er so ruined but she can
Revenge herself on her undoer, Man.”
After these things this young lady played her part so well, that though sheresolved to have him, and that indeed having him was the main bent of herdesign, yet she made his obtaining her be to him the most difficult thing inthe world; and this she did, not by a haughty reserved carriage, but by a justpolicy, turning the tables upon him, and playing back upon him his own game;for as he pretended, by a kind of lofty carriage, to place himself above theoccasion of a character, and to make inquiring into his character a kind of anaffront to him, she broke with him upon that subject, and at the same time thatshe make him submit to all possible inquiry after his affairs, she apparentlyshut the door against his looking into her own.
It was enough to him to obtain her for a wife. As to what she had, she told himplainly, that as he knew her circumstances, it was but just she should knowhis; and though at the same time he had only known her circumstances by commonfame, yet he had made so many protestations of his passion for her, that hecould ask no more but her hand to his grand request, and the like rambleaccording to the custom of lovers. In short, he left himself no room to ask anymore questions about her estate, and she took the advantage of it like aprudent woman, for she placed part of her fortune so in trustees, withoutletting him know anything of it, that it was quite out of his reach, and madehim be very well content with the rest.
It is true she was pretty well besides, that is to say, she had about£1400 in money, which she gave him; and the other, after some time, shebrought to light as a perquisite to herself, which he was to accept as a mightyfavour, seeing though it was not to be his, it might ease him in the article ofher particular expenses; and I must add, that by this conduct the gentlemanhimself became not only the more humble in his applications to her to obtainher, but also was much the more an obliging husband to her when he had her. Icannot but remind the ladies here how much they place themselves below thecommon station of a wife, which, if I may be allowed not to be partial, is lowenough already; I say, they place themselves below their common station, andprepare their own mortifications, by their submitting so to be insulted by themen beforehand, which I confess I see no necessity of.
This relation may serve, therefore, to let the ladies see that the advantage isnot so much on the other side as the men think it is; and though it may be truethat the men have but too much choice among us, and that some women may befound who will dishonour themselves, be cheap, and easy to come at, and willscarce wait to be asked, yet if they will have women, as I may say, worthhaving, they may find them as uncomeatable as ever and that those that areotherwise are a sort of people that have such deficiencies, when had, as ratherrecommend the ladies that are difficult than encourage the men to go on withtheir easy courtship, and expect wives equally valuable that will come at firstcall.
Nothing is more certain than that the ladies always gain of the men by keepingtheir ground, and letting their pretended lovers see they can resent beingslighted, and that they are not afraid of saying No. They, I observe, insult usmightily with telling us of the number of women; that the wars, and the sea,and trade, and other incidents have carried the men so much away, that there isno proportion between the numbers of the sexes, and therefore the women havethe disadvantage; but I am far from granting that the number of women is sogreat, or the number of men so small; but if they will have me tell the truth,the disadvantage of the women is a terrible scandal upon the men, and it lieshere, and here only; namely, that the age is so wicked, and the sex sodebauched, that, in short, the number of such men as an honest woman ought tomeddle with is small indeed, and it is but here and there that a man is to befound who is fit for a woman to venture upon.
But the consequence even of that too amounts to no more than this, that womenought to be the more nice; for how do we know the just character of the manthat makes the offer? To say that the woman should be the more easy on thisoccasion, is to say we should be the forwarder to venture because of thegreatness of the danger, which, in my way of reasoning, is very absurd.
On the contrary, the women have ten thousand times the more reason to be waryand backward, by how much the hazard of being betrayed is the greater; andwould the ladies consider this, and act the wary part, they would discoverevery cheat that offered; for, in short, the lives of very few men nowadayswill bear a character; and if the ladies do but make a little inquiry, theywill soon be able to distinguish the men and deliver themselves. As for womenthat do not think their own safety worth their thought, that, impatient oftheir perfect state, resolve, as they call it, to take the first good Christianthat comes, that run into matrimony as a horse rushes into the battle, I cansay nothing to them but this, that they are a sort of ladies that are to beprayed for among the rest of distempered people, and to me they look likepeople that venture their whole estates in a lottery where there is a hundredthousand blanks to one prize.
No man of common-sense will value a woman the less for not giving up herself atthe first attack, or for accepting his proposal without inquiring into hisperson or character; on the contrary, he must think her the weakest of allcreatures in the world, as the rate of men now goes. In short, he must have avery contemptible opinion of her capacities, nay, every of her understanding,that, having but one case of her life, shall call that life away at once, andmake matrimony, like death, be a leap in the dark.
I would fain have the conduct of my sex a little regulated in this particular,which is the thing in which, of all the parts of life, I think at this time wesuffer most in; ’tis nothing but lack of courage, the fear of not beingmarried at all, and of that frightful state of life called an old maid, ofwhich I have a story to tell by itself. This, I say, is the woman’ssnare; but would the ladies once but get above that fear and manage rightly,they would more certainly avoid it by standing their ground, in a case soabsolutely necessary to their felicity, that by exposing themselves as they do;and if they did not marry so soon as they may do otherwise, they would makethemselves amends by marrying safer. She is always married too soon who gets abad husband, and she is never married too late who gets a good one; in a word,there is no woman, deformity or lost reputation excepted, but if she manageswell, may be married safely one time or other; but if she precipitates herself,it is ten thousand to one but she is undone.
But I come now to my own case, in which there was at this time no littlenicety. The circumstances I was in made the offer of a good husband the mostnecessary thing in the world to me, but I found soon that to be made cheap andeasy was not the way. It soon began to be found that the widow had no fortune,and to say this was to say all that was ill of me, for I began to be dropped inall the discourses of matrimony. Being well-bred, handsome, witty, modest, andagreeable; all which I had allowed to my character—whether justly or nois not the purpose—I say, all these would not do without the dross, whichway now become more valuable than virtue itself. In short, the widow, theysaid, had no money.
I resolved, therefore, as to the state of my present circumstances, that it wasabsolutely necessary to change my station, and make a new appearance in someother place where I was not known, and even to pass by another name if I foundoccasion.
I communicated my thoughts to my intimate friend, the captain’s lady,whom I had so faithfully served in her case with the captain, and who was asready to serve me in the same kind as I could desire. I made no scruple to laymy circumstances open to her; my stock was but low, for I had made but about£540 at the close of my last affair, and I had wasted some of that;however, I had about £460 left, a great many very rich clothes, a goldwatch, and some jewels, though of no extraordinary value, and about £30or £40 left in linen not disposed of.
My dear and faithful friend, the captain’s wife, was so sensible of theservice I had done her in the affair above, that she was not only a steadyfriend to me, but, knowing my circumstances, she frequently made me presents asmoney came into her hands, such as fully amounted to a maintenance, so that Ispent none of my own; and at last she made this unhappy proposal to me, viz.that as we had observed, as above, how the men made no scruple to setthemselves out as persons meriting a woman of fortune, when they had really nofortune of their own, it was but just to deal with them in their own way and,if it was possible, to deceive the deceiver.
The captain’s lady, in short, put this project into my head, and told meif I would be ruled by her I should certainly get a husband of fortune, withoutleaving him any room to reproach me with want of my own. I told her, as I hadreason to do, that I would give up myself wholly to her directions, and that Iwould have neither tongue to speak nor feet to step in that affair but as sheshould direct me, depending that she would extricate me out of every difficultyshe brought me into, which she said she would answer for.
The first step she put me upon was to call her cousin, and go to arelation’s house of hers in the country, where she directed me, and whereshe brought her husband to visit me; and calling me cousin, she worked mattersso about, that her husband and she together invited me most passionately tocome to town and be with them, for they now live in a quite different placefrom where they were before. In the next place, she tells her husband that Ihad at least £1500 fortune, and that after some of my relations I waslike to have a great deal more.
It was enough to tell her husband this; there needed nothing on my side. I wasbut to sit still and wait the event, for it presently went all over theneighbourhood that the young widow at Captain ——’s was afortune, that she had at least £1500, and perhaps a great deal more, andthat the captain said so; and if the captain was asked at any time about me, hemade no scruple to affirm it, though he knew not one word of the matter, otherthan that his wife had told him so; and in this he thought no harm, for hereally believed it to be so, because he had it from his wife: so slender afoundation will those fellows build upon, if they do but think there is afortune in the game. With the reputation of this fortune, I presently foundmyself blessed with admirers enough, and that I had my choice of men, as scarceas they said they were, which, by the way, confirms what I was saying before.This being my case, I, who had a subtle game to play, had nothing now to do butto single out from them all the properest man that might be for my purpose;that is to say, the man who was most likely to depend upon the hearsay of afortune, and not inquire too far into the particulars; and unless I did this Idid nothing, for my case would not bear much inquiry.
I picked out my man without much difficulty, by the judgment I made of his wayof courting me. I had let him run on with his protestations and oaths that heloved me above all the world; that if I would make him happy, that was enough;all which I knew was upon supposition, nay, it was upon a full satisfaction,that I was very rich, though I never told him a word of it myself.
This was my man; but I was to try him to the bottom, and indeed in thatconsisted my safety; for if he baulked, I knew I was undone, as surely as hewas undone if he took me; and if I did not make some scruple about his fortune,it was the way to lead him to raise some about mine; and first, therefore, Ipretended on all occasions to doubt his sincerity, and told him, perhaps heonly courted me for my fortune. He stopped my mouth in that part with thethunder of his protestations, as above, but still I pretended to doubt.
One morning he pulls off his diamond ring, and writes upon the glass of thesash in my chamber this line—
“You I love, and you alone.”
I read it, and asked him to lend me his ring, with which I wrote under it,thus—
“And so in love says every one.”
He takes his ring again, and writes another line thus—
“Virtue alone is an estate.”
I borrowed it again, and I wrote under it—
“But money’s virtue, gold is fate.”
He coloured as red as fire to see me turn so quick upon him, and in a kind of arage told me he would conquer me, and writes again thus—
“I scorn your gold, and yet I love.”
I ventured all upon the last cast of poetry, as you’ll see, for I wroteboldly under his last—
“I’m poor: let’s see how kind you’ll prove.”
This was a sad truth to me; whether he believed me or no, I could not tell; Isupposed then that he did not. However, he flew to me, took me in his arms,and, kissing me very eagerly, and with the greatest passion imaginable, he heldme fast till he called for a pen and ink, and then told me he could not waitthe tedious writing on the glass, but, pulling out a piece of paper, he beganand wrote again—
“Be mine, with all your poverty.”
I took his pen, and followed him immediately, thus—
“Yet secretly you hope I lie.”
He told me that was unkind, because it was not just, and that I put him uponcontradicting me, which did not consist with good manners, any more than withhis affection; and therefore, since I had insensibly drawn him into thispoetical scribble, he begged I would not oblige him to break it off; so hewrites again—
“Let love alone be our debate.”
I wrote again—
“She loves enough that does not hate.”
This he took for a favour, and so laid down the cudgels, that is to say, thepen; I say, he took if for a favour, and a mighty one it was, if he had knownall. However, he took it as I meant it, that is, to let him think I wasinclined to go on with him, as indeed I had all the reason in the world to do,for he was the best-humoured, merry sort of a fellow that I ever met with, andI often reflected on myself how doubly criminal it was to deceive such a man;but that necessity, which pressed me to a settlement suitable to my condition,was my authority for it; and certainly his affection to me, and the goodness ofhis temper, however they might argue against using him ill, yet they stronglyargued to me that he would better take the disappointment than somefiery-tempered wretch, who might have nothing to recommend him but thosepassions which would serve only to make a woman miserable all her days.
Besides, though I jested with him (as he supposed it) so often about mypoverty, yet, when he found it to be true, he had foreclosed all manner ofobjection, seeing, whether he was in jest or in earnest, he had declared hetook me without any regard to my portion, and, whether I was in jest or inearnest, I had declared myself to be very poor; so that, in a word, I had himfast both ways; and though he might say afterwards he was cheated, yet he couldnever say that I had cheated him.
He pursued me close after this, and as I saw there was no need to fear losinghim, I played the indifferent part with him longer than prudence mightotherwise have dictated to me. But I considered how much this caution andindifference would give me the advantage over him, when I should come to beunder the necessity of owning my own circumstances to him; and I managed it themore warily, because I found he inferred from thence, as indeed he ought to do,that I either had the more money or the more judgment, and would not venture atall.
I took the freedom one day, after we had talked pretty close to the subject, totell him that it was true I had received the compliment of a lover from him,namely, that he would take me without inquiring into my fortune, and I wouldmake him a suitable return in this, viz. that I would make as little inquiryinto his as consisted with reason, but I hoped he would allow me to ask a fewquestions, which he would answer or not as he thought fit; and that I would notbe offended if he did not answer me at all; one of these questions related toour manner of living, and the place where, because I had heard he had a greatplantation in Virginia, and that he had talked of going to live there, and Itold him I did not care to be transported.
He began from this discourse to let me voluntarily into all his affairs, and totell me in a frank, open way all his circumstances, by which I found he wasvery well to pass in the world; but that great part of his estate consisted ofthree plantations, which he had in Virginia, which brought him in a very goodincome, generally speaking, to the tune of £300, a year, but that if hewas to live upon them, would bring him in four times as much. “Verywell,” thought I; “you shall carry me thither as soon as youplease, though I won’t tell you so beforehand.”
I jested with him extremely about the figure he would make in Virginia; but Ifound he would do anything I desired, though he did not seem glad to have meundervalue his plantations, so I turned my tale. I told him I had good reasonnot to go there to live, because if his plantations were worth so much there, Ihad not a fortune suitable to a gentleman of £1200 a year, as he said hisestate would be.
He replied generously, he did not ask what my fortune was; he had told me fromthe beginning he would not, and he would be as good as his word; but whateverit was, he assured me he would never desire me to go to Virginia with him, orgo thither himself without me, unless I was perfectly willing, and made it mychoice.
All this, you may be sure, was as I wished, and indeed nothing could havehappened more perfectly agreeable. I carried it on as far as this with a sortof indifferency that he often wondered at, more than at first, but which wasthe only support of his courtship; and I mention it the rather to intimateagain to the ladies that nothing but want of courage for such an indifferencymakes our sex so cheap, and prepares them to be ill-used as they are; wouldthey venture the loss of a pretending fop now and then, who carries it highupon the point of his own merit, they would certainly be less slighted, andcourted more. Had I discovered really and truly what my great fortune was, andthat in all I had not full £500 when he expected £1500, yet I hadhooked him so fast, and played him so long, that I was satisfied he would havehad me in my worst circumstances; and indeed it was less a surprise to him whenhe learned the truth than it would have been, because having not the leastblame to lay on me, who had carried it with an air of indifference to the last,he would not say one word, except that indeed he thought it had been more, butthat if it had been less he did not repent his bargain; only that he should notbe able to maintain me so well as he intended.
In short, we were married, and very happily married on my side, I assure you,as to the man; for he was the best-humoured man that every woman had, but hiscircumstances were not so good as I imagined, as, on the other hand, he had notbettered himself by marrying so much as he expected.
When we were married, I was shrewdly put to it to bring him that little stock Ihad, and to let him see it was no more; but there was a necessity for it, so Itook my opportunity one day when we were alone, to enter into a short dialoguewith him about it. “My dear,” said I, “we have been married afortnight; is it not time to let you know whether you have got a wife withsomething or with nothing?” “Your own time for that, mydear,” says he; “I am satisfied that I have got the wife I love; Ihave not troubled you much,” says he, “with my inquiry afterit.”
“That’s true,” says I, “but I have a great difficultyupon me about it, which I scarce know how to manage.”
“What’s that, my dear?” says he.
“Why,” says I, “’tis a little hard upon me, and’tis harder upon you. I am told that Captain ——”(meaning my friend’s husband) “has told you I had a great deal moremoney than I ever pretended to have, and I am sure I never employed him to doso.”
“Well,” says he, “Captain —— may have told me so,but what then? If you have not so much, that may lie at his door, but you nevertold me what you had, so I have no reason to blame you if you have nothing atall.”
“That’s is so just,” said I, “and so generous, that itmakes my having but a little a double affliction to me.”
“The less you have, my dear,” says he, “the worse for usboth; but I hope your affliction you speak of is not caused for fear I shouldbe unkind to you, for want of a portion. No, no, if you have nothing, tell meplainly, and at once; I may perhaps tell the captain he has cheated me, but Ican never say you have cheated me, for did you not give it under your hand thatyou were poor? and so I ought to expect you to be.”
“Well,” said I, “my dear, I am glad I have not been concernedin deceiving you before marriage. If I deceive you since, ’tisne’er the worse; that I am poor is too true, but not so poor as to havenothing neither”; so I pulled out some bank bills, and gave him about£160. “There’s something, my dear,” said I, “andnot quite all neither.”
I had brought him so near to expecting nothing, by what I had said before, thatthe money, though the sum was small in itself, was doubly welcome to him; heowned it was more than he looked for, and that he did not question by mydiscourse to him, but that my fine clothes, gold watch, and a diamond ring ortwo, had been all my fortune.
I let him please himself with that £160 two or three days, and then,having been abroad that day, and as if I had been to fetch it, I brought him£100 more home in gold, and told him there was a little more portion forhim; and, in short, in about a week more I brought him £180 more, andabout £60 in linen, which I made him believe I had been obliged to takewith the £100 which I gave him in gold, as a composition for a debt of£600, being little more than five shillings in the pound, and overvaluedtoo.
“And now, my dear,” says I to him, “I am very sorry to tellyou, that there is all, and that I have given you my whole fortune.” Iadded, that if the person who had my £600 had not abused me, I had beenworth £1000 to him, but that as it was, I had been faithful to him, andreserved nothing to myself, but if it had been more he should have had it.
He was so obliged by the manner, and so pleased with the sum, for he had beenin a terrible fright lest it had been nothing at all, that he accepted it verythankfully. And thus I got over the fraud of passing for a fortune withoutmoney, and cheating a man into marrying me on pretence of a fortune; which, bythe way, I take to be one of the most dangerous steps a woman can take, and inwhich she runs the most hazard of being ill-used afterwards.
My husband, to give him his due, was a man of infinite good nature, but he wasno fool; and finding his income not suited to the manner of living which he hadintended, if I had brought him what he expected, and being under adisappointment in his return of his plantations in Virginia, he discovered manytimes his inclination of going over to Virginia, to live upon his own; andoften would be magnifying the way of living there, how cheap, how plentiful,how pleasant, and the like.
I began presently to understand this meaning, and I took him up very plainlyone morning, and told him that I did so; that I found his estate turned to noaccount at this distance, compared to what it would do if he lived upon thespot, and that I found he had a mind to go and live there; and I added, that Iwas sensible he had been disappointed in a wife, and that finding hisexpectations not answered that way, I could do no less, to make him amends,than tell him that I was very willing to go over to Virginia with him and livethere.
He said a thousand kind things to me upon the subject of my making such aproposal to him. He told me, that however he was disappointed in hisexpectations of a fortune, he was not disappointed in a wife, and that I wasall to him that a wife could be, and he was more than satisfied on the wholewhen the particulars were put together, but that this offer was so kind, thatit was more than he could express.
To bring the story short, we agreed to go. He told me that he had a very goodhouse there, that it was well furnished, that his mother was alive and lived init, and one sister, which was all the relations he had; that as soon as he camethere, his mother would remove to another house, which was her own for life,and his after her decease; so that I should have all the house to myself; and Ifound all this to be exactly as he had said.
To make this part of the story short, we put on board the ship which we wentin, a large quantity of good furniture for our house, with stores of linen andother necessaries, and a good cargo for sale, and away we went.
To give an account of the manner of our voyage, which was long and full ofdangers, is out of my way; I kept no journal, neither did my husband. All thatI can say is, that after a terrible passage, frighted twice with dreadfulstorms, and once with what was still more terrible, I mean a pirate who came onboard and took away almost all our provisions; and which would have been beyondall to me, they had once taken my husband to go along with them, but byentreaties were prevailed with to leave him;—I say, after all theseterrible things, we arrived in York River in Virginia, and coming to ourplantation, we were received with all the demonstrations of tenderness andaffection, by my husband’s mother, that were possible to be expressed.
We lived here all together, my mother-in-law, at my entreaty, continuing in thehouse, for she was too kind a mother to be parted with; my husband likewisecontinued the same as at first, and I thought myself the happiest creaturealive, when an odd and surprising event put an end to all that felicity in amoment, and rendered my condition the most uncomfortable, if not the mostmiserable, in the world.
My mother was a mighty cheerful, good-humoured old woman—I may call herold woman, for her son was above thirty; I say she was very pleasant, goodcompany, and used to entertain me, in particular, with abundance of stories todivert me, as well of the country we were in as of the people.
Among the rest, she often told me how the greatest part of the inhabitants ofthe colony came thither in very indifferent circumstances from England; that,generally speaking, they were of two sorts; either, first, such as were broughtover by masters of ships to be sold as servants. “Such as we call them,my dear,” says she, “but they are more properly calledslaves.” Or, secondly, such as are transported from Newgate and otherprisons, after having been found guilty of felony and other crimes punishablewith death.
“When they come here,” says she, “we make no difference; theplanters buy them, and they work together in the field till their time is out.When ’tis expired,” said she, “they have encouragement giventhem to plant for themselves; for they have a certain number of acres of landallotted them by the country, and they go to work to clear and cure the land,and then to plant it with tobacco and corn for their own use; and as thetradesmen and merchants will trust them with tools and clothes and othernecessaries, upon the credit of their crop before it is grown, so they againplant every year a little more than the year before, and so buy whatever theywant with the crop that is before them.
“Hence, child,” says she, “man a Newgate-bird becomes a greatman, and we have,” continued she, “several justices of the peace,officers of the trained bands, and magistrates of the towns they live in, thathave been burnt in the hand.”
She was going on with that part of the story, when her own part in itinterrupted her, and with a great deal of good-humoured confidence she told meshe was one of the second sort of inhabitants herself; that she came awayopenly, having ventured too far in a particular case, so that she was become acriminal. “And here’s the mark of it, child,” says she; and,pulling off her glove, “look ye here,” says she, turning up thepalm of her hand, and showed me a very fine white arm and hand, but branded inthe inside of the hand, as in such cases it must be.
This story was very moving to me, but my mother, smiling, said, “You neednot think a thing strange, daughter, for as I told you, some of the best men inthis country are burnt in the hand, and they are not ashamed to own it.There’s Major ——,” says she, “he was an eminentpickpocket; there’s Justice Ba——r, was a shoplifter, and bothof them were burnt in the hand; and I could name you several such as theyare.”
We had frequent discourses of this kind, and abundance of instances she gave meof the like. After some time, as she was telling some stories of one that wastransported but a few weeks ago, I began in an intimate kind of way to ask herto tell me something of her own story, which she did with the utmost plainnessand sincerity; how she had fallen into very ill company in London in her youngdays, occasioned by her mother sending her frequently to carry victuals andother relief to a kinswoman of hers who was a prisoner in Newgate, and who layin a miserable starving condition, was afterwards condemned to be hanged, buthaving got respite by pleading her belly, dies afterwards in the prison.
Here my mother-in-law ran out in a long account of the wicked practices in thatdreadful place, and how it ruined more young people than all the town besides.“And child,” says my mother, “perhaps you may know little ofit, or, it may be, have heard nothing about it; but depend upon it,” saysshe, “we all know here that there are more thieves and rogues made bythat one prison of Newgate than by all the clubs and societies of villains inthe nation; ’tis that cursed place,” says my mother, “thathalf peopled this colony.”
Here she went on with her own story so long, and in so particular a manner,that I began to be very uneasy; but coming to one particular that requiredtelling her name, I thought I should have sunk down in the place. She perceivedI was out of order, and asked me if I was not well, and what ailed me. I toldher I was so affected with the melancholy story she had told, and the terriblethings she had gone through, that it had overcome me, and I begged of her totalk no more of it. “Why, my dear,” says she very kindly,“what need these things trouble you? These passages were long before yourtime, and they give me no trouble at all now; nay, I look back on them with aparticular satisfaction, as they have been a means to bring me to thisplace.” Then she went on to tell me how she very luckily fell into a goodfamily, where, behaving herself well, and her mistress dying, her mastermarried her, by whom she had my husband and his sister, and that by herdiligence and good management after her husband’s death, she had improvedthe plantations to such a degree as they then were, so that most of the estatewas of her getting, not her husband’s, for she had been a widow upwardsof sixteen years.
I heard this part of the story with very little attention, because I wantedmuch to retire and give vent to my passions, which I did soon after; and letany one judge what must be the anguish of my mind, when I came to reflect thatthis was certainly no more or less than my own mother, and I had now had twochildren, and was big with another by my own brother, and lay with him stillevery night.
I was now the most unhappy of all women in the world. Oh! had the story neverbeen told me, all had been well; it had been no crime to have lain with myhusband, since as to his being my relation I had known nothing of it.
I had now such a load on my mind that it kept me perpetually waking; to revealit, which would have been some ease to me, I could not find would be to anypurpose, and yet to conceal it would be next to impossible; nay, I did notdoubt but I should talk of it in my sleep, and tell my husband of it whether Iwould or no. If I discovered it, the least thing I could expect was to lose myhusband, for he was too nice and too honest a man to have continued my husbandafter he had known I had been his sister; so that I was perplexed to the lastdegree.
I leave it to any man to judge what difficulties presented to my view. I wasaway from my native country, at a distance prodigious, and the return to meunpassable. I lived very well, but in a circumstance insufferable in itself. IfI had discovered myself to my mother, it might be difficult to convince her ofthe particulars, and I had no way to prove them. On the other hand, if she hadquestioned or doubted me, I had been undone, for the bare suggestion would haveimmediately separated me from my husband, without gaining my mother or him, whowould have been neither a husband nor a brother; so that between the surpriseon one hand, and the uncertainty on the other, I had been sure to be undone.
In the meantime, as I was but too sure of the fact, I lived therefore in openavowed incest and whoredom, and all under the appearance of an honest wife; andthough I was not much touched with the crime of it, yet the action hadsomething in it shocking to nature, and made my husband, as he thought himself,even nauseous to me.
However, upon the most sedate consideration, I resolved that it was absolutelynecessary to conceal it all and not make the least discovery of it either tomother or husband; and thus I lived with the greatest pressure imaginable forthree years more, but had no more children.
During this time my mother used to be frequently telling me old stories of herformer adventures, which, however, were no ways pleasant to me; for by it,though she did not tell it me in plain terms, yet I could easily understand,joined with what I had heard myself, of my first tutors, that in her youngerdays she had been both whore and thief; but I verily believed she had lived torepent sincerely of both, and that she was then a very pious, sober, andreligious woman.
Well, let her life have been what it would then, it was certain that my lifewas very uneasy to me; for I lived, as I have said, but in the worst sort ofwhoredom, and as I could expect no good of it, so really no good issue came ofit, and all my seeming prosperity wore off, and ended in misery anddestruction. It was some time, indeed, before it came to this, for, but I knownot by what ill fate guided, everything went wrong with us afterwards, and thatwhich was worse, my husband grew strangely altered, forward, jealous, andunkind, and I was as impatient of bearing his carriage, as the carriage wasunreasonable and unjust. These things proceeded so far, that we came at last tobe in such ill terms with one another, that I claimed a promise of him, whichhe entered willingly into with me when I consented to come from England withhim, viz. that if I found the country not to agree with me, or that I did notlike to live there, I should come away to England again when I pleased, givinghim a year’s warning to settle his affairs.
I say, I now claimed this promise of him, and I must confess I did it not inthe most obliging terms that could be in the world neither; but I insisted thathe treated me ill, that I was remote from my friends, and could do myself nojustice, and that he was jealous without cause, my conversation having beenunblamable, and he having no pretense for it, and that to remove to Englandwould take away all occasion from him.
I insisted so peremptorily upon it, that he could not avoid coming to a point,either to keep his word with me or to break it; and this, notwithstanding heused all the skill he was master of, and employed his mother and other agentsto prevail with me to alter my resolutions; indeed, the bottom of the thing layat my heart, and that made all his endeavours fruitless, for my heart wasalienated from him as a husband. I loathed the thoughts of bedding with him,and used a thousand pretenses of illness and humour to prevent his touching me,fearing nothing more than to be with child by him, which to be sure would haveprevented, or at least delayed, my going over to England.
However, at last I put him so out of humour, that he took up a rash and fatalresolution; in short, I should not go to England; and though he had promisedme, yet it was an unreasonable thing for me to desire it; that it would beruinous to his affairs, would unhinge his whole family, and be next to anundoing him in the world; that therefore I ought not to desire it of him, andthat no wife in the world that valued her family and her husband’sprosperity would insist upon such a thing.
This plunged me again, for when I considered the thing calmly, and took myhusband as he really was, a diligent, careful man in the main work of laying upan estate for his children, and that he knew nothing of the dreadfulcircumstances that he was in, I could not but confess to myself that myproposal was very unreasonable, and what no wife that had the good of herfamily at heart would have desired.
But my discontents were of another nature; I looked upon him no longer as ahusband, but as a near relation, the son of my own mother, and I resolvedsomehow or other to be clear of him, but which way I did not know, nor did itseem possible.
It is said by the ill-natured world, of our sex, that if we are set on a thing,it is impossible to turn us from our resolutions; in short, I never ceasedporing upon the means to bring to pass my voyage, and came that length with myhusband at last, as to propose going without him. This provoked him to the lastdegree, and he called me not only an unkind wife, but an unnatural mother, andasked me how I could entertain such a thought without horror, as that ofleaving my two children (for one was dead) without a mother, and to be broughtup by strangers, and never to see them more. It was true, had things beenright, I should not have done it, but now it was my real desire never to seethem, or him either, any more; and as to the charge of unnatural, I couldeasily answer it to myself, while I knew that the whole relation was unnaturalin the highest degree in the world.
However, it was plain there was no bringing my husband to anything; he wouldneither go with me nor let me go without him, and it was quite out of my powerto stir without his consent, as any one that knows the constitution of thecountry I was in, knows very well.
We had many family quarrels about it, and they began in time to grow up to adangerous height; for as I was quite estranged from my husband (as he wascalled) in affection, so I took no heed to my words, but sometimes gave himlanguage that was provoking; and, in short, strove all I could to bring him toa parting with me, which was what above all things in the world I desired most.
He took my carriage very ill, and indeed he might well do so, for at last Irefused to bed with him, and carrying on the breach upon all occasions toextremity, he told me once he thought I was mad, and if I did not alter myconduct, he would put me under cure; that is to say, into a madhouse. I toldhim he should find I was far enough from mad, and that it was not in his power,or any other villain’s, to murder me. I confess at the same time I washeartily frighted at his thoughts of putting me into a madhouse, which would atonce have destroyed all the possibility of breaking the truth out, whatever theoccasion might be; for that then no one would have given credit to a word ofit.
This therefore brought me to a resolution, whatever came of it, to lay open mywhole case; but which way to do it, or to whom, was an inextricable difficulty,and took me many months to resolve. In the meantime, another quarrel with myhusband happened, which came up to such a mad extreme as almost pushed me on totell it him all to his face; but though I kept it in so as not to come to theparticulars, I spoke so much as put him into the utmost confusion, and in theend brought out the whole story.
He began with a calm expostulation upon my being so resolute to go to England;I defended it, and one hard word bringing on another, as is usual in all familystrife, he told me I did not treat him as if he was my husband, or talk of mychildren as if I was a mother; and, in short, that I did not deserve to be usedas a wife; that he had used all the fair means possible with me; that he hadargued with all the kindness and calmness that a husband or a Christian oughtto do, and that I made him such a vile return, that I treated him rather like adog than a man, and rather like the most contemptible stranger than a husband;that he was very loth to use violence with me, but that, in short, he saw anecessity of it now, and that for the future he should be obliged to take suchmeasures as should reduce me to my duty.
My blood was now fired to the utmost, though I knew what he had said was verytrue, and nothing could appear more provoked. I told him, for his fair meansand his foul, they were equally contemned by me; that for my going to England,I was resolved on it, come what would; and that as to treating him not like ahusband, and not showing myself a mother to my children, there might besomething more in it than he understood at present; but, for his furtherconsideration, I thought fit to tell him thus much, that he neither was mylawful husband, nor they lawful children, and that I had reason to regardneither of them more than I did.
I confess I was moved to pity him when I spoke it, for he turned pale as death,and stood mute as one thunderstruck, and once or twice I thought he would havefainted; in short, it put him in a fit something like an apoplex; he trembled,a sweat or dew ran off his face, and yet he was cold as a clod, so that I wasforced to run and fetch something for him to keep life in him. When herecovered of that, he grew sick and vomited, and in a little after was put tobed, and the next morning was, as he had been indeed all night, in a violentfever.
However, it went off again, and he recovered, though but slowly, and when hecame to be a little better, he told me I had given him a mortal wound with mytongue, and he had only one thing to ask before he desired an explanation. Iinterrupted him, and told him I was sorry I had gone so far, since I saw whatdisorder it put him into, but I desired him not to talk to me of explanations,for that would but make things worse.
This heightened his impatience, and, indeed, perplexed him beyond all bearing;for now he began to suspect that there was some mystery yet unfolded, but couldnot make the least guess at the real particulars of it; all that ran in hisbrain was, that I had another husband alive, which I could not say in factmight not be true, but I assured him, however, there was not the least of thatin it; and indeed, as to my other husband, he was effectually dead in law tome, and had told me I should look on him as such, so I had not the leastuneasiness on that score.
But now I found the thing too far gone to conceal it much longer, and myhusband himself gave me an opportunity to ease myself of the secret, much to mysatisfaction. He had laboured with me three or four weeks, but to no purpose,only to tell him whether I had spoken these words only as the effect of mypassion, to put him in a passion, or whether there was anything of truth in thebottom of them. But I continued inflexible, and would explain nothing, unlesshe would first consent to my going to England, which he would never do, hesaid, while he lived; on the other hand, I said it was in my power to make himwilling when I pleased—nay, to make him entreat me to go; and thisincreased his curiosity, and made him importunate to the highest degree, but itwas all to no purpose.
At length he tells all this story to his mother, and sets her upon me to getthe main secret out of me, and she used her utmost skill with me indeed; but Iput her to a full stop at once by telling her that the reason and mystery ofthe whole matter lay in herself, and that it was my respect to her that hadmade me conceal it; and that, in short, I could go no farther, and thereforeconjured her not to insist upon it.
She was struck dumb at this suggestion, and could not tell what to say or tothink; but, laying aside the supposition as a policy of mine, continued herimportunity on account of her son, and, if possible, to make up the breachbetween us two. As to that, I told her that it was indeed a good design in her,but that it was impossible to be done; and that if I should reveal to her thetruth of what she desired, she would grant it to be impossible, and cease todesire it. At last I seemed to be prevailed on by her importunity, and told herI dared trust her with a secret of the greatest importance, and she would soonsee that this was so, and that I would consent to lodge it in her breast, ifshe would engage solemnly not to acquaint her son with it without my consent.
She was long in promising this part, but rather than not come at the mainsecret, she agreed to that too, and after a great many other preliminaries, Ibegan, and told her the whole story. First I told her how much she wasconcerned in all the unhappy breach which had happened between her son and me,by telling me her own story and her London name; and that the surprise she sawI was in was upon that occasion. Then I told her my own story, and my name, andassured her, by such other tokens as she could not deny, that I was no other,nor more or less, than her own child, her daughter, born of her body inNewgate; the same that had saved her from the gallows by being in her belly,and the same that she left in such-and-such hands when she was transported.
It is impossible to express the astonishment she was in; she was not inclinedto believe the story, or to remember the particulars, for she immediatelyforesaw the confusion that must follow in the family upon it. But everythingconcurred so exactly with the stories she had told me of herself, and which, ifshe had not told me, she would perhaps have been content to have denied, thatshe had stopped her own mouth, and she had nothing to do but to take me aboutthe neck and kiss me, and cry most vehemently over me, without speaking oneword for a long time together. At last she broke out: “Unhappychild!” says she, “what miserable chance could bring thee hither?and in the arms of my own son, too! Dreadful girl,” says she, “why,we are all undone! Married to thy own brother! Three children, and two alive,all of the same flesh and blood! My son and my daughter lying together ashusband and wife! All confusion and distraction for ever! Miserable family!what will become of us? What is to be said? What is to be done?” And thusshe ran on for a great while; nor had I any power to speak, or if I had, did Iknow what to say, for every word wounded me to the soul. With this kind ofamazement on our thoughts we parted for the first time, though my mother wasmore surprised than I was, because it was more news to her than to me. However,she promised again to me at parting, that she would say nothing of it to herson, till we had talked of it again.
It was not long, you may be sure, before we had a second conference upon thesame subject; when, as if she had been willing to forget the story she had toldme of herself, or to suppose that I had forgot some of the particulars, shebegan to tell them with alterations and omissions; but I refreshed her memoryand set her to rights in many things which I supposed she had forgot, and thencame in so opportunely with the whole history, that it was impossible for herto go from it; and then she fell into her rhapsodies again, and exclamations atthe severity of her misfortunes. When these things were a little over with her,we fell into a close debate about what should be first done before we gave anaccount of the matter to my husband. But to what purpose could be all ourconsultations? We could neither of us see our way through it, nor see how itcould be safe to open such a scene to him. It was impossible to make anyjudgment, or give any guess at what temper he would receive it in, or whatmeasures he would take upon it; and if he should have so little government ofhimself as to make it public, we easily foresaw that it would be the ruin ofthe whole family, and expose my mother and me to the last degree; and if atlast he should take the advantage the law would give him, he might put me awaywith disdain and leave me to sue for the little portion that I had, and perhapswaste it all in the suit, and then be a beggar; the children would be ruinedtoo, having no legal claim to any of his effects; and thus I should see him,perhaps, in the arms of another wife in a few months, and be myself the mostmiserable creature alive.
My mother was as sensible of this as I; and, upon the whole, we knew not whatto do. After some time we came to more sober resolutions, but then it was withthis misfortune too, that my mother’s opinion and mine were quitedifferent from one another, and indeed inconsistent with one another; for mymother’s opinion was, that I should bury the whole thing entirely, andcontinue to live with him as my husband till some other event should make thediscovery of it more convenient; and that in the meantime she would endeavourto reconcile us together again, and restore our mutual comfort and familypeace; that we might lie as we used to do together, and so let the whole matterremain a secret as close as death. “For, child,” says she,“we are both undone if it comes out.”
To encourage me to this, she promised to make me easy in my circumstances, asfar as she was able, and to leave me what she could at her death, secured forme separately from my husband; so that if it should come out afterwards, Ishould not be left destitute, but be able to stand on my own feet and procurejustice from him.
This proposal did not agree at all with my judgment of the thing, though it wasvery fair and kind in my mother; but my thoughts ran quite another way.
As to keeping the thing in our own breasts, and letting it all remain as itwas, I told her it was impossible; and I asked her how she could think I couldbear the thoughts of lying with my own brother. In the next place, I told herthat her being alive was the only support of the discovery, and that while sheowned me for her child, and saw reason to be satisfied that I was so, nobodyelse would doubt it; but that if she should die before the discovery, I shouldbe taken for an impudent creature that had forged such a thing to go away frommy husband, or should be counted crazed and distracted. Then I told her how hehad threatened already to put me into a madhouse, and what concern I had beenin about it, and how that was the thing that drove me to the necessity ofdiscovering it to her as I had done.
From all which I told her, that I had, on the most serious reflections I wasable to make in the case, come to this resolution, which I hoped she wouldlike, as a medium between both, viz. that she should use her endeavours withher son to give me leave to go to England, as I had desired, and to furnish mewith a sufficient sum of money, either in goods along with me, or in bills formy support there, all along suggesting that he might one time or other think itproper to come over to me.
That when I was gone, she should then, in cold blood, and after first obliginghim in the solemnest manner possible to secrecy, discover the case to him,doing it gradually, and as her own discretion should guide her, so that hemight not be surprised with it, and fly out into any passions and excesses onmy account, or on hers; and that she should concern herself to prevent hisslighting the children, or marrying again, unless he had a certain account ofmy being dead.
This was my scheme, and my reasons were good; I was really alienated from himin the consequences of these things; indeed, I mortally hated him as a husband,and it was impossible to remove that riveted aversion I had to him. At the sametime, it being an unlawful, incestuous living, added to that aversion, andthough I had no great concern about it in point of conscience, yet everythingadded to make cohabiting with him the most nauseous thing to me in the world;and I think verily it was come to such a height, that I could almost aswillingly have embraced a dog as have let him offer anything of that kind tome, for which reason I could not bear the thoughts of coming between the sheetswith him. I cannot say that I was right in point of policy in carrying it sucha length, while at the same time I did not resolve to discover the thing tohim; but I am giving an account of what was, not of what ought or ought not tobe.
In their directly opposite opinion to one another my mother and I continued along time, and it was impossible to reconcile our judgments; many disputes wehad about it, but we could never either of us yield our own, or bring over theother.
I insisted on my aversion to lying with my own brother, and she insisted uponits being impossible to bring him to consent to my going from him to England;and in this uncertainty we continued, not differing so as to quarrel, oranything like it, but so as not to be able to resolve what we should do to makeup that terrible breach that was before us.
At last I resolved on a desperate course, and told my mother my resolution,viz. that, in short, I would tell him of it myself. My mother was frighted tothe last degree at the very thoughts of it; but I bid her be easy, told her Iwould do it gradually and softly, and with all the art and good-humour I wasmistress of, and time it also as well as I could, taking him in good-humourtoo. I told her I did not question but, if I could be hypocrite enough to feignmore affection to him than I really had, I should succeed in all my design, andwe might part by consent, and with a good agreement, for I might live him wellenough for a brother, though I could not for a husband.
All this while he lay at my mother to find out, if possible, what was themeaning of that dreadful expression of mine, as he called it, which I mentionedbefore: namely, that I was not his lawful wife, nor my children his legalchildren. My mother put him off, told him she could bring me to noexplanations, but found there was something that disturbed me very much, andshe hoped she should get it out of me in time, and in the meantime recommendedto him earnestly to use me more tenderly, and win me with his usual goodcarriage; told him of his terrifying and affrighting me with his threats ofsending me to a madhouse, and the like, and advised him not to make a womandesperate on any account whatever.
He promised her to soften his behaviour, and bid her assure me that he loved meas well as ever, and that he had no such design as that of sending me to amadhouse, whatever he might say in his passion; also he desired my mother touse the same persuasions to me too, that our affections might be renewed, andwe might lie together in a good understanding as we used to do.
I found the effects of this treaty presently. My husband’s conduct wasimmediately altered, and he was quite another man to me; nothing could bekinder and more obliging than he was to me upon all occasions; and I could dono less than make some return to it, which I did as well as I could, but it wasbut in an awkward manner at best, for nothing was more frightful to me than hiscaresses, and the apprehensions of being with child again by him was ready tothrow me into fits; and this made me see that there was an absolute necessityof breaking the case to him without any more delay, which, however, I did withall the caution and reserve imaginable.
He had continued his altered carriage to me near a month, and we began to livea new kind of life with one another; and could I have satisfied myself to havegone on with it, I believe it might have continued as long as we had continuedalive together. One evening, as we were sitting and talking very friendlytogether under a little awning, which served as an arbour at the entrance fromour house into the garden, he was in a very pleasant, agreeable humour, andsaid abundance of kind things to me relating to the pleasure of our presentgood agreement, and the disorders of our past breach, and what a satisfactionit was to him that we had room to hope we should never have any more of it.
I fetched a deep sigh, and told him there was nobody in the world could be moredelighted than I was in the good agreement we had always kept up, or moreafflicted with the breach of it, and should be so still; but I was sorry totell him that there was an unhappy circumstance in our case, which lay tooclose to my heart, and which I knew not how to break to him, that rendered mypart of it very miserable, and took from me all the comfort of the rest.
He importuned me to tell him what it was. I told him I could not tell how to doit; that while it was concealed from him I alone was unhappy, but if he knew italso, we should be both so; and that, therefore, to keep him in the dark aboutit was the kindest thing that I could do, and it was on that account alone thatI kept a secret from him, the very keeping of which, I thought, would first orlast be my destruction.
It is impossible to express his surprise at this relation, and the doubleimportunity which he used with me to discover it to him. He told me I could notbe called kind to him, nay, I could not be faithful to him if I concealed itfrom him. I told him I thought so too, and yet I could not do it. He went backto what I had said before to him, and told me he hoped it did not relate towhat I had said in my passion, and that he had resolved to forget all that asthe effect of a rash, provoked spirit. I told him I wished I could forget itall too, but that it was not to be done, the impression was too deep, and Icould not do it: it was impossible.
He then told me he was resolved not to differ with me in anything, and thattherefore he would importune me no more about it, resolving to acquiesce inwhatever I did or said; only begged I should then agree, that whatever it was,it should no more interrupt our quiet and our mutual kindness.
This was the most provoking thing he could have said to me, for I really wantedhis further importunities, that I might be prevailed with to bring out thatwhich indeed it was like death to me to conceal; so I answered him plainly thatI could not say I was glad not to be importuned, thought I could not tell howto comply. “But come, my dear,” said I, “what conditions willyou make with me upon the opening this affair to you?”
“Any conditions in the world,” said he, “that you can inreason desire of me.” “Well,” said I, “come, give it meunder your hand, that if you do not find I am in any fault, or that I amwillingly concerned in the causes of the misfortune that is to follow, you willnot blame me, use me the worse, do me any injury, or make me be the suffererfor that which is not my fault.”
“That,” says he, “is the most reasonable demand in the world:not to blame you for that which is not your fault. Give me a pen andink,” says he; so I ran in and fetched a pen, ink, and paper, and hewrote the condition down in the very words I had proposed it, and signed itwith his name. “Well,” says he, “what is next, mydear?”
“Why,” says I, “the next is, that you will not blame me fornot discovering the secret of it to you before I knew it.”
“Very just again,” says he; “with all my heart”; so hewrote down that also, and signed it.
“Well, my dear,” says I, “then I have but one condition moreto make with you, and that is, that as there is nobody concerned in it but youand I, you shall not discover it to any person in the world, except your ownmother; and that in all the measures you shall take upon the discovery, as I amequally concerned in it with you, though as innocent as yourself, you shall donothing in a passion, nothing to my prejudice or to your mother’sprejudice, without my knowledge and consent.”
This a little amazed him, and he wrote down the words distinctly, but read themover and over before he signed them, hesitating at them several times, andrepeating them: “My mother’s prejudice! and your prejudice! Whatmysterious thing can this be?” However, at last he signed it.
“Well,” says I, “my dear, I’ll ask you no more under yourhand; but as you are to hear the most unexpected and surprising thing thatperhaps ever befell any family in the world, I beg you to promise me you willreceive it with composure and a presence of mind suitable to a man ofsense.”
“I’ll do my utmost,” says he, “upon condition you willkeep me no longer in suspense, for you terrify me with all thesepreliminaries.”
“Well, then,” says I, “it is this: as I told you before in aheat, that I was not your lawful wife, and that our children were not legalchildren, so I must let you know now in calmness and in kindness, but withaffliction enough, that I am your own sister, and you my own brother, and thatwe are both the children of our mother now alive, and in the house, who isconvinced of the truth of it, in a manner not to be denied orcontradicted.”
I saw him turn pale and look wild; and I said, “Now remember yourpromise, and receive it with presence of mind; for who could have said more toprepare you for it than I have done?” However, I called a servant, andgot him a little glass of rum (which is the usual dram of that country), for hewas just fainting away. When he was a little recovered, I said to him,“This story, you may be sure, requires a long explanation, and therefore,have patience and compose your mind to hear it out, and I’ll make it asshort as I can”; and with this, I told him what I thought was needful ofthe fact, and particularly how my mother came to discover it to me, as above.“And now, my dear,” says I, “you will see reason for mycapitulations, and that I neither have been the cause of this matter, nor couldbe so, and that I could know nothing of it before now.”
“I am fully satisfied of that,” says he, “but ’tis adreadful surprise to me; however, I know a remedy for it all, and a remedy thatshall put an end to your difficulties, without your going to England.”“That would be strange,” said I, “as all the rest.”“No, no,” says he, “I’ll make it easy; there’snobody in the way of it but myself.” He looked a little disordered whenhe said this, but I did not apprehend anything from it at that time, believing,as it used to be said, that they who do those things never talk of them, orthat they who talk of such things never do them.
But things were not come to their height with him, and I observed he becamepensive and melancholy; and in a word, as I thought, a little distempered inhis head. I endeavoured to talk him into temper, and to reason him into a kindof scheme for our government in the affair, and sometimes he would be well, andtalk with some courage about it; but the weight of it lay too heavy upon histhoughts, and, in short, it went so far that he made attempts upon himself, andin one of them had actually strangled himself and had not his mother come intothe room in the very moment, he had died; but with the help of a Negro servantshe cut him down and recovered him.
Things were now come to a lamentable height in the family. My pity for him nowbegan to revive that affection which at first I really had for him, and Iendeavoured sincerely, by all the kind carriage I could, to make up the breach;but, in short, it had gotten too great a head, it preyed upon his spirits, andit threw him into a long, lingering consumption, though it happened not to bemortal. In this distress I did not know what to do, as his life was apparentlydeclining, and I might perhaps have married again there, very much to myadvantage; it had been certainly my business to have stayed in the country, butmy mind was restless too, and uneasy; I hankered after coming to England, andnothing would satisfy me without it.
In short, by an unwearied importunity, my husband, who was apparently decaying,as I observed, was at last prevailed with; and so my own fate pushing me on,the way was made clear for me, and my mother concurring, I obtained a very goodcargo for my coming to England.
When I parted with my brother (for such I am now to call him), we agreed thatafter I arrived he should pretend to have an account that I was dead inEngland, and so might marry again when he would. He promised, and engaged to meto correspond with me as a sister, and to assist and support me as long as Ilived; and that if he died before me, he would leave sufficient to his motherto take care of me still, in the name of a sister, and he was in some respectscareful of me, when he heard of me; but it was so oddly managed that I felt thedisappointments very sensibly afterwards, as you shall hear in its time.
I came away for England in the month of August, after I had been eight years inthat country; and now a new scene of misfortunes attended me, which perhaps fewwomen have gone through the life of.
We had an indifferent good voyage till we came just upon the coast of England,and where we arrived in two-and-thirty days, but were then ruffled with two orthree storms, one of which drove us away to the coast of Ireland, and we put inat Kinsdale. We remained there about thirteen days, got some refreshment onshore, and put to sea again, though we met with very bad weather again, inwhich the ship sprung her mainmast, as they called it, for I knew not what theymeant. But we got at last into Milford Haven, in Wales, where, though it wasremote from our port, yet having my foot safe upon the firm ground of my nativecountry, the isle of Britain, I resolved to venture it no more upon the waters,which had been so terrible to me; so getting my clothes and money on shore,with my bills of loading and other papers, I resolved to come for London, andleave the ship to get to her port as she could; the port whither she was boundwas to Bristol, where my brother’s chief correspondent lived.
I got to London in about three weeks, where I heard a little while after thatthe ship was arrived in Bristol, but at the same time had the misfortune toknow that by the violent weather she had been in, and the breaking of hermainmast, she had great damage on board, and that a great part of her cargo wasspoiled.
I had now a new scene of life upon my hands, and a dreadful appearance it had.I was come away with a kind of final farewell. What I brought with me wasindeed considerable, had it come safe, and by the help of it, I might havemarried again tolerably well; but as it was, I was reduced to between two orthree hundred pounds in the whole, and this without any hope of recruit. I wasentirely without friends, nay, even so much as without acquaintance, for Ifound it was absolutely necessary not to revive former acquaintances; and asfor my subtle friend that set me up formerly for a fortune, she was dead, andher husband also; as I was informed, upon sending a person unknown to inquire.
The looking after my cargo of goods soon after obliged me to take a journey toBristol, and during my attendance upon that affair I took the diversion ofgoing to the Bath, for as I was still far from being old, so my humour, whichwas always gay, continued so to an extreme; and being now, as it were, a womanof fortune though I was a woman without a fortune, I expected something orother might happen in my way that might mend my circumstances, as had been mycase before.
The Bath is a place of gallantry enough; expensive, and full of snares. I wentthither, indeed, in the view of taking anything that might offer, but I must domyself justice, as to protest I knew nothing amiss; I meant nothing but in anhonest way, nor had I any thoughts about me at first that looked the way whichafterwards I suffered them to be guided.
Here I stayed the whole latter season, as it is called there, and contractedsome unhappy acquaintances, which rather prompted the follies I fell afterwardsinto than fortified me against them. I lived pleasantly enough, kept goodcompany, that is to say, gay, fine company; but had the discouragement to findthis way of living sunk me exceedingly, and that as I had no settled income, sospending upon the main stock was but a certain kind of bleeding to death; andthis gave me many sad reflections in the interval of my other thoughts.However, I shook them off, and still flattered myself that something or othermight offer for my advantage.
But I was in the wrong place for it. I was not now at Redriff, where, if I hadset myself tolerably up, some honest sea captain or other might have talkedwith me upon the honourable terms of matrimony; but I was at the Bath, wheremen find a mistress sometimes, but very rarely look for a wife; andconsequently all the particular acquaintances a woman can expect to make theremust have some tendency that way.
I had spent the first season well enough; for though I had contracted someacquaintance with a gentleman who came to the Bath for his diversion, yet I hadentered into no felonious treaty, as it might be called. I had resisted somecasual offers of gallantry, and had managed that way well enough. I was notwicked enough to come into the crime for the mere vice of it, and I had noextraordinary offers made me that tempted me with the main thing which Iwanted.
However, I went this length the first season, viz. I contracted an acquaintancewith a woman in whose house I lodged, who, though she did not keep an illhouse, as we call it, yet had none of the best principles in herself. I had onall occasions behaved myself so well as not to get the least slur upon myreputation on any account whatever, and all the men that I had conversed withwere of so good reputation that I had not given the least reflection byconversing with them; nor did any of them seem to think there was room for awicked correspondence, if they had any of them offered it; yet there was onegentleman, as above, who always singled me out for the diversion of my company,as he called it, which, as he was pleased to say, was very agreeable to him,but at that time there was no more in it.
I had many melancholy hours at the Bath after the company was gone; for thoughI went to Bristol sometime for the disposing my effects, and for recruits ofmoney, yet I chose to come back to Bath for my residence, because being on goodterms with the woman in whose house I lodged in the summer, I found that duringthe winter I lived rather cheaper there than I could do anywhere else. Here, Isay, I passed the winter as heavily as I had passed the autumn cheerfully; buthaving contracted a nearer intimacy with the said woman in whose house Ilodged, I could not avoid communicating to her something of what lay hardestupon my mind and particularly the narrowness of my circumstances, and the lossof my fortune by the damage of my goods at sea. I told her also, that I had amother and a brother in Virginia in good circumstances; and as I had reallywritten back to my mother in particular to represent my condition, and thegreat loss I had received, which indeed came to almost £500, so I did notfail to let my new friend know that I expected a supply from thence, and soindeed I did; and as the ships went from Bristol to York River, in Virginia,and back again generally in less time from London, and that my brothercorresponded chiefly at Bristol, I thought it was much better for me to waithere for my returns than to go to London, where also I had not the leastacquaintance.
My new friend appeared sensibly affected with my condition, and indeed was sovery kind as to reduce the rate of my living with her to so low a price duringthe winter, that she convinced me she got nothing by me; and as for lodging,during the winter I paid nothing at all.
When the spring season came on, she continued to be as kind to me as she could,and I lodged with her for a time, till it was found necessary to do otherwise.She had some persons of character that frequently lodged in her house, and inparticular the gentleman who, as I said, singled me out for his companion thewinter before; and he came down again with another gentleman in his company andtwo servants, and lodged in the same house. I suspected that my landlady hadinvited him thither, letting him know that I was still with her; but she deniedit, and protested to me that she did not, and he said the same.
In a word, this gentleman came down and continued to single me out for hispeculiar confidence as well as conversation. He was a complete gentleman, thatmust be confessed, and his company was very agreeable to me, as mine, if Imight believe him, was to him. He made no professions to me but of anextraordinary respect, and he had such an opinion of my virtue, that, as heoften professed, he believed if he should offer anything else, I should rejecthim with contempt. He soon understood from me that I was a widow; that I hadarrived at Bristol from Virginia by the last ships; and that I waited at Bathtill the next Virginia fleet should arrive, by which I expected considerableeffects. I understood by him, and by others of him, that he had a wife, butthat the lady was distempered in her head, and was under the conduct of her ownrelations, which he consented to, to avoid any reflections that might (as wasnot unusual in such cases) be cast on him for mismanaging her cure; and in themeantime he came to the Bath to divert his thoughts from the disturbance ofsuch a melancholy circumstance as that was.
My landlady, who of her own accord encouraged the correspondence on alloccasions, gave me an advantageous character of him, as a man of honour and ofvirtue, as well as of great estate. And indeed I had a great deal of reason tosay so of him too; for though we lodged both on a floor, and he had frequentlycome into my chamber, even when I was in bed, and I also into his when he wasin bed, yet he never offered anything to me further than a kiss, or so much assolicited me to anything till long after, as you shall hear.
I frequently took notice to my landlady of his exceeding modesty, and she againused to tell me, she believed it was so from the beginning; however, she usedto tell me that she thought I ought to expect some gratification from him formy company, for indeed he did, as it were, engross me, and I was seldom fromhim. I told her I had not given him the least occasion to think I wanted it, orthat I would accept of it from him. She told me she would take that part uponher, and she did so, and managed it so dexterously, that the first time we weretogether alone, after she had talked with him, he began to inquire a littleinto my circumstances, as how I had subsisted myself since I came on shore, andwhether I did not want money. I stood off very boldly. I told him that thoughmy cargo of tobacco was damaged, yet that it was not quite lost; that themerchant I had been consigned to had so honestly managed for me that I had notwanted, and that I hoped, with frugal management, I should make it hold outtill more would come, which I expected by the next fleet; that in the meantimeI had retrenched my expenses, and whereas I kept a maid last season, now Ilived without; and whereas I had a chamber and a dining-room then on the firstfloor, as he knew, I now had but one room, two pair of stairs, and the like.“But I live,” said I, “as well satisfied now as I didthen”; adding, that his company had been a means to make me live muchmore cheerfully than otherwise I should have done, for which I was much obligedto him; and so I put off all room for any offer for the present. However, itwas not long before he attacked me again, and told me he found that I wasbackward to trust him with the secret of my circumstances, which he was sorryfor; assuring me that he inquired into it with no design to satisfy his owncuriosity, but merely to assist me, if there was any occasion; but since Iwould not own myself to stand in need of any assistance, he had but one thingmore to desire of me, and that was, that I would promise him that when I wasany way straitened, or like to be so, I would frankly tell him of it, and thatI would make use of him with the same freedom that he made the offer; adding,that I should always find I had a true friend, though perhaps I was afraid totrust him.
I omitted nothing that was fit to be said by one infinitely obliged, to let himknow that I had a due sense of his kindness; and indeed from that time I didnot appear so much reserved to him as I had done before, though still withinthe bounds of the strictest virtue on both sides; but how free soever ourconversation was, I could not arrive to that sort of freedom which he desired,viz. to tell him I wanted money, though I was secretly very glad of his offer.
Some weeks passed after this, and still I never asked him for money; when mylandlady, a cunning creature, who had often pressed me to it, but found that Icould not do it, makes a story of her own inventing, and comes in bluntly to mewhen we were together. “Oh, widow!” says she, “I have badnews to tell you this morning.” “What is that?” said I;“are the Virginia ships taken by the French?”—for that was myfear. “No, no,” says she, “but the man you sent to Bristolyesterday for money is come back, and says he has brought none.”
Now I could by no means like her project; I thought it looked too much likeprompting him, which indeed he did not want, and I clearly saw that I shouldlose nothing by being backward to ask, so I took her up short. “Ican’t image why he should say so to you,” said I, “for Iassure you he brought me all the money I sent him for, and here it is,”said I (pulling out my purse with about twelve guineas in it); and added,“I intend you shall have most of it by and by.”
He seemed distasted a little at her talking as she did at first, as well as I,taking it, as I fancied he would, as something forward of her; but when he sawme give such an answer, he came immediately to himself again. The next morningwe talked of it again, when I found he was fully satisfied, and, smiling, saidhe hoped I would not want money and not tell him of it, and that I had promisedhim otherwise. I told him I had been very much dissatisfied at mylandlady’s talking so publicly the day before of what she had nothing todo with; but I supposed she wanted what I owed her, which was about eightguineas, which I had resolved to give her, and had accordingly given it her thesame night she talked so foolishly.
He was in a might good humour when he heard me say I had paid her, and it wentoff into some other discourse at that time. But the next morning, he havingheard me up about my room before him, he called to me, and I answering, heasked me to come into his chamber. He was in bed when I came in, and he made mecome and sit down on his bedside, for he said he had something to say to mewhich was of some moment. After some very kind expressions, he asked me if Iwould be very honest to him, and give a sincere answer to one thing he woulddesire of me. After some little cavil at the word “sincere,” andasking him if I had ever given him any answers which were not sincere, Ipromised him I would. Why, then, his request was, he said, to let him see mypurse. I immediately put my hand into my pocket, and, laughing to him, pulledit out, and there was in it three guineas and a half. Then he asked me if therewas all the money I had. I told him No, laughing again, not by a great deal.
Well, then, he said, he would have me promise to go and fetch him all the moneyI had, every farthing. I told him I would, and I went into my chamber andfetched him a little private drawer, where I had about six guineas more, andsome silver, and threw it all down upon the bed, and told him there was all mywealth, honestly to a shilling. He looked a little at it, but did not tell it,and huddled it all into the drawer again, and then reaching his pocket, pulledout a key, and bade me open a little walnut-tree box he had upon the table, andbring him such a drawer, which I did. In which drawer there was a great deal ofmoney in gold, I believe near two hundred guineas, but I knew not how much. Hetook the drawer, and taking my hand, made me put it in and take a wholehandful. I was backward at that, but he held my hand hard in his hand, and putit into the drawer, and made me take out as many guineas almost as I could welltake up at once.
When I had done so, he made me put them into my lap, and took my little drawer,and poured out all my money among his, and bade me get me gone, and carry itall home into my own chamber.
I relate this story the more particularly because of the good-humour there wasin it, and to show the temper with which we conversed. It was not long afterthis but he began every day to find fault with my clothes, with my laces andheaddresses, and, in a word, pressed me to buy better; which, by the way, I waswilling enough to do, though I did not seem to be so, for I loved nothing inthe world better than fine clothes. I told him I must housewife the money hehad lent me, or else I should not be able to pay him again. He then told me, ina few words, that as he had a sincere respect for me, and knew mycircumstances, he had not lent me that money, but given it me, and that hethought I had merited it from him by giving him my company so entirely as I haddone. After this he made me take a maid, and keep house, and his friend thatcome with him to Bath being gone, he obliged me to diet him, which I did verywillingly, believing, as it appeared, that I should lose nothing by it, nor didthe woman of the house fail to find her account in it too.
We had lived thus near three months, when the company beginning to wear away atthe Bath, he talked of going away, and fain he would have me to go to Londonwith him. I was not very easy in that proposal, not knowing what posture I wasto live in there, or how he might use me. But while this was in debate he fellvery sick; he had gone out to a place in Somersetshire, called Shepton, wherehe had some business and was there taken very ill, and so ill that he could nottravel; so he sent his man back to Bath, to beg me that I would hire a coachand come over to him. Before he went, he had left all his money and otherthings of value with me, and what to do with them I did not know, but I securedthem as well as I could, and locked up the lodgings and went to him, where Ifound him very ill indeed; however, I persuaded him to be carried in a litterto the Bath, where there was more help and better advice to be had.
He consented, and I brought him to the Bath, which was about fifteen miles, asI remember. Here he continued very ill of a fever, and kept his bed five weeks,all which time I nursed him and tended him myself, as much and as carefully asif I had been his wife; indeed, if I had been his wife I could not have donemore. I sat up with him so much and so often, that at last, indeed, he wouldnot let me sit up any longer, and then I got a pallet-bed into his room, andlay in it just at his bed’s feet.
I was indeed sensibly affected with his condition, and with the apprehension oflosing such a friend as he was, and was like to be to me, and I used to sit andcry by him many hours together. However, at last he grew better, and gave hopesthat he would recover, as indeed he did, though very slowly.
Were it otherwise than what I am going to say, I should not be backward todisclose it, as it is apparent I have done in other cases in this account; butI affirm, that through all this conversation, abating the freedom of cominginto the chamber when I or he was in bed, and abating the necessary offices ofattending him night and day when he was sick, there had not passed the leastimmodest word or action between us. Oh that it had been so to the last!
After some time he gathered strength and grew well apace, and I would haveremoved my pallet-bed, but he would not let me, till he was able to venturehimself without anybody to sit up with him, and then I removed to my ownchamber.
He took many occasions to express his sense of my tenderness and concern forhim; and when he grew quite well, he made me a present of fifty guineas for mycare and, as he called it, for hazarding my life to save his.
And now he made deep protestations of a sincere inviolable affection for me,but all along attested it to be with the utmost reserve for my virtue and hisown. I told him I was fully satisfied of it. He carried it that length that heprotested to me, that if he was naked in bed with me, he would as sacredlypreserve my virtue as he would defend it if I was assaulted by a ravisher. Ibelieved him, and told him I did so; but this did not satisfy him, he would, hesaid, wait for some opportunity to give me an undoubted testimony of it.
It was a great while after this that I had occasion, on my own business, to goto Bristol, upon which he hired me a coach, and would go with me, and did so;and now indeed our intimacy increased. From Bristol he carried me toGloucester, which was merely a journey of pleasure, to take the air; and hereit was our hap to have no lodging in the inn but in one large chamber with twobeds in it. The master of the house going up with us to show his rooms, andcoming into that room, said very frankly to him, “Sir, it is none of mybusiness to inquire whether the lady be your spouse or no, but if not, you maylie as honestly in these two beds as if you were in two chambers,” andwith that he pulls a great curtain which drew quite across the room andeffectually divided the beds. “Well,” says my friend, very readily,“these beds will do, and as for the rest, we are too near akin to lietogether, though we may lodge near one another”; and this put an honestface on the thing too. When we came to go to bed, he decently went out of theroom till I was in bed, and then went to bed in the bed on his own side of theroom, but lay there talking to me a great while.
At last, repeating his usual saying, that he could lie naked in the bed with meand not offer me the least injury, he starts out of his bed. “And now, mydear,” says he, “you shall see how just I will be to you, and thatI can keep my word,” and away he comes to my bed.
I resisted a little, but I must confess I should not have resisted him much ifhe had not made those promises at all; so after a little struggle, as I said, Ilay still and let him come to bed. When he was there he took me in his arms,and so I lay all night with him, but he had no more to do with me, or offeredanything to me, other than embracing me, as I say, in his arms, no, not thewhole night, but rose up and dressed him in the morning, and left me asinnocent for him as I was the day I was born.
This was a surprising thing to me, and perhaps may be so to others, who knowhow the laws of nature work; for he was a strong, vigorous, brisk person; nordid he act thus on a principle of religion at all, but of mere affection;insisting on it, that though I was to him the most agreeable woman in theworld, yet, because he loved me, he could not injure me.
I own it was a noble principle, but as it was what I never understood before,so it was to me perfectly amazing. We traveled the rest of the journey as wedid before, and came back to the Bath, where, as he had opportunity to come tome when he would, he often repeated the moderation, and I frequently lay withhim, and he with me, and although all the familiarities between man and wifewere common to us, yet he never once offered to go any farther, and he valuedhimself much upon it. I do not say that I was so wholly pleased with it as hethought I was, for I own much wickeder than he, as you shall hear presently.
We lived thus near two years, only with this exception, that he went threetimes to London in that time, and once he continued there four months; but, todo him justice, he always supplied me with money to subsist me very handsomely.
Had we continued thus, I confess we had had much to boast of; but as wise mensay, it is ill venturing too near the brink of a command, so we found it; andhere again I must do him the justice to own that the first breach was not onhis part. It was one night that we were in bed together warm and merry, andhaving drunk, I think, a little more wine that night, both of us, than usual,although not in the least to disorder either of us, when, after some otherfollies which I cannot name, and being clasped close in his arms, I told him (Irepeat it with shame and horror of soul) that I could find in my heart todischarge him of his engagement for one night and no more.
He took me at my word immediately, and after that there was no resisting him;neither indeed had I any mind to resist him any more, let what would come ofit.
Thus the government of our virtue was broken, and I exchanged the place offriend for that unmusical, harsh-sounding title of whore. In the morning wewere both at our penitentials; I cried very heartily, he expressed himself verysorry; but that was all either of us could do at that time, and the way beingthus cleared, and the bars of virtue and conscience thus removed, we had theless difficult afterwards to struggle with.
It was but a dull kind of conversation that we had together for all the rest ofthat week; I looked on him with blushes, and every now and then started thatmelancholy objection, “What if I should be with child now? What willbecome of me then?” He encouraged me by telling me, that as long as I wastrue to him, he would be so to me; and since it was gone such a length (whichindeed he never intended), yet if I was with child, he would take care of that,and of me too. This hardened us both. I assured him if I was with child, Iwould die for want of a midwife rather than name him as the father of it; andhe assured me I should never want if I should be with child. These mutualassurances hardened us in the thing, and after this we repeated the crime asoften as we pleased, till at length, as I had feared, so it came to pass, and Iwas indeed with child.
After I was sure it was so, and I had satisfied him of it too, we began tothink of taking measures for the managing it, and I proposed trusting thesecret to my landlady, and asking her advice, which he agreed to. My landlady,a woman (as I found) used to such things, made light of it; she said she knewit would come to that at last, and made us very merry about it. As I saidabove, we found her an experienced old lady at such work; she undertookeverything, engaged to procure a midwife and a nurse, to satisfy all inquiries,and bring us off with reputation, and she did so very dexterously indeed.
When I grew near my time she desired my gentleman to go away to London, or makeas if he did so. When he was gone, she acquainted the parish officers thatthere was a lady ready to lie in at her house, but that she knew her husbandvery well, and gave them, as she pretended, an account of his name, which shecalled Sir Walter Cleve; telling them he was a very worthy gentleman, and thatshe would answer for all inquiries, and the like. This satisfied the parishofficers presently, and I lay in with as much credit as I could have done if Ihad really been my Lady Cleve, and was assisted in my travail by three or fourof the best citizens’ wives of Bath who lived in the neighbourhood,which, however, made me a little the more expensive to him. I often expressedmy concern to him about it, but he bid me not be concerned at it.
As he had furnished me very sufficiently with money for the extraordinaryexpenses of my lying in, I had everything very handsome about me, but did notaffect to be gay or extravagant neither; besides, knowing my own circumstances,and knowing the world as I had done, and that such kind of things do not oftenlast long, I took care to lay up as much money as I could for a wet day, as Icalled it; making him believe it was all spent upon the extraordinaryappearance of things in my lying in.
By this means, and including what he had given me as above, I had at the end ofmy lying in about two hundred guineas by me, including also what was left of myown.
I was brought to bed of a fine boy indeed, and a charming child it was; andwhen he heard of it he wrote me a very kind, obliging letter about it, and thentold me, he thought it would look better for me to come away for London as soonas I was up and well; that he had provided apartments for me at Hammersmith, asif I came thither only from London; and that after a little while I should goback to the Bath, and he would go with me.
I liked this offer very well, and accordingly hired a coach on purpose, andtaking my child, and a wet-nurse to tend and suckle it, and a maid-servant withme, away I went for London.
He met me at Reading in his own chariot, and taking me into that, left theservant and the child in the hired coach, and so he brought me to my newlodgings at Hammersmith; with which I had abundance of reason to be very wellpleased, for they were very handsome rooms, and I was very well accommodated.
And now I was indeed in the height of what I might call my prosperity, and Iwanted nothing but to be a wife, which, however, could not be in this case,there was no room for it; and therefore on all occasions I studied to save whatI could, as I have said above, against a time of scarcity, knowing well enoughthat such things as these do not always continue; that men that keep mistressesoften change them, grow weary of them, or jealous of them, or something orother happens to make them withdraw their bounty; and sometimes the ladies thatare thus well used are not careful by a prudent conduct to preserve the esteemof their persons, or the nice article of their fidelity, and then they arejustly cast off with contempt.
But I was secured in this point, for as I had no inclination to change, so Ihad no manner of acquaintance in the whole house, and so no temptation to lookany farther. I kept no company but in the family when I lodged, and with theclergyman’s lady at next door; so that when he was absent I visitednobody, nor did he ever find me out of my chamber or parlour whenever he camedown; if I went anywhere to take the air, it was always with him.
The living in this manner with him, and his with me, was certainly the mostundesigned thing in the world; he often protested to me, that when he becamefirst acquainted with me, and even to the very night when we first broke inupon our rules, he never had the least design of lying with me; that he alwayshad a sincere affection for me, but not the least real inclination to do whathe had done. I assured him I never suspected him; that if I had I should not soeasily have yielded to the freedom which brought it on, but that it was all asurprise, and was owing to the accident of our having yielded too far to ourmutual inclinations that night; and indeed I have often observed since, andleave it as a caution to the readers of this story, that we ought to becautious of gratifying our inclinations in loose and lewd freedoms, lest wefind our resolutions of virtue fail us in the junction when their assistanceshould be most necessary.
It is true, and I have confessed it before, that from the first hour I began toconverse with him, I resolved to let him lie with me, if he offered it; but itwas because I wanted his help and assistance, and I knew no other way ofsecuring him than that. But when we were that night together, and, as I havesaid, had gone such a length, I found my weakness; the inclination was not tobe resisted, but I was obliged to yield up all even before he asked it.
However, he was so just to me that he never upbraided me with that; nor did heever express the least dislike of my conduct on any other occasion, but alwaysprotested he was as much delighted with my company as he was the first hour wecame together: I mean, came together as bedfellows.
It is true that he had no wife, that is to say, she was as no wife to him, andso I was in no danger that way, but the just reflections of conscienceoftentimes snatch a man, especially a man of sense, from the arms of amistress, as it did him at last, though on another occasion.
On the other hand, though I was not without secret reproaches of my ownconscience for the life I led, and that even in the greatest height of thesatisfaction I ever took, yet I had the terrible prospect of poverty andstarving, which lay on me as a frightful spectre, so that there was no lookingbehind me. But as poverty brought me into it, so fear of poverty kept me in it,and I frequently resolved to leave it quite off, if I could but come to lay upmoney enough to maintain me. But these were thoughts of no weight, and wheneverhe came to me they vanished; for his company was so delightful, that there wasno being melancholy when he was there; the reflections were all the subject ofthose hours when I was alone.
I lived six years in this happy but unhappy condition, in which time I broughthim three children, but only the first of them lived; and though I removedtwice in those six years, yet I came back the sixth year to my first lodgingsat Hammersmith. Here it was that I was one morning surprised with a kind butmelancholy letter from my gentleman, intimating that he was very ill, and wasafraid he should have another fit of sickness, but that his wife’srelations being in the house with him, it would not be practicable to have mewith him, which, however, he expressed his great dissatisfaction in, and thathe wished I could be allowed to tend and nurse him as I did before.
I was very much concerned at this account, and was very impatient to know howit was with him. I waited a fortnight or thereabouts, and heard nothing, whichsurprised me, and I began to be very uneasy indeed. I think, I may say, thatfor the next fortnight I was near to distracted. It was my particulardifficulty that I did not know directly where he was; for I understood at firsthe was in the lodgings of his wife’s mother; but having removed myself toLondon, I soon found, by the help of the direction I had for writing my lettersto him, how to inquire after him, and there I found that he was at a house inBloomsbury, whither he had, a little before he fell sick, removed his wholefamily; and that his wife and wife’s mother were in the same house,though the wife was not suffered to know that she was in the same house withher husband.
Here I also soon understood that he was at the last extremity, which made mealmost at the last extremity too, to have a true account. One night I had thecuriosity to disguise myself like a servant-maid, in a round cap and straw hat,and went to the door, as sent by a lady of his neighbourhood, where he livedbefore, and giving master and mistress’s service, I said I was sent toknow how Mr. —— did, and how he had rested that night. Indelivering this message I got the opportunity I desired; for, speaking with oneof the maids, I held a long gossip’s tale with her, and had all theparticulars of his illness, which I found was a pleurisy, attended with a coughand a fever. She told me also who was in the house, and how his wife was, who,by her relation, they were in some hopes might recover her understanding; butas to the gentleman himself, in short she told me the doctors said there wasvery little hopes of him, that in the morning they thought he had been dying,and that he was but little better then, for they did not expect that he couldlive over the next night.
This was heavy news for me, and I began now to see an end of my prosperity, andto see also that it was very well I had played to good housewife, and securedor saved something while he was alive, for that now I had no view of my ownliving before me.
It lay very heavy upon my mind, too, that I had a son, a fine lovely boy, aboutfive years old, and no provision made for it, at least that I knew of. Withthese considerations, and a sad heart, I went home that evening, and began tocast with myself how I should live, and in what manner to bestow myself, forthe residue of my life.
You may be sure I could not rest without inquiring again very quickly what wasbecome of him; and not venturing to go myself, I sent several sham messengers,till after a fortnight’s waiting longer, I found that there was hopes ofhis life, though he was still very ill; then I abated my sending any more tothe house, and in some time after I learned in the neighbourhood that he wasabout house, and then that he was abroad again.
I made no doubt then but that I should soon hear of him, and began to comfortmyself with my circumstances being, as I thought, recovered. I waited a week,and two weeks, and with much surprise and amazement I waited near two monthsand heard nothing, but that, being recovered, he was gone into the country forthe air, and for the better recovery after his distemper. After this it was yettwo months more, and then I understood he was come to his city house again, butstill I heard nothing from him.
I had written several letters for him, and directed them as usual, and foundtwo or three of them had been called for, but not the rest. I wrote again in amore pressing manner than ever, and in one of them let him know, that I must beforced to wait on him myself, representing my circumstances, the rent oflodgings to pay, and the provision for the child wanting, and my own deplorablecondition, destitute of subsistence for his most solemn engagement to take careof and provide for me. I took a copy of this letter, and finding it lay at thehouse near a month and was not called for, I found means to have the copy of itput into his own hands at a coffee-house, where I had by inquiry found he usedto go.
This letter forced an answer from him, by which, though I found I was to beabandoned, yet I found he had sent a letter to me some time before, desiring meto go down to the Bath again. Its contents I shall come to presently.
It is true that sick-beds are the time when such correspondences as this arelooked on with different countenances, and seen with other eyes than we sawthem with, or than they appeared with before. My lover had been at the gates ofdeath, and at the very brink of eternity; and, it seems, had been struck with adue remorse, and with sad reflections upon his past life of gallantry andlevity; and among the rest, criminal correspondence with me, which was neithermore nor less than a long-continued life of adultery, and represented itself asit really was, not as it had been formerly thought by him to be, and he lookedupon it now with a just and religious abhorrence.
I cannot but observe also, and leave it for the direction of my sex in suchcases of pleasure, that whenever sincere repentance succeeds such a crime asthis, there never fails to attend a hatred of the object; and the more theaffection might seem to be before, the hatred will be the more in proportion.It will always be so, indeed it can be no otherwise; for there cannot be a trueand sincere abhorrence of the offence, and the love to the cause of it remain;there will, with an abhorrence of the sin, be found a detestation of thefellow-sinner; you can expect no other.
I found it so here, though good manners and justice in this gentleman kept himfrom carrying it on to any extreme but the short history of his part in thisaffair was thus: he perceived by my last letter, and by all the rest, which hewent for after, that I was not gone to Bath, that his first letter had not cometo my hand; upon which he write me this following:—
“MADAM,—I am surprised that my letter, dated the 8th of last month,did not come to your hand; I give you my word it was delivered at yourlodgings, and to the hands of your maid.
I need not acquaint you with what has been my condition for sometime past; and how, having been at the edge of the grave, I am, by theunexpected and undeserved mercy of Heaven, restored again. In the condition Ihave been in, it cannot be strange to you that our unhappy correspondence hadnot been the least of the burthens which lay upon my conscience. I need say nomore; those things that must be repented of, must be also reformed.
I wish you would think of going back to the Bath. I enclose you here a billfor £50 for clearing yourself at your lodgings, and carrying you down,and hope it will be no surprise to you to add, that on this account only, andnot for any offence given me on your side, I can see you no more. I willtake due care of the child; leave him where he is, or take him with you, as youplease. I wish you the like reflections, and that they may be to youradvantage.—I am,” etc.
I was struck with this letter as with a thousand wounds, such as I cannotdescribe; the reproaches of my own conscience were such as I cannot express,for I was not blind to my own crime; and I reflected that I might with lessoffence have continued with my brother, and lived with him as a wife, sincethere was no crime in our marriage on that score, neither of us knowing it.
But I never once reflected that I was all this while a married woman, a wife toMr. —— the linen-draper, who, though he had left me by thenecessity of his circumstances, had no power to discharge me from the marriagecontract which was between us, or to give me a legal liberty to marry again; sothat I had been no less than a whore and an adulteress all this while. I thenreproached myself with the liberties I had taken, and how I had been a snare tothis gentleman, and that indeed I was principal in the crime; that now he wasmercifully snatched out of the gulf by a convincing work upon his mind, butthat I was left as if I was forsaken of God’s grace, and abandoned byHeaven to a continuing in my wickedness.
Under these reflections I continued very pensive and sad for near month, anddid not go down to the Bath, having no inclination to be with the woman whom Iwas with before; lest, as I thought, she should prompt me to some wicked courseof life again, as she had done; and besides, I was very loth she should know Iwas cast off as above.
And now I was greatly perplexed about my little boy. It was death to me to partwith the child, and yet when I considered the danger of being one time or otherleft with him to keep without a maintenance to support him, I then resolved toleave him where he was; but then I concluded also to be near him myself too,that I then might have the satisfaction of seeing him, without the care ofproviding for him.
I sent my gentleman a short letter, therefore, that I had obeyed his orders inall things but that of going back to the Bath, which I could not think of formany reasons; that however parting from him was a wound to me that I couldnever recover, yet that I was fully satisfied his reflections were just, andwould be very far from desiring to obstruct his reformation or repentance.
Then I represented my own circumstances to him in the most moving terms that Iwas able. I told him that those unhappy distresses which first moved him to agenerous and an honest friendship for me, would, I hope, move him to a littleconcern for me now, though the criminal part of our correspondence, which Ibelieved neither of us intended to fall into at the time, was broken off; thatI desired to repent as sincerely as he had done, but entreated him to put me insome condition that I might not be exposed to the temptations which the devilnever fails to excite us to from the frightful prospect of poverty anddistress; and if he had the least apprehensions of my being troublesome to him,I begged he would put me in a posture to go back to my mother in Virginia, fromwhen he knew I came, and that would put an end to all his fears on thataccount. I concluded, that if he would send me £50 more to facilitate mygoing away, I would send him back a general release, and would promise never todisturb him more with any importunities; unless it was to hear of thewell-doing of the child, whom, if I found my mother living and my circumstancesable, I would send for to come over to me, and take him also effectually offhis hands.
This was indeed all a cheat thus far, viz. that I had no intention to go toVirginia, as the account of my former affairs there may convince anybody of;but the business was to get this last £50 of him, if possible, knowingwell enough it would be the last penny I was ever to expect.
However, the argument I used, namely, of giving him a general release, andnever troubling him any more, prevailed effectually with him, and he sent me abill for the money by a person who brought with him a general release for me tosign, and which I frankly signed, and received the money; and thus, though fullsore against my will, a final end was put to this affair.
And here I cannot but reflect upon the unhappy consequence of too greatfreedoms between persons stated as we were, upon the pretence of innocentintentions, love of friendship, and the like; for the flesh has generally sogreat a share in those friendships, that is great odds but inclination prevailsat last over the most solemn resolutions; and that vice breaks in at thebreaches of decency, which really innocent friendship ought to preserve withthe greatest strictness. But I leave the readers of these things to their ownjust reflections, which they will be more able to make effectual than I, who sosoon forgot myself, and am therefore but a very indifferent monitor.
I was now a single person again, as I may call myself; I was loosed from allthe obligations either of wedlock or mistress-ship in the world, except myhusband the linen-draper, whom, I having not now heard from in almost fifteenyears, nobody could blame me for thinking myself entirely freed from; seeingalso he had at his going away told me, that if I did not hear frequently fromhim, I should conclude he was dead, and I might freely marry again to whom Ipleased.
I now began to cast up my accounts. I had by many letters and much importunity,and with the intercession of my mother too, had a second return of some goodsfrom my brother (as I now call him) in Virginia, to make up the damage of thecargo I brought away with me, and this too was upon the condition of my sealinga general release to him, and to send it him by his correspondent at Bristol,which, though I thought hard of, yet I was obliged to promise to do. However, Imanaged so well in this case, that I got my goods away before the release wassigned, and then I always found something or other to say to evade the thing,and to put off the signing it at all; till at length I pretended I must writeto my brother, and have his answer, before I could do it.
Including this recruit, and before I got the last £50, I found mystrength to amount, put all together, to about £400, so that with that Ihad about £450. I had saved above £100 more, but I met with adisaster with that, which was this—that a goldsmith in whose hands I hadtrusted it, broke, so I lost £70 of my money, the man’s compositionnot making above £30 out of his £100. I had a little plate, but notmuch, and was well enough stocked with clothes and linen.
With this stock I had the world to begin again; but you are to consider that Iwas not now the same woman as when I lived at Redriff; for, first of all, I wasnear twenty years older, and did not look the better for my age, nor for myrambles to Virginia and back again; and though I omitted nothing that might setme out to advantage, except painting, for that I never stooped to, and hadpride enough to think I did not want it, yet there would always be somedifference seen between five-and-twenty and two-and-forty.
I cast about innumerable ways for my future state of life, and began toconsider very seriously what I should do, but nothing offered. I took care tomake the world take me for something more than I was, and had it given out thatI was a fortune, and that my estate was in my own hands; the last of which wasvery true, the first of it was as above. I had no acquaintance, which was oneof my worst misfortunes, and the consequence of that was, I had no adviser, atleast who could assist and advise together; and above all, I had nobody to whomI could in confidence commit the secret of my circumstances to, and coulddepend upon for their secrecy and fidelity; and I found by experience, that tobe friendless is the worst condition, next to being in want that a woman can bereduced to: I say a woman, because ’tis evident men can be their ownadvisers, and their own directors, and know how to work themselves out ofdifficulties and into business better than women; but if a woman has no friendto communicate her affairs to, and to advise and assist her, ’tis ten toone but she is undone; nay, and the more money she has, the more danger she isin of being wronged and deceived; and this was my case in the affair of the£100 which I left in the hands of the goldsmith, as above, whose credit,it seems, was upon the ebb before, but I, that had no knowledge of things andnobody to consult with, knew nothing of it, and so lost my money.
In the next place, when a woman is thus left desolate and void of counsel, sheis just like a bag of money or a jewel dropped on the highway, which is a preyto the next comer; if a man of virtue and upright principles happens to findit, he will have it cried, and the owner may come to hear of it again; but howmany times shall such a thing fall into hands that will make no scruple ofseizing it for their own, to once that it shall come into good hands?
This was evidently my case, for I was now a loose, unguided creature, and hadno help, no assistance, no guide for my conduct; I knew what I aimed at andwhat I wanted, but knew nothing how to pursue the end by direct means. I wantedto be placed in a settled state of living, and had I happened to meet with asober, good husband, I should have been as faithful and true a wife to him asvirtue itself could have formed. If I had been otherwise, the vice came inalways at the door of necessity, not at the door of inclination; and Iunderstood too well, by the want of it, what the value of a settled life was,to do anything to forfeit the felicity of it; nay, I should have made thebetter wife for all the difficulties I had passed through, by a great deal; nordid I in any of the time that I had been a wife give my husbands the leastuneasiness on account of my behaviour.
But all this was nothing; I found no encouraging prospect. I waited; I livedregularly, and with as much frugality as became my circumstances, but nothingoffered, nothing presented, and the main stock wasted apace. What to do I knewnot; the terror of approaching poverty lay hard upon my spirits. I had somemoney, but where to place it I knew not, nor would the interest of it maintainme, at least not in London.
At length a new scene opened. There was in the house where I lodged anorth-country woman that went for a gentlewoman, and nothing was more frequentin her discourse than her account of the cheapness of provisions, and the easyway of living in her country; how plentiful and how cheap everything was, whatgood company they kept, and the like; till at last I told her she almosttempted me to go and live in her country; for I that was a widow, though I hadsufficient to live on, yet had no way of increasing it; and that I found Icould not live here under £100 a year, unless I kept no company, noservant, made no appearance, and buried myself in privacy, as if I was obligedto it by necessity.
I should have observed, that she was always made to believe, as everybody elsewas, that I was a great fortune, or at least that I had three or four thousandpounds, if not more, and all in my own hands; and she was mighty sweet upon mewhen she thought me inclined in the least to go into her country. She said shehad a sister lived near Liverpool, that her brother was a considerablegentleman there, and had a great estate also in Ireland; that she would go downthere in about two months, and if I would give her my company thither, I shouldbe as welcome as herself for a month or more as I pleased, till I should seehow I liked the country; and if I thought fit to live there, she wouldundertake they would take care, though they did not entertain lodgersthemselves, they would recommend me to some agreeable family, where I should beplaced to my content.
If this woman had known my real circumstances, she would never have laid somany snares, and taken so many weary steps to catch a poor desolate creaturethat was good for little when it was caught; and indeed I, whose case wasalmost desperate, and thought I could not be much worse, was not very anxiousabout what might befall me, provided they did me no personal injury; so Isuffered myself, though not without a great deal of invitation and greatprofessions of sincere friendship and real kindness—I say, I sufferedmyself to be prevailed upon to go with her, and accordingly I packed up mybaggage, and put myself in a posture for a journey, though I did not absolutelyknow whither I was to go.
And now I found myself in great distress; what little I had in the world wasall in money, except as before, a little plate, some linen, and my clothes; asfor my household stuff, I had little or none, for I had lived always inlodgings; but I had not one friend in the world with whom to trust that littleI had, or to direct me how to dispose of it, and this perplexed me night andday. I thought of the bank, and of the other companies in London, but I had nofriend to commit the management of it to, and keep and carry about with me bankbills, tallies, orders, and such things, I looked upon at as unsafe; that ifthey were lost, my money was lost, and then I was undone; and, on the otherhand, I might be robbed and perhaps murdered in a strange place for them. Thisperplexed me strangely, and what to do I knew not.
It came in my thoughts one morning that I would go to the bank myself, where Ihad often been to receive the interest of some bills I had, which had interestpayable on them, and where I had found a clerk, to whom I applied myself, veryhonest and just to me, and particularly so fair one time that when I hadmistold my money, and taken less than my due, and was coming away, he set me torights and gave me the rest, which he might have put into his own pocket.
I went to him and represented my case very plainly, and asked if he wouldtrouble himself to be my adviser, who was a poor friendless widow, and knew notwhat to do. He told me, if I desired his opinion of anything within the reachof his business, he would do his endeavour that I should not be wronged, butthat he would also help me to a good sober person who was a grave man of hisacquaintance, who was a clerk in such business too, though not in their house,whose judgment was good, and whose honesty I might depend upon.“For,” added he, “I will answer for him, and for every stephe takes; if he wrongs you, madam, of one farthing, it shall lie at my door, Iwill make it good; and he delights to assist people in such cases—he doesit as an act of charity.”
I was a little at a stand in this discourse; but after some pause I told him Ihad rather have depended upon him, because I had found him honest, but if thatcould not be, I would take his recommendation sooner than any one’s else.“I dare say, madam,” says he, “that you will be as wellsatisfied with my friend as with me, and he is thoroughly able to assist you,which I am not.” It seems he had his hands full of the business of thebank, and had engaged to meddle with no other business than that of his office,which I heard afterwards, but did not understand then. He added, that hisfriend should take nothing of me for his advice or assistance, and this indeedencouraged me very much.
He appointed the same evening, after the bank was shut and business over, forme to meet him and his friend. And indeed as soon as I saw his friend, and hebegan but to talk of the affair, I was fully satisfied that I had a very honestman to deal with; his countenance spoke it, and his character, as I heardafterwards, was everywhere so good, that I had no room for any more doubts uponme.
After the first meeting, in which I only said what I had said before, weparted, and he appointed me to come the next day to him, telling me I might inthe meantime satisfy myself of him by inquiry, which, however, I knew not howwell to do, having no acquaintance myself.
Accordingly I met him the next day, when I entered more freely with him into mycase. I told him my circumstances at large: that I was a widow come over fromAmerica, perfectly desolate and friendless; that I had a little money, and buta little, and was almost distracted for fear of losing it, having no friend inthe world to trust with the management of it; that I was going into the northof England to live cheap, that my stock might not waste; that I would willinglylodge my money in the bank, but that I durst not carry the bills about me, andthe like, as above; and how to correspond about it, or with whom, I knew not.
He told me I might lodge the money in the bank as an account, and its beingentered into the books would entitle me to the money at any time, and if I wasin the north I might draw bills on the cashier and receive it when I would; butthat then it would be esteemed as running cash, and the bank would give nointerest for it; that I might buy stock with it, and so it would lie in storefor me, but that then if I wanted to dispose if it, I must come up to town onpurpose to transfer it, and even it would be with some difficulty I shouldreceive the half-yearly dividend, unless I was here in person, or had somefriend I could trust with having the stock in his name to do it for me, andthat would have the same difficulty in it as before; and with that he lookedhard at me and smiled a little. At last, says he, “Why do you not get ahead steward, madam, that may take you and your money together into keeping,and then you would have the trouble taken off your hands?” “Ay,sir, and the money too, it may be,” said I; “for truly I find thehazard that way is as much as ’tis t’other way”; but Iremember I said secretly to myself, “I wish you would ask me the questionfairly, I would consider very seriously on it before I said No.”
He went on a good way with me, and I thought once or twice he was in earnest,but to my real affliction, I found at last he had a wife; but when he owned hehad a wife he shook his head, and said with some concern, that indeed he had awife, and no wife. I began to think he had been in the condition of my latelover, and that his wife had been distempered or lunatic, or some such thing.However, we had not much more discourse at that time, but he told me he was intoo much hurry of business then, but that if I would come home to his houseafter their business was over, he would by that time consider what might bedone for me, to put my affairs in a posture of security. I told him I wouldcome, and desired to know where he lived. He gave me a direction in writing,and when he gave it me he read it to me, and said, “There ’tis,madam, if you dare trust yourself with me.” “Yes, sir,” saidI, “I believe I may venture to trust you with myself, for you have awife, you say, and I don’t want a husband; besides, I dare trust you withmy money, which is all I have in the world, and if that were gone, I may trustmyself anywhere.”
He said some things in jest that were very handsome and mannerly, and wouldhave pleased me very well if they had been in earnest; but that passed over, Itook the directions, and appointed to attend him at his house at seveno’clock the same evening.
When I came he made several proposals for my placing my money in the bank, inorder to my having interest for it; but still some difficulty or other came inthe way, which he objected as not safe; and I found such a sinceredisinterested honesty in him, that I began to muse with myself, that I hadcertainly found the honest man I wanted, and that I could never put myself intobetter hands; so I told him with a great deal of frankness that I had never metwith a man or woman yet that I could trust, or in whom I could think myselfsafe, but that I saw he was so disinterestedly concerned for my safety, that Isaid I would freely trust him with the management of that little I had, if hewould accept to be steward for a poor widow that could give him no salary.
He smiled and, standing up, with great respect saluted me. He told me he couldnot but take it very kindly that I had so good an opinion of him; that he wouldnot deceive me, that he would do anything in his power to serve me, and expectno salary; but that he could not by any means accept of a trust, that it mightbring him to be suspected of self-interest, and that if I should die he mighthave disputes with my executors, which he should be very loth to encumberhimself with.
I told him if those were all his objections I would soon remove them, andconvince him that there was not the least room for any difficulty; for that,first, as for suspecting him, if ever I should do it, now is the time tosuspect him, and not put the trust into his hands, and whenever I did suspecthim, he could but throw it up then and refuse to go any further. Then, as toexecutors, I assured him I had no heirs, nor any relations in England, and Iwould have neither heirs nor executors but himself, unless I should alter mycondition before I died, and then his trust and trouble shouldcease together, which, however, I had no prospect of yet; but I told him if Idied as I was, it should be all his own, and he would deserve it by being sofaithful to me as I was satisfied he would be.
He changed his countenance at this discourse, and asked me how I came to haveso much good-will for him; and, looking very much pleased, said he might verylawfully wish he was a single man for my sake. I smiled, and told him as he wasnot, my offer could have no design upon him in it, and to wish, as he did, wasnot to be allowed, ’twas criminal to his wife.
He told me I was wrong. “For,” says he, “madam, as I saidbefore, I have a wife and no wife, and ’twould be no sin to me to wishher hanged, if that were all.” “I know nothing of yourcircumstances that way, sir,” said I; “but it cannot be innocent towish your wife dead.” “I tell you,” says he again, “sheis a wife and no wife; you don’t know what I am, or what she is.”
“That’s true,” said I; “sir, I do not know what youare, but I believe you to be an honest man, and that’s the cause of allmy confidence in you.”
“Well, well,” says he, “and so I am, I hope, too. But I amsomething else too, madam; for,” says he, “to be plain with you, Iam a cuckold, and she is a whore.” He spoke it in a kind of jest, but itwas with such an awkward smile, that I perceived it was what struck very closeto him, and he looked dismally when he said it.
“That alters the case indeed, sir,” said I, “as to that partyou were speaking of; but a cuckold, you know, may be an honest man; it doesnot alter that case at all. Besides, I think,” said I, “since yourwife is so dishonest to you, you are too honest to her to own her for yourwife; but that,” said I, “is what I have nothing to do with.”
“Nay,” says he, “I do not think to clear my hands of her;for, to be plain with you, madam,” added he, “I am no contentedcuckold neither: on the other hand, I assure you it provokes me the highestdegree, but I can’t help myself; she that will be a whore, will be awhore.”
I waived the discourse and began to talk of my business; but I found he couldnot have done with it, so I let him alone, and he went on to tell me all thecircumstances of his case, too long to relate here; particularly, that havingbeen out of England some time before he came to the post he was in, she had hadtwo children in the meantime by an officer of the army; and that when he cameto England and, upon her submission, took her again, and maintained her verywell, yet she ran away from him with a linen-draper’s apprentice, robbedhim of what she could come at, and continued to live from him still. “Sothat, madam,” says he, “she is a whore not by necessity, which isthe common bait of your sex, but by inclination, and for the sake of thevice.”
Well, I pitied him, and wished him well rid of her, and still would have talkedof my business, but it would not do. At last he looks steadily at me.“Look you, madam,” says he, “you came to ask advice of me,and I will serve you as faithfully as if you were my own sister; but I mustturn the tables, since you oblige me to do it, and are so friendly to me, and Ithink I must ask advice of you. Tell me, what must a poor abused fellow do witha whore? What can I do to do myself justice upon her?”
“Alas! sir,” says I, “’tis a case too nice for me toadvise in, but it seems she has run away from you, so you are rid of herfairly; what can you desire more?” “Ay, she is gone indeed,”said he, “but I am not clear of her for all that.”
“That’s true,” says I; “she may indeed run you intodebt, but the law has furnished you with methods to prevent that also; you maycry her down, as they call it.”
“No, no,” says he, “that is not the case neither; I havetaken care of all that; ’tis not that part that I speak of, but I wouldbe rid of her so that I might marry again.”
“Well, sir,” says I, “then you must divorce her. If you canprove what you say, you may certainly get that done, and then, I suppose, youare free.”
“That’s very tedious and expensive,” says he.
“Why,” says I, “if you can get any woman you like to takeyour word, I suppose your wife would not dispute the liberty with you that shetakes herself.”
“Ay,” says he, “but ’twould be hard to bring an honestwoman to do that; and for the other sort,” says he, “I have hadenough of her to meddle with any more whores.”
It occurred to me presently, “I would have taken your word with all myheart, if you had but asked me the question”; but that was to myself. Tohim I replied, “Why, you shut the door against any honest woman acceptingyou, for you condemn all that should venture upon you at once, and conclude,that really a woman that takes you now can’t be honest.”
“Why,” says he, “I wish you would satisfy me that an honestwoman would take me; I’d venture it”; and then turns short upon me,“Will you take me, madam?”
“That’s not a fair question,” says I, “after what youhave said; however, lest you should think I wait only for a recantation of it,I shall answer you plainly, No, not I; my business is of another kind with you,and I did not expect you would have turned my serious application to you, in myown distracted case, into a comedy.”
“Why, madam,” says he, “my case is as distracted as yours canbe, and I stand in as much need of advice as you do, for I think if I have notrelief somewhere, I shall be made myself, and I know not what course to take, Iprotest to you.”
“Why, sir,” says I, “’tis easy to give advice in yourcase, much easier than it is in mine.” “Speak then,” says he,“I beg of you, for now you encourage me.”
“Why,” says I, “if your case is so plain as you say it is,you may be legally divorced, and then you may find honest women enough to askthe question of fairly; the sex is not so scarce that you can want awife.”
“Well, then,” said he, “I am in earnest; I’ll take youradvice; but shall I ask you one question seriously beforehand?”
“Any question,” said I, “but that you did before.”
“No, that answer will not do,” said he, “for, in short, thatis the question I shall ask.”
“You may ask what questions you please, but you have my answer to thatalready,” said I. “Besides, sir,” said I, “can youthink so ill of me as that I would give any answer to such a questionbeforehand? Can any woman alive believe you in earnest, or think you designanything but to banter her?”
“Well, well,” says he, “I do not banter you, I am in earnest;consider of it.”
“But, sir,” says I, a little gravely, “I came to you about myown business; I beg of you to let me know, what you will advise me todo?”
“I will be prepared,” says he, “against you comeagain.”
“Nay,” says I, “you have forbid my coming any more.”
“Why so?” said he, and looked a little surprised.
“Because,” said I, “you can’t expect I should visit youon the account you talk of.”
“Well,” says he, “you shall promise me to come again,however, and I will not say any more of it till I have gotten the divorce, butI desire you will prepare to be better conditioned when that’s done, foryou shall be the woman, or I will not be divorced at all; why, I owe it to yourunlooked-for kindness, if it were to nothing else, but I have other reasonstoo.”
He could not have said anything in the world that pleased me better; however, Iknew that the way to secure him was to stand off while the thing was so remote,as it appeared to be, and that it was time enough to accept of it when he wasable to perform it; so I said very respectfully to him, it was time enough toconsider of these things when he was in a condition to talk of them; in themeantime, I told him, I was going a great way from him, and he would findobjects enough to please him better. We broke off here for the present, and hemade me promise him to come again the next day, for his resolutions upon my ownbusiness, which after some pressing I did; though had he seen farther into me,I wanted no pressing on that account.
I came the next evening, accordingly, and brought my maid with me, to let himsee that I kept a maid, but I sent her away as soon as I was gone in. He wouldhave had me let the maid have stayed, but I would not, but ordered her aloud tocome for me again about nine o’clock. But he forbade that, and told me hewould see me safe home, which, by the way, I was not very well pleased with,supposing he might do that to know where I lived and inquire into my characterand circumstances. However, I ventured that, for all that the people there orthereabout knew of me, was to my advantage; and all the character he had of me,after he had inquired, was that I was a woman of fortune, and that I was a verymodest, sober body; which, whether true or not in the main, yet you may see hownecessary it is for all women who expect anything in the world, to preserve thecharacter of their virtue, even when perhaps they may have sacrificed the thingitself.
I found, and was not a little pleased with it, that he had provided a supper forme. I found also he lived very handsomely, and had a house very handsomelyfurnished; all of which I was rejoiced at indeed, for I looked upon it as allmy own.
We had now a second conference upon the subject-matter of the last conference.He laid his business very home indeed; he protested his affection to me, andindeed I had no room to doubt it; he declared that it began from the firstmoment I talked with him, and long before I had mentioned leaving my effectswith him. “’Tis no matter when it began,” thought I;“if it will but hold, ’twill be well enough.” He then told mehow much the offer I had made of trusting him with my effects, and leaving themto him, had engaged him. “So I intended it should,” thought I,“but then I thought you had been a single man too.” After we hadsupped, I observed he pressed me very hard to drink two or three glasses ofwine, which, however, I declined, but drank one glass or two. He then told mehe had a proposal to make to me, which I should promise him I would not takeill if I should not grant it. I told him I hoped he would make no dishonourableproposal to me, especially in his own house, and that if it was such, I desiredhe would not propose it, that I might not be obliged to offer any resentment tohim that did not become the respect I professed for him, and the trust I hadplaced in him in coming to his house; and begged of him he would give me leaveto go away, and accordingly began to put on my gloves and prepare to be gone,though at the same time I no more intended it than he intended to let me.
Well, he importuned me not to talk of going; he assured me he had nodishonourable thing in his thoughts about me, and was very far from offeringanything to me that was dishonourable, and if I thought so, he would choose tosay no more of it.
That part I did not relish at all. I told him I was ready to hear anything thathe had to say, depending that he would say nothing unworthy of himself, orunfit for me to hear. Upon this, he told me his proposal was this: that I wouldmarry him, though he had not yet obtained the divorce from the whore his wife;and to satisfy me that he meant honourably, he would promise not to desire meto live with him, or go to bed with him till the divorce was obtained. My heartsaid yes to this offer at first word, but it was necessary to play thehypocrite a little more with him; so I seemed to decline the motion with somewarmth, and besides a little condemning the thing as unfair, told him that sucha proposal could be of no signification, but to entangle us both in greatdifficulties; for if he should not at last obtain the divorce, yet we could notdissolve the marriage, neither could we proceed in it; so that if he wasdisappointed in the divorce, I left him to consider what a condition we shouldboth be in.
In short, I carried on the argument against this so far, that I convinced himit was not a proposal that had any sense in it. Well, then he went from it toanother, and that was, that I would sign and seal a contract with him,conditioning to marry him as soon as the divorce was obtained, and to be voidif he could not obtain it.
I told him such a thing was more rational than the other; but as this was thefirst time that ever I could imagine him weak enough to be in earnest in thisaffair, I did not use to say Yes at first asking; I would consider of it.
I played with this lover as an angler does with a trout. I found I had him faston the hook, so I jested with his new proposal, and put him off. I told him heknew little of me, and bade him inquire about me; I let him also go home withme to my lodging, though I would not ask him to go in, for I told him it wasnot decent.
In short, I ventured to avoid signing a contract of marriage, and the reasonwhy I did it was because the lady that had invited me so earnestly to go withher into Lancashire insisted so positively upon it, and promised me such greatfortunes, and such fine things there, that I was tempted to go and try.“Perhaps,” said I, “I may mend myself very much”; andthen I made no scruple in my thoughts of quitting my honest citizen, whom I wasnot so much in love with as not to leave him for a richer.
In a word, I avoided a contract; but told him I would go into the north, thathe should know where to write to me by the consequence of the business I hadentrusted with him; that I would give him a sufficient pledge of my respect forhim, for I would leave almost all I had in the world in his hands; and I wouldthus far give him my word, that as soon as he had sued out a divorce from hisfirst wife, he would send me an account of it, I would come up to London, andthat then we would talk seriously of the matter.
It was a base design I went with, that I must confess, though I was invitedthither with a design much worse than mine was, as the sequel will discover.Well, I went with my friend, as I called her, into Lancashire. All the way wewent she caressed me with the utmost appearance of a sincere, undissembledaffection; treated me, except my coach-hire, all the way; and her brotherbrought a gentleman’s coach to Warrington to receive us, and we werecarried from thence to Liverpool with as much ceremony as I could desire. Wewere also entertained at a merchant’s house in Liverpool three or fourdays very handsomely; I forbear to tell his name, because of what followed.Then she told me she would carry me to an uncle’s house of hers, where weshould be nobly entertained. She did so; her uncle, as she called him, sent acoach and four horses for us, and we were carried near forty miles I know notwhither.
We came, however, to a gentleman’s seat, where was a numerous family, alarge park, extraordinary company indeed, and where she was called cousin. Itold her if she had resolved to bring me into such company as this, she shouldhave let me have prepared myself, and have furnished myself with betterclothes. The ladies took notice of that, and told me very genteelly they didnot value people in their country so much by their clothes as they did inLondon; that their cousin had fully informed them of my quality, and that I didnot want clothes to set me off; in short, they entertained me, not like what Iwas, but like what they thought I had been, namely, a widow lady of a greatfortune.
The first discovery I made here was, that the family were all Roman Catholics,and the cousin too, whom I called my friend; however, I must say that nobody inthe world could behave better to me, and I had all the civility shown me that Icould have had if I had been of their opinion. The truth is, I had not so muchprinciple of any kind as to be nice in point of religion, and I presentlylearned to speak favourably of the Romish Church; particularly, I told them Isaw little but the prejudice of education in all the difference that were amongChristians about religion, and if it had so happened that my father had been aRoman Catholic, I doubted not but I should have been as well pleased with theirreligion as my own.
This obliged them in the highest degree, and as I was besieged day and nightwith good company and pleasant discourse, so I had two or three old ladies thatlay at me upon the subject of religion too. I was so complaisant, that though Iwould not completely engage, yet I made no scruple to be present at their mass,and to conform to all their gestures as they showed me the pattern, but I wouldnot come too cheap; so that I only in the main encouraged them to expect that Iwould turn Roman Catholic, if I was instructed in the Catholic doctrine as theycalled it, and so the matter rested.
I stayed here about six weeks; and then my conductor led me back to a countryvillage, about six miles from Liverpool, where her brother (as she called him)came to visit me in his own chariot, and in a very good figure, with twofootmen in a good livery; and the next thing was to make love to me. As it hadhappened to me, one would think I could not have been cheated, and indeed Ithought so myself, having a safe card at home, which I resolved not to quitunless I could mend myself very much. However, in all appearance this brotherwas a match worth my listening to, and the least his estate was valued at was£1000 a year, but the sister said it was worth £1500 a year, andlay most of it in Ireland.
I that was a great fortune, and passed for such, was above being asked how muchmy estate was; and my false friend taking it upon a foolish hearsay, had raisedit from £500 to £5000, and by the time she came into the countryshe called it £15,000. The Irishman, for such I understood him to be, wasstark mad at this bait; in short, he courted me, made me presents, and ran indebt like a madman for the expenses of his equipage and of his courtship. Hehad, to give him his due, the appearance of an extraordinary fine gentleman; hewas tall, well-shaped, and had an extraordinary address; talked as naturally ofhis park and his stables, of his horses, his gamekeepers, his woods, histenants, and his servants, as if we had been in the mansion-house, and I hadseen them all about me.
He never so much as asked me about my fortune or estate, but assured me thatwhen we came to Dublin he would jointure me in £600 a year good land; andthat we could enter into a deed of settlement or contract here for theperformance of it.
This was such language indeed as I had not been used to, and I was here beatenout of all my measures; I had a she-devil in my bosom, every hour telling mehow great her brother lived. One time she would come for my orders, how I wouldhave my coaches painted, and how lined; and another time what clothes my pageshould wear; in short, my eyes were dazzled. I had now lost my power of sayingNo, and, to cut the story short, I consented to be married; but to be the moreprivate, we were carried farther into the country, and married by a Romishclergyman, who I was assured would marry us as effectually as a Church ofEngland parson.
I cannot say but I had some reflections in this affair upon the dishonourableforsaking my faithful citizen, who loved me sincerely, and who was endeavouringto quit himself of a scandalous whore by whom he had been indeed barbarouslyused, and promised himself infinite happiness in his new choice; which choicewas now giving up herself to another in a manner almost as scandalous as herscould be.
But the glittering shoe of a great estate, and of fine things, which thedeceived creature that was now my deceiver represented every hour to myimagination, hurried me away, and gave me no time to think of London, or ofanything there, much less of the obligation I had to a person of infinitelymore real merit than what was now before me.
But the thing was done; I was now in the arms of my new spouse, who appearedstill the same as before; great even to magnificence, and nothing less than£1000 a year could support the ordinary equipage he appeared in.
After we had been married about a month, he began to talk of my going to WestChester in order to embark for Ireland. However, he did not hurry me, for westayed near three weeks longer, and then he sent to Chester for a coach to meetus at the Black Rock, as they call it, over against Liverpool. Thither we wentin a fine boat they call a pinnace, with six oars; his servants, and horses,and baggage going in the ferry-boat. He made his excuse to me that he had noacquaintance in Chester, but he would go before and get some handsome apartmentfor me at a private house. I asked him how long we should stay at Chester. Hesaid, not at all, any longer than one night or two, but he would immediatelyhire a coach to go to Holyhead. Then I told him he should by no means givehimself the trouble to get private lodgings for one night or two, for thatChester being a great place, I made no doubt but there would be very good innsand accommodation enough; so we lodged at an inn in the West Street, not farfrom the Cathedral; I forget what sign it was at.
Here my spouse, talking of my going to Ireland, asked me if I had no affairs tosettle at London before we went off. I told him No, not of any greatconsequence, but what might be done as well by letter from Dublin.“Madam,” says he, very respectfully, “I suppose the greatestpart of your estate, which my sister tells me is most of it in money in theBank of England, lies secure enough, but in case it required transferring, orany way altering its property, it might be necessary to go up to London andsettle those things before we went over.”
I seemed to look strange at it, and told him I knew not what he meant; that Ihad no effects in the Bank of England that I knew of; and I hoped he could notsay that I had ever told him I had. No, he said, I had not told him so, but hissister had said the greatest part of my estate lay there. “And I onlymentioned it, me dear,” said he, “that if there was any occasion tosettle it, or order anything about it, we might not be obliged to the hazardand trouble of another voyage back again”; for he added, that he did notcare to venture me too much upon the sea.
I was surprised at this talk, and began to consider very seriously what themeaning of it must be; and it presently occurred to me that my friend, whocalled him brother, had represented me in colours which were not my due; and Ithought, since it was come to that pitch, that I would know the bottom of itbefore I went out of England, and before I should put myself into I knew notwhose hands in a strange country.
Upon this I called his sister into my chamber the next morning, and letting herknow the discourse her brother and I had been upon the evening before, Iconjured her to tell me what she had said to him, and upon what foot it wasthat she had made this marriage. She owned that she had told him that I was agreat fortune, and said that she was told so at London. “Told so!”says I warmly; “did I ever tell you so?” No, she said, it was trueI did not tell her so, but I had said several times that what I had was in myown disposal. “I did so,” returned I very quickly and hastily,“but I never told you I had anything called a fortune; no, not that I had£100, or the value of £100, in the world. Any how did it consistwith my being a fortune,” said I, “that I should come here into thenorth of England with you, only upon the account of living cheap?” Atthese words, which I spoke warm and high, my husband, her brother (as shecalled him), came into the room, and I desired him to come and sit down, for Ihad something of moment to say before them both, which it was absolutelynecessary he should hear.
He looked a little disturbed at the assurance with which I seemed to speak it,and came and sat down by me, having first shut the door; upon which I began,for I was very much provoked, and turning myself to him, “I amafraid,” says I, “my dear” (for I spoke with kindness on hisside), “that you have a very great abuse put upon you, and an injury doneyou never to be repaired in your marrying me, which, however, as I have had nohand in it, I desire I may be fairly acquitted of it, and that the blame maylie where it ought to lie, and nowhere else, for I wash my hands of every partof it.”
“What injury can be done me, my dear,” says he, “in marryingyou. I hope it is to my honour and advantage every way.” “I willsoon explain it to you,” says I, “and I fear you will have noreason to think yourself well used; but I will convince you, my dear,”says I again, “that I have had no hand in it”; and there I stoppeda while.
He looked now scared and wild, and began, I believe, to suspect what followed;however, looking towards me, and saying only, “Go on,” he satsilent, as if to hear what I had more to say; so I went on. “I asked youlast night,” said I, speaking to him, “if ever I made any boast toyou of my estate, or ever told you I had any estate in the Bank of England oranywhere else, and you owned I had not, as is most true; and I desire you willtell me here, before your sister, if ever I gave you any reason from me tothink so, or that ever we had any discourse about it”; and he owned againI had not, but said I had appeared always as a woman of fortune, and hedepended on it that I was so, and hoped he was not deceived. “I am notinquiring yet whether you have been deceived or not,” said I; “Ifear you have, and I too; but I am clearing myself from the unjust charge ofbeing concerned in deceiving you.
“I have been now asking your sister if ever I told her of any fortune orestate I had, or gave her any particulars of it; and she owns I never did. Anypray, madam,” said I, turning myself to her, “be so just to me,before your brother, to charge me, if you can, if ever I pretended to you thatI had an estate; and why, if I had, should I come down into this country withyou on purpose to spare that little I had, and live cheap?” She could notdeny one word, but said she had been told in London that I had a very greatfortune, and that it lay in the Bank of England.
“And now, dear sir,” said I, turning myself to my new spouse again,“be so just to me as to tell me who has abused both you and me so much asto make you believe I was a fortune, and prompt you to court me to thismarriage?” He could not speak a word, but pointed to her; and, after somemore pause, flew out in the most furious passion that ever I saw a man in mylife, cursing her, and calling her all the whores and hard names he could thinkof; and that she had ruined him, declaring that she had told him I had£15,000, and that she was to have £500 of him for procuring thismatch for him. He then added, directing his speech to me, that she was none ofhis sister, but had been his whore for two years before, that she had had£100 of him in part of this bargain, and that he was utterly undone ifthings were as I said; and in his raving he swore he would let herheart’s blood out immediately, which frightened her and me too. Shecried, said she had been told so in the house where I lodged. But thisaggravated him more than before, that she should put so far upon him, and runthings such a length upon no other authority than a hearsay; and then, turningto me again, said very honestly, he was afraid we were both undone. “For,to be plain, my dear, I have no estate,” says he; “what little Ihad, this devil has made me run out in waiting on you and putting me into thisequipage.” She took the opportunity of his being earnest in talking withme, and got out of the room, and I never saw her more.
I was confounded now as much as he, and knew not what to say. I thought manyways that I had the worst of it, but his saying he was undone, and that he hadno estate neither, put me into a mere distraction. “Why,” says I tohim, “this has been a hellish juggle, for we are married here upon thefoot of a double fraud; you are undone by the disappointment, it seems; and ifI had had a fortune I had been cheated too, for you say you havenothing.”
“You would indeed have been cheated, my dear,” says he, “butyou would not have been undone, for £15,000 would have maintained us bothvery handsomely in this country; and I assure you,” added he, “Ihad resolved to have dedicated every groat of it to you; I would not havewronged you of a shilling, and the rest I would have made up in my affection toyou, and tenderness of you, as long as I lived.”
This was very honest indeed, and I really believe he spoke as he intended, andthat he was a man that was as well qualified to make me happy, as to his temperand behaviour, as any man ever was; but his having no estate, and being runinto debt on this ridiculous account in the country, made all the prospectdismal and dreadful, and I knew not what to say, or what to think of myself.
I told him it was very unhappy that so much love, and so much good nature as Idiscovered in him, should be thus precipitated into misery; that I saw nothingbefore us but ruin; for as to me, it was my unhappiness that what little I hadwas not able to relieve us week, and with that I pulled out a bank bill of£20 and eleven guineas, which I told him I had saved out of my littleincome, and that by the account that creature had given me of the way of livingin that country, I expected it would maintain me three or four years; that ifit was taken from me, I was left destitute, and he knew what the condition of awoman among strangers must be, if she had no money in her pocket; however, Itold him, if he would take it, there it was.
He told me with a great concern, and I thought I saw tears stand in his eyes,that he would not touch it; that he abhorred the thoughts of stripping me andmake me miserable; that, on the contrary, he had fifty guineas left, which wasall he had in the world, and he pulled it out and threw it down on the table,bidding me take it, though he were to starve for want of it.
I returned, with the same concern for him, that I could not bear to hear himtalk so; that, on the contrary, if he could propose any probable method ofliving, I would do anything that became me on my part, and that I would live asclose and as narrow as he could desire.
He begged of me to talk no more at that rate, for it would make him distracted;he said he was bred a gentleman, though he was reduced to a low fortune, andthat there was but one way left which he could think of, and that would not do,unless I could answer him one question, which, however, he said he would notpress me to. I told him I would answer it honestly; whether it would be to hissatisfaction or not, that I could not tell.
“Why, then, my dear, tell me plainly,” says he, “will thelittle you have keep us together in any figure, or in any station or place, orwill it not?”
It was my happiness hitherto that I had not discovered myself or mycircumstances at all—no, not so much as my name; and seeing these wasnothing to be expected from him, however good-humoured and however honest heseemed to be, but to live on what I knew would soon be wasted, I resolved toconceal everything but the bank bill and the eleven guineas which I had owned;and I would have been very glad to have lost that and have been set down wherehe took me up. I had indeed another bank bill about me of £30, which wasthe whole of what I brought with me, as well to subsist on in the country, asnot knowing what might offer; because this creature, the go-between that hadthus betrayed us both, had made me believe strange things of my marrying to myadvantage in the country, and I was not willing to be without money, whatevermight happen. This bill I concealed, and that made me the freer of the rest, inconsideration of his circumstances, for I really pitied him heartily.
But to return to his question, I told him I never willingly deceived him, and Inever would. I was very sorry to tell him that the little I had would notsubsist us; that it was not sufficient to subsist me alone in the southcountry, and that this was the reason that made me put myself into the hands ofthat woman who called him brother, she having assured me that I might boardvery handsomely at a town called Manchester, where I had not yet been, forabout £6 a year; and my whole income not being about £15 a year, Ithought I might live easy upon it, and wait for better things.
He shook his head and remained silent, and a very melancholy evening we had;however, we supped together, and lay together that night, and when we hadalmost supped he looked a little better and more cheerful, and called for abottle of wine. “Come, my dear,” says he, “though the case isbad, it is to no purpose to be dejected. Come, be as easy as you can; I willendeavour to find out some way or other to live; if you can but subsistyourself, that is better than nothing. I must try the world again; a man oughtto think like a man; to be discouraged is to yield to the misfortune.”With this he filled a glass and drank to me, holding my hand and pressing ithard in his hand all the while the wine went down, and protesting afterwardshis main concern was for me.
It was really a true, gallant spirit he was of, and it was the more grievous tome. ’Tis something of relief even to be undone by a man of honour, ratherthan by a scoundrel; but here the greatest disappointment was on his side, forhe had really spent a great deal of money, deluded by this madam the procuress;and it was very remarkable on what poor terms he proceeded. First the basenessof the creature herself is to be observed, who, for the getting £100herself, could be content to let him spend three or four more, though perhapsit was all he had in the world, and more than all; when she had not the leastground, more than a little tea-table chat, to say that I had any estate, or wasa fortune, or the like. It is true the design of deluding a woman of fortune,if I had been so, was base enough; the putting the face of great things uponpoor circumstances was a fraud, and bad enough; but the case a little differedtoo, and that in his favour, for he was not a rake that made a trade to deludewomen, and, as some have done, get six or seven fortunes after one another, andthen rifle and run away from them; but he was really a gentleman, unfortunateand low, but had lived well; and though, if I had had a fortune, I should havebeen enraged at the slut for betraying me, yet really for the man, a fortunewould not have been ill bestowed on him, for he was a lovely person indeed, ofgenerous principles, good sense, and of abundance of good-humour.
We had a great deal of close conversation that night, for we neither of usslept much; he was as penitent for having put all those cheats upon me as if ithad been felony, and that he was going to execution; he offered me again everyshilling of the money he had about him, and said he would go into the army andseek the world for more.
I asked him why he would be so unkind to carry me into Ireland, when I mightsuppose he could not have subsisted me there. He took me in his arms. “Mydear,” said he, “depend upon it, I never designed to go to Irelandat all, much less to have carried you thither, but came hither to be out of theobservation of the people, who had heard what I pretended to, and withal, thatnobody might ask me for money before I was furnished to supply them.”
“But where, then,” said I, “were we to have gone next?”
“Why, my dear,” said he, “I’ll confess the whole schemeto you as I had laid it; I purposed here to ask you something about yourestate, as you see I did, and when you, as I expected you would, had enteredinto some account with me of the particulars, I would have made an excuse toyou to have put off our voyage to Ireland for some time, and to have gone firsttowards London.
“Then, my dear,” said he, “I resolved to have confessed allthe circumstances of my own affairs to you, and let you know I had indeed madeuse of these artifices to obtain your consent to marry me, but had now nothingto do but ask to your pardon, and to tell you how abundantly, as I have saidabove, I would endeavour to make you forget what was past, by the felicity ofthe days to come.”
“Truly,” said I to him, “I find you would soon have conqueredme; and it is my affliction now, that I am not in a condition to let you seehow easily I should have been reconciled to you, and have passed by all thetricks you had put upon me, in recompense of so much good-humour. But, mydear,” said I, “what can we do now? We are both undone, and whatbetter are we for our being reconciled together, seeing we have nothing to liveon?”
We proposed a great many things, but nothing could offer where there wasnothing to begin with. He begged me at last to talk no more of it, for, hesaid, I would break his heart; so we talked of other things a little, till atlast he took a husband’s leave of me, and so we went to sleep.
He rose before me in the morning; and indeed, having lain awake almost allnight, I was very sleepy, and lay till near eleven o’clock. In this timehe took his horses and three servants, and all his linen and baggage, and awayhe went, leaving a short but moving letter for me on the table, asfollows:—
“MYDEAR—I am a dog; I have abused you; but I have been drawn intodo it by a base creature, contrary to my principle and the general practice ofmy life. Forgive me, my dear! I ask your pardon with the greatest sincerity; Iam the most miserable of men, in having deluded you. I have been so happy topossess you, and now am so wretched as to be forced to fly from you. Forgiveme, my dear; once more I say, forgive me! I am not able to see you ruined byme, and myself unable to support you. Our marriage is nothing; I shall never beable to see you again; I here discharge you from it; if you can marry to youradvantage, do not decline it on my account; I here swear to you on my faith,and on the word of a man of honour, I will never disturb your repose if Ishould know of it, which, however, is not likely. On the other hand, if youshould not marry, and if good fortune should befall me, it shall be all yours,wherever you are.
I have put some of the stock of money I have left into your pocket;take places for yourself and your maid in the stage-coach, and go for London; Ihope it will bear your charges thither, without breaking into your own. Again Isincerely ask your pardon, and will do so as often as I shall ever think ofyou.
Adieu, my dear, for ever,I am, your most affectionately,J.E.”Nothing that ever befell me in my life sank so deep into my heart as thisfarewell. I reproached him a thousand times in my thoughts for leaving me, forI would have gone with him through the world, if I had begged my bread. I feltin my pocket, and there found ten guineas, his gold watch, and two littlerings, one a small diamond ring worth only about £6, and the other aplain gold ring.
I sat me down and looked upon these things two hours together, and scarce spokea word, till my maid interrupted me by telling me my dinner was ready. I atebut little, and after dinner I fell into a vehement fit of crying, every nowand then calling him by his name, which was James. “O Jemmy!” saidI, “come back, come back. I’ll give you all I have; I’ll beg,I’ll starve with you.” And thus I ran raving about the room severaltimes, and then sat down between whiles, and then walking about again, calledupon him to come back, and then cried again; and thus I passed the afternoon,till about seven o’clock, when it was near dusk, in the evening, beingAugust, when, to my unspeakable surprise, he comes back into the inn, butwithout a servant, and comes directly up into my chamber.
I was in the greatest confusion imaginable, and so was he too. I could notimagine what should be the occasion of it, and began to be at odds with myselfwhether to be glad or sorry; but my affection biassed all the rest, and it wasimpossible to conceal my joy, which was too great for smiles, for it burst outinto tears. He was no sooner entered the room but he ran to me and took me inhis arms, holding me fast, and almost stopping my breath with his kisses, butspoke not a word. At length I began. “My dear,” said I, “howcould you go away from me?” to which he gave no answer, for it wasimpossible for him to speak.
When our ecstasies were a little over, he told me he was gone about fifteenmiles, but it was not in his power to go any farther without coming back to seeme again, and to take his leave of me once more.
I told him how I had passed my time, and how loud I had called him to come backagain. He told me he heard me very plain upon Delamere Forest, at a place abouttwelve miles off. I smiled. “Nay,” says he, “do not think Iam in jest, for if ever I heard your voice in my life, I heard you call mealoud, and sometimes I thought I saw you running after me.”“Why,” said I, “what did I say?”—for I had notnamed the words to him. “You called aloud,” says he, “andsaid, O Jemmy! O Jemmy! come back, come back.”
I laughed at him. “My dear,” says he, “do not laugh, for,depend upon it, I heard your voice as plain as you hear mine now; if youplease, I’ll go before a magistrate and make oath of it.” I thenbegan to be amazed and surprised, and indeed frightened, and told him what Ihad really done, and how I had called after him, as above.
When we had amused ourselves a while about this, I said to him: “Well,you shall go away from me no more; I’ll go all over the world with yourather.” He told me it would be a very difficult thing for him to leaveme, but since it must be, he hoped I would make it as easy to me as I could;but as for him, it would be his destruction that he foresaw.
However, he told me that he considered he had left me to travel to Londonalone, which was too long a journey; and that as he might as well go that wayas any way else, he was resolved to see me safe thither, or near it; and if hedid go away then without taking his leave, I should not take it ill of him; andthis he made me promise.
He told me how he had dismissed his three servants, sold their horses, and sentthe fellows away to seek their fortunes, and all in a little time, at a town onthe road, I know not where. “And,” says he, “it cost me sometears all alone by myself, to think how much happier they were than theirmaster, for they could go to the next gentleman’s house to see for aservice, whereas,” said he, “I knew not wither to go, or what to dowith myself.”
I told him I was so completely miserable in parting with him, that I could notbe worse; and that now he was come again, I would not go from him, if he wouldtake me with him, let him go whither he would, or do what he would. And in themeantime I agreed that we would go together to London; but I could not bebrought to consent he should go away at last and not take his leave of me, ashe proposed to do; but told him, jesting, that if he did, I would call him backagain as loud as I did before. Then I pulled out his watch and gave it himback, and his two rings, and his ten guineas; but he would not take them, whichmade me very much suspect that he resolved to go off upon the road and leaveme.
The truth is, the circumstances he was in, the passionate expressions of hisletter, the kind, gentlemanly treatment I had from him in all the affair, withthe concern he showed for me in it, his manner of parting with that large sharewhich he gave me of his little stock left—all these had joined to makesuch impressions on me, that I really loved him most tenderly, and could notbear the thoughts of parting with him.
Two days after this we quitted Chester, I in the stage-coach, and he onhorseback. I dismissed my maid at Chester. He was very much against my beingwithout a maid, but she being a servant hired in the country, and I resolvingto keep no servant at London, I told him it would have been barbarous to havetaken the poor wench and have turned her away as soon as I came to town; and itwould also have been a needless charge on the road, so I satisfied him, and hewas easy enough on the score.
He came with me as far as Dunstable, within thirty miles of London, and then hetold me fate and his own misfortunes obliged him to leave me, and that it wasnot convenient for him to go to London, for reasons which it was of no value tome to know, and I saw him preparing to go. The stage-coach we were in did notusually stop at Dunstable, but I desiring it but for a quarter of an hour, theywere content to stand at an inn-door a while, and we went into the house.
Being in the inn, I told him I had but one favour more to ask of him, and thatwas, that since he could not go any farther, he would give me leave to stay aweek or two in the town with him, that we might in that time think of somethingto prevent such a ruinous thing to us both, as a final separation would be; andthat I had something of moment to offer him, that I had never said yet, andwhich perhaps he might find practicable to our mutual advantage.
This was too reasonable a proposal to be denied, so he called the landlady ofthe house, and told her his wife was taken ill, and so ill that she could notthink of going any farther in the stage-coach, which had tired her almost todeath, and asked if she could not get us a lodging for two or three days in aprivate house, where I might rest me a little, for the journey had been toomuch for me. The landlady, a good sort of woman, well-bred and very obliging,came immediately to see me; told me she had two or three very good rooms in apart of the house quite out of the noise, and if I saw them, she did not doubtbut I would like them, and I should have one of her maids, that should donothing else but be appointed to wait on me. This was so very kind, that Icould not but accept of it, and thank her; so I went to look on the rooms andliked them very well, and indeed they were extraordinarily furnished, and verypleasant lodgings; so we paid the stage-coach, took out our baggage, andresolved to stay here a while.
Here I told him I would live with him now till all my money was spent, butwould not let him spend a shilling of his own. We had some kind squabble aboutthat, but I told him it was the last time I was like to enjoy his company, andI desired he would let me be master in that thing only, and he should govern ineverything else; so he acquiesced.
Here one evening, taking a walk into the fields, I told him I would now makethe proposal to him I had told him of; accordingly I related to him how I hadlived in Virginia, that I had a mother I believed was alive there still, thoughmy husband was dead some years. I told him that had not my effects miscarried,which, by the way, I magnified pretty much, I might have been fortune goodenough to him to have kept us from being parted in this manner. Then I enteredinto the manner of peoples going over to those countries to settle, how theyhad a quantity of land given them by the Constitution of the place; and if not,that it might be purchased at so easy a rate this it was not worth naming.
I then gave him a full and distinct account of the nature of planting; how withcarrying over but two or three hundred pounds value in English goods, with someservants and tools, a man of application would presently lay a foundation for afamily, and in a very few years be certain to raise an estate.
I let him into the nature of the product of the earth; how the ground was curedand prepared, and what the usual increase of it was; and demonstrated to him,that in a very few years, with such a beginning, we should be as certain ofbeing rich as we were now certain of being poor.
He was surprised at my discourse; for we made it the whole subject of ourconversation for near a week together, in which time I laid it down in blackand white, as we say, that it was morally impossible, with a supposition of anyreasonable good conduct, but that we must thrive there and do very well.
Then I told him what measures I would take to raise such a sum of £300 orthereabouts; and I argued with him how good a method it would be to put an endto our misfortunes and restore our circumstances in the world, to what we hadboth expected; and I added, that after seven years, if we lived, we might be ina posture to leave our plantations in good hands, and come over again andreceive the income of it, and live here and enjoy it; and I gave him examplesof some that had done so, and lived now in very good circumstances in London.
In short, I pressed him so to it, that he almost agreed to it, but stillsomething or other broke it off again; till at last he turned the tables, andhe began to talk almost to the same purpose of Ireland.
He told me that a man that could confine himself to country life, and thatcould find but stock to enter upon any land, should have farms there for£50 a year, as good as were here let for £200 a year; that theproduce was such, and so rich the land, that if much was not laid up, we weresure to live as handsomely upon it as a gentleman of £3000 a year coulddo in England and that he had laid a scheme to leave me in London, and go overand try; and if he found he could lay a handsome foundation of living suitableto the respect he had for me, as he doubted not he should do, he would comeover and fetch me.
I was dreadfully afraid that upon such a proposal he would have taken me at myword, viz. to sell my little income as I called it, and turn it into money, andlet him carry it over into Ireland and try his experiment with it; but he wastoo just to desire it, or to have accepted it if I had offered it; and heanticipated me in that, for he added, that he would go and try his fortune thatway, and if he found he could do anything at it to live, then, by adding mineto it when I went over, we should live like ourselves; but that he would nothazard a shilling of mine till he had made the experiment with a little, and heassured me that if he found nothing to be done in Ireland, he would then cometo me and join in my project for Virginia.
He was so earnest upon his project being to be tried first, that I could notwithstand him; however, he promised to let me hear from him in a very littletime after his arriving there, to let me know whether his prospect answered hisdesign, that if there was not a possibility of success, I might take theoccasion to prepare for our other voyage, and then, he assured me, he would gowith me to America with all his heart.
I could bring him to nothing further than this. However, those consultationsentertained us near a month, during which I enjoyed his company, which indeedwas the most entertaining that ever I met in my life before. In this time helet me into the whole story of his own life, which was indeed surprising, andfull of an infinite variety sufficient to fill up a much brighter history, forits adventures and incidents, than any I ever saw in print; but I shall haveoccasion to say more of him hereafter.
We parted at last, though with the utmost reluctance on my side; and indeed hetook his leave very unwillingly too, but necessity obliged him, for his reasonswere very good why he would not come to London, as I understood more fully sometime afterwards.
I gave him a direction how to write to me, though still I reserved the grandsecret, and never broke my resolution, which was not to let him ever know mytrue name, who I was, or where to be found; he likewise let me know how towrite a letter to him, so that, he said, he would be sure to receive it.
I came to London the next day after we parted, but did not go directly to myold lodgings; but for another nameless reason took a private lodging in St.John’s Street, or, as it is vulgarly called, St. Jones’s, nearClerkenwell; and here, being perfectly alone, I had leisure to sit down andreflect seriously upon the last seven months’ ramble I had made, for Ihad been abroad no less. The pleasant hours I had with my last husband I lookedback on with an infinite deal of pleasure; but that pleasure was very muchlessened when I found some time after that I was really with child.
This was a perplexing thing, because of the difficulty which was before mewhere I should get leave to lie in; it being one of the nicest things in theworld at that time of day for a woman that was a stranger, and had no friends,to be entertained in that circumstance without security, which, by the way, Ihad not, neither could I procure any.
I had taken care all this while to preserve a correspondence with my honestfriend at the bank, or rather he took care to correspond with me, for he wroteto me once a week; and though I had not spent my money so fast as to want anyfrom him, yet I often wrote also to let him know I was alive. I had leftdirections in Lancashire, so that I had these letters, which he sent, conveyedto me; and during my recess at St. Jones’s received a very obligingletter from him, assuring me that his process for a divorce from his wife wenton with success, though he met with some difficulties in it that he did notexpect.
I was not displeased with the news that his process was more tedious than heexpected; for though I was in no condition to have him yet, not being sofoolish to marry him when I knew myself to be with child by another man, assome I know have ventured to do, yet I was not willing to lose him, and, in aword, resolved to have him if he continued in the same mind, as soon as I wasup again; for I saw apparently I should hear no more from my husband; and as hehad all along pressed to marry, and had assured me he would not be at alldisgusted at it, or ever offer to claim me again, so I made no scruple toresolve to do it if I could, and if my other friend stood to his bargain; and Ihad a great deal of reason to be assured that he would stand to it, by theletters he wrote to me, which were the kindest and most obliging that could be.
I now grew big, and the people where I lodged perceived it, and began to takenotice of it to me, and, as far as civility would allow, intimated that I mustthink of removing. This put me to extreme perplexity, and I grew verymelancholy, for indeed I knew not what course to take. I had money, but nofriends, and was like to have a child upon my hands to keep, which was adifficulty I had never had upon me yet, as the particulars of my story hithertomake appear.
In the course of this affair I fell very ill, and my melancholy reallyincreased my distemper; my illness proved at length to be only an ague, but myapprehensions were really that I should miscarry. I should not sayapprehensions, for indeed I would have been glad to miscarry, but I could neverbe brought to entertain so much as a thought of endeavouring to miscarry, or oftaking any thing to make me miscarry; I abhorred, I say, so much as the thoughtof it.
However, speaking of it in the house, the gentlewoman who kept the houseproposed to me to send for a midwife. I scrupled it at first, but after sometime consented to it, but told her I had no particular acquaintance with anymidwife, and so left it to her.
It seems the mistress of the house was not so great a stranger to such cases asmine was as I thought at first she had been, as will appear presently, and shesent for a midwife of the right sort—that is to say, the right sort forme.
The woman appeared to be an experienced woman in her business, I mean as amidwife; but she had another calling too, in which she was as expert as mostwomen if not more. My landlady had told her I was very melancholy, and that shebelieved that had done me harm; and once, before me, said to her, “Mrs.B——” (meaning the midwife), “I believe thislady’s trouble is of a kind that is pretty much in your way, andtherefore if you can do anything for her, pray do, for she is a very civilgentlewoman”; and so she went out of the room.
I really did not understand her, but my Mother Midnight began very seriously toexplain what she meant, as soon as she was gone. “Madam,” says she,“you seem not to understand what your landlady means; and when you dounderstand it, you need not let her know at all that you do so.
“She means that you are under some circumstances that may render yourlying in difficult to you, and that you are not willing to be exposed. I needsay no more, but to tell you, that if you think fit to communicate so much ofyour case to me, if it be so, as is necessary, for I do not desire to pry intothose things, I perhaps may be in a position to help you and to make youperfectly easy, and remove all your dull thoughts upon that subject.”
Every word this creature said was a cordial to me, and put new life and newspirit into my heart; my blood began to circulate immediately, and I was quiteanother body; I ate my victuals again, and grew better presently after it. Shesaid a great deal more to the same purpose, and then, having pressed me to befree with her, and promised in the solemnest manner to be secret, she stopped alittle, as if waiting to see what impression it made on me, and what I wouldsay.
I was too sensible to the want I was in of such a woman, not to accept heroffer; I told her my case was partly as she guessed, and partly not, for I wasreally married, and had a husband, though he was in such fine circumstances andso remote at that time, as that he could not appear publicly.
She took me short, and told me that was none of her business; all the ladiesthat came under her care were married women to her. “Every woman,”she says, “that is with child has a father for it,” and whetherthat father was a husband or no husband, was no business of hers; her businesswas to assist me in my present circumstances, whether I had a husband or no.“For, madam,” says she, “to have a husband that cannotappear, is to have no husband in the sense of the case; and, therefore, whetheryou are a wife or a mistress is all one to me.”
I found presently, that whether I was a whore or a wife, I was to pass for awhore here, so I let that go. I told her it was true, as she said, but that,however, if I must tell her my case, I must tell it her as it was; so I relatedit to her as short as I could, and I concluded it to her thus. “I troubleyou with all this, madam,” said I, “not that, as you said before,it is much to the purpose in your affair, but this is to the purpose, namely,that I am not in any pain about being seen, or being public or concealed, for’tis perfectly indifferent to me; but my difficulty is, that I have noacquaintance in this part of the nation.”
“I understand you, madam” says she; “you have no security tobring to prevent the parish impertinences usual in such cases, andperhaps,” says she, “do not know very well how to dispose of thechild when it comes.” “The last,” says I, “is not somuch my concern as the first.” “Well, madam,” answered themidwife, “dare you put yourself into my hands? I live in such a place;though I do not inquire after you, you may inquire after me. My name isB——; I live in such a street”—naming thestreet—“at the sign of the Cradle. My profession is a midwife, andI have many ladies that come to my house to lie in. I have given security tothe parish in general terms to secure them from any charge from whatsoevershall come into the world under my roof. I have but one question to ask in thewhole affair, madam,” says she, “and if that be answered you shallbe entirely easy for all the rest.”
I presently understood what she meant, and told her, “Madam, I believe Iunderstand you. I thank God, though I want friends in this part of the world, Ido not want money, so far as may be necessary, though I do not abound in thatneither”: this I added because I would not make her expect great things.“Well, madam,” says she, “that is the thing indeed, withoutwhich nothing can be done in these cases; and yet,” says she, “youshall see that I will not impose upon you, or offer anything that is unkind toyou, and if you desire it, you shall know everything beforehand, that you maysuit yourself to the occasion, and be neither costly or sparing as you seefit.”
I told her she seemed to be so perfectly sensible of my condition, that I hadnothing to ask of her but this, that as I had told her that I had moneysufficient, but not a great quantity, she would order it so that I might be atas little superfluous charge as possible.
She replied that she would bring in an account of the expenses of it in two orthree shapes, and like a bill of fare, I should choose as I pleased; and Idesired her to do so.
The next day she brought it, and the copy of her three bills was asfollows:—
1. For three months’ lodging in her house, including my diet, at 10s. a week . . . . . . . . . . . 6£, 0s., 0d.2. For a nurse for the month, and use of childbed linen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1£, 10s., 0d.3. For a minister to christen the child, and to the godfathers and clerk . . . . . . . . . . . . 1£, 10s., 0d.4. For a supper at the christening if I had five friends at it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1£, 0s., 0d. For her fees as a midwife, and the taking off the trouble of the parish . . . . . . . . . . . . 3£, 3s., 0d. To her maid servant attending . . . . . . . . 0£, 10s., 0d. -------------- 13£, 13s., 0d.
This was the first bill; the second was the same terms:—
1. For three months’ lodging and diet, etc., at 20s. per week . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13£, 0s., 0d.2. For a nurse for the month, and the use of linen and lace . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2£, 10s., 0d.3. For the minister to christen the child, etc., as above . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2£, 0s., 0d.4. For supper and for sweetmeats . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3£, 3s., 0d. For her fees as above . . . . . . . . . . . . 5£, 5s., 0d. For a servant-maid . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1£, 0s., 0d. -------------- 26£, 18s., 0d.
This was the second-rate bill; the third, she said, was for a degreehigher, and when the father or friends appeared:—
1. For three months’ lodging and diet, having two rooms and a garret for a servant . . . . . . 30£, 0s., 0d.,2. For a nurse for the month, and the finest suit of childbed linen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4£, 4s., 0d.3. For the minister to christen the child, etc. 2£, 10s., 0d.4. For a supper, the gentlemen to send in the wine . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6£, 0s., 0d. For my fees, etc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10£, 10s., 0d. The maid, besides their own maid, only . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0£, 10s., 0d. -------------- 53£, 14s., 0d.
I looked upon all three bills, and smiled, and told her I did not see but thatshe was very reasonable in her demands, all things considered, and for that Idid not doubt but her accommodations were good.
She told me I should be judge of that when I saw them. I told her I was sorryto tell her that I feared I must be her lowest-rated customer. “Andperhaps, madam,” said I, “you will make me the less welcome uponthat account.” “No, not at all,” said she; “for where Ihave one of the third sort I have two of the second, and four to one of thefirst, and I get as much by them in proportion as by any; but if you doubt mycare of you, I will allow any friend you have to overlook and see if you arewell waited on or no.”
Then she explained the particulars of her bill. “In the first place,madam,” said she, “I would have you observe that here is threemonths’ keeping; you are but ten shillings a week; I undertake to say youwill not complain of my table. I suppose,” says she, “you do notlive cheaper where you are now?” “No, indeed,” said I,“not so cheap, for I give six shillings per week for my chamber, and findmy own diet as well as I can, which costs me a great deal more.”
“Then, madam,” says she, “if the child should not live, orshould be dead-born, as you know sometimes happens, then there is theminister’s article saved; and if you have no friends to come to you, youmay save the expense of a supper; so that take those articles out,madam,” says she, “your lying in will not cost you above £5,3s. in all more than your ordinary charge of living.”
This was the most reasonable thing that I ever heard of; so I smiled, and toldher I would come and be her customer; but I told her also, that as I had twomonths and more to do, I might perhaps be obliged to stay longer with her thanthree months, and desired to know if she would not be obliged to remove mebefore it was proper. No, she said; her house was large, and besides, she neverput anybody to remove, that had lain in, till they were willing to go; and ifshe had more ladies offered, she was not so ill-beloved among her neighboursbut she could provide accommodations for twenty, if there was occasion.
I found she was an eminent lady in her way; and, in short, I agreed to putmyself into her hands, and promised her. She then talked of other things,looked about into my accommodations where I was, found fault with my wantingattendance and conveniences, and that I should not be used so at her house. Itold her I was shy of speaking, for the woman of the house looked stranger, orat least I thought so, since I had been ill, because I was with child; and Iwas afraid she would put some affront or other upon me, supposing that I hadbeen able to give but a slight account of myself.
“Oh dear,” said she, “her ladyship is no stranger to thesethings; she has tried to entertain ladies in your condition several times, butshe could not secure the parish; and besides, she is not such a nice lady asyou take her to be; however, since you are a-going, you shall not meddle withher, but I’ll see you are a little better looked after while you are herethan I think you are, and it shall not cost you the more neither.”
I did not understand her at all; however, I thanked her, and so we parted. Thenext morning she sent me a chicken roasted and hot, and a pint bottle ofsherry, and ordered the maid to tell me that she was to wait on me every day aslong as I stayed there.
This was surprisingly good and kind, and I accepted it very willingly. At nightshe sent to me again, to know if I wanted anything, and how I did, and to orderthe maid to come to her in the morning with my dinner. The maid had orders tomake me some chocolate in the morning before she came away, and did so, and atnoon she brought me the sweetbread of a breast of veal, whole, and a dish ofsoup for my dinner; and after this manner she nursed me up at a distance, sothat I was mightily well pleased, and quickly well, for indeed my dejectionsbefore were the principal part of my illness.
I expected, as is usually the case among such people, that the servant she sentme would have been some imprudent brazen wench of Drury Lane breeding, and Iwas very uneasy at having her with me upon that account; so I would not let herlie in that house the first night by any means, but had my eyes about me asnarrowly as if she had been a public thief.
My gentlewoman guessed presently what was the matter, and sent her back with ashort note, that I might depend upon the honesty of her maid; that she would beanswerable for her upon all accounts; and that she took no servants into herhouse without very good security for their fidelity. I was then perfectly easy;and indeed the maid’s behaviour spoke for itself, for a modester,quieter, soberer girl never came into anybody’s family, and I found herso afterwards.
As soon as I was well enough to go abroad, I went with the maid to see thehouse, and to see the apartment I was to have; and everything was so handsomeand so clean and well, that, in short, I had nothing to say, but waswonderfully pleased and satisfied with what I had met with, which, consideringthe melancholy circumstances I was in, was far beyond what I looked for.
It might be expected that I should give some account of the nature of thewicked practices of this woman, in whose hands I was now fallen; but it wouldbe too much encouragement to the vice, to let the world see what easy measureswere here taken to rid the women’s unwelcome burthen of a childclandestinely gotten. This grave matron had several sorts of practice, and thiswas one particular, that if a child was born, though not in her house (for shehad occasion to be called to many private labours), she had people at hand, whofor a piece of money would take the child off their hands, and off from thehands of the parish too; and those children, as she said, were honestlyprovided for and taken care of. What should become of them all, considering somany, as by her account she was concerned with, I cannot conceive.
I had many times discourses upon that subject with her; but she was full ofthis argument, that she save the life of many an innocent lamb, as she calledthem, which would otherwise perhaps have been murdered; and of many women who,made desperate by the misfortune, would otherwise be tempted to destroy theirchildren, and bring themselves to the gallows. I granted her that this wastrue, and a very commendable thing, provided the poor children fell into goodhands afterwards, and were not abused, starved, and neglected by the nursesthat bred them up. She answered, that she always took care of that, and had nonurses in her business but what were very good, honest people, and such asmight be depended upon.
I could say nothing to the contrary, and so was obliged to say, “Madam, Ido not question you do your part honestly, but what those people do afterwardsis the main question”; and she stopped my mouth again with saying thatshe took the utmost care about it.
The only thing I found in all her conversation on these subjects that gave meany distaste, was, that one time in discouraging about my being far gone withchild, and the time I expected to come, she said something that looked as ifshe could help me off with my burthen sooner, if I was willing; or, in English,that she could give me something to make me miscarry, if I had a desire to putan end to my troubles that way; but I soon let her see that I abhorred thethoughts of it; and, to do her justice, she put it off so cleverly, that Icould not say she really intended it, or whether she only mentioned thepractice as a horrible thing; for she couched her words so well, and took mymeaning so quickly, that she gave her negative before I could explain myself.
To bring this part into as narrow a compass as possible, I quitted my lodgingat St. Jones’s and went to my new governess, for so they called her inthe house, and there I was indeed treated with so much courtesy, so carefullylooked to, so handsomely provided, and everything so well, that I was surprisedat it, and could not at first see what advantage my governess made of it; but Ifound afterwards that she professed to make no profit of lodgers’ diet,nor indeed could she get much by it, but that her profit lay in the otherarticles of her management, and she made enough that way, I assure you; for’tis scarce credible what practice she had, as well abroad as at home,and yet all upon the private account, or, in plain English, the whoringaccount.
While I was in her house, which was near four months, she had no less thantwelve ladies of pleasure brought to bed within the doors, and I think she hadtwo-and-thirty, or thereabouts, under her conduct without doors, whereof one,as nice as she was with me, was lodged with my old landlady at St.Jones’s.
This was a strange testimony of the growing vice of the age, and such a one,that as bad as I had been myself, it shocked my very senses. I began tonauseate the place I was in and, about all, the wicked practice; and yet I mustsay that I never saw, or do I believe there was to be seen, the least indecencyin the house the whole time I was there.
Not a man was ever seen to come upstairs, except to visit the lying-in ladieswithin their month, nor then without the old lady with them, who made it apiece of honour of her management that no man should touch a woman, no, not hisown wife, within the month; nor would she permit any man to lie in the houseupon any pretence whatever, no, not though she was sure it was with his ownwife; and her general saying for it was, that she cared not how many childrenwere born in her house, but she would have none got there if she could help it.
It might perhaps be carried further than was needful, but it was an error ofthe right hand if it was an error, for by this she kept up the reputation, suchas it was, of her business, and obtained this character, that though she didtake care of the women when they were debauched, yet she was not instrumentalto their being debauched at all; and yet it was a wicked trade she drove too.
While I was there, and before I was brought to bed, I received a letter from mytrustee at the bank, full of kind, obliging things, and earnestly pressing meto return to London. It was near a fortnight old when it came to me, because ithad been first sent into Lancashire, and then returned to me. He concludes withtelling me that he had obtained a decree, I think he called it, against hiswife, and that he would be ready to make good his engagement to me, if I wouldaccept of him, adding a great many protestations of kindness and affection,such as he would have been far from offering if he had known the circumstancesI had been in, and which as it was I had been very far from deserving.
I returned an answer to his letter, and dated it at Liverpool, but sent it bymessenger, alleging that it came in cover to a friend in town. I gave him joyof his deliverance, but raised some scruples at the lawfulness of his marryingagain, and told him I supposed he would consider very seriously upon that pointbefore he resolved on it, the consequence being too great for a man of hisjudgment to venture rashly upon a thing of that nature; so concluded, wishinghim very well in whatever he resolved, without letting him into anything of myown mind, or giving any answer to his proposal of my coming to London to him,but mentioned at a distance my intention to return the latter end of the year,this being dated in April.
I was brought to bed about the middle of May and had another brave boy, andmyself in as good condition as usual on such occasions. My governess did herpart as a midwife with the greatest art and dexterity imaginable, and farbeyond all that ever I had had any experience of before.
Her care of me in my travail, and after in my lying in, was such, that if shehad been my own mother it could not have been better. Let none be encouraged intheir loose practices from this dexterous lady’s management, for she isgone to her place, and I dare say has left nothing behind her that can or willcome up on it.
I think I had been brought to bed about twenty-two days when I received anotherletter from my friend at the bank, with the surprising news that he hadobtained a final sentence of divorce against his wife, and had served her withit on such a day, and that he had such an answer to give to all my scruplesabout his marrying again, as I could not expect, and as he had no desire of;for that his wife, who had been under some remorse before for her usage of him,as soon as she had the account that he had gained his point, had very unhappilydestroyed herself that same evening.
He expressed himself very handsomely as to his being concerned at her disaster,but cleared himself of having any hand in it, and that he had only done himselfjustice in a case in which he was notoriously injured and abused. However, hesaid that he was extremely afflicted at it, and had no view of any satisfactionleft in his world, but only in the hope that I would come and relieve him by mycompany; and then he pressed me violently indeed to give him some hopes that Iwould at least come up to town and let him see me, when he would further enterinto discourse about it.
I was exceedingly surprised at the news, and began now seriously to reflect onmy present circumstances, and the inexpressible misfortune it was to me to havea child upon my hands, and what to do in it I knew not. At last I opened mycase at a distance to my governess. I appeared melancholy and uneasy forseveral days, and she lay at me continually to know what trouble me. I couldnot for my life tell her that I had an offer of marriage, after I had so oftentold her that I had a husband, so that I really knew not what to say to her. Iowned I had something which very much troubled me, but at the same time toldher I could not speak of it to any one alive.
She continued importuning me several days, but it was impossible, I told her,for me to commit the secret to anybody. This, instead of being an answer toher, increased her importunities; she urged her having been trusted with thegreatest secrets of this nature, that it was her business to concealeverything, and that to discover things of that nature would be her ruin. Sheasked me if ever I had found her tattling to me of other people’saffairs, and how could I suspect her? She told me, to unfold myself to her wastelling it to nobody; that she was silent as death; that it must be a verystrange case indeed that she could not help me out of; but to conceal it was todeprive myself of all possible help, or means of help, and to deprive her ofthe opportunity of serving me. In short, she had such a bewitching eloquence,and so great a power of persuasion that there was no concealing anything fromher.
So I resolved to unbosom myself to her. I told her the history of my Lancashiremarriage, and how both of us had been disappointed; how we came together, andhow we parted; how he absolutely discharged me, as far as lay in him, freeliberty to marry again, protesting that if he knew it he would never claim me,or disturb or expose me; that I thought I was free, but was dreadfully afraidto venture, for fear of the consequences that might follow in case of adiscovery.
Then I told her what a good offer I had; showed her my friend’s two lastletters, inviting me to come to London, and let her see with what affection andearnestness they were written, but blotted out the name, and also the storyabout the disaster of his wife, only that she was dead.
She fell a-laughing at my scruples about marrying, and told me the other was nomarriage, but a cheat on both sides; and that, as we were parted by mutualconsent, the nature of the contract was destroyed, and the obligation wasmutually discharged. She had arguments for this at the tip of her tongue; and,in short, reasoned me out of my reason; not but that it was too by the help ofmy own inclination.
But then came the great and main difficulty, and that was the child; this, shetold me in so many words, must be removed, and that so as that it should neverbe possible for any one to discover it. I knew there was no marrying withoutentirely concealing that I had had a child, for he would soon have discoveredby the age of it that it was born, nay, and gotten too, since my parley withhim, and that would have destroyed all the affair.
But it touched my heart so forcibly to think of parting entirely with thechild, and, for aught I knew, of having it murdered, or starved by neglect andill-usage (which was much the same), that I could not think of it withouthorror. I wish all those women who consent to the disposing their children outof the way, as it is called, for decency sake, would consider that ’tisonly a contrived method for murder; that is to say, a-killing their childrenwith safety.
It is manifest to all that understand anything of children, that we are borninto the world helpless, and incapable either to supply our own wants or somuch as make them known; and that without help we must perish; and this helprequires not only an assisting hand, whether of the mother or somebody else,but there are two things necessary in that assisting hand, that is, care andskill; without both which, half the children that are born would die, nay,though they were not to be denied food; and one half more of those thatremained would be cripples or fools, lose their limbs, and perhaps their sense.I question not but that these are partly the reasons why affection was placedby nature in the hearts of mothers to their children; without which they wouldnever be able to give themselves up, as ’tis necessary they should, tothe care and waking pains needful to the support of their children.
Since this care is needful to the life of children, to neglect them is tomurder them; again, to give them up to be managed by those people who have noneof that needful affection placed by nature in them, is to neglect them in thehighest degree; nay, in some it goes farther, and is a neglect in order totheir being lost; so that ’tis even an intentional murder, whether thechild lives or dies.
All those things represented themselves to my view, and that is the blackestand most frightful form: and as I was very free with my governess, whom I hadnow learned to call mother, I represented to her all the dark thoughts which Ihad upon me about it, and told her what distress I was in. She seemed graver bymuch at this part than at the other; but as she was hardened in these thingsbeyond all possibility of being touched with the religious part, and thescruples about the murder, so she was equally impenetrable in that part whichrelated to affection. She asked me if she had not been careful and tender to mein my lying in, as if I had been her own child. I told her I owned she had.“Well, my dear,” says she, “and when you are gone, what areyou to me? And what would it be to me if you were to be hanged? Do you thinkthere are not women who, as it is their trade and they get their bread by it,value themselves upon their being as careful of children as their own motherscan be, and understand it rather better? Yes, yes, child,” says she,“fear it not; how were we nursed ourselves? Are you sure you was nursedup by your own mother? and yet you look fat and fair, child,” says theold beldam; and with that she stroked me over the face. “Never beconcerned, child,” says she, going on in her drolling way; “I haveno murderers about me; I employ the best and the honestest nurses that can behad, and have as few children miscarry under their hands as there would if theywere all nursed by mothers; we want neither care nor skill.”
She touched me to the quick when she asked if I was sure that I was nursed bymy own mother; on the contrary I was sure I was not; and I trembled, and lookedpale at the very expression. “Sure,” said I to myself, “thiscreature cannot be a witch, or have any conversation with a spirit, that caninform her what was done with me before I was able to know it myself”;and I looked at her as if I had been frightened; but reflecting that it couldnot be possible for her to know anything about me, that disorder went off, andI began to be easy, but it was not presently.
She perceived the disorder I was in, but did not know the meaning of it; so sheran on in her wild talk upon the weakness of my supposing that children weremurdered because they were not all nursed by the mother, and to persuade methat the children she disposed of were as well used as if the mothers had thenursing of them themselves.
“It may be true, mother,” says I, “for aught I know, but mydoubts are very strongly grounded indeed.” “Come, then,” saysshe, “let’s hear some of them.” “Why, first,”says I, “you give a piece of money to these people to take the child offthe parent’s hands, and to take care of it as long as it lives. Now weknow, mother,” said I, “that those are poor people, and their gainconsists in being quit of the charge as soon as they can; how can I doubt butthat, as it is best for them to have the child die, they are not oversolicitous about life?”
“This is all vapours and fancy,” says the old woman; “I tellyou their credit depends upon the child’s life, and they are as carefulas any mother of you all.”
“O mother,” says I, “if I was but sure my little baby wouldbe carefully looked to, and have justice done it, I should be happy indeed; butit is impossible I can be satisfied in that point unless I saw it, and to seeit would be ruin and destruction to me, as now my case stands; so what to do Iknow not.”
“A fine story!” says the governess. “You would see the child,and you would not see the child; you would be concealed and discovered bothtogether. These are things impossible, my dear; so you must e’en do asother conscientious mothers have done before you, and be contented with thingsas they must be, though they are not as you wish them to be.”
I understood what she meant by conscientious mothers; she would have saidconscientious whores, but she was not willing to disoblige me, for really inthis case I was not a whore, because legally married, the force of formermarriage excepted.
However, let me be what I would, I was not come up to that pitch of hardnesscommon to the profession; I mean, to be unnatural, and regardless of the safetyof my child; and I preserved this honest affection so long, that I was upon thepoint of giving up my friend at the bank, who lay so hard at me to come to himand marry him, that, in short, there was hardly any room to deny him.
At last my old governess came to me, with her usual assurance. “Come, mydear,” says she, “I have found out a way how you shall be at acertainty that your child shall be used well, and yet the people that take careof it shall never know you, or who the mother of the child is.”
“Oh mother,” says I, “if you can do so, you will engage me toyou for ever.” “Well,” says she, “are you willing to bea some small annual expense, more than what we usually give to the people wecontract with?” “Ay,” says I, “with all my heart,provided I may be concealed.” “As to that,” says thegoverness, “you shall be secure, for the nurse shall never so much asdare to inquire about you, and you shall once or twice a year go with me andsee your child, and see how ’tis used, and be satisfied that it is ingood hands, nobody knowing who you are.”
“Why,” said I, “do you think, mother, that when I come to seemy child, I shall be able to conceal my being the mother of it? Do you thinkthat possible?”
“Well, well,” says my governess, “if you discover it, thenurse shall be never the wiser; for she shall be forbid to ask any questionsabout you, or to take any notice. If she offers it, she shall lose the moneywhich you are suppose to give her, and the child shall be taken from hertoo.”
I was very well pleased with this. So the next week a countrywoman was broughtfrom Hertford, or thereabouts, who was to take the child off our hands entirelyfor £10 in money. But if I would allow £5 a year more of her, shewould be obliged to bring the child to my governess’s house as often aswe desired, or we should come down and look at it, and see how well she usedit.
The woman was very wholesome-looking, a likely woman, a cottager’s wife,but she had very good clothes and linen, and everything well about her; andwith a heavy heart and many a tear, I let her have my child. I had been down atHertford, and looked at her and at her dwelling, which I liked well enough; andI promised her great things if she would be kind to the child, so she knew atfirst word that I was the child’s mother. But she seemed to be so muchout of the way, and to have no room to inquire after me, that I thought I wassafe enough. So, in short, I consented to let her have the child, and I gaveher £10; that is to say, I gave it to my governess, who gave it the poorwoman before my face, she agreeing never to return the child back to me, or toclaim anything more for its keeping or bringing up; only that I promised, ifshe took a great deal of care of it, I would give her something more as oftenas I came to see it; so that I was not bound to pay the £5, only that Ipromised my governess I would do it. And thus my great care was over, after amanner, which though it did not at all satisfy my mind, yet was the mostconvenient for me, as my affairs then stood, of any that could be thought of atthat time.
I then began to write to my friend at the bank in a more kindly style, andparticularly about the beginning of July I sent him a letter, that I proposedto be in town some time in August. He returned me an answer in the mostpassionate terms imaginable, and desired me to let him have timely notice, andhe would come and meet me, two day’s journey. This puzzled me scurvily,and I did not know what answer to make of it. Once I resolved to take thestage-coach to West Chester, on purpose only to have the satisfaction of comingback, that he might see me really come in the same coach; for I had a jealousthought, though I had no ground for it at all, lest he should think I was notreally in the country. And it was no ill-grounded thought as you shall hearpresently.
I endeavoured to reason myself out of it, but it was in vain; the impressionlay so strong on my mind, that it was not to be resisted. At last it came as anaddition to my new design of going into the country, that it would be anexcellent blind to my old governess, and would cover entirely all my otheraffairs, for she did not know in the least whether my new lover lived in Londonor in Lancashire; and when I told her my resolution, she was fully persuaded itwas in Lancashire.
Having taken my measure for this journey I let her know it, and sent the maidthat tended me, from the beginning, to take a place for me in the coach. Shewould have had me let the maid have waited on me down to the last stage, andcome up again in the waggon, but I convinced her it would not be convenient.When I went away, she told me she would enter into no measures forcorrespondence, for she saw evidently that my affection to my child would causeme to write to her, and to visit her too when I came to town again. I assuredher it would, and so took my leave, well satisfied to have been freed from sucha house, however good my accommodations there had been, as I have relatedabove.
I took the place in the coach not to its full extent, but to a place calledStone, in Cheshire, I think it is, where I not only had no manner of business,but not so much as the least acquaintance with any person in the town or nearit. But I knew that with money in the pocket one is at home anywhere; so Ilodged there two or three days, till, watching my opportunity, I found room inanother stage-coach, and took passage back again for London, sending a letterto my gentleman that I should be such a certain day at Stony-Stratford, wherethe coachman told me he was to lodge.
It happened to be a chance coach that I had taken up, which, having been hiredon purpose to carry some gentlemen to West Chester who were going for Ireland,was now returning, and did not tie itself to exact times or places as thestages did; so that, having been obliged to lie still on Sunday, he had time toget himself ready to come out, which otherwise he could not have done.
However, his warning was so short, that he could not reach to Stony-Stratfordtime enough to be with me at night, but he met me at a place called Brickhillthe next morning, as we were just coming in to tow.
I confess I was very glad to see him, for I had thought myself a littledisappointed over-night, seeing I had gone so far to contrive my coming onpurpose. He pleased me doubly too by the figure he came in, for he brought avery handsome (gentleman’s) coach and four horses, with a servant toattend him.
He took me out of the stage-coach immediately, which stopped at an inn inBrickhill; and putting into the same inn, he set up his own coach, and bespokehis dinner. I asked him what he meant by that, for I was for going forward withthe journey. He said, No, I had need of a little rest upon the road, and thatwas a very good sort of a house, though it was but a little town; so we wouldgo no farther that night, whatever came of it.
I did not press him much, for since he had come so to meet me, and put himselfto so much expense, it was but reasonable I should oblige him a little too; soI was easy as to that point.
After dinner we walked to see the town, to see the church, and to view thefields, and the country, as is usual for strangers to do; and our landlord wasour guide in going to see the church. I observed my gentleman inquired prettymuch about the parson, and I took the hint immediately that he certainly wouldpropose to be married; and though it was a sudden thought, it followedpresently, that, in short, I would not refuse him; for, to be plain, with mycircumstances I was in no condition now to say No; I had no reason now to runany more such hazards.
But while these thoughts ran round in my head, which was the work but of a fewmoments, I observed my landlord took him aside and whispered to him, though notvery softly neither, for so much I overheard: “Sir, if you shall haveoccasion——” the rest I could not hear, but it seems it was tothis purpose: “Sir, if you shall have occasion for a minister, I have afriend a little way off that will serve you, and be as private as youplease.” My gentleman answered loud enough for me to hear, “Verywell, I believe I shall.”
I was no sooner come back to the inn but he fell upon me with irresistiblewords, that since he had had the good fortune to meet me, and everythingconcurred, it would be hastening his felicity if I would put an end to thematter just there. “What do you mean?” says I, colouring a little.“What, in an inn, and upon the road! Bless us all,” said I, as if Ihad been surprised, “how can you talk so?” “Oh, I can talk sovery well,” says he, “I came a-purpose to talk so, and I’llshow you that I did”; and with that he pulls out a great bundle ofpapers. “You fright me,” said I; “what are all these?”“Don’t be frighted, my dear,” said he, and kissed me. Thiswas the first time that he had been so free to call me “my dear”;then he repeated it, “Don’t be frighted; you shall see what it isall”; then he laid them all abroad. There was first the deed or sentenceof divorce from his wife, and the full evidence of her playing the whore; thenthere were the certificates of the minister and churchwardens of the parishwhere she lived, proving that she was buried, and intimating the manner of herdeath; the copy of the coroner’s warrant for a jury to sit upon her, andthe verdict of the jury, who brought it in Non compos mentis. All this wasindeed to the purpose, and to give me satisfaction, though, by the way, I wasnot so scrupulous, had he known all, but that I might have taken him withoutit. However, I looked them all over as well as I could, and told him that thiswas all very clear indeed, but that he need not have given himself the troubleto have brought them out with him, for it was time enough. Well, he said, itmight be time enough for me, but no time but the present time was time enoughfor him.
There were other papers rolled up, and I asked him what they were. “Why,ay,” says he, “that’s the question I wanted to have you askme”; so he unrolls them and takes out a little shagreen case, and givesme out of it a very fine diamond ring. I could not refuse it, if I had a mindto do so, for he put it upon my finger; so I made him a curtsy and accepted it.Then he takes out another ring: “And this,” says he, “is foranother occasion,” so he puts that in his pocket. “Well, but let mesee it, though,” says I, and smiled; “I guess what it is; I thinkyou are mad.” “I should have been mad if I had done less,”says he, and still he did not show me, and I had a great mind to see it; so Isays, “Well, but let me see it.” “Hold,” says he,“first look here”; then he took up the roll again and read it, andbehold! it was a licence for us to be married. “Why,” says I,“are you distracted? Why, you were fully satisfied that I would complyand yield at first word, or resolved to take no denial.” “The lastis certainly the case,” said he. “But you may be mistaken,”said I. “No, no,” says he, “how can you think so? I must notbe denied, I can’t be denied”; and with that he fell to kissing meso violently, I could not get rid of him.
There was a bed in the room, and we were walking to and again, eager in thediscourse; at last he takes me by surprise in his arms, and threw me on the bedand himself with me, and holding me fast in his arms, but without the leastoffer of any indecency, courted me to consent with such repeated entreaties andarguments, protesting his affection, and vowing he would not let me go till Ihad promised him, that at last I said, “Why, you resolve not to bedenied, indeed, I can’t be denied.” “Well, well,” saidI, and giving him a slight kiss, “then you shan’t be denied,”said I; “let me get up.”
He was so transported with my consent, and the kind manner of it, that I beganto think once he took it for a marriage, and would not stay for the form; but Iwronged him, for he gave over kissing me, and then giving me two or threekisses again, thanked me for my kind yielding to him; and was so overcome withthe satisfaction and joy of it, that I saw tears stand in his eyes.
I turned from him, for it filled my eyes with tears too, and I asked him leaveto retire a little to my chamber. If ever I had a grain of true repentance fora vicious and abominable life for twenty-four years past, it was then. Oh, whata felicity is it to mankind, said I to myself, that they cannot see into thehearts of one another! How happy had it been for me if I had been wife to a manof so much honesty, and so much affection from the beginning!
Then it occurred to me, “What an abominable creature am I! and how isthis innocent gentleman going to be abused by me! How little does he think,that having divorced a whore, he is throwing himself into the arms of another!that he is going to marry one that has lain with two brothers, and has hadthree children by her own brother! one that was born in Newgate, whose motherwas a whore, and is now a transported thief! one that has lain with thirteenmen, and has had a child since he saw me! Poor gentleman!” said I,“what is he going to do?” After this reproaching myself was over,it following thus: “Well, if I must be his wife, if it please God to giveme grace, I’ll be a true wife to him, and love him suitably to thestrange excess of his passion for me; I will make him amends if possible, bywhat he shall see, for the cheats and abuses I put upon him, which he does notsee.”
He was impatient for my coming out of my chamber, but finding me long, he wentdownstairs and talked with my landlord about the parson.
My landlord, an officious though well-meaning fellow, had sent away for theneighbouring clergyman; and when my gentleman began to speak of it to him, andtalk of sending for him, “Sir,” says he to him, “my friend isin the house”; so without any more words he brought them together. Whenhe came to the minister, he asked him if he would venture to marry a couple ofstrangers that were both willing. The parson said that Mr. —— hadsaid something to him of it; that he hoped it was no clandestine business; thathe seemed to be a grave gentleman, and he supposed madam was not a girl, sothat the consent of friends should be wanted. “To put you out of doubt ofthat,” says my gentleman, “read this paper”; and out he pullsthe license. “I am satisfied,” says the minister; “where isthe lady?” “You shall see her presently,” says my gentleman.
When he had said thus he comes upstairs, and I was by that time come out of myroom; so he tells me the minister was below, and that he had talked with him,and that upon showing him the license, he was free to marry us with all hisheart, “but he asks to see you”; so he asked if I would let himcome up.
“’Tis time enough,” said I, “in the morning, is itnot?” “Why,” said he, “my dear, he seemed to scruplewhether it was not some young girl stolen from her parents, and I assured himwe were both of age to command our own consent; and that made him ask to seeyou.” “Well,” said I, “do as you please”; so upthey brings the parson, and a merry, good sort of gentleman he was. He had beentold, it seems, that we had met there by accident, that I came in the Chestercoach, and my gentleman in his own coach to meet me; that we were to have metlast night at Stony-Stratford, but that he could not reach so far. “Well,sir,” says the parson, “every ill turn has some good in it. Thedisappointment, sir,” says he to my gentleman, “was yours, and thegood turn is mine, for if you had met at Stony-Stratford I had not had thehonour to marry you. Landlord, have you a Common Prayer Book?”
I started as if I had been frightened. “Lord, sir,” says I,“what do you mean? What, to marry in an inn, and at night too?”“Madam,” says the minister, “if you will have it be in thechurch, you shall; but I assure you your marriage will be as firm here as inthe church; we are not tied by the canons to marry nowhere but in the church;and if you will have it in the church, it will be a public as a county fair;and as for the time of day, it does not at all weigh in this case; our princesare married in their chambers, and at eight or ten o’clock atnight.”
I was a great while before I could be persuaded, and pretended not to bewilling at all to be married but in the church. But it was all grimace; so Iseemed at last to be prevailed on, and my landlord and his wife and daughterwere called up. My landlord was father and clerk and all together, and we weremarried, and very merry we were; though I confess the self-reproaches which Ihad upon me before lay close to me, and extorted every now and then a deep sighfrom me, which my bridegroom took notice of, and endeavoured to encourage me,thinking, poor man, that I had some little hesitations at the step I had takenso hastily.
We enjoyed ourselves that evening completely, and yet all was kept so privatein the inn that not a servant in the house knew of it, for my landlady and herdaughter waited on me, and would not let any of the maids come upstairs, exceptwhile we were at supper. My landlady’s daughter I called my bridesmaid;and sending for a shopkeeper the next morning, I gave the young woman a goodsuit of knots, as good as the town would afford, and finding it was alace-making town, I gave her mother a piece of bone-lace for a head.
One reason that my landlord was so close was, that he was unwilling theminister of the parish should hear of it; but for all that somebody heard ofit, so at that we had the bells set a-ringing the next morning early, and themusic, such as the town would afford, under our window; but my landlordbrazened it out, that we were married before we came thither, only that, beinghis former guests, we would have our wedding-supper at his house.
We could not find in our hearts to stir the next day; for, in short, havingbeen disturbed by the bells in the morning, and having perhaps not sleptovermuch before, we were so sleepy afterwards that we lay in bed till almosttwelve o’clock.
I begged my landlady that we might not have any more music in the town, norringing of bells, and she managed it so well that we were very quiet; but anodd passage interrupted all my mirth for a good while. The great room of thehouse looked into the street, and my new spouse being belowstairs, I had walkedto the end of the room; and it being a pleasant, warm day, I had opened thewindow, and was standing at it for some air, when I saw three gentlemen come byon horseback and go into an inn just against us.
It was not to be concealed, nor was it so doubtful as to leave me any room toquestion it, but the second of the three was my Lancashire husband. I wasfrightened to death; I never was in such a consternation in my life; I though Ishould have sunk into the ground; my blood ran chill in my veins, and Itrembled as if I had been in a cold fit of ague. I say, there was no room toquestion the truth of it; I knew his clothes, I knew his horse, and I knew hisface.
The first sensible reflect I made was, that my husband was not by to see mydisorder, and that I was very glad of it. The gentlemen had not been long inthe house but they came to the window of their room, as is usual; but my windowwas shut, you may be sure. However, I could not keep from peeping at them, andthere I saw him again, heard him call out to one of the servants of the housefor something he wanted, and received all the terrifying confirmations of itsbeing the same person that were possible to be had.
My next concern was to know, if possible, what was his business there; but thatwas impossible. Sometimes my imagination formed an idea of one frightful thing,sometimes of another; sometimes I thought he had discovered me, and was come toupbraid me with ingratitude and breach of honour; and every moment I fancied hewas coming up the stairs to insult me; and innumerable fancies came into myhead of what was never in his head, nor ever could be, unless the devil hadrevealed it to him.
I remained in this fright nearly two hours, and scarce ever kept my eye fromthe window or door of the inn where they were. At last, hearing a great clatterin the passage of their inn, I ran to the window, and, to my greatsatisfaction, saw them all three go out again and travel on westward. Had theygone towards London, I should have been still in a fright, lest I should meethim on the road again, and that he should know me; but he went the contraryway, and so I was eased of that disorder.
We resolved to be going the next day, but about six o’clock at night wewere alarmed with a great uproar in the street, and people riding as if theyhad been out of their wits; and what was it but a hue-and-cry after threehighwaymen that had robbed two coaches and some other travellers near DunstableHill, and notice had, it seems, been given that they had been seen at Brickhillat such a house, meaning the house where those gentlemen had been.
The house was immediately beset and searched, but there were witnesses enoughthat the gentlemen had been gone over three hours. The crowd having gatheredabout, we had the news presently; and I was heartily concerned now another way.I presently told the people of the house, that I durst to say those were notthe persons, for that I knew one of the gentlemen to be a very honest person,and of a good estate in Lancashire.
The constable who came with the hue-and-cry was immediately informed of this,and came over to me to be satisfied from my own mouth, and I assured him that Isaw the three gentlemen as I was at the window; that I saw them afterwards atthe windows of the room they dined in; that I saw them afterwards take horse,and I could assure him I knew one of them to be such a man, that he was agentleman of a very good estate, and an undoubted character in Lancashire, fromwhence I was just now upon my journey.
The assurance with which I delivered this gave the mob gentry a check, and gavethe constable such satisfaction, that he immediately sounded a retreat, toldhis people these were not the men, but that he had an account they were veryhonest gentlemen; and so they went all back again. What the truth of the matterwas I knew not, but certain it was that the coaches were robbed at DunstableHill, and £560 in money taken; besides, some of the lace merchants thatalways travel that way had been visited too. As to the three gentlemen, thatremains to be explained hereafter.
Well, this alarm stopped us another day, though my spouse was for travelling,and told me that it was always safest travelling after a robbery, for that thethieves were sure to be gone far enough off when they had alarmed the country;but I was afraid and uneasy, and indeed principally lest my old acquaintanceshould be upon the road still, and should chance to see me.
I never lived four pleasanter days together in my life. I was a mere bride allthis while, and my new spouse strove to make me entirely easy in everything. Ohcould this state of life have continued, how had all my past troubles beenforgot, and my future sorrows avoided! But I had a past life of a most wretchedkind to account for, some of it in this world as well as in another.
We came away the fifth day; and my landlord, because he saw me uneasy, mountedhimself, his son, and three honest country fellows with good firearms, and,without telling us of it, followed the coach, and would see us safe intoDunstable. We could do no less than treat them very handsomely at Dunstable,which cost my spouse about ten or twelve shillings, and something he gave themen for their time too, but my landlord would take nothing for himself.
This was the most happy contrivance for me that could have fallen out; for hadI come to London unmarried, I must either have come to him for the firstnight’s entertainment, or have discovered to him that I had not oneacquaintance in the whole city of London that could receive a poor bride forthe first night’s lodging with her spouse. But now, being an old marriedwoman, I made no scruple of going directly home with him, and there I tookpossession at once of a house well furnished, and a husband in very goodcircumstances, so that I had a prospect of a very happy life, if I knew how tomanage it; and I had leisure to consider of the real value of the life I waslikely to live. How different it was to be from the loose ungoverned part I hadacted before, and how much happier a life of virtue and sobriety is, than thatwhich we call a life of pleasure.
Oh had this particular scene of life lasted, or had I learned from that time Ienjoyed it, to have tasted the true sweetness of it, and had I not fallen intothat poverty which is the sure bane of virtue, how happy had I been, not onlyhere, but perhaps for ever! for while I lived thus, I was really a penitent forall my life past. I looked back on it with abhorrence, and might truly be saidto hate myself for it. I often reflected how my lover at the Bath, struck atthe hand of God, repented and abandoned me, and refused to see me any more,though he loved me to an extreme; but I, prompted by that worst of devils,poverty, returned to the vile practice, and made the advantage of what theycall a handsome face to be the relief to my necessities, and beauty be a pimpto vice.
Now I seemed landed in a safe harbour, after the stormy voyage of life past wasat an end, and I began to be thankful for my deliverance. I sat many an hour bymyself, and wept over the remembrance of past follies, and the dreadfulextravagances of a wicked life, and sometimes I flattered myself that I hadsincerely repented.
But there are temptations which it is not in the power of human nature toresist, and few know what would be their case if driven to the same exigencies.As covetousness is the root of all evil, so poverty is, I believe, the worst ofall snares. But I waive that discourse till I come to an experiment.
I lived with this husband with the utmost tranquillity; he was a quiet,sensible, sober man; virtuous, modest, sincere, and in his business diligentand just. His business was in a narrow compass, and his income sufficient to aplentiful way of living in the ordinary way. I do not say to keep an equipage,and make a figure, as the world calls it, nor did I expect it, or desire it;for as I abhorred the levity and extravagance of my former life, so I chose nowto live retired, frugal, and within ourselves. I kept no company, made novisits; minded my family, and obliged my husband; and this kind of life becamea pleasure to me.
We lived in an uninterrupted course of ease and content for five years, when asudden blow from an almost invisible hand blasted all my happiness, and turnedme out into the world in a condition the reverse of all that had been beforeit.
My husband having trusted one of his fellow-clerks with a sum of money, toomuch for our fortunes to bear the loss of, the clerk failed, and the loss fellvery heavy on my husband, yet it was not so great neither but that, if he hadhad spirit and courage to have looked his misfortunes in the face, his creditwas so good that, as I told him, he would easily recover it; for to sink undertrouble is to double the weight, and he that will die in it, shall die in it.
It was in vain to speak comfortably to him; the wound had sunk too deep; it wasa stab that touched the vitals; he grew melancholy and disconsolate, and fromthence lethargic, and died. I foresaw the blow, and was extremely oppressed inmy mind, for I saw evidently that if he died I was undone.
I had had two children by him and no more, for, to tell the truth, it began tobe time for me to leave bearing children, for I was now eight-and-forty, and Isuppose if he had lived I should have had no more.
I was now left in a dismal and disconsolate case indeed, and in several thingsworse than ever. First, it was past the flourishing time with me when I mightexpect to be courted for a mistress; that agreeable part had declined sometime, and the ruins only appeared of what had been; and that which was worsethan all this, that I was the most dejected, disconsolate creature alive. Ithat had encouraged my husband, and endeavoured to support his spirits underhis trouble, could not support my own; I wanted that spirit in trouble which Itold him was so necessary to him for bearing the burthen.
But my case was indeed deplorable, for I was left perfectly friendless andhelpless, and the loss my husband had sustained had reduced his circumstancesso low, that though indeed I was not in debt, yet I could easily foresee thatwhat was left would not support me long; that while it wasted daily forsubsistence, I had not way to increase it one shilling, so that it would besoon all spent, and then I saw nothing before me but the utmost distress; andthis represented itself so lively to my thoughts, that it seemed as if it wascome, before it was really very near; also my very apprehensions doubled themisery, for I fancied every sixpence that I paid for a loaf of bread was thelast that I had in the world, and that to-morrow I was to fast, and be starvedto death.
In this distress I had no assistant, no friend to comfort or advise me; I satand cried and tormented myself night and day, wringing my hands, and sometimesraving like a distracted woman; and indeed I have often wondered it had notaffected my reason, for I had the vapours to such a degree, that myunderstanding was sometimes quite lost in fancies and imaginations.
I lived two years in this dismal condition, wasting that little I had, weepingcontinually over my dismal circumstances, and, as it were, only bleeding todeath, without the least hope or prospect of help from God or man; and now Ihad cried too long, and so often, that tears were, as I might say, exhausted,and I began to be desperate, for I grew poor apace.
For a little relief I had put off my house and took lodgings; and as I wasreducing my living, so I sold off most of my goods, which put a little money inmy pocket, and I lived near a year upon that, spending very sparingly, andeking things out to the utmost; but still when I looked before me, my veryheart would sink within me at the inevitable approach of misery and want. Ohlet none read this part without seriously reflecting on the circumstances of adesolate state, and how they would grapple with mere want of friends and wantof bread; it will certainly make them think not of sparing what they have only,but of looking up to heaven for support, and of the wise man’s prayer,“Give me not poverty, lest I steal.”
Let them remember that a time of distress is a time of dreadful temptation, andall the strength to resist is taken away; poverty presses, the soul is madedesperate by distress, and what can be done? It was one evening, when beingbrought, as I may say, to the last gasp, I think I may truly say I wasdistracted and raving, when prompted by I know not what spirit, and, as itwere, doing I did not know what or why, I dressed me (for I had still prettygood clothes) and went out. I am very sure I had no manner of design in my headwhen I went out; I neither knew nor considered where to go, or on whatbusiness; but as the devil carried me out and laid his bait for me, so hebrought me, to be sure, to the place, for I knew not whither I was going orwhat I did.
Wandering thus about, I knew not whither, I passed by an apothecary’sshop in Leadenhall Street, when I saw lie on a stool just before the counter alittle bundle wrapped in a white cloth; beyond it stood a maid-servant with herback to it, looking towards the top of the shop, where the apothecary’sapprentice, as I suppose, was standing upon the counter, with his back also tothe door, and a candle in his hand, looking and reaching up to the upper shelffor something he wanted, so that both were engaged mighty earnestly, and nobodyelse in the shop.
This was the bait; and the devil, who I said laid the snare, as readilyprompted me as if he had spoke, for I remember, and shall never forget it,’twas like a voice spoken to me over my shoulder, “Take the bundle;be quick; do it this moment.” It was no sooner said but I stepped intothe shop, and with my back to the wench, as if I had stood up for a cart thatwas going by, I put my hand behind me and took the bundle, and went off withit, the maid or the fellow not perceiving me, or any one else.
It is impossible to express the horror of my soul all the while I did it. WhenI went away I had no heart to run, or scarce to mend my pace. I crossed thestreet indeed, and went down the first turning I came to, and I think it was astreet that went through into Fenchurch Street. From thence I crossed andturned through so many ways and turnings, that I could never tell which way itwas, not where I went; for I felt not the ground I stepped on, and the fartherI was out of danger, the faster I went, till, tired and out of breath, I wasforced to sit down on a little bench at a door, and then I began to recover,and found I was got into Thames Street, near Billingsgate. I rested me a littleand went on; my blood was all in a fire; my heart beat as if I was in a suddenfright. In short, I was under such a surprise that I still knew not wither Iwas going, or what to do.
After I had tired myself thus with walking a long way about, and so eagerly, Ibegan to consider and make home to my lodging, where I came about nineo’clock at night.
When the bundle was made up for, or on what occasion laid where I found it, Iknew not, but when I came to open it I found there was a suit of childbed-linenin it, very good and almost new, the lace very fine; there was a silverporringer of a pint, a small silver mug and six spoons, with some other linen,a good smock, and three silk handkerchiefs, and in the mug, wrapped up in apaper, 18s. 6d. in money.
All the while I was opening these things I was under such dreadful impressionsof fear, and I such terror of mind, though I was perfectly safe, that I cannotexpress the manner of it. I sat me down, and cried most vehemently.“Lord,” said I, “what am I now? a thief! Why, I shall betaken next time, and be carried to Newgate and be tried for my life!” Andwith that I cried again a long time, and I am sure, as poor as I was, if I haddurst for fear, I would certainly have carried the things back again; but thatwent off after a while. Well, I went to bed for that night, but slept little;the horror of the fact was upon my mind, and I knew not what I said or did allnight, and all the next day. Then I was impatient to hear some news of theloss; and would fain know how it was, whether they were a poor body’sgoods, or a rich. “Perhaps,” said I, “it may be some poorwidow like me, that had packed up these goods to go and sell them for a littlebread for herself and a poor child, and are now starving and breaking theirhearts for want of that little they would have fetched.” And this thoughttormented me worse than all the rest, for three or four days’ time.
But my own distresses silenced all these reflections, and the prospect of myown starving, which grew every day more frightful to me, hardened my heart bydegrees. It was then particularly heavy upon my mind, that I had been reformed,and had, as I hoped, repented of all my past wickedness; that I had lived asober, grave, retired life for several years, but now I should be driven by thedreadful necessity of my circumstances to the gates of destruction, soul andbody; and two or three times I fell upon my knees, praying to God, as well as Icould, for deliverance; but I cannot but say, my prayers had no hope in them. Iknew not what to do; it was all fear without, and dark within; and I reflectedon my past life as not sincerely repented of, that Heaven was now beginning topunish me on this side of the grave, and would make me as miserable as I had beenwicked.
Had I gone on here I had perhaps been a true penitent; but I had an evilcounsellor within, and he was continually prompting me to relieve myself by theworst means; so one evening he tempted me again, by the same wicked impulsethat had said “Take that bundle,” to go out again and seek for whatmight happen.
I went out now by daylight, and wandered about I knew not whither, and insearch of I knew not what, when the devil put a snare in my way of a dreadfulnature indeed, and such a one as I have never had before or since. Goingthrough Aldersgate Street, there was a pretty little child who had been at adancing-school, and was going home, all alone; and my prompter, like a truedevil, set me upon this innocent creature. I talked to it, and it prattled tome again, and I took it by the hand and led it along till I came to a pavedalley that goes into Bartholomew Close, and I led it in there. The child saidthat was not its way home. I said, “Yes, my dear, it is; I’ll showyou the way home.” The child had a little necklace on of gold beads, andI had my eye upon that, and in the dark of the alley I stooped, pretending tomend the child’s clog that was loose, and took off her necklace, and thechild never felt it, and so led the child on again. Here, I say, the devil putme upon killing the child in the dark alley, that it might not cry, but thevery thought frighted me so that I was ready to drop down; but I turned thechild about and bade it go back again, for that was not its way home. The childsaid, so she would, and I went through into Bartholomew Close, and then turnedround to another passage that goes into St. John Street; then, crossing intoSmithfield, went down Chick Lane and into Field Lane to Holborn Bridge, when,mixing with the crowd of people usually passing there, it was not possible tohave been found out; and thus I enterprised my second sally into the world.
The thoughts of this booty put out all the thoughts of the first, and thereflections I had made wore quickly off; poverty, as I have said, hardened myheart, and my own necessities made me regardless of anything. The last affairleft no great concern upon me, for as I did the poor child no harm, I only saidto myself, I had given the parents a just reproof for their negligence inleaving the poor little lamb to come home by itself, and it would teach them totake more care of it another time.
This string of beads was worth about twelve or fourteen pounds. I suppose itmight have been formerly the mother’s, for it was too big for thechild’s wear, but that perhaps the vanity of the mother, to have herchild look fine at the dancing-school, had made her let the child wear it; andno doubt the child had a maid sent to take care of it, but she, careless jade,was taken up perhaps with some fellow that had met her by the way, and so thepoor baby wandered till it fell into my hands.
However, I did the child no harm; I did not so much as fright it, for I had agreat many tender thoughts about me yet, and did nothing but what, as I maysay, mere necessity drove me to.
I had a great many adventures after this, but I was young in the business, anddid not know how to manage, otherwise than as the devil put things into myhead; and indeed he was seldom backward to me. One adventure I had which wasvery lucky to me. I was going through Lombard Street in the dusk of theevening, just by the end of Three King court, when on a sudden comes a fellowrunning by me as swift as lightning, and throws a bundle that was in his hand,just behind me, as I stood up against the corner of the house at the turninginto the alley. Just as he threw it in he said, “God bless you, mistress,let it lie there a little,” and away he runs swift as the wind. After himcomes two more, and immediately a young fellow without his hat, crying“Stop thief!” and after him two or three more. They pursued the twolast fellows so close, that they were forced to drop what they had got, and oneof them was taken into the bargain, and other got off free.
I stood stock-still all this while, till they came back, dragging the poorfellow they had taken, and lugging the things they had found, extremely wellsatisfied that they had recovered the booty and taken the thief; and thus theypassed by me, for I looked only like one who stood up while the crowd was gone.
Once or twice I asked what was the matter, but the people neglected answeringme, and I was not very importunate; but after the crowd was wholly past, I tookmy opportunity to turn about and take up what was behind me and walk away.This, indeed, I did with less disturbance than I had done formerly, for thesethings I did not steal, but they were stolen to my hand. I got safe to mylodgings with this cargo, which was a piece of fine black lustring silk, and apiece of velvet; the latter was but part of a piece of about eleven yards; theformer was a whole piece of near fifty yards. It seems it was a mercer’sshop that they had rifled. I say rifled, because the goods were so considerablethat they had lost; for the goods that they recovered were pretty many, and Ibelieve came to about six or seven several pieces of silk. How they came to getso many I could not tell; but as I had only robbed the thief, I made no scrupleat taking these goods, and being very glad of them too.
I had pretty good luck thus far, and I made several adventures more, thoughwith but small purchase, yet with good success, but I went in daily dread thatsome mischief would befall me, and that I should certainly come to be hanged atlast. The impression this made on me was too strong to be slighted, and it keptme from making attempts that, for ought I knew, might have been very safelyperformed; but one thing I cannot omit, which was a bait to me many a day. Iwalked frequently out into the villages round the town, to see if nothing wouldfall in my way there; and going by a house near Stepney, I saw on thewindow-board two rings, one a small diamond ring, and the other a gold ring, tobe sure laid there by some thoughtless lady, that had more money than forecast,perhaps only till she washed her hands.
I walked several times by the window to observe if I could see whether therewas anybody in the room or no, and I could see nobody, but still I was notsure. It came presently into my thoughts to rap at the glass, as if I wanted tospeak with somebody, and if anybody was there they would be sure to come to thewindow, and then I would tell them to remove those rings, for that I had seentwo suspicious fellows take notice of them. This was a ready thought. I rappedonce or twice and nobody came, when, seeing the coast clear, I thrust hardagainst the square of the glass, and broke it with very little noise, and tookout the two rings, and walked away with them very safe. The diamond ring wasworth about £3, and the other about 9s.
I was now at a loss for a market for my goods, and especially for my two piecesof silk. I was very loth to dispose of them for a trifle, as the poor unhappythieves in general do, who, after they have ventured their lives for perhaps athing of value, are fain to sell it for a song when they have done; but I wasresolved I would not do thus, whatever shift I made, unless I was driven to thelast extremity. However, I did not well know what course to take. At last Iresolved to go to my old governess, and acquaint myself with her again. I hadpunctually supplied the £5 a year to her for my little boy as long as Iwas able, but at last was obliged to put a stop to it. However, I had written aletter to her, wherein I had told her that my circumstances were reduced verylow; that I had lost my husband, and that I was not able to do it any longer,and so begged that the poor child might not suffer too much for itsmother’s misfortunes.
I now made her a visit, and I found that she drove something of the old tradestill, but that she was not in such flourishing circumstances as before; forshe had been sued by a certain gentleman who had had his daughter stolen fromhim, and who, it seems, she had helped to convey away; and it was very narrowlythat she escaped the gallows. The expense also had ravaged her, and she wasbecome very poor; her house was but meanly furnished, and she was not in suchrepute for her practice as before; however, she stood upon her legs, as theysay, and as she was a stirring, bustling woman, and had some stock left, shewas turned pawnbroker, and lived pretty well.
She received me very civilly, and with her usual obliging manner told me shewould not have the less respect for me for my being reduced; that she had takencare my boy was very well looked after, though I could not pay for him, andthat the woman that had him was easy, so that I needed not to trouble myselfabout him till I might be better able to do it effectually.
I told her that I had not much money left, but that I had some things that weremoney’s worth, if she could tell me how I might turn them into money. Sheasked me what it was I had. I pulled out the string of gold beads, and told herit was one of my husband’s presents to me; then I showed her the twoparcels of silk, which I told her I had from Ireland, and brought up to townwith me; and the little diamond ring. As to the small parcel of plate andspoons, I had found means to dispose of them myself before; and as for thechildbed-linen I had, she offered me to take it herself, believing it to havebeen my own. She told me that she was turned pawnbroker, and that she wouldsell those things for me as pawn to her; and so she sent presently for properagents that bought them, being in her hands, without any scruple, and gave goodprices too.
I now began to think this necessary woman might help me a little in my lowcondition to some business, for I would gladly have turned my hand to anyhonest employment if I could have got it. But here she was deficient; honestbusiness did not come within her reach. If I had been younger, perhaps shemight have helped me to a spark, but my thoughts were off that kind oflivelihood, as being quite out of the way after fifty, which was my case, andso I told her.
She invited me at last to come, and be at her house till I could find somethingto do, and it should cost me very little, and this I gladly accepted of. Andnow living a little easier, I entered into some measures to have my little sonby my last husband taken off; and this she made easy too, reserving a paymentonly of £5 a year, if I could pay it. This was such a help to me, thatfor a good while I left off the wicked trade that I had so newly taken up; andgladly I would have got my bread by the help of my needle if I could have gotwork, but that was very hard to do for one that had no manner of acquaintancein the world.
However, at last I got some quilting work for ladies’ beds, petticoats,and the like; and this I liked very well, and worked very hard, and with this Ibegan to live; but the diligent devil, who resolved I should continue in hisservice, continually prompted me to go out and take a walk, that is to say, tosee if anything would offer in the old way.
One evening I blindly obeyed his summons, and fetched a long circuit throughthe streets, but met with no purchase, and came home very weary and empty; butnot content with that, I went out the next evening too, when going by analehouse I saw the door of a little room open, next the very street, and on thetable a silver tankard, things much in use in public-houses at that time. Itseems some company had been drinking there, and the careless boys had forgot totake it away.
I went into the box frankly, and setting the silver tankard on the corner ofthe bench, I sat down before it, and knocked with my foot; a boy camepresently, and I bade him fetch me a pint of warm ale, for it was cold weather;the boy ran, and I heard him go down the cellar to draw the ale. While the boywas gone, another boy came into the room, and cried, “D’ yecall?” I spoke with a melancholy air, and said, “No, child; the boyis gone for a pint of ale for me.”
While I sat here, I heard the woman in the bar say, “Are they all gone inthe five?” which was the box I sat in, and the boy said,“Yes.” “Who fetched the tankard away?” says the woman.“I did,” says another boy; “that’s it,” pointing,it seems, to another tankard, which he had fetched from another box by mistake;or else it must be, that the rogue forgot that he had not brought it in, whichcertainly he had not.
I heard all this, much to my satisfaction, for I found plainly that the tankardwas not missed, and yet they concluded it was fetched away; so I drank my ale,called to pay, and as I went away I said, “Take care of your plate,child,” meaning a silver pint mug, which he brought me drink in. The boysaid, “Yes, madam, very welcome,” and away I came.
I came home to my governess, and now I thought it was a time to try her, thatif I might be put to the necessity of being exposed, she might offer me someassistance. When I had been at home some time, and had an opportunity oftalking to her, I told her I had a secret of the greatest consequence in theworld to commit to her, if she had respect enough for me to keep it a secret.She told me she had kept one of my secrets faithfully; why should I doubt herkeeping another? I told her the strangest thing in the world had befallen me,and that it had made a thief of me, even without any design, and so told herthe whole story of the tankard. “And have you brought it away with you,my dear?” says she. “To be sure I have,” says I, and showedit her. “But what shall I do now,” says I; “must not carry itagain?”
“Carry it again!” says she. “Ay, if you are minded to be sentto Newgate for stealing it.” “Why,” says I, “theycan’t be so base to stop me, when I carry it to them again?”“You don’t know those sort of people, child,” says she;“they’ll not only carry you to Newgate, but hang you too, withoutany regard to the honesty of returning it; or bring in an account of all theother tankards they have lost, for you to pay for.” “What must Ido, then?” says I. “Nay,” says she, “as you have playedthe cunning part and stole it, you must e’en keep it; there’s nogoing back now. Besides, child,” says she, “don’t you want itmore than they do? I wish you could light of such a bargain once a week.”
This gave me a new notion of my governess, and that since she was turnedpawnbroker, she had a sort of people about her that were none of the honestones that I had met with there before.
I had not been long there but I discovered it more plainly than before, forevery now and then I saw hilts of swords, spoons, forks, tankards, and all suchkind of ware brought in, not to be pawned, but to be sold downright; and shebought everything that came without asking any questions, but had very goodbargains, as I found by her discourse.
I found also that in following this trade she always melted down the plate shebought, that it might not be challenged; and she came to me and told me onemorning that she was going to melt, and if I would, she would put my tankardin, that it might not be seen by anybody. I told her, with all my heart; so sheweighed it, and allowed me the full value in silver again; but I found she didnot do the same to the rest of her customers.
Some time after this, as I was at work, and very melancholy, she begins to askme what the matter was, as she was used to do. I told her my heart was heavy; Ihad little work, and nothing to live on, and knew not what course to take. Shelaughed, and told me I must go out again and try my fortune; it might be that Imight meet with another piece of plate. “O mother!” says I,“that is a trade I have no skill in, and if I should be taken I am undoneat once.” Says she, “I could help you to a schoolmistress thatshall make you as dexterous as herself.” I trembled at that proposal, forhitherto I had had no confederates, nor any acquaintance among that tribe. Butshe conquered all my modesty, and all my fears; and in a little time, by thehelp of this confederate, I grew as impudent a thief, and as dexterous as everMoll Cutpurse was, though, if fame does not belie her, not half so handsome.
The comrade she helped me to dealt in three sorts of craft, viz. shoplifting,stealing of shop-books and pocket-books, and taking off gold watches from theladies’ sides; and this last she did so dexterously that no woman everarrived to the performance of that art so as to do it like her. I liked thefirst and the last of these things very well, and I attended her some time inthe practice, just as a deputy attends a midwife, without any pay.
At length she put me to practice. She had shown me her art, and I had severaltimes unhooked a watch from her own side with great dexterity. At last sheshowed me a prize, and this was a young lady big with child, who had a charmingwatch. The thing was to be done as she came out of church. She goes on one sideof the lady, and pretends, just as she came to the steps, to fall, and fellagainst the lady with so much violence as put her into a great fright, and bothcried out terribly. In the very moment that she jostled the lady, I had hold ofthe watch, and holding it the right way, the start she gave drew the hook out,and she never felt it. I made off immediately, and left my schoolmistress tocome out of her pretended fright gradually, and the lady too; and presently thewatch was missed. “Ay,” says my comrade, “then it was thoserogues that thrust me down, I warrant ye; I wonder the gentlewoman did not missher watch before, then we might have taken them.”
She humoured the thing so well that nobody suspected her, and I was got home afull hour before her. This was my first adventure in company. The watch wasindeed a very fine one, and had a great many trinkets about it, and mygoverness allowed us £20 for it, of which I had half. And thus I wasentered a complete thief, hardened to the pitch above all the reflections ofconscience or modesty, and to a degree which I must acknowledge I never thoughtpossible in me.
Thus the devil, who began, by the help of an irresistible poverty, to push meinto this wickedness, brought me on to a height beyond the common rate, evenwhen my necessities were not so great, or the prospect of my misery soterrifying; for I had now got into a little vein of work, and as I was not at aloss to handle my needle, it was very probable, as acquaintance came in, Imight have got my bread honestly enough.
I must say, that if such a prospect of work had presented itself at first, whenI began to feel the approach of my miserable circumstances—I say, hadsuch a prospect of getting my bread by working presented itself then, I hadnever fallen into this wicked trade, or into such a wicked gang as I was nowembarked with; but practice had hardened me, and I grew audacious to the lastdegree; and the more so because I had carried it on so long, and had never beentaken; for, in a word, my new partner in wickedness and I went on together solong, without being ever detected, that we not only grew bold, but we grewrich, and we had at one time one-and-twenty gold watches in our hands.
I remember that one day being a little more serious than ordinary, and findingI had so good a stock beforehand as I had, for I had near £200 in moneyfor my share, it came strongly into my mind, no doubt from some kind spirit, ifsuch there be, that at first poverty excited me, and my distresses drove me tothese dreadful shifts; so seeing those distresses were now relieved, and Icould also get something towards a maintenance by working, and had so good abank to support me, why should I now not leave off, as they say, while I waswell? that I could not expect to go always free; and if I was once surprised,and miscarried, I was undone.
This was doubtless the happy minute, when, if I had hearkened to the blessedhint, from whatsoever had it came, I had still a cast for an easy life. But myfate was otherwise determined; the busy devil that so industriously drew me inhad too fast hold of me to let me go back; but as poverty brought me into themire, so avarice kept me in, till there was no going back. As to the argumentswhich my reason dictated for persuading me to lay down, avarice stepped in andsaid, “Go on, go on; you have had very good luck; go on till you havegotten four or five hundred pounds, and then you shall leave off, and then youmay live easy without working at all.”
Thus I, that was once in the devil’s clutches, was held fast there aswith a charm, and had no power to go without the circle, till I was engulfed inlabyrinths of trouble too great to get out at all.
However, these thoughts left some impression upon me, and made me act with somemore caution than before, and more than my directors used for themselves. Mycomrade, as I called her, but rather she should have been called my teacher,with another of her scholars, was the first in the misfortune; for, happeningto be upon the hunt for purchase, they made an attempt upon a linen-draper inCheapside, but were snapped by a hawk’s-eyed journeyman, and seized withtwo pieces of cambric, which were taken also upon them.
This was enough to lodge them both in Newgate, where they had the misfortune tohave some of their former sins brought to remembrance. Two other indictmentsbeing brought against them, and the facts being proved upon them, they wereboth condemned to die. They both pleaded their bellies, and were both votedquick with child; though my tutoress was no more with child than I was.
I went frequently to see them, and condole with them, expecting that it wouldbe my turn next; but the place gave me so much horror, reflecting that it wasthe place of my unhappy birth, and of my mother’s misfortunes, and that Icould not bear it, so I was forced to leave off going to see them.
And oh! could I have but taken warning by their disasters, I had been happystill, for I was yet free, and had nothing brought against me; but it could notbe, my measure was not yet filled up.
My comrade, having the brand of an old offender, was executed; the youngoffender was spared, having obtained a reprieve, but lay starving a long whilein prison, till at last she got her name into what they call a circuit pardon,and so came off.
This terrible example of my comrade frighted me heartily, and for a good whileI made no excursions; but one night, in the neighbourhood of mygoverness’s house, they cried “Fire.” My governess lookedout, for we were all up, and cried immediately that such a gentlewoman’shouse was all of a light fire atop, and so indeed it was. Here she gives me ajob. “Now, child,” says she, “there is a rare opportunity,for the fire being so near that you may go to it before the street is blockedup with the crowd.” She presently gave me my cue. “Go,child,” says she, “to the house, and run in and tell the lady, oranybody you see, that you come to help them, and that you came from such agentlewoman (that is, one of her acquaintance farther up the street).”She gave me the like cue to the next house, naming another name that was alsoan acquaintance of the gentlewoman of the house.
Away I went, and, coming to the house, I found them all in confusion, you maybe sure. I ran in, and finding one of the maids, “Lord!sweetheart,” says I, “how came this dismal accident? Where is yourmistress? Any how does she do? Is she safe? And where are the children? I comefrom Madam —— to help you.” Away runs the maid. “Madam,madam,” says she, screaming as loud as she could yell, “here is agentlewoman come from Madam —— to help us.” The poor woman,half out of her wits, with a bundle under her arm, an two little children,comes toward me. “Lord! madam,” says I, “let me carry thepoor children to Madam ——,” she desires you to send them;she’ll take care of the poor lambs;’ and immediately I takes one ofthem out of her hand, and she lifts the other up into my arms. “Ay, do,for God’s sake,” says she, “carry them to her. Oh! thank herfor her kindness.” “Have you anything else to secure, madam?”says I; “she will take care of it.” “Oh dear! ay,” saysshe, “God bless her, and thank her. Take this bundle of plate and carryit to her too. Oh, she is a good woman. Oh Lord! we are utterly ruined, utterlyundone!” And away she runs from me out of her wits, and the maids afterher; and away comes I with the two children and the bundle.
I was no sooner got into the street but I saw another woman come to me.“Oh!” says she, “mistress,” in a piteous tone,“you will let fall the child. Come, this is a sad time; let me helpyou”; and immediately lays hold of my bundle to carry it for me.“No,” says I; “if you will help me, take the child by thehand, and lead it for me but to the upper end of the street; I’ll go withyou and satisfy you for your pains.”
She could not avoid going, after what I said; but the creature, in short, wasone of the same business with me, and wanted nothing but the bundle; however,she went with me to the door, for she could not help it. When we were comethere I whispered her, “Go, child,” said I, “I understandyour trade; you may meet with purchase enough.”
She understood me and walked off. I thundered at the door with the children,and as the people were raised before by the noise of the fire, I was soon letin, and I said, “Is madam awake? Pray tell her Mrs. ——desires the favour of her to take the two children in; poor lady, she will beundone, their house is all of a flame,” They took the children in verycivilly, pitied the family in distress, and away came I with my bundle. One ofthe maids asked me if I was not to leave the bundle too. I said, “No,sweetheart, ’tis to go to another place; it does not belong tothem.”
I was a great way out of the hurry now, and so I went on, clear ofanybody’s inquiry, and brought the bundle of plate, which was veryconsiderable, straight home, and gave it to my old governess. She told me shewould not look into it, but bade me go out again to look for more.
She gave me the like cue to the gentlewoman of the next house to that which wason fire, and I did my endeavour to go, but by this time the alarm of fire wasso great, and so many engines playing, and the street so thronged with people,that I could not get near the house whatever I would do; so I came back againto my governess’s, and taking the bundle up into my chamber, I began toexamine it. It is with horror that I tell what a treasure I found there;’tis enough to say, that besides most of the family plate, which wasconsiderable, I found a gold chain, an old-fashioned thing, the locket of whichwas broken, so that I suppose it had not been used some years, but the gold wasnot the worse for that; also a little box of burying-rings, the lady’swedding-ring, and some broken bits of old lockets of gold, a gold watch, and apurse with about £24 value in old pieces of gold coin, and several otherthings of value.
This was the greatest and the worst prize that ever I was concerned in; forindeed, though, as I have said above, I was hardened now beyond the power ofall reflection in other cases, yet it really touched me to the very soul when Ilooked into this treasure, to think of the poor disconsolate gentlewoman whohad lost so much by the fire besides; and who would think, to be sure, that shehad saved her plate and best things; how she would be surprised and afflictedwhen she should find that she had been deceived, and should find that theperson that took her children and her goods, had not come, as was pretended,from the gentlewoman in the next street, but that the children had been putupon her without her own knowledge.
I say, I confess the inhumanity of this action moved me very much, and made merelent exceedingly, and tears stood in my eyes upon that subject; but with allmy sense of its being cruel and inhuman, I could never find in my heart to makeany restitution. The reflection wore off, and I began quickly to forget thecircumstances that attended the taking them.
Nor was this all; for though by this job I was become considerably richer thanbefore, yet the resolution I had formerly taken, of leaving off this horridtrade when I had gotten a little more, did not return, but I must still getfarther, and more; and the avarice joined so with the success, that I had nomore thought of coming to a timely alteration of life, though without it Icould expect no safety, no tranquillity in the possession of what I had sowickedly gained; but a little more, and a little more, was the case still.
At length, yielding to the importunities of my crime, I cast off all remorseand repentance, and all the reflections on that head turned to no more thanthis, that I might perhaps come to have one booty more that might complete mydesires; but though I certainly had that one booty, yet every hit lookedtowards another, and was so encouraging to me to go on with the trade, that Ihad no gust to the thought of laying it down.
In this condition, hardened by success, and resolving to go on, I fell into thesnare in which I was appointed to meet with my last reward for this kind oflife. But even this was not yet, for I met with several successful adventuresmore in this way of being undone.
I remained still with my governess, who was for a while really concerned forthe misfortune of my comrade that had been hanged, and who, it seems, knewenough of my governess to have sent her the same way, and which made her veryuneasy; indeed, she was in a very great fright.
It is true that when she was gone, and had not opened mouth to tell what sheknew, my governess was easy as to that point, and perhaps glad she was hanged,for it was in her power to have obtained a pardon at the expense of herfriends; but on the other hand, the loss of her, and the sense of her kindnessin not making her market of what she knew, moved my governess to mourn verysincerely for her. I comforted her as well as I could, and she in returnhardened me to merit more completely the same fate.
However, as I have said, it made me the more wary, and particularly I was veryshy of shoplifting, especially among the mercers and drapers, who are a set offellows that have their eyes very much about them. I made a venture or twoamong the lace folks and the milliners, and particularly at one shop where Igot notice of two young women who were newly set up, and had not been bred tothe trade. There I think I carried off a piece of bone-lace, worth six or sevenpounds, and a paper of thread. But this was but once; it was a trick that wouldnot serve again.
It was always reckoned a safe job when we heard of a new shop, and especiallywhen the people were such as were not bred to shops. Such may depend upon itthat they will be visited once or twice at their beginning, and they must bevery sharp indeed if they can prevent it.
I made another adventure or two, but they were but trifles too, thoughsufficient to live on. After this nothing considerable offering for a goodwhile, I began to think that I must give over the trade in earnest; but mygoverness, who was not willing to lose me, and expected great things of me,brought me one day into company with a young woman and a fellow that went forher husband, though as it appeared afterwards, she was not his wife, but theywere partners, it seems, in the trade they carried on, and partners insomething else. In short, they robbed together, lay together, were takentogether, and at last were hanged together.
I came into a kind of league with these two by the help of my governess, andthey carried me out into three or four adventures, where I rather saw themcommit some coarse and unhandy robberies, in which nothing but a great stock ofimpudence on their side, and gross negligence on the people’s side whowere robbed, could have made them successful. So I resolved from that timeforward to be very cautious how I adventured upon anything with them; andindeed, when two or three unlucky projects were proposed by them, I declinedthe offer, and persuaded them against it. One time they particularly proposedrobbing a watchmaker of three gold watches, which they had eyed in the daytime,and found the place where he laid them. One of them had so many keys of allkinds, that he made no question to open the place where the watchmaker had laidthem; and so we made a kind of an appointment; but when I came to look narrowlyinto the thing, I found they proposed breaking open the house, and this, as athing out of my way, I would not embark in, so they went without me. They didget into the house by main force, and broke up the locked place where thewatches were, but found but one of the gold watches, and a silver one, whichthey took, and got out of the house again very clear. But the family, beingalarmed, cried out “Thieves,” and the man was pursued and taken;the young woman had got off too, but unhappily was stopped at a distance, andthe watches found upon her. And thus I had a second escape, for they wereconvicted, and both hanged, being old offenders, though but young people. As Isaid before that they robbed together and lay together, so now they hangedtogether, and there ended my new partnership.
I began now to be very wary, having so narrowly escaped a scouring, and havingsuch an example before me; but I had a new tempter, who prompted me everyday—I mean my governess; and now a prize presented, which as it came byher management, so she expected a good share of the booty. There was a goodquantity of Flanders lace lodged in a private house, where she had gottenintelligence of it, and Flanders lace being prohibited, it was a good booty toany custom-house officer that could come at it. I had a full account from mygoverness, as well of the quantity as of the very place where it was concealed,and I went to a custom-house officer, and told him I had such a discovery tomake to him of such a quantity of lace, if he would assure me that I shouldhave my due share of the reward. This was so just an offer, that nothing couldbe fairer; so he agreed, and taking a constable and me with him, we beset thehouse. As I told him I could go directly to the place, he left it to me; andthe hole being very dark, I squeezed myself into it, with a candle in my hand,and so reached the pieces out to him, taking care as I gave him some so tosecure as much about myself as I could conveniently dispose of. There was near£300 worth of lace in the hole, and I secured about £50 worth of itto myself. The people of the house were not owners of the lace, but a merchantwho had entrusted them with it; so that they were not so surprised as I thoughtthey would be.
I left the officer overjoyed with his prize, and fully satisfied with what hehad got, and appointed to meet him at a house of his own directing, where Icame after I had disposed of the cargo I had about me, of which he had not theleast suspicion. When I came to him he began to capitulate with me, believing Idid not understand the right I had to a share in the prize, and would fain haveput me off with £20, but I let him know that I was not so ignorant as hesupposed I was; and yet I was glad, too, that he offered to bring me to acertainty.
I asked £100, and he rose up to £30; I fell to £80, and herose again to £40; in a word, he offered £50, and I consented, onlydemanding a piece of lace, which I thought came to about £8 or £9,as if it had been for my own wear, and he agreed to it. So I got £50 inmoney paid me that same night, and made an end of the bargain; nor did he everknow who I was, or where to inquire for me, so that if it had been discoveredthat part of the goods were embezzled, he could have made no challenge upon mefor it.
I very punctually divided this spoil with my governess, and I passed with herfrom this time for a very dexterous manager in the nicest cases. I found thatthis last was the best and easiest sort of work that was in my way, and I madeit my business to inquire out prohibited goods, and after buying some, usuallybetrayed them, but none of these discoveries amounted to anything considerable,not like that I related just now; but I was willing to act safe, and was stillcautious of running the great risks which I found others did, and in which theymiscarried every day.
The next thing of moment was an attempt at a gentlewoman’s good watch. Ithappened in a crowd, at a meeting-house, where I was in very great danger ofbeing taken. I had full hold of her watch, but giving a great jostle, as ifsomebody had thrust me against her, and in the juncture giving the watch a fairpull, I found it would not come, so I let it go that moment, and cried out asif I had been killed, that somebody had trod upon my foot, and that there werecertainly pickpockets there, for somebody or other had given a pull at mywatch; for you are to observe that on these adventures we always went very welldressed, and I had very good clothes on, and a gold watch by my side, as like alady as other fold.
I had no sooner said so, but the other gentlewoman cried out “Apickpocket” too, for somebody, she said, had tried to pull her watchaway.
When I touched her watch I was close to her, but when I cried out I stopped asit were short, and the crowd bearing her forward a little, she made a noisetoo, but it was at some distance from me, so that she did not in the leastsuspect me; but when she cried out “A pickpocket,” somebody cried,“Ay, and here has been another! this gentlewoman has been attemptedtoo.”
At that very instance, a little farther in the crowd, and very luckily too,they cried out “A pickpocket,” again, and really seized a youngfellow in the very act. This, though unhappy for the wretch, was veryopportunely for my case, though I had carried it off handsomely enough before;but now it was out of doubt, and all the loose part of the crowd ran that way,and the poor boy was delivered up to the rage of the street, which is a crueltyI need not describe, and which, however, they are always glad of, rather thanto be sent to Newgate, where they lie often a long time, till they are almostperished, and sometimes they are hanged, and the best they can look for, ifthey are convicted, is to be transported.
This was a narrow escape to me, and I was so frighted that I ventured no moreat gold watches a great while. There was indeed a great many concurringcircumstances in this adventure which assisted to my escape; but the chief was,that the woman whose watch I had pulled at was a fool; that is to say, she wasignorant of the nature of the attempt, which one would have thought she shouldnot have been, seeing she was wise enough to fasten her watch so that it couldnot be slipped up. But she was in such a fright that she had no thought abouther proper for the discovery; for she, when she felt the pull, screamed out,and pushed herself forward, and put all the people about her into disorder, butsaid not a word of her watch, or of a pickpocket, for at least twominutes’ time, which was time enough for me, and to spare. For as I hadcried out behind her, as I have said, and bore myself back in the crowd as shebore forward, there were several people, at least seven or eight, the throngbeing still moving on, that were got between me and her in that time, and thenI crying out “A pickpocket,” rather sooner than she, or at least assoon, she might as well be the person suspected as I, and the people wereconfused in their inquiry; whereas, had she with a presence of mind needful onsuch an occasion, as soon as she felt the pull, not screamed out as she did,but turned immediately round and seized the next body that was behind her, shehad infallibly taken me.
This is a direction not of the kindest sort to the fraternity, but ’tiscertainly a key to the clue of a pickpocket’s motions, and whoever canfollow it will as certainly catch the thief as he will be sure to miss if hedoes not.
I had another adventure, which puts this matter out of doubt, and which may bean instruction for posterity in the case of a pickpocket. My good oldgoverness, to give a short touch at her history, though she had left off thetrade, was, as I may say, born a pickpocket, and, as I understood afterwards,had run through all the several degrees of that art, and yet had never beentaken but once, when she was so grossly detected, that she was convicted andordered to be transported; but being a woman of a rare tongue, and withalhaving money in her pocket, she found means, the ship putting into Ireland forprovisions, to get on shore there, where she lived and practised her old tradefor some years; when falling into another sort of bad company, she turnedmidwife and procuress, and played a hundred pranks there, which she gave me alittle history of in confidence between us as we grew more intimate; and it wasto this wicked creature that I owed all the art and dexterity I arrived to, inwhich there were few that ever went beyond me, or that practised so longwithout any misfortune.
It was after those adventures in Ireland, and when she was pretty well known inthat country, that she left Dublin and came over to England, where, the time ofher transportation being not expired, she left her former trade, for fear offalling into bad hands again, for then she was sure to have gone to wreck. Hereshe set up the same trade she had followed in Ireland, in which she soon, byher admirable management and good tongue, arrived to the height which I havealready described, and indeed began to be rich, though her trade fell off againafterwards, as I have hinted before.
I mentioned thus much of the history of this woman here, the better to accountfor the concern she had in the wicked life I was now leading, into all theparticulars of which she led me, as it were, by the hand, and gave me suchdirections, and I so well followed them, that I grew the greatest artist of mytime and worked myself out of every danger with such dexterity, that whenseveral more of my comrades ran themselves into Newgate presently, and by thattime they had been half a year at the trade, I had now practised upwards offive years, and the people at Newgate did not so much as know me; they hadheard much of me indeed, and often expected me there, but I always got off,though many times in the extremest danger.
One of the greatest dangers I was now in, was that I was too well known amongthe trade, and some of them, whose hatred was owing rather to envy than anyinjury I had done them, began to be angry that I should always escape when theywere always catched and hurried to Newgate. These were they that gave me thename of Moll Flanders; for it was no more of affinity with my real name or withany of the name I had ever gone by, than black is of kin to white, except thatonce, as before, I called myself Mrs. Flanders; when I sheltered myself in theMint; but that these rogues never knew, nor could I ever learn how they came togive me the name, or what the occasion of it was.
I was soon informed that some of these who were gotten fast into Newgate hadvowed to impeach me; and as I knew that two or three of them were but too ableto do it, I was under a great concern about it, and kept within doors for agood while. But my governess—whom I always made partner in my success,and who now played a sure game with me, for that she had a share of the gainand no share in the hazard—I say, my governess was something impatient ofmy leading such a useless, unprofitable life, as she called it; and she laid anew contrivance for my going abroad, and this was to dress me up in men’sclothes, and so put me into a new kind of practice.
I was tall and personable, but a little too smooth-faced for a man; however, Iseldom went abroad but in the night, it did well enough; but it was a long timebefore I could behave in my new clothes—I mean, as to my craft. It wasimpossible to be so nimble, so ready, so dexterous at these things in a dressso contrary to nature; and I did everything clumsily, so I had neither thesuccess nor the easiness of escape that I had before, and I resolved to leaveit off; but that resolution was confirmed soon after by the following accident.
As my governess disguised me like a man, so she joined me with a man, a youngfellow that was nimble enough at his business, and for about three weeks we didvery well together. Our principal trade was watching shopkeepers’counters, and slipping off any kind of goods we could see carelessly laidanywhere, and we made several good bargains, as we called them, at this work.And as we kept always together, so we grew very intimate, yet he never knewthat I was not a man, nay, though I several times went home with him to hislodgings, according as our business directed, and four or five times lay withhim all night. But our design lay another way, and it was absolutely necessaryto me to conceal my sex from him, as appeared afterwards. The circumstances ofour living, coming in late, and having such and such business to do as requiredthat nobody should be trusted with the coming into our lodgings, were such asmade it impossible to me to refuse lying with him, unless I would have owned mysex; and as it was, I effectually concealed myself. But his ill, and my goodfortune, soon put an end to this life, which I must own I was sick of too, onseveral other accounts. We had made several prizes in this new way of business,but the last would be extraordinary. There was a shop in a certain street whichhad a warehouse behind it that looked into another street, the house making thecorner of the turning.
Through the window of the warehouse we saw, lying on the counter or showboard,which was just before it, five pieces of silks, besides other stuffs, andthough it was almost dark, yet the people, being busy in the fore-shop withcustomers, had not had time to shut up those windows, or else had forgot it.
This the young fellow was so overjoyed with, that he could not restrainhimself. It lay all within his reach he said, and he swore violently to me thathe would have it, if he broke down the house for it. I dissuaded him a little,but saw there was no remedy; so he ran rashly upon it, slipped out a square ofthe sash window dexterously enough, and without noise, and got out four piecesof the silks, and came with them towards me, but was immediately pursued with aterrible clutter and noise. We were standing together indeed, but I had nottaken any of the goods out of his hand, when I said to him hastily, “Youare undone, fly, for God’s sake!” He ran like lightning, and I too,but the pursuit was hotter after him because he had the goods, than after me.He dropped two of the pieces, which stopped them a little, but the crowdincreased and pursued us both. They took him soon after with the other twopieces upon him, and then the rest followed me. I ran for it and got into mygoverness’s house whither some quick-eyed people followed me so warmly asto fix me there. They did not immediately knock, at the door, by which I gottime to throw off my disguise and dress me in my own clothes; besides, whenthey came there, my governess, who had her tale ready, kept her door shut, andcalled out to them and told them there was no man come in there. The peopleaffirmed there did a man come in there, and swore they would break open thedoor.
My governess, not at all surprised, spoke calmly to them, told them they shouldvery freely come and search her house, if they should bring a constable, andlet in none but such as the constable would admit, for it was unreasonable tolet in a whole crowd. This they could not refuse, though they were a crowd. Soa constable was fetched immediately, and she very freely opened the door; theconstable kept the door, and the men he appointed searched the house, mygoverness going with them from room to room. When she came to my room shecalled to me, and said aloud, “Cousin, pray open the door; here’ssome gentlemen that must come and look into your room.”
I had a little girl with me, which was my governess’s grandchild, as shecalled her; and I bade her open the door, and there sat I at work with a greatlitter of things about me, as if I had been at work all day, being myself quiteundressed, with only night-clothes on my head, and a loose morning-gown wrappedabout me. My governess made a kind of excuse for their disturbing me, tellingme partly the occasion of it, and that she had no remedy but to open the doorsto them, and let them satisfy themselves, for all she could say to them wouldnot satisfy them. I sat still, and bid them search the room if they pleased,for if there was anybody in the house, I was sure they were not in my room; andas for the rest of the house, I had nothing to say to that, I did notunderstand what they looked for.
Everything looked so innocent and so honest about me, that they treated meciviller than I expected, but it was not till they had searched the room to anicety, even under the bed, in the bed, and everywhere else where it waspossible anything could be hid. When they had done this, and could findnothing, they asked my pardon for troubling me, and went down.
When they had thus searched the house from bottom to top, and then top tobottom, and could find nothing, they appeased the mob pretty well; but theycarried my governess before the justice. Two men swore that they saw the manwhom they pursued go into her house. My governess rattled and made a greatnoise that her house should be insulted, and that she should be used thus fornothing; that if a man did come in, he might go out again presently for aughtshe knew, for she was ready to make oath that no man had been within her doorsall that day as she knew of (and that was very true indeed); that it might beindeed that as she was abovestairs, any fellow in a fright might find the dooropen and run in for shelter when he was pursued, but that she knew nothing ofit; and if it had been so, he certainly went out again, perhaps at the otherdoor, for she had another door into an alley, and so had made his escape andcheated them all.
This was indeed probable enough, and the justice satisfied himself with givingher an oath that she had not received or admitted any man into her house toconceal him, or protect or hide him from justice. This oath she might justlytake, and did so, and so she was dismissed.
It is easy to judge what a fright I was in upon this occasion, and it wasimpossible for my governess ever to bring me to dress in that disguise again;for, as I told her, I should certainly betray myself.
My poor partner in this mischief was now in a bad case, for he was carried awaybefore my Lord Mayor, and by his worship committed to Newgate, and the peoplethat took him were so willing, as well as able, to prosecute him, that theyoffered themselves to enter into recognisances to appear at the sessions andpursue the charge against him.
However, he got his indictment deferred, upon promise to discover hisaccomplices, and particularly the man that was concerned with him in hisrobbery; and he failed not to do his endeavour, for he gave in my name, whom hecalled Gabriel Spencer, which was the name I went by to him; and here appearedthe wisdom of my concealing my name and sex from him, which, if he had everknown I had been undone.
He did all he could to discover this Gabriel Spencer; he described me, hediscovered the place where he said I lodged, and, in a word, all theparticulars that he could of my dwelling; but having concealed the maincircumstances of my sex from him, I had a vast advantage, and he never couldhear of me. He brought two or three families into trouble by his endeavouringto find me out, but they knew nothing of me, any more than that I had a fellowwith me that they had seen, but knew nothing of. And as for my governess,though she was the means of his coming to me, yet it was done at second-hand,and he knew nothing of her.
This turned to his disadvantage; for having promised discoveries, but not beingable to make it good, it was looked upon as trifling with the justice of thecity, and he was the more fiercely pursued by the shopkeepers who took him.
I was, however, terribly uneasy all this while, and that I might be quite outof the way, I went away from my governess’s for a while; but not knowingwither to wander, I took a maid-servant with me, and took the stage-coach toDunstable, to my old landlord and landlady, where I had lived so handsomelywith my Lancashire husband. Here I told her a formal story, that I expected myhusband every day from Ireland, and that I had sent a letter to him that Iwould meet him at Dunstable at her house, and that he would certainly land, ifthe wind was fair, in a few days, so that I was come to spend a few days withthem till he should come, for he was either come post, or in the West Chestercoach, I knew not which; but whichsoever it was, he would be sure to come tothat house to meet me.
My landlady was mighty glad to see me, and my landlord made such a stir withme, that if I had been a princess I could not have been better used, and here Imight have been welcome a month or two if I had thought fit.
But my business was of another nature. I was very uneasy (though so welldisguised that it was scarce possible to detect me) lest this fellow shouldsomehow or other find me out; and though he could not charge me with thisrobbery, having persuaded him not to venture, and having also done nothing init myself but run away, yet he might have charged me with other things, andhave bought his own life at the expense of mine.
This filled me with horrible apprehensions. I had no recourse, no friend, noconfidante but my old governess, and I knew no remedy but to put my life in herhands, and so I did, for I let her know where to send to me, and had severalletters from her while I stayed here. Some of them almost scared me out my witsbut at last she sent me the joyful news that he was hanged, which was the bestnews to me that I had heard a great while.
I had stayed here five weeks, and lived very comfortably indeed (the secretanxiety of my mind excepted); but when I received this letter I lookedpleasantly again, and told my landlady that I had received a letter from myspouse in Ireland, that I had the good news of his being very well, but had thebad news that his business would not permit him to come away so soon as heexpected, and so I was like to go back again without him.
My landlady complimented me upon the good news however, that I had heard he waswell. “For I have observed, madam,” says she, “youhadn’t been so pleasant as you used to be; you have been over head andears in care for him, I dare say,” says the good woman; “’tiseasy to be seen there’s an alteration in you for the better,” saysshe. “Well, I am sorry the esquire can’t come yet,” says mylandlord; “I should have been heartily glad to have seen him. But I hope,when you have certain news of his coming, you’ll take a step hitheragain, madam,” says he; “you shall be very welcome whenever youplease to come.”
With all these fine compliments we parted, and I came merry enough to London,and found my governess as well pleased as I was. And now she told me she wouldnever recommend any partner to me again, for she always found, she said, that Ihad the best luck when I ventured by myself. And so indeed I had, for I wasseldom in any danger when I was by myself, or if I was, I got out of it withmore dexterity than when I was entangled with the dull measures of otherpeople, who had perhaps less forecast, and were more rash and impatient than I;for though I had as much courage to venture as any of them, yet I used morecaution before I undertook a thing, and had more presence of mind when I was tobring myself off.
I have often wondered even at my own hardiness another way, that when all mycompanions were surprised and fell so suddenly into the hand of justice, andthat I so narrowly escaped, yet I could not all this while enter into oneserious resolution to leave off this trade, and especially considering that Iwas now very far from being poor; that the temptation of necessity, which isgenerally the introduction of all such wickedness, was now removed; for I hadnear £500 by me in ready money, on which I might have lived very well, ifI had thought fit to have retired; but I say, I had not so much as the leastinclination to leave off; no, not so much as I had before when I had but£200 beforehand, and when I had no such frightful examples before my eyesas these were. From hence ’tis evident to me, that when once we arehardened in crime, no fear can affect us, no example give us any warning.
I had indeed one comrade whose fate went very near me for a good while, thoughI wore it off too in time. That case was indeed very unhappy. I had made aprize of a piece of very good damask in a mercer’s shop, and went clearoff myself, but had conveyed the piece to this companion of mine when we wentout of the shop, and she went one way and I went another. We had not been longout of the shop but the mercer missed his piece of stuff, and sent hismessengers, one one way and one another, and they presently seized her that hadthe piece, with the damask upon her. As for me, I had very luckily stepped intoa house where there was a lace chamber, up one pair of stairs, and had thesatisfaction, or the terror indeed, of looking out of the window upon the noisethey made, and seeing the poor creature dragged away in triumph to the justice,who immediately committed her to Newgate.
I was careful to attempt nothing in the lace chamber, but tumbled their goodspretty much to spend time; then bought a few yards of edging and paid for it,and came away very sad-hearted indeed for the poor woman, who was intribulation for what I only had stolen.
Here again my old caution stood me in good stead; namely, that though I oftenrobbed with these people, yet I never let them know who I was, or where Ilodged, nor could they ever find out my lodging, though they often endeavouredto watch me to it. They all knew me by the name of Moll Flanders, though evensome of them rather believed I was she than knew me to be so. My name waspublic among them indeed, but how to find me out they knew not, nor so much ashow to guess at my quarters, whether they were at the east end of the town orthe west; and this wariness was my safety upon all these occasions.
I kept close a great while upon the occasion of this woman’s disaster. Iknew that if I should do anything that should miscarry, and should be carriedto prison, she would be there and ready to witness against me, and perhaps saveher life at my expense. I considered that I began to be very well known by nameat the Old Bailey, though they did not know my face, and that if I should fallinto their hands, I should be treated as an old offender; and for this reason Iwas resolved to see what this poor creature’s fate should be before Istirred abroad, though several times in her distress I conveyed money to herfor her relief.
At length she came to her trial. She pleaded she did not steal the thing, butthat one Mrs. Flanders, as she heard her called (for she did not know her),gave the bundle to her after they came out of the shop, and bade her carry ithome to her lodging. They asked her where this Mrs. Flanders was, but she couldnot produce her, neither could she give the least account of me; and themercer’s men swearing positively that she was in the shop when the goodswere stolen, that they immediately missed them, and pursued her, and found themupon her, thereupon the jury brought her in guilty; but the Court, consideringthat she was really not the person that stole the goods, an inferior assistant,and that it was very possible she could not find out this Mrs. Flanders,meaning me, though it would save her life, which indeed was true—I say,considering all this, they allowed her to be transported, which was the utmostfavour she could obtain, only that the Court told her that if she could in themeantime produce the said Mrs. Flanders, they would intercede for her pardon;that is to say, if she could find me out, and hand me, she should not betransported. This I took care to make impossible to her, and so she was shippedoff in pursuance of her sentence a little while after.
I must repeat it again, that the fate of this poor woman troubled meexceedingly, and I began to be very pensive, knowing that I was really theinstrument of her disaster; but the preservation of my own life, which was soevidently in danger, took off all my tenderness; and seeing that she was notput to death, I was very easy at her transportation, because she was then outof the way of doing me any mischief, whatever should happen.
The disaster of this woman was some months before that of the last-recitedstory, and was indeed partly occasion of my governess proposing to dress me upin men’s clothes, that I might go about unobserved, as indeed I did; butI was soon tired of that disguise, as I have said, for indeed it exposed me totoo many difficulties.
I was now easy as to all fear of witnesses against me, for all those that hadeither been concerned with me, or that knew me by the name of Moll Flanders,were either hanged or transported; and if I should have had the misfortune tobe taken, I might call myself anything else, as well as Moll Flanders, and noold sins could be placed into my account; so I began to run a-tick again withthe more freedom, and several successful adventures I made, though not such asI had made before.
We had at that time another fire happened not a great way off from the placewhere my governess lived, and I made an attempt there, as before, but as I wasnot soon enough before the crowd of people came in, and could not get to thehouse I aimed at, instead of a prize, I got a mischief, which had almost put aperiod to my life and all my wicked doings together; for the fire being veryfurious, and the people in a great fright in removing their goods, and throwingthem out of window, a wench from out of a window threw a feather-bed just uponme. It is true, the bed being soft, it broke no bones; but as the weight wasgreat, and made greater by the fall, it beat me down, and laid me dead for awhile. Nor did the people concern themselves much to deliver me from it, or torecover me at all; but I lay like one dead and neglected a good while, tillsomebody going to remove the bed out of the way, helped me up. It was indeed awonder the people in the house had not thrown other goods out after it, andwhich might have fallen upon it, and then I had been inevitably killed; but Iwas reserved for further afflictions.
This accident, however, spoiled my market for that time, and I came home to mygoverness very much hurt and bruised, and frighted to the last degree, and itwas a good while before she could set me upon my feet again.
It was now a merry time of the year, and Bartholomew Fair was begun. I hadnever made any walks that way, nor was the common part of the fair of muchadvantage to me; but I took a turn this year into the cloisters, and among therest I fell into one of the raffling shops. It was a thing of no greatconsequence to me, nor did I expect to make much of it; but there came agentleman extremely well dressed and very rich, and as ’tis frequent totalk to everybody in those shops, he singled me out, and was very particularwith me. First he told me he would put in for me to raffle, and did so; andsome small matter coming to his lot, he presented it to me (I think it was afeather muff); then he continued to keep talking to me with a more than commonappearance of respect, but still very civil, and much like a gentleman.
He held me in talk so long, till at last he drew me out of the raffling placeto the shop-door, and then to a walk in the cloister, still talking of athousand things cursorily without anything to the purpose. At last he told methat, without compliment, he was charmed with my company, and asked me if Idurst trust myself in a coach with him; he told me he was a man of honour, andwould not offer anything to me unbecoming him as such. I seemed to decline it awhile, but suffered myself to be importuned a little, and then yielded.
I was at a loss in my thoughts to conclude at first what this gentlemandesigned; but I found afterwards he had had some drink in his head, and that hewas not very unwilling to have some more. He carried me in the coach to theSpring Garden, at Knightsbridge, where we walked in the gardens, and he treatedme very handsomely; but I found he drank very freely. He pressed me also todrink, but I declined it.
Hitherto he kept his word with me, and offered me nothing amiss. We came awayin the coach again, and he brought me into the streets, and by this time it wasnear ten o’clock at night, and he stopped the coach at a house where, itseems, he was acquainted, and where they made no scruple to show us upstairsinto a room with a bed in it. At first I seemed to be unwilling to go up, butafter a few words I yielded to that too, being willing to see the end of it,and in hope to make something of it at last. As for the bed, etc., I was notmuch concerned about that part.
Here he began to be a little freer with me than he had promised; and I bylittle and little yielded to everything, so that, in a word, he did what hepleased with me; I need say no more. All this while he drank freely too, andabout one in the morning we went into the coach again. The air and the shakingof the coach made the drink he had get more up in his head than it was before,and he grew uneasy in the coach, and was for acting over again what he had beendoing before; but as I thought my game now secure, I resisted him, and broughthim to be a little still, which had not lasted five minutes but he fell fastasleep.
I took this opportunity to search him to a nicety. I took a gold watch, with asilk purse of gold, his fine full-bottom periwig and silver-fringed gloves, hissword and fine snuff-box, and gently opening the coach door, stood ready tojump out while the coach was going on; but the coach stopped in the narrowstreet beyond Temple Bar to let another coach pass, I got softly out, fastenedthe door again, and gave my gentleman and the coach the slip both together, andnever heard more of them.
This was an adventure indeed unlooked for, and perfectly undesigned by me;though I was not so past the merry part of life, as to forget how to behave,when a fop so blinded by his appetite should not know an old woman from ayoung. I did not indeed look so old as I was by ten or twelve years; yet I wasnot a young wench of seventeen, and it was easy enough to be distinguished.There is nothing so absurd, so surfeiting, so ridiculous, as a man heated bywine in his head, and wicked gust in his inclination together; he is in thepossession of two devils at once, and can no more govern himself by his reasonthan a mill can grind without water; his vice tramples upon all that was in himthat had any good in it, if any such thing there was; nay, his very sense isblinded by its own rage, and he acts absurdities even in his views; such adrinking more, when he is drunk already; picking up a common woman, withoutregard to what she is or who she is, whether sound or rotten, clean or unclean,whether ugly or handsome, whether old or young, and so blinded as not really todistinguish. Such a man is worse than a lunatic; prompted by his vicious,corrupted head, he no more knows what he is doing than this wretch of mine knewwhen I picked his pocket of his watch and his purse of gold.
These are the men of whom Solomon says, “They go like an ox to theslaughter, till a dart strikes through their liver”; an admirabledescription, by the way, of the foul disease, which is a poisonous deadlycontagion mingling with the blood, whose centre or foundation is in the liver;from whence, by the swift circulation of the whole mass, that dreadful nauseousplague strikes immediately through his liver, and his spirits are infected, hisvitals stabbed through as with a dart.
It is true this poor unguarded wretch was in no danger from me, though I wasgreatly apprehensive at first of what danger I might be in from him; but he wasreally to be pitied in one respect, that he seemed to be a good sort of man inhimself; a gentleman that had no harm in his design; a man of sense, and of afine behaviour, a comely handsome person, a sober solid countenance, a charmingbeautiful face, and everything that could be agreeable; only had unhappily hadsome drink the night before, had not been in bed, as he told me when we weretogether; was hot, and his blood fired with wine, and in that condition hisreason, as it were asleep, had given him up.
As for me, my business was his money, and what I could make of him; and afterthat, if I could have found out any way to have done it, I would have sent himsafe home to his house and to his family, for ’twas ten to one but he hadan honest, virtuous wife and innocent children, that were anxious for hissafety, and would have been glad to have gotten him home, and have taken careof him till he was restored to himself. And then with what shame and regretwould he look back upon himself! how would he reproach himself with associatinghimself with a whore! picked up in the worst of all holes, the cloister, amongthe dirt and filth of all the town! how would he be trembling for fear he hadgot the pox, for fear a dart had struck through his liver, and hate himselfevery time he looked back upon the madness and brutality of his debauch! howwould he, if he had any principles of honour, as I verily believe hehad—I say, how would he abhor the thought of giving any ill distemper, ifhe had it, as for aught he knew he might, to his modest and virtuous wife, andthereby sowing the contagion in the life-blood of his posterity.
Would such gentlemen but consider the contemptible thoughts which the verywomen they are concerned with, in such cases as these, have of them, it wouldbe a surfeit to them. As I said above, they value not the pleasure, they areraised by no inclination to the man, the passive jade thinks of no pleasure butthe money; and when he is, as it were, drunk in the ecstasies of his wickedpleasure, her hands are in his pockets searching for what she can find there,and of which he can no more be sensible in the moment of his folly that he canforethink of it when he goes about it.
I knew a woman that was so dexterous with a fellow, who indeed deserved nobetter usage, that while he was busy with her another way, conveyed his pursewith twenty guineas in it out of his fob-pocket, where he had put it for fearof her, and put another purse with gilded counters in it into the room of it.After he had done, he says to her, “Now han’t you picked mypocket?” She jested with him, and told him she supposed he had not muchto lose; he put his hand to his fob, and with his fingers felt that his pursewas there, which fully satisfied him, and so she brought off his money. Andthis was a trade with her; she kept a sham gold watch, that is, a watch ofsilver gilt, and a purse of counters in her pocket to be ready on all suchoccasions, and I doubt not practiced it with success.
I came home with this last booty to my governess, and really when I told herthe story, it so affected her that she was hardly able to forbear tears, toknow how such a gentleman ran a daily risk of being undone every time a glassof wine got into his head.
But as to the purchase I got, and how entirely I stripped him, she told me itpleased her wonderfully. “Nay child,” says she, “the usagemay, for aught I know, do more to reform him than all the sermons that ever hewill hear in his life.” And if the remainder of the story be true, so itdid.
I found the next day she was wonderful inquisitive about this gentleman; thedescription I had given her of him, his dress, his person, his face, everythingconcurred to make her think of a gentleman whose character she knew, and familytoo. She mused a while, and I going still on with the particulars, she startsup; says she, “I’ll lay £100 I know the gentleman.”
“I am sorry you do,” says I, “for I would not have himexposed on any account in the world; he has had injury enough already by me,and I would not be instrumental to do him any more.” “No,no,” says she, “I will do him no injury, I assure you, but you maylet me satisfy my curiosity a little, for if it is he, I warrant you I find itout.” I was a little startled at that, and told her, with an apparentconcern in my face, that by the same rule he might find me out, and then I wasundone. She returned warmly, “Why, do you think I will betray you, child?No, no,” says she, “not for all he is worth in the world. I havekept your counsel in worse things than these; sure you may trust me inthis.” So I said no more at that time.
She laid her scheme another way, and without acquainting me of it, but she wasresolved to find it out if possible. So she goes to a certain friend of herswho was acquainted in the family that she guessed at, and told her friend shehad some extraordinary business with such a gentleman (who, by the way, was noless than a baronet, and of a very good family), and that she knew not how tocome at him without somebody to introduce her. Her friend promised her veryreadily to do it, and accordingly goes to the house to see if the gentleman wasin town.
The next day she come to my governess and tells her that Sir —— wasat home, but that he had met with a disaster and was very ill, and there was nospeaking with him. “What disaster?” says my governess hastily, asif she was surprised at it. “Why,” says her friend, “he hadbeen at Hampstead to visit a gentleman of his acquaintance, and as he came backagain he was set upon and robbed; and having got a little drink too, as theysuppose, the rogues abused him, and he is very ill.”“Robbed!” says my governess, “and what did they take fromhim?” “Why,” says her friend, “they took his gold watchand his gold snuff-box, his fine periwig, and what money he had in his pocket,which was considerable, to be sure, for Sir —— never goes without apurse of guineas about him.”
“Pshaw!” says my old governess, jeering, “I warrant you hehas got drunk now and got a whore, and she has picked his pocket, and so hecomes home to his wife and tells her he has been robbed. That’s an oldsham; a thousand such tricks are put upon the poor women every day.”
“Fie!” says her friend, “I find you don’t know Sir——; why he is as civil a gentleman, there is not a finer man, nor asoberer, graver, modester person in the whole city; he abhors such things;there’s nobody that knows him will think such a thing of him.”“Well, well,” says my governess, “that’s none of mybusiness; if it was, I warrant I should find there was something of that kindin it; your modest men in common opinion are sometimes no better than otherpeople, only they keep a better character, or, if you please, are the betterhypocrites.”
“No, no,” says her friend, “I can assure you Sir—— is no hypocrite, he is really an honest, sober gentleman, and hehas certainly been robbed.” “Nay,” says my governess,“it may be he has; it is no business of mine, I tell you; I only want tospeak with him; my business is of another nature.” “But,”says her friend, “let your business be of what nature it will, you cannotsee him yet, for he is not fit to be seen, for he is very ill, and bruised verymuch.” “Ay,” says my governess, “nay, then he hasfallen into bad hands, to be sure.” And then she asked gravely,“Pray, where is he bruised?” “Why, in the head,” saysher friend, “and one of his hands, and his face, for they used himbarbarously.” “Poor gentleman,” says my governess, “Imust wait, then, till he recovers”; and adds, “I hope it will notbe long, for I want very much to speak with him.”
Away she comes to me and tells me this story. “I have found out your finegentleman, and a fine gentleman he was,” says she; “but, mercy onhim, he is in a sad pickle now. I wonder what the d—l you have done tohim; why, you have almost killed him.” I looked at her with disorderenough. “I killed him!” says I; “you must mistake the person;I am sure I did nothing to him; he was very well when I left him,” saidI, “only drunk and fast asleep.” “I know nothing ofthat,” says she, “but he is in a sad pickle now”; and so shetold me all that her friend had said to her. “Well, then,” says I,“he fell into bad hands after I left him, for I am sure I left him safeenough.”
About ten days after, or a little more, my governess goes again to her friend,to introduce her to this gentleman; she had inquired other ways in themeantime, and found that he was about again, if not abroad again, so she gotleave to speak with him.
She was a woman of a admirable address, and wanted nobody to introduce her; shetold her tale much better than I shall be able to tell it for her, for she wasa mistress of her tongue, as I have said already. She told him that she came,though a stranger, with a single design of doing him a service and he shouldfind she had no other end in it; that as she came purely on so friendly anaccount, she begged promise from him, that if he did not accept what she shouldofficiously propose he would not take it ill that she meddled with what was nother business. She assured him that as what she had to say was a secret thatbelonged to him only, so whether he accepted her offer or not, it should remaina secret to all the world, unless he exposed it himself; nor should hisrefusing her service in it make her so little show her respect as to do him theleast injury, so that he should be entirely at liberty to act as he thoughtfit.
He looked very shy at first, and said he knew nothing that related to him thatrequired much secrecy; that he had never done any man any wrong, and cared notwhat anybody might say of him; that it was no part of his character to beunjust to anybody, nor could he imagine in what any man could render him anyservice; but that if it was so disinterested a service as she said, he couldnot take it ill from any one that they should endeavour to serve him; and so,as it were, left her a liberty either to tell him or not to tell, as shethought fit.
She found him so perfectly indifferent, that she was almost afraid to enterinto the point with him; but, however, after some other circumlocutions shetold him that by a strange and unaccountable accident she came to have aparticular knowledge of the late unhappy adventure he had fallen into, and thatin such a manner, that there was nobody in the world but herself and him thatwere acquainted with it, no, not the very person that was with him.
He looked a little angrily at first. “What adventure?” said he.“Why,” said she, “of your being robbed coming fromKnightbr——; Hampstead, sir, I should say,” says she.“Be not surprised, sir,” says she, “that I am able to tellyou every step you took that day from the cloister in Smithfield to the SpringGarden at Knightsbridge, and thence to the —— in the Strand, andhow you were left asleep in the coach afterwards. I say, let not this surpriseyou, for, sir, I do not come to make a booty of you, I ask nothing of you, andI assure you the woman that was with you knows nothing who you are, and nevershall; and yet perhaps I may serve you further still, for I did not come barelyto let you know that I was informed of these things, as if I wanted a bribe toconceal them; assure yourself, sir,” said she, “that whatever youthink fit to do or say to me, it shall be all a secret as it is, as much as ifI were in my grave.”
He was astonished at her discourse, and said gravely to her, “Madam, youare a stranger to me, but it is very unfortunate that you should be let intothe secret of the worst action of my life, and a thing that I am so justlyashamed of, that the only satisfaction of it to me was, that I thought it wasknown only to God and my own conscience.” “Pray, sir,” saysshe, “do not reckon the discovery of it to me to be any part of yourmisfortune. It was a thing, I believe, you were surprised into, and perhaps thewoman used some art to prompt you to it; however, you will never find any justcause,” said she, “to repent that I came to hear of it; nor canyour own mouth be more silent in it that I have been, and ever shall be.”
“Well,” says he, “but let me do some justice to the womantoo; whoever she is, I do assure you she prompted me to nothing, she ratherdeclined me. It was my own folly and madness that brought me into it all, ay,and brought her into it too; I must give her her due so far. As to what shetook from me, I could expect no less from her in the condition I was in, and tothis hour I know not whether she robbed me or the coachman; if she did it, Iforgive her, and I think all gentlemen that do so should be used in the samemanner; but I am more concerned for some other things that I am for all thatshe took from me.”
My governess now began to come into the whole matter, and he opened himselffreely to her. First she said to him, in answer to what he had said about me,“I am glad, sir, you are so just to the person that you were with; Iassure you she is a gentlewoman, and no woman of the town; and however youprevailed with her so far as you did, I am sure ’tis not her practice.You ran a great venture indeed, sir; but if that be any part of your care, I ampersuaded you may be perfectly easy, for I dare assure you no man has touchedher, before you, since her husband, and he has been dead now almost eightyears.”
It appeared that this was his grievance, and that he was in a very great frightabout it; however, when my governess said this to him, he appeared very wellpleased, and said, “Well, madam, to be plain with you, if I was satisfiedof that, I should not so much value what I lost; for, as to that, thetemptation was great, and perhaps she was poor and wanted it.” “Ifshe had not been poor, sir ——,” says my governess, “Iassure you she would never have yielded to you; and as her poverty firstprevailed with her to let you do as you did, so the same poverty prevailed withher to pay herself at last, when she saw you were in such a condition, that ifshe had not done it, perhaps the next coachman might have done it.”
“Well,” says he, “much good may it do her. I say again, allthe gentlemen that do so ought to be used in the same manner, and then theywould be cautious of themselves. I have no more concern about it, but on thescore which you hinted at before, madam.” Here he entered into somefreedoms with her on the subject of what passed between us, which are not soproper for a woman to write, and the great terror that was upon his mind withrelation to his wife, for fear he should have received any injury from me, andshould communicate it farther; and asked her at last if she could not procurehim an opportunity to speak with me. My governess gave him further assurancesof my being a woman clear from any such thing, and that he was as entirely safein that respect as he was with his own lady; but as for seeing me, she said itmight be of dangerous consequence; but, however, that she would talk with me,and let him know my answer, using at the same time some arguments to persuadehim not to desire it, and that it could be of no service to him, seeing shehoped he had no desire to renew a correspondence with me, and that on myaccount it was a kind of putting my life in his hands.
He told her he had a great desire to see me, that he would give her anyassurances that were in his power, not to take any advantages of me, and thatin the first place he would give me a general release from all demands of anykind. She insisted how it might tend to a further divulging the secret, andmight in the end be injurious to him, entreating him not to press for it; so atlength he desisted.
They had some discourse upon the subject of the things he had lost, and heseemed to be very desirous of his gold watch, and told her if she could procurethat for him, he would willingly give as much for it as it was worth. She toldhim she would endeavour to procure it for him, and leave the valuing it tohimself.
Accordingly the next day she carried the watch, and he gave her thirty guineasfor it, which was more than I should have been able to make of it, though itseems it cost much more. He spoke something of his periwig, which it seems costhim threescore guineas, and his snuff-box, and in a few days more she carriedthem too; which obliged him very much, and he gave her thirty more. The nextday I sent him his fine sword and cane gratis, and demanded nothing of him, butI had no mind to see him, unless it had been so that he might be satisfied Iknew who he was, which he was not willing to.
Then he entered into a long talk with her of the manner how she came to knowall this matter. She formed a long tale of that part; how she had it from onethat I had told the whole story to, and that was to help me dispose of thegoods; and this confidante brought the things to her, she being by profession apawnbroker; and she hearing of his worship’s disaster, guessed at thething in general; that having gotten the things into her hands, she hadresolved to come and try as she had done. She then gave him repeated assurancesthat it should never go out of her mouth, and though she knew the woman verywell, yet she had not let her know, meaning me, anything of it; that is to say,who the person was, which, by the way, was false; but, however, it was not tohis damage, for I never opened my mouth of it to anybody.
I had a great many thoughts in my head about my seeing him again, and was oftensorry that I had refused it. I was persuaded that if I had seen him, and lethim know that I knew him, I should have made some advantage of him, and perhapshave had some maintenance from him; and though it was a life wicked enough, yetit was not so full of danger as this I was engaged in. However, those thoughtswore off, and I declined seeing him again, for that time; but my governess sawhim often, and he was very kind to her, giving her something almost every timehe saw her. One time in particular she found him very merry, and as she thoughthe had some wine in his head, and he pressed her again very earnestly to lethim see that woman that, as he said, had bewitched him so that night, mygoverness, who was from the beginning for my seeing him, told him he was sodesirous of it that she could almost yield of it, if she could prevail upon me;adding that if he would please to come to her house in the evening, she wouldendeavour it, upon his repeated assurances of forgetting what was past.
Accordingly she came to me, and told me all the discourse; in short, she soonbiassed me to consent, in a case which I had some regret in my mind fordeclining before; so I prepared to see him. I dressed me to all the advantagepossible, I assure you, and for the first time used a little art; I say for thefirst time, for I had never yielded to the baseness of paint before, havingalways had vanity enough to believe I had no need of it.
At the hour appointed he came; and as she observed before, so it was plainstill, that he had been drinking, though very far from what we call being indrink. He appeared exceeding pleased to see me, and entered into a longdiscourse with me upon the old affair. I begged his pardon very often for myshare of it, protested I had not any such design when first I met him, that Ihad not gone out with him but that I took him for a very civil gentleman, andthat he made me so many promises of offering no uncivility to me.
He alleged the wine he drank, and that he scarce knew what he did, and that ifit had not been so, I should never have let him take the freedom with me thathe had done. He protested to me that he never touched any woman but me since hewas married to his wife, and it was a surprise upon him; complimented me uponbeing so particularly agreeable to him, and the like; and talked so much ofthat kind, till I found he had talked himself almost into a temper to do thesame thing over again. But I took him up short. I protested I had neversuffered any man to touch me since my husband died, which was near eight years.He said he believed it to be so truly; and added that madam had intimated asmuch to him, and that it was his opinion of that part which made his desire tosee me again; and that since he had once broke in upon his virtue with me, andfound no ill consequences, he could be safe in venturing there again; and so,in short, it went on to what I expected, and to what will not bear relating.
My old governess had foreseen it, as well as I, and therefore led him into aroom which had not a bed in it, and yet had a chamber within it which had abed, whither we withdrew for the rest of the night; and, in short, after sometime being together, he went to bed, and lay there all night. I withdrew, butcame again undressed in the morning, before it was day, and lay with him therest of the time.
Thus, you see, having committed a crime once is a sad handle to the committingof it again; whereas all the regret and reflections wear off when thetemptation renews itself. Had I not yielded to see him again, the corruptdesire in him had worn off, and ’tis very probable he had never falleninto it with anybody else, as I really believe he had not done before.
When he went away, I told him I hoped he was satisfied he had not been robbedagain. He told me he was satisfied in that point, and could trust me again, andputting his hand in his pocket, gave me five guineas, which was the first moneyI had gained that way for many years.
I had several visits of the like kind from him, but he never came into asettled way of maintenance, which was what I would have best pleased with.Once, indeed, he asked me how I did to live. I answered him pretty quick, thatI assured him I had never taken that course that I took with him, but thatindeed I worked at my needle, and could just maintain myself; that sometime itwas as much as I was able to do, and I shifted hard enough.
He seemed to reflect upon himself that he should be the first person to lead meinto that, which he assured me he never intended to do himself; and it touchedhim a little, he said, that he should be the cause of his own sin and mine too.He would often make just reflections also upon the crime itself, and upon theparticular circumstances of it with respect to himself; how wine introduced theinclinations, how the devil led him to the place, and found out an object totempt him, and he made the moral always himself.
When these thoughts were upon him he would go away, and perhaps not come againin a month’s time or longer; but then as the serious part wore off, thelewd part would wear in, and then he came prepared for the wicked part. Thus welived for some time; though he did not keep, as they call it, yet he neverfailed doing things that were handsome, and sufficient to maintain me withoutworking, and, which was better, without following my old trade.
But this affair had its end too; for after about a year, I found that he didnot come so often as usual, and at last he left if off altogether without anydislike to bidding adieu; and so there was an end of that short scene of life,which added no great store to me, only to make more work for repentance.
However, during this interval I confined myself pretty much at home; at least,being thus provided for, I made no adventures, no, not for a quarter of a yearafter he left me; but then finding the fund fail, and being loth to spend uponthe main stock, I began to think of my old trade, and to look abroad into thestreet again; and my first step was lucky enough.
I had dressed myself up in a very mean habit, for as I had several shapes toappear in, I was now in an ordinary stuff-gown, a blue apron, and a straw hatand I placed myself at the door of the Three Cups Inn in St. John Street. Therewere several carriers used the inn, and the stage-coaches for Barnet, forTotteridge, and other towns that way stood always in the street in the evening,when they prepared to set out, so that I was ready for anything that offered,for either one or other. The meaning was this; people come frequently withbundles and small parcels to those inns, and call for such carriers or coachesas they want, to carry them into the country; and there generally attend women,porters’ wives or daughters, ready to take in such things for theirrespective people that employ them.
It happened very oddly that I was standing at the inn gate, and a woman thathad stood there before, and which was the porter’s wife belonging to theBarnet stage-coach, having observed me, asked if I waited for any of thecoaches. I told her Yes, I waited for my mistress, that was coming to go toBarnet. She asked me who was my mistress, and I told her any madam’s namethat came next me; but as it seemed, I happened upon a name, a family of whichname lived at Hadley, just beyond Barnet.
I said no more to her, or she to me, a good while; but by and by, somebodycalling her at a door a little way off, she desired me that if anybody calledfor the Barnet coach, I would step and call her at the house, which it seemswas an alehouse. I said Yes, very readily, and away she went.
She was no sooner gone but comes a wench and a child, puffing and sweating, andasks for the Barnet coach. I answered presently, “Here.” “Doyou belong to the Barnet coach?” says she. “Yes, sweetheart,”said I; “what do ye want?” “I want room for twopassengers,” says she. “Where are they, sweetheart?” said I.“Here’s this girl, pray let her go into the coach,” says she,“and I’ll go and fetch my mistress.” “Make haste, then,sweetheart,” says I, “for we may be full else.” The maid hada great bundle under her arm; so she put the child into the coach, and I said,“You had best put your bundle into the coach too.”“No,” says she, “I am afraid somebody should slip it awayfrom the child.” “Give to me, then,” said I, “andI’ll take care of it.” “Do, then,” says she, “andbe sure you take of it.” “I’ll answer for it,” said I,“if it were for £20 value.” “There, take it,then,” says she, and away she goes.
As soon as I had got the bundle, and the maid was out of sight, I goes ontowards the alehouse, where the porter’s wife was, so that if I had mether, I had then only been going to give her the bundle, and to call her to herbusiness, as if I was going away, and could stay no longer; but as I did notmeet her, I walked away, and turning into Charterhouse Lane, then crossed intoBartholomew Close, so into Little Britain, and through the Bluecoat Hospital,into Newgate Street.
To prevent my being known, I pulled off my blue apron, and wrapped the bundlein it, which before was made up in a piece of painted calico, and veryremarkable; I also wrapped up my straw hat in it, and so put the bundle upon myhead; and it was very well that I did thus, for coming through the BluecoatHospital, who should I meet but the wench that had given me the bundle to hold.It seems she was going with her mistress, whom she had been gone to fetch, tothe Barnet coaches.
I saw she was in haste, and I had no business to stop her; so away she went,and I brought my bundle safe home to my governess. There was no money, norplate, or jewels in the bundle, but a very good suit of Indian damask, a gownand a petticoat, a laced-head and ruffles of very good Flanders lace, and somelinen and other things, such as I knew very well the value of.
This was not indeed my own invention, but was given me by one that hadpractised it with success, and my governess liked it extremely; and indeed Itried it again several times, though never twice near the same place; for thenext time I tried it in White Chapel, just by the corner of Petticoat Lane,where the coaches stand that go out to Stratford and Bow, and that side of thecountry, and another time at the Flying Horse, without Bishopgate, where theCheston coaches then lay; and I had always the good luck to come off with somebooty.
Another time I placed myself at a warehouse by the waterside, where thecoasting vessels from the north come, such as from Newcastle-upon-Tyne,Sunderland, and other places. Here, the warehouses being shut, comes a youngfellow with a letter; and he wanted a box and a hamper that was come fromNewcastle-upon-Tyne. I asked him if he had the marks of it; so he shows me theletter, by virtue of which he was to ask for it, and which gave an account ofthe contents, the box being full of linen, and the hamper full of glass ware. Iread the letter, and took care to see the name, and the marks, the name of theperson that sent the goods, the name of the person that they were sent to; thenI bade the messenger come in the morning, for that the warehouse-keeper wouldnot be there any more that night.
Away went I, and getting materials in a public house, I wrote a letter from Mr.John Richardson of Newcastle to his dear cousin Jemmy Cole, in London, with anaccount that he sent by such a vessel (for I remembered all the particulars toa title), so many pieces of huckaback linen, so many ells of Dutch holland andthe like, in a box, and a hamper of flint glasses from Mr. Henzill’sglasshouse; and that the box was marked I. C. No. 1, and the hamper wasdirected by a label on the cording.
About an hour after, I came to the warehouse, found the warehouse-keeper, andhad the goods delivered me without any scruple; the value of the linen beingabout £22.
I could fill up this whole discourse with the variety of such adventures, whichdaily invention directed to, and which I managed with the utmost dexterity, andalways with success.
At length—as when does the pitcher come safe home that goes so very oftento the well?—I fell into some small broils, which though they could notaffect me fatally, yet made me known, which was the worst thing next to beingfound guilty that could befall me.
I had taken up the disguise of a widow’s dress; it was without any realdesign in view, but only waiting for anything that might offer, as I often did.It happened that while I was going along the street in Covent Garden, there wasa great cry of “Stop thief! Stop thief!” some artists had, itseems, put a trick upon a shopkeeper, and being pursued, some of them fled oneway, and some another; and one of them was, they said, dressed up inwidow’s weeds, upon which the mob gathered about me, and some said I wasthe person, others said no. Immediately came the mercer’s journeyman, andhe swore aloud I was the person, and so seized on me. However, when I wasbrought back by the mob to the mercer’s shop, the master of the housesaid freely that I was not the woman that was in his shop, and would have letme go immediately; but another fellow said gravely, “Pray stay till Mr.——” (meaning the journeyman) “comes back, for he knowsher.” So they kept me by force near half an hour. They had called aconstable, and he stood in the shop as my jailer; and in talking with theconstable I inquired where he lived, and what trade he was; the man notapprehending in the least what happened afterwards, readily told me his name,and trade, and where he lived; and told me as a jest, that I might be sure tohear of his name when I came to the Old Bailey.
Some of the servants likewise used me saucily, and had much ado to keep theirhands off me; the master indeed was civiller to me than they, but he would notyet let me go, though he owned he could not say I was in his shop before.
I began to be a little surly with him, and told him I hoped he would not takeit ill if I made myself amends upon him in a more legal way another time; anddesired I might send for friends to see me have right done me. No, he said, hecould give no such liberty; I might ask it when I came before the justice ofpeace; and seeing I threatened him, he would take care of me in the meantime,and would lodge me safe in Newgate. I told him it was his time now, but itwould be mine by and by, and governed my passion as well as I was able.However, I spoke to the constable to call me a porter, which he did, and then Icalled for pen, ink, and paper, but they would let me have none. I asked theporter his name, and where he lived, and the poor man told it me verywillingly. I bade him observe and remember how I was treated there; that he sawI was detained there by force. I told him I should want his evidence in anotherplace, and it should not be the worse for him to speak. The porter said hewould serve me with all his heart. “But, madam,” says he,“let me hear them refuse to let you go, then I may be able to speak theplainer.”
With that I spoke aloud to the master of the shop, and said, “Sir, youknow in your own conscience that I am not the person you look for, and that Iwas not in your shop before, therefore I demand that you detain me here nolonger, or tell me the reason of your stopping me.” The fellow grewsurlier upon this than before, and said he would do neither till he thoughtfit. “Very well,” said I to the constable and to the porter;“you will be pleased to remember this, gentlemen, another time.”The porter said, “Yes, madam”; and the constable began not to likeit, and would have persuaded the mercer to dismiss him, and let me go, since,as he said, he owned I was not the person. “Good, sir,” says themercer to him tauntingly, “are you a justice of peace or a constable? Icharged you with her; pray do you do your duty.” The constable told him,a little moved, but very handsomely, “I know my duty, and what I am, sir;I doubt you hardly know what you are doing.” They had some other hardwords, and in the meantime the journeyman, impudent and unmanly to the lastdegree, used me barbarously, and one of them, the same that first seized uponme, pretended he would search me, and began to lay hands on me. I spit in hisface, called out to the constable, and bade him to take notice of my usage.“And pray, Mr. Constable,” said I, “ask that villain’sname,” pointing to the man. The constable reproved him decently, told himthat he did not know what he did, for he knew that his master acknowledged Iwas not the person that was in his shop; “and,” says the constable,“I am afraid your master is bringing himself, and me too, into trouble,if this gentlewoman comes to prove who she is, and where she was, and itappears that she is not the woman you pretend to.” “Damnher,” says the fellow again, with a impudent, hardened face, “sheis the lady, you may depend upon it; I’ll swear she is the same body thatwas in the shop, and that I gave the pieces of satin that is lost into her ownhand. You shall hear more of it when Mr. William and Mr. Anthony (those wereother journeymen) come back; they will know her again as well as I.”
Just as the insolent rogue was talking thus to the constable, comes back Mr.William and Mr. Anthony, as he called them, and a great rabble with them,bringing along with them the true widow that I was pretended to be; and theycame sweating and blowing into the shop, and with a great deal of triumph,dragging the poor creature in the most butcherly manner up towards theirmaster, who was in the back shop, and cried out aloud, “Here’s thewidow, sir; we have catched her at last.” “What do ye mean bythat?” says the master. “Why, we have her already; there shesits,” says he, “and Mr. ——,” says he, “canswear this is she.” The other man, whom they called Mr. Anthony, replied,“Mr. —— may say what he will, and swear what he will, butthis is the woman, and there’s the remnant of satin she stole; I took itout of her clothes with my own hand.”
I sat still now, and began to take a better heart, but smiled and said nothing;the master looked pale; the constable turned about and looked at me. “Let’em alone, Mr. Constable,” said I; “let “em goon.” The case was plain and could not be denied, so the constable wascharged with the right thief, and the mercer told me very civilly he was sorryfor the mistake, and hoped I would not take it ill; that they had so manythings of this nature put upon them every day, that they could not be blamedfor being very sharp in doing themselves justice. “Not take it ill,sir!” said I; “how can I take it well! If you had dismissed me whenyour insolent fellow seized on me it the street, and brought me to you, andwhen you yourself acknowledged I was not the person, I would have put it by,and not taken it ill, because of the many ill things I believe you have putupon you daily; but your treatment of me since has been insufferable, andespecially that of your servant; I must and will have reparation forthat.”
Then he began to parley with me, said he would make me any reasonablesatisfaction, and would fain have had me tell him what it was I expected. Itold him that I should not be my own judge, the law should decide it for me;and as I was to be carried before a magistrate, I should let him hear therewhat I had to say. He told me there was no occasion to go before the justicenow, I was at liberty to go where I pleased; and so, calling to the constable,told him he might let me go, for I was discharged. The constable said calmly tohim, “sir, you asked me just now if I knew whether I was a constable orjustice, and bade me do my duty, and charged me with this gentlewoman as aprisoner. Now, sir, I find you do not understand what is my duty, for you wouldmake me a justice indeed; but I must tell you it is not in my power. I may keepa prisoner when I am charged with him, but ’tis the law and themagistrate alone that can discharge that prisoner; therefore ’tis amistake, sir; I must carry her before a justice now, whether you think well ofit or not.” The mercer was very high with the constable at first; but theconstable happening to be not a hired officer, but a good, substantial kind ofman (I think he was a corn-handler), and a man of good sense, stood to hisbusiness, would not discharge me without going to a justice of the peace; and Iinsisted upon it too. When the mercer saw that, “Well,” says he tothe constable, “you may carry her where you please; I have nothing to sayto her.” “But, sir,” says the constable, “you will gowith us, I hope, for ’tis you that charged me with her.” “No,not I,” says the mercer; “I tell you I have nothing to say toher.” “But pray, sir, do,” says the constable; “Idesire it of you for your own sake, for the justice can do nothing withoutyou.” “Prithee, fellow,” says the mercer, “go aboutyour business; I tell you I have nothing to say to the gentlewoman. I chargeyou in the king’s name to dismiss her.” “Sir,” says theconstable, “I find you don’t know what it is to be constable; I begof you don’t oblige me to be rude to you.” “I think I neednot; you are rude enough already,” says the mercer. “No,sir,” says the constable, “I am not rude; you have broken the peacein bringing an honest woman out of the street, when she was about her lawfuloccasion, confining her in your shop, and ill-using her here by your servants;and now can you say I am rude to you? I think I am civil to you in notcommanding or charging you in the king’s name to go with me, and chargingevery man I see that passes your door to aid and assist me in carrying you byforce; this you cannot but know I have power to do, and yet I forbear it, andonce more entreat you to go with me.” Well, he would not for all this,and gave the constable ill language. However, the constable kept his temper,and would not be provoked; and then I put in and said, “Come, Mr.Constable, let him alone; I shall find ways enough to fetch him before amagistrate, I don’t fear that; but there’s the fellow,” saysI, “he was the man that seized on me as I was innocently going along thestreet, and you are a witness of the violence with me since; give me leave tocharge you with him, and carry him before the justice.” “Yes,madam,” says the constable; and turning to the fellow “Come, younggentleman,” says he to the journeyman, “you must go along with us;I hope you are not above the constable’s power, though your masteris.”
The fellow looked like a condemned thief, and hung back, then looked at hismaster, as if he could help him; and he, like a fool, encourage the fellow tobe rude, and he truly resisted the constable, and pushed him back with a goodforce when he went to lay hold on him, at which the constable knocked him down,and called out for help; and immediately the shop was filled with people, andthe constable seized the master and man, and all his servants.
This first ill consequence of this fray was, that the woman they had taken, whowas really the thief, made off, and got clear away in the crowd; and two otherthat they had stopped also; whether they were really guilty or not, that I cansay nothing to.
By this time some of his neighbours having come in, and, upon inquiry, seeinghow things went, had endeavoured to bring the hot-brained mercer to his senses,and he began to be convinced that he was in the wrong; and so at length we wentall very quietly before the justice, with a mob of about five hundred people atour heels; and all the way I went I could hear the people ask what was thematter, and other reply and say, a mercer had stopped a gentlewoman instead ofa thief, and had afterwards taken the thief, and now the gentlewoman had takenthe mercer, and was carrying him before the justice. This pleased the peoplestrangely, and made the crowd increase, and they cried out as they went,“Which is the rogue? which is the mercer?” and especially thewomen. Then when they saw him they cried out, “That’s he,that’s he”; and every now and then came a good dab of dirt at him;and thus we marched a good while, till the mercer thought fit to desire theconstable to call a coach to protect himself from the rabble; so we rode therest of the way, the constable and I, and the mercer and his man.
When we came to the justice, which was an ancient gentleman in Bloomsbury, theconstable giving first a summary account of the matter, the justice bade mespeak, and tell what I had to say. And first he asked my name, which I was veryloth to give, but there was no remedy, so I told him my name was Mary Flanders,that I was a widow, my husband being a sea captain, died on a voyage toVirginia; and some other circumstances I told which he could never contradict,and that I lodged at present in town with such a person, naming my governess;but that I was preparing to go over to America, where my husband’seffects lay, and that I was going that day to buy some clothes to put myselfinto second mourning, but had not yet been in any shop, when that fellow,pointing to the mercer’s journeyman, came rushing upon me with such furyas very much frighted me, and carried me back to his master’s shop,where, though his master acknowledged I was not the person, yet he would notdismiss me, but charged a constable with me.
Then I proceeded to tell how the journeyman treated me; how they would notsuffer me to send for any of my friends; how afterwards they found the realthief, and took the very goods they had lost upon her, and all the particularsas before.
Then the constable related his case: his dialogue with the mercer aboutdischarging me, and at last his servant’s refusing to go with him, whenhe had charged him with him, and his master encouraging him to do so, and atlast his striking the constable, and the like, all as I have told it already.
The justice then heard the mercer and his man. The mercer indeed made a longharangue of the great loss they have daily by lifters and thieves; that it waseasy for them to mistake, and that when he found it he would have dismissed me,etc., as above. As to the journeyman, he had very little to say, but that hepretended other of the servants told him that I was really the person.
Upon the whole, the justice first of all told me very courteously I wasdischarged; that he was very sorry that the mercer’s man should in hiseager pursuit have so little discretion as to take up an innocent person for aguilty person; that if he had not been so unjust as to detain me afterward, hebelieved I would have forgiven the first affront; that, however, it was not inhis power to award me any reparation for anything, other than by openlyreproving them, which he should do; but he supposed I would apply to suchmethods as the law directed; in the meantime he would bind him over.
But as to the breach of the peace committed by the journeyman, he told me heshould give me some satisfaction for that, for he should commit him to Newgatefor assaulting the constable, and for assaulting me also.
Accordingly he sent the fellow to Newgate for that assault, and his master gavebail, and so we came away; but I had the satisfaction of seeing the mob waitupon them both, as they came out, hallooing and throwing stones and dirt at thecoaches they rode in; and so I came home to my governess.
After this hustle, coming home and telling my governess the story, she fallsa-laughing at me. “Why are you merry?” says I; “the story hasnot so much laughing room in it as you imagine; I am sure I have had a greatdeal of hurry and fright too, with a pack of ugly rogues.”“Laugh!” says my governess; “I laugh, child, to see what alucky creature you are; why, this job will be the best bargain to you that everyou made in your life, if you manage it well. I warrant you,” says she,“you shall make the mercer pay you £500 for damages, besides whatyou shall get out of the journeyman.”
I had other thoughts of the matter than she had; and especially, because I hadgiven in my name to the justice of peace; and I knew that my name was so wellknown among the people at Hick’s Hall, the Old Bailey, and such places,that if this cause came to be tried openly, and my name came to be inquiredinto, no court would give much damages, for the reputation of a person of sucha character. However, I was obliged to begin a prosecution in form, andaccordingly my governess found me out a very creditable sort of a man to manageit, being an attorney of very good business, and of a good reputation, and shewas certainly in the right of this; for had she employed a pettifogging hedgesolicitor, or a man not known, and not in good reputation, I should havebrought it to but little.
I met this attorney, and gave him all the particulars at large, as they arerecited above; and he assured me it was a case, as he said, that would verywell support itself, and that he did not question but that a jury would givevery considerable damages on such an occasion; so taking his full instructionshe began the prosecution, and the mercer being arrested, gave bail. A few daysafter his giving bail, he comes with his attorney to my attorney, to let himknow that he desired to accommodate the matter; that it was all carried on inthe heat of an unhappy passion; that his client, meaning me, had a sharpprovoking tongue, that I used them ill, gibing at them, and jeering them, evenwhile they believed me to be the very person, and that I had provoked them, andthe like.
My attorney managed as well on my side; made them believe I was a widow offortune, that I was able to do myself justice, and had great friends to standby me too, who had all made me promise to sue to the utmost, and that if itcost me a thousand pounds I would be sure to have satisfaction, for that theaffronts I had received were insufferable.
However, they brought my attorney to this, that he promised he would not blowthe coals, that if I inclined to accommodation, he would not hinder me, andthat he would rather persuade me to peace than to war; for which they told himhe should be no loser; all which he told me very honestly, and told me that ifthey offered him any bribe, I should certainly know it; but upon the whole hetold me very honestly that if I would take his opinion, he would advise me tomake it up with them, for that as they were in a great fright, and weredesirous above all things to make it up, and knew that, let it be what itwould, they would be allotted to bear all the costs of the suit; he believedthey would give me freely more than any jury or court of justice would giveupon a trial. I asked him what he thought they would be brought to. He told mehe could not tell as to that, but he would tell me more when I saw him again.
Some time after this, they came again to know if he had talked with me. He toldthem he had; that he found me not so averse to an accommodation as some of myfriends were, who resented the disgrace offered me, and set me on; that theyblowed the coals in secret, prompting me to revenge, or do myself justice, asthey called it; so that he could not tell what to say to it; he told them hewould do his endeavour to persuade me, but he ought to be able to tell me whatproposal they made. They pretended they could not make any proposal, because itmight be made use of against them; and he told them, that by the same rule hecould not make any offers, for that might be pleaded in abatement of whatdamages a jury might be inclined to give. However, after some discourse andmutual promises that no advantage should be taken on either side, by what wastransacted then or at any other of those meetings, they came to a kind of atreaty; but so remote, and so wide from one another, that nothing could beexpected from it; for my attorney demanded £500 and charges, and theyoffered £50 without charges; so they broke off, and the mercer proposedto have a meeting with me myself; and my attorney agreed to that very readily.
My attorney gave me notice to come to this meeting in good clothes, and withsome state, that the mercer might see I was something more than I seemed to bethat time they had me. Accordingly I came in a new suit of second mourning,according to what I had said at the justice’s. I set myself out, too, aswell as a widow’s dress in second mourning would admit; my governess alsofurnished me with a good pearl necklace, that shut in behind with a locket ofdiamonds, which she had in pawn; and I had a very good figure; and as I stayedtill I was sure they were come, I came in a coach to the door, with my maidwith me.
When I came into the room the mercer was surprised. He stood up and made hisbow, which I took a little notice of, and but a little, and went and sat downwhere my own attorney had pointed to me to sit, for it was his house. After alittle while the mercer said, he did not know me again, and began to make somecompliments his way. I told him, I believed he did not know me at first, andthat if he had, I believed he would not have treated me as he did.
He told me he was very sorry for what had happened, and that it was to testifythe willingness he had to make all possible reparation that he had appointedthis meeting; that he hoped I would not carry things to extremity, which mightbe not only too great a loss to him, but might be the ruin of his business andshop, in which case I might have the satisfaction of repaying an injury with aninjury ten times greater; but that I would then get nothing, whereas he waswilling to do me any justice that was in his power, without putting himself orme to the trouble or charge of a suit at law.
I told him I was glad to hear him talk so much more like a man of sense than hedid before; that it was true, acknowledgment in most cases of affronts wascounted reparation sufficient; but this had gone too far to be made up so; thatI was not revengeful, nor did I seek his ruin, or any man’s else, butthat all my friends were unanimous not to let me so far neglect my character asto adjust a thing of this kind without a sufficient reparation of honour; thatto be taken up for a thief was such an indignity as could not be put up; thatmy character was above being treated so by any that knew me, but because in mycondition of a widow I had been for some time careless of myself, and negligentof myself, I might be taken for such a creature, but that for the particularusage I had from him afterwards,—and then I repeated all as before; itwas so provoking I had scarce patience to repeat it.
Well, he acknowledged all, and was might humble indeed; he made proposals veryhandsome; he came up to £100 and to pay all the law charges, and addedthat he would make me a present of a very good suit of clothes. I came down to£300, and I demanded that I should publish an advertisement of theparticulars in the common newspapers.
This was a clause he never could comply with. However, at last he came up, bygood management of my attorney, to £150 and a suit of black silk clothes;and there I agree, and as it were, at my attorney’s request, compliedwith it, he paying my attorney’s bill and charges, and gave us a goodsupper into the bargain.
When I came to receive the money, I brought my governess with me, dressed likean old duchess, and a gentleman very well dressed, who we pretended courted me,but I called him cousin, and the lawyer was only to hint privately to him thathis gentleman courted the widow.
He treated us handsomely indeed, and paid the money cheerfully enough; so thatit cost him £200 in all, or rather more. At our last meeting, when allwas agreed, the case of the journeyman came up, and the mercer begged very hardfor him; told me he was a man that had kept a shop of his own, and been in goodbusiness, had a wife, and several children, and was very poor; that he hadnothing to make satisfaction with, but he should come to beg my pardon on hisknees, if I desired it, as openly as I pleased. I had no spleen at the saucyrogue, nor were his submissions anything to me, since there was nothing to begot by him, so I thought it was as good to throw that in generously as not; soI told him I did not desire the ruin of any man, and therefore at his request Iwould forgive the wretch; it was below me to seek any revenge.
When we were at supper he brought the poor fellow in to make acknowledgment,which he would have done with as much mean humility as his offence was withinsulting haughtiness and pride, in which he was an instance of a completebaseness of spirit, impious, cruel, and relentless when uppermost and inprosperity, abject and low-spirited when down in affliction. However, I abatedhis cringes, told him I forgave him, and desired he might withdraw, as if I didnot care for the sight of him, though I had forgiven him.
I was now in good circumstances indeed, if I could have known my time forleaving off, and my governess often said I was the richest of the trade inEngland; and so I believe I was, for I had £700 by me in money, besidesclothes, rings, some plate, and two gold watches, and all of them stolen, for Ihad innumerable jobs besides these I have mentioned. Oh! had I even now had thegrace of repentance, I had still leisure to have looked back upon my follies,and have made some reparation; but the satisfaction I was to make for thepublic mischiefs I had done was yet left behind; and I could not forbear goingabroad again, as I called it now, than any more I could when my extremityreally drove me out for bread.
It was not long after the affair with the mercer was made up, that I went outin an equipage quite different from any I had ever appeared in before. Idressed myself like a beggar woman, in the coarsest and most despicable rags Icould get, and I walked about peering and peeping into every door and window Icame near; and indeed I was in such a plight now that I knew as ill how tobehave in as ever I did in any. I naturally abhorred dirt and rags; I had beenbred up tight and cleanly, and could be no other, whatever condition I was in;so that this was the most uneasy disguise to me that ever I put on. I saidpresently to myself that this would not do, for this was a dress that everybodywas shy and afraid of; and I thought everybody looked at me, as if they wereafraid I should come near them, lest I should take something from them, orafraid to come near me, lest they should get something from me. I wanderedabout all the evening the first time I went out, and made nothing of it, butcame home again wet, draggled, and tired. However, I went out again the nextnight, and then I met with a little adventure, which had like to have cost medear. As I was standing near a tavern door, there comes a gentleman onhorseback, and lights at the door, and wanting to go into the tavern, he callsone of the drawers to hold his horse. He stayed pretty long in the tavern, andthe drawer heard his master call, and thought he would be angry with him.Seeing me stand by him, he called to me, “Here, woman,” says he,“hold this horse a while, till I go in; if the gentleman comes,he’ll give you something.” “Yes,” says I, and takes thehorse, and walks off with him very soberly, and carried him to my governess.
This had been a booty to those that had understood it; but never was poor thiefmore at a loss to know what to do with anything that was stolen; for when Icame home, my governess was quite confounded, and what to do with the creature,we neither of us knew. To send him to a stable was doing nothing, for it wascertain that public notice would be given in the Gazette, and the horsedescribed, so that we durst not go to fetch it again.
All the remedy we had for this unlucky adventure was to go and set up the horseat an inn, and send a note by a porter to the tavern, that thegentleman’s horse that was lost such a time was left at such an inn, andthat he might be had there; that the poor woman that held him, having led himabout the street, not being able to lead him back again, had left him there. Wemight have waited till the owner had published and offered a reward, but we didnot care to venture the receiving the reward.
So this was a robbery and no robbery, for little was lost by it, and nothingwas got by it, and I was quite sick of going out in a beggar’s dress; itdid not answer at all, and besides, I thought it was ominous and threatening.
While I was in this disguise, I fell in with a parcel of folks of a worse kindthan any I ever sorted with, and I saw a little into their ways too. These werecoiners of money, and they made some very good offers to me, as to profit; butthe part they would have had me have embarked in was the most dangerous part. Imean that of the very working the die, as they call it, which, had I beentaken, had been certain death, and that at a stake—I say, to be burnt todeath at a stake; so that though I was to appearance but a beggar, and theypromised mountains of gold and silver to me to engage, yet it would not do. Itis true, if I had been really a beggar, or had been desperate as when I began,I might perhaps have closed with it; for what care they to die that can’ttell how to live? But at present this was not my condition, at least I was forno such terrible risks as those; besides, the very thoughts of being burnt at astake struck terror into my very soul, chilled my blood, and gave me thevapours to such a degree, as I could not think of it without trembling.
This put an end to my disguise too, for as I did not like the proposal, so Idid not tell them so, but seemed to relish it, and promised to meet again. ButI durst see them no more; for if I had seen them, and not complied, though Ihad declined it with the greatest assurance of secrecy in the world, they wouldhave gone near to have murdered me, to make sure work, and make themselveseasy, as they call it. What kind of easiness that is, they may best judge thatunderstand how easy men are that can murder people to prevent danger.
This and horse-stealing were things quite out of my way, and I might easilyresolve I would have no more to say to them; my business seemed to lie anotherway, and though it had hazard enough in it too, yet it was more suitable to me,and what had more of art in it, and more room to escape, and more chances fora-coming off if a surprise should happen.
I had several proposals made also to me about that time, to come into a gang ofhouse-breakers; but that was a thing I had no mind to venture at neither, anymore than I had at the coining trade. I offered to go along with two men and awoman, that made it their business to get into houses by stratagem, and withthem I was willing enough to venture. But there were three of them already, andthey did not care to part, nor I to have too many in a gang, so I did not closewith them, but declined them, and they paid dear for their next attempt.
But at length I met with a woman that had often told me what adventures she hadmade, and with success, at the waterside, and I closed with her, and we droveon our business pretty well. One day we came among some Dutch people at St.Catherine’s, where we went on pretence to buy goods that were privatelygot on shore. I was two or three times in a house where we saw a good quantityof prohibited goods, and my companion once brought away three pieces of Dutchblack silk that turned to good account, and I had my share of it; but in allthe journeys I made by myself, I could not get an opportunity to do anything,so I laid it aside, for I had been so often, that they began to suspectsomething, and were so shy, that I saw nothing was to be done.
This baulked me a little, and I resolved to push at something or other, for Iwas not used to come back so often without purchase; so the next day I dressedmyself up fine, and took a walk to the other end of the town. I passed throughthe Exchange in the Strand, but had no notion of finding anything to do there,when on a sudden I saw a great cluttering in the place, and all the people,shopkeepers as well as others, standing up and staring; and what should it bebut some great duchess come into the Exchange, and they said the queen wascoming. I set myself close up to a shop-side with my back to the counter, as ifto let the crowd pass by, when keeping my eye upon a parcel of lace which theshopkeeper was showing to some ladies that stood by me, the shopkeeper and hermaid were so taken up with looking to see who was coming, and what shop theywould go to, that I found means to slip a paper of lace into my pocket and comeclear off with it; so the lady-milliner paid dear enough for her gaping afterthe queen.
I went off from the shop, as if driven along by the throng, and mingling myselfwith the crowd, went out at the other door of the Exchange, and so got awaybefore they missed their lace; and because I would not be followed, I called acoach and shut myself up in it. I had scarce shut the coach doors up, but I sawthe milliner’s maid and five or six more come running out into thestreet, and crying out as if they were frightened. They did not cry “Stopthief!” because nobody ran away, but I could hear the word“robbed,” and “lace,” two or three times, and saw thewench wringing her hands, and run staring to and again, like one scared. Thecoachman that had taken me up was getting up into the box, but was not quiteup, so that the horse had not begun to move; so that I was terrible uneasy, andI took the packet of lace and laid it ready to have dropped it out at the flapof the coach, which opens before, just behind the coachman; but to my greatsatisfaction, in less than a minute the coach began to move, that is to say, assoon as the coachman had got up and spoken to his horses; so he drove awaywithout any interruption, and I brought off my purchase, which was worth near£20.
The next day I dressed up again, but in quite different clothes, and walked thesame way again, but nothing offered till I came into St. James’s Park,where I saw abundance of fine ladies in the Park, walking in the Mall, andamong the rest there was a little miss, a young lady of about twelve orthirteen years old, and she had a sister, as I suppose it was, with her, thatmight be about nine years old. I observed the biggest had a fine gold watch on,and a good necklace of pearl, and they had a footman in livery with them; butas it is not usual for the footman to go behind the ladies in the Mall, so Iobserved the footman stopped at their going into the Mall, and the biggest ofthe sisters spoke to him, which I perceived was to bid him be just there whenthey came back.
When I heard her dismiss the footman, I stepped up to him and asked him, whatlittle lady that was? and held a little chat with him about what a pretty childit was with her, and how genteel and well-carriaged the lady, the eldest, wouldbe: how womanish, and how grave; and the fool of a fellow told me presently whoshe was; that she was Sir Thomas ——’s eldest daughter, ofEssex, and that she was a great fortune; that her mother was not come to townyet; but she was with Sir William ——’s lady, of Suffolk, ather lodging in Suffolk Street, and a great deal more; that they had a maid anda woman to wait on them, besides Sir Thomas’s coach, the coachman, andhimself; and that young lady was governess to the whole family, as well here asat home too; and, in short, told me abundance of things enough for my business.
I was very well dressed, and had my gold watch as well as she; so I left thefootman, and I puts myself in a rank with this young lady, having stayed tillshe had taken one double turn in the Mall, and was going forward again; by andby I saluted her by her name, with the title of Lady Betty. I asked her whenshe heard from her father; when my lady her mother would be in town, and howshe did.
I talked so familiarly to her of her whole family that she could not suspectbut that I knew them all intimately. I asked her why she would come abroadwithout Mrs. Chime with her (that was the name of her woman) to take of Mrs.Judith, that was her sister. Then I entered into a long chat with her about hersister, what a fine little lady she was, and asked her if she had learnedFrench, and a thousand such little things to entertain her, when on a sudden wesaw the guards come, and the crowd ran to see the king go by to the ParliamentHouse.
The ladies ran all to the side of the Mall, and I helped my lady to stand uponthe edge of the boards on the side of the Mall, that she might be high enoughto see; and took the little one and lifted her quite up; during which, I tookcare to convey the gold watch so clean away from the Lady Betty, that she neverfelt it, nor missed it, till all the crowd was gone, and she was gotten intothe middle of the Mall among the other ladies.
I took my leave of her in the very crowd, and said to her, as if in haste,“Dear Lady Betty, take care of your little sister.” And so thecrowd did as it were thrust me away from her, and that I was obligedunwillingly to take my leave.
The hurry in such cases is immediately over, and the place clear as soon as theking is gone by; but as there is always a great running and clutter just as theking passes, so having dropped the two little ladies, and done my business withthem without any miscarriage, I kept hurrying on among the crowd, as if I ranto see the king, and so I got before the crowd and kept so till I came to theend of the Mall, when the king going on towards the Horse Guards, I wentforward to the passage, which went then through against the lower end of theHaymarket, and there I bestowed a coach upon myself, and made off, and Iconfess I have not yet been so good as my word, viz. to go and visit my LadyBetty.
I was once of the mind to venture staying with Lady Betty till she missed thewatch, and so have made a great outcry about it with her, and have got her intothe coach, and put myself in the coach with her, and have gone home with her;for she appeared so fond of me, and so perfectly deceived by my so readilytalking to her of all her relations and family, that I thought it was very easyto push the thing farther, and to have got at least the necklace of pearl; butwhen I considered that though the child would not perhaps have suspected me,other people might, and that if I was searched I should be discovered, Ithought it was best to go off with what I had got, and be satisfied.
I came accidentally afterwards to hear, that when the young lady missed herwatch, she made a great outcry in the Park, and sent her footman up and down tosee if he could find me out, she having described me so perfectly that he knewpresently that it was the same person that had stood and talked so long withhim, and asked him so many questions about them; but I gone far enough out oftheir reach before she could come at her footman to tell him the story.
I made another adventure after this, of a nature different from all I had beenconcerned in yet, and this was at a gaming-house near Covent Garden.
I saw several people go in and out; and I stood in the passage a good whilewith another woman with me, and seeing a gentleman go up that seemed to be ofmore than ordinary fashion, I said to him, “Sir, pray don’t theygive women leave to go up?” “Yes, madam,” says he, “andto play too, if they please.” “I mean so, sir,” said I. Andwith that he said he would introduce me if I had a mind; so I followed him tothe door, and he looking in, “There, madam,” says he, “arethe gamesters, if you have a mind to venture.” I looked in and said to mycomrade aloud, “Here’s nothing but men; I won’t venture amongthem.” At which one of the gentlemen cried out, “You need not beafraid, madam, here’s none but fair gamesters; you are very welcome tocome and set what you please.” So I went a little nearer and looked on,and some of them brought me a chair, and I sat down and saw the box and dice goround apace; then I said to my comrade, “The gentlemen play too high forus; come, let us go.”
The people were all very civil, and one gentleman in particular encouraged me,and said, “Come, madam, if you please to venture, if you dare trust me,I’ll answer for it you shall have nothing put upon you here.”“No, sir,” said I, smiling, “I hope the gentlemen would notcheat a woman.” But still I declined venturing, though I pulled out apurse with money in it, that they might see I did not want money.
After I had sat a while, one gentleman said to me, jeering, “Come, madam,I see you are afraid to venture for yourself; I always had good luck with theladies, you shall set for me, if you won’t set for yourself.” Itold him, “Sir, I should be very loth to lose your money,” though Iadded, “I am pretty lucky too; but the gentlemen play so high, that Idare not indeed venture my own.”
“Well, well,” says he, “there’s ten guineas, madam; setthem for me.” So I took his money and set, himself looking on. I ran outnine of the guineas by one and two at a time, and then the box coming to thenext man to me, my gentleman gave me ten guineas more, and made me set five ofthem at once, and the gentleman who had the box threw out, so there was fiveguineas of his money again. He was encouraged at this, and made me take thebox, which was a bold venture. However, I held the box so long that I hadgained him his whole money, and had a good handful of guineas in my lap, andwhich was the better luck, when I threw out, I threw but at one or two of thosethat had set me, and so went off easy.
When I was come this length, I offered the gentleman all the gold, for it washis own; and so would have had him play for himself, pretending I did notunderstand the game well enough. He laughed, and said if I had but good luck,it was no matter whether I understood the game or no; but I should not leaveoff. However, he took out the fifteen guineas that he had put in at first, andbade me play with the rest. I would have told them to see how much I had got,but he said, “No, no, don’t tell them, I believe you are veryhonest, and ’tis bad luck to tell them”; so I played on.
I understood the game well enough, though I pretended I did not, and playedcautiously. It was to keep a good stock in my lap, out of which I every now andthen conveyed some into my pocket, but in such a manner, and at such convenienttimes, as I was sure he could not see it.
I played a great while, and had very good luck for him; but the last time Iheld the box, they set me high, and I threw boldly at all; I held the box tillI gained near fourscore guineas, but lost above half of it back in the lastthrow; so I got up, for I was afraid I should lose it all back again, and saidto him, “Pray come, sir, now, and take it and play for yourself; I thinkI have done pretty well for you.” He would have had me play on, but itgrew late, and I desired to be excused. When I gave it up to him, I told him Ihoped he would give me leave to tell it now, that I might see what I hadgained, and how lucky I had been for him; when I told them, there werethreescore and three guineas. “Ay,” says I, “if it had notbeen for that unlucky throw, I had got you a hundred guineas.” So I gavehim all the money, but he would not take it till I had put my hand into it, andtaken some for myself, and bid me please myself. I refused it, and was positiveI would not take it myself; if he had a mind to anything of that kind, itshould be all his own doings.
The rest of the gentlemen seeing us striving cried, “Give it herall”; but I absolutely refused that. Then one of them said,“D—n ye, Jack, halve it with her; don’t you know you shouldbe always upon even terms with the ladies.” So, in short, he divided itwith me, and I brought away thirty guineas, besides about forty-three which Ihad stole privately, which I was sorry for afterward, because he was sogenerous.
Thus I brought home seventy-three guineas, and let my old governess see whatgood luck I had at play. However, it was her advice that I should not ventureagain, and I took her counsel, for I never went there any more; for I knew aswell as she, if the itch of play came in, I might soon lose that, and all therest of what I had got.
Fortune had smiled upon me to that degree, and I had thriven so much, and mygoverness too, for she always had a share with me, that really the oldgentlewoman began to talk of leaving off while we were well, and beingsatisfied with what we had got; but, I know not what fate guided me, I was asbackward to it now as she was when I proposed it to her before, and so in anill hour we gave over the thoughts of it for the present, and, in a word, Igrew more hardened and audacious than ever, and the success I had made my nameas famous as any thief of my sort ever had been at Newgate, and in the OldBailey.
I had sometime taken the liberty to play the same game over again, which is notaccording to practice, which however succeeded not amiss; but generally I tookup new figures, and contrived to appear in new shapes every time I went abroad.
It was not a rumbling time of the year, and the gentlemen being most of themgone out of town, Tunbridge, and Epsom, and such places were full of people.But the city was thin, and I thought our trade felt it a little, as well asother; so that at the latter end of the year I joined myself with a gang whousually go every year to Stourbridge Fair, and from thence to Bury Fair, inSuffolk. We promised ourselves great things there, but when I came to see howthings were, I was weary of it presently; for except mere picking of pockets,there was little worth meddling with; neither, if a booty had been made, was itso easy carrying it off, nor was there such a variety of occasion for businessin our way, as in London; all that I made of the whole journey was a gold watchat Bury Fair, and a small parcel of linen at Cambridge, which gave me anoccasion to take leave of the place. It was on old bite, and I thought might dowith a country shopkeeper, though in London it would not.
I bought at a linen-draper’s shop, not in the fair, but in the town ofCambridge, as much fine holland and other things as came to about seven pounds;when I had done, I bade them be sent to such an inn, where I had purposelytaken up my being the same morning, as if I was to lodge there that night.
I ordered the draper to send them home to me, about such an hour, to the innwhere I lay, and I would pay him his money. At the time appointed the drapersends the goods, and I placed one of our gang at the chamber door, and when theinnkeeper’s maid brought the messenger to the door, who was a youngfellow, an apprentice, almost a man, she tells him her mistress was asleep, butif he would leave the things and call in about an hour, I should be awake, andhe might have the money. He left the parcel very readily, and goes his way, andin about half an hour my maid and I walked off, and that very evening I hired ahorse, and a man to ride before me, and went to Newmarket, and from thence gotmy passage in a coach that was not quite full to St. Edmund’s Bury,where, as I told you, I could make but little of my trade, only at a littlecountry opera-house made a shift to carry off a gold watch from a lady’sside, who was not only intolerably merry, but, as I thought, a little fuddled,which made my work much easier.
I made off with this little booty to Ipswich, and from thence to Harwich, whereI went into an inn, as if I had newly arrived from Holland, not doubting but Ishould make some purchase among the foreigners that came on shore there; but Ifound them generally empty of things of value, except what was in theirportmanteaux and Dutch hampers, which were generally guarded by footmen;however, I fairly got one of their portmanteaux one evening out of the chamberwhere the gentleman lay, the footman being fast asleep on the bed, and Isuppose very drunk.
The room in which I lodged lay next to the Dutchman’s, and having draggedthe heavy thing with much ado out of the chamber into mine, I went out into thestreet, to see if I could find any possibility of carrying it off. I walkedabout a great while, but could see no probability either of getting out thething, or of conveying away the goods that were in it if I had opened it, thetown being so small, and I a perfect stranger in it; so I was returning with aresolution to carry it back again, and leave it where I found it. Just in thatvery moment I heard a man make a noise to some people to make haste, for theboat was going to put off, and the tide would be spent. I called to the fellow,“What boat is it, friend,” says I, “that you belongto?” “The Ipswich wherry, madam,” says he. “When do yougo off?” says I. “This moment, madam,” says he; “do youwant to go thither?” “Yes,” said I, “if you can staytill I fetch my things.” “Where are your things, madam?” sayshe. “At such an inn,” said I. “Well, I’ll go with you,madam,” says he, very civilly, “and bring them for you.”“Come away, then,” says I, and takes him with me.
The people of the inn were in a great hurry, the packet-boat from Holland beingjust come in, and two coaches just come also with passengers from London, foranother packet-boat that was going off for Holland, which coaches were to goback next day with the passengers that were just landed. In this hurry it wasnot much minded that I came to the bar and paid my reckoning, telling mylandlady I had gotten my passage by sea in a wherry.
These wherries are large vessels, with good accommodation for carryingpassengers from Harwich to London; and though they are called wherries, whichis a word used in the Thames for a small boat rowed with one or two men, yetthese are vessels able to carry twenty passengers, and ten or fifteen tons ofgoods, and fitted to bear the sea. All this I had found out by inquiring thenight before into the several ways of going to London.
My landlady was very courteous, took my money for my reckoning, but was calledaway, all the house being in a hurry. So I left her, took the fellow up to mychamber, gave him the trunk, or portmanteau, for it was like a trunk, andwrapped it about with an old apron, and he went directly to his boat with it,and I after him, nobody asking us the least question about it; as for thedrunken Dutch footman he was still asleep, and his master with other foreigngentlemen at supper, and very merry below, so I went clean off with it toIpswich; and going in the night, the people of the house knew nothing but thatI was gone to London by the Harwich wherry, as I had told my landlady.
I was plagued at Ipswich with the custom-house officers, who stopped my trunk,as I called it, and would open and search it. I was willing, I told them, theyshould search it, but husband had the key, and he was not yet come fromHarwich; this I said, that if upon searching it they should find all the thingsbe such as properly belonged to a man rather than a woman, it should not seemstrange to them. However, they being positive to open the trunk I consented tohave it be broken open, that is to say, to have the lock taken off, which wasnot difficult.
They found nothing for their turn, for the trunk had been searched before, butthey discovered several things very much to my satisfaction, as particularly aparcel of money in French pistoles, and some Dutch ducatoons or rix-dollars,and the rest was chiefly two periwigs, wearing-linen, and razors, wash-balls,perfumes, and other useful things necessary for a gentleman, which all passedfor my husband’s, and so I was quit to them.
It was now very early in the morning, and not light, and I knew not well whatcourse to take; for I made no doubt but I should be pursued in the morning, andperhaps be taken with the things about me; so I resolved upon taking newmeasures. I went publicly to an inn in the town with my trunk, as I called it,and having taken the substance out, I did not think the lumber of it worth myconcern; however, I gave it the landlady of the house with a charge to takegreat care of it, and lay it up safe till I should come again, and away Iwalked in to the street.
When I was got into the town a great way from the inn, I met with an ancientwoman who had just opened her door, and I fell into chat with her, and askedher a great many wild questions of things all remote to my purpose and design;but in my discourse I found by her how the town was situated, that I was in astreet that went out towards Hadley, but that such a street went towards thewater-side, such a street towards Colchester, and so the London road lay there.
I had soon my ends of this old woman, for I only wanted to know which was theLondon road, and away I walked as fast as I could; not that I intended to go onfoot, either to London or to Colchester, but I wanted to get quietly away fromIpswich.
I walked about two or three miles, and then I met a plain countryman, who wasbusy about some husbandry work, I did not know what, and I asked him a greatmany questions first, not much to the purpose, but at last told him I was goingfor London, and the coach was full, and I could not get a passage, and askedhim if he could tell me where to hire a horse that would carry double, and anhonest man to ride before me to Colchester, that so I might get a place therein the coaches. The honest clown looked earnestly at me, and said nothing forabove half a minute, when, scratching his poll, “A horse, say you and toColchester, to carry double? why yes, mistress, alack-a-day, you may havehorses enough for money.” “Well, friend,” says I, “thatI take for granted; I don’t expect it without money.” “Why,but, mistress,” says he, “how much are you willing to give?”“Nay,” says I again, “friend, I don’t know what yourrates are in the country here, for I am a stranger; but if you can get one forme, get it as cheap as you can, and I’ll give you somewhat for yourpains.”
“Why, that’s honestly said too,” says the countryman.“Not so honest, neither,” said I to myself, “if thou knewestall.” “Why, mistress,” says he, “I have a horse thatwill carry double, and I don’t much care if I go myself with you,”and the like. “Will you?” says I; “well, I believe you are anhonest man; if you will, I shall be glad of it; I’ll pay you inreason.” “Why, look ye, mistress,” says he, “Iwon’t be out of reason with you, then; if I carry you to Colchester, itwill be worth five shillings for myself and my horse, for I shall hardly comeback to-night.”
In short, I hired the honest man and his horse; but when we came to a town uponthe road (I do not remember the name of it, but it stands upon a river), Ipretended myself very ill, and I could go no farther that night but if he wouldstay there with me, because I was a stranger, I would pay him for himself andhis horse with all my heart.
This I did because I knew the Dutch gentlemen and their servants would be uponthe road that day, either in the stagecoaches or riding post, and I did notknow but the drunken fellow, or somebody else that might have seen me atHarwich, might see me again, and so I thought that in one day’s stop theywould be all gone by.
We lay all that night there, and the next morning it was not very early when Iset out, so that it was near ten o’clock by the time I got to Colchester.It was no little pleasure that I saw the town where I had so many pleasantdays, and I made many inquiries after the good old friends I had once hadthere, but could make little out; they were all dead or removed. The youngladies had been all married or gone to London; the old gentleman and the oldlady that had been my early benefactress all dead; and which troubled me most,the young gentleman my first lover, and afterwards my brother-in-law, was dead;but two sons, men grown, were left of him, but they too were transplanted toLondon.
I dismissed my old man here, and stayed incognito for three or four days inColchester, and then took a passage in a waggon, because I would not venturebeing seen in the Harwich coaches. But I needed not have used so much caution,for there was nobody in Harwich but the woman of the house could have known me;nor was it rational to think that she, considering the hurry she was in, andthat she never saw me but once, and that by candlelight, should have everdiscovered me.
I was now returned to London, and though by the accident of the last adventureI got something considerable, yet I was not fond of any more country rambles,nor should I have ventured abroad again if I had carried the trade on to theend of my days. I gave my governess a history of my travels; she liked theHarwich journey well enough, and in discoursing of these things betweenourselves she observed, that a thief being a creature that watches theadvantages of other people’s mistakes, ’tis impossible but that toone that is vigilant and industrious many opportunities must happen, andtherefore she thought that one so exquisitely keen in the trade as I was, wouldscarce fail of something extraordinary wherever I went.
On the other hand, every branch of my story, if duly considered, may be usefulto honest people, and afford a due caution to people of some sort or other toguard against the like surprises, and to have their eyes about them when theyhave to do with strangers of any kind, for ’tis very seldom that somesnare or other is not in their way. The moral, indeed, of all my history isleft to be gathered by the senses and judgment of the reader; I am notqualified to preach to them. Let the experience of one creature completelywicked, and completely miserable, be a storehouse of useful warning to thosethat read.
I am drawing now towards a new variety of the scenes of life. Upon my return,being hardened by a long race of crime, and success unparalleled, at least inthe reach of my own knowledge, I had, as I have said, no thoughts of layingdown a trade which, if I was to judge by the example of other, must, however,end at last in misery and sorrow.
It was on the Christmas day following, in the evening, that, to finish a longtrain of wickedness, I went abroad to see what might offer in my way; whengoing by a working silversmith’s in Foster Lane, I saw a tempting baitindeed, and not be resisted by one of my occupation, for the shop had nobody init, as I could see, and a great deal of loose plate lay in the window, and atthe seat of the man, who usually, as I suppose, worked at one side of the shop.
I went boldly in, and was just going to lay my hand upon a piece of plate, andmight have done it, and carried it clear off, for any care that the men whobelonged to the shop had taken of it; but an officious fellow in a house, not ashop, on the other side of the way, seeing me go in, and observing that therewas nobody in the shop, comes running over the street, and into the shop, andwithout asking me what I was, or who, seizes upon me, an cries out for thepeople of the house.
I had not, as I said above, touched anything in the shop, and seeing a glimpseof somebody running over to the shop, I had so much presence of mind as toknock very hard with my foot on the floor of the house, and was just callingout too, when the fellow laid hands on me.
However, as I had always most courage when I was in most danger, so when thefellow laid hands on me, I stood very high upon it, that I came in to buy halfa dozen of silver spoons; and to my good fortune, it was a silversmith’sthat sold plate, as well as worked plate for other shops. The fellow laughed atthat part, and put such a value upon the service that he had done hisneighbour, that he would have it be that I came not to buy, but to steal; andraising a great crowd. I said to the master of the shop, who by this time wasfetched home from some neighbouring place, that it was in vain to make noise,and enter into talk there of the case; the fellow had insisted that I came tosteal, and he must prove it, and I desired we might go before a magistratewithout any more words; for I began to see I should be too hard for the manthat had seized me.
The master and mistress of the shop were really not so violent as the man fromt’other side of the way; and the man said, “Mistress, you mightcome into the shop with a good design for aught I know, but it seemed adangerous thing for you to come into such a shop as mine is, when you seenobody there; and I cannot do justice to my neighbour, who was so kind to me,as not to acknowledge he had reason on his side; though, upon the whole, I donot find you attempted to take anything, and I really know not what to do init.” I pressed him to go before a magistrate with me, and if anythingcould be proved on me that was like a design of robbery, I should willinglysubmit, but if not, I expected reparation.
Just while we were in this debate, and a crowd of people gathered about thedoor, came by Sir T. B., an alderman of the city, and justice of the peace, andthe goldsmith hearing of it, goes out, and entreated his worship to come in anddecide the case.
Give the goldsmith his due, he told his story with a great deal of justice andmoderation, and the fellow that had come over, and seized upon me, told hiswith as much heat and foolish passion, which did me good still, rather thanharm. It came then to my turn to speak, and I told his worship that I was astranger in London, being newly come out of the north; that I lodged in such aplace, that I was passing this street, and went into the goldsmith’s shopto buy half a dozen of spoons. By great luck I had an old silver spoon in mypocket, which I pulled out, and told him I had carried that spoon to match itwith half a dozen of new ones, that it might match some I had in the country.
That seeing nobody I the shop, I knocked with my foot very hard to make thepeople hear, and had also called aloud with my voice; ’tis true, therewas loose plate in the shop, but that nobody could say I had touched any of it,or gone near it; that a fellow came running into the shop out of the street,and laid hands on me in a furious manner, in the very moments while I wascalling for the people of the house; that if he had really had a mind to havedone his neighbour any service, he should have stood at a distance, andsilently watched to see whether I had touched anything or no, and then haveclapped in upon me, and taken me in the fact. “That is very true,”says Mr. Alderman, and turning to the fellow that stopped me, he asked him ifit was true that I knocked with my foot? He said, yes, I had knocked, but thatmight be because of his coming. “Nay,” says the alderman, takinghim short, “now you contradict yourself, for just now you said she was inthe shop with her back to you, and did not see you till you came uponher.” Now it was true that my back was partly to the street, but yet asmy business was of a kind that required me to have my eyes every way, so Ireally had a glance of him running over, as I said before, though he did notperceive it.
After a full hearing, the alderman gave it as his opinion that his neighbourwas under a mistake, and that I was innocent, and the goldsmith acquiesced init too, and his wife, and so I was dismissed; but as I was going to depart, Mr.Alderman said, “But hold, madam, if you were designing to buy spoons, Ihope you will not let my friend here lose his customer by the mistake.” Ireadily answered, “No, sir, I’ll buy the spoons still, if he canmatch my odd spoon, which I brought for a pattern”; and the goldsmithshowed me some of the very same fashion. So he weighed the spoons, and theycame to five-and-thirty shillings, so I pulls out my purse to pay him, in whichI had near twenty guineas, for I never went without such a sum about me,whatever might happen, and I found it of use at other times as well as now.
When Mr. Alderman saw my money, he said, “Well, madam, now I am satisfiedyou were wronged, and it was for this reason that I moved you should buy thespoons, and stayed till you had bought them, for if you had not had money topay for them, I should have suspected that you did not come into the shop withan intent to buy, for indeed the sort of people who come upon these designsthat you have been charged with, are seldom troubled with much gold in theirpockets, as I see you are.”
I smiled, and told his worship, that then I owed something of his favour to mymoney, but I hoped he saw reason also in the justice he had done me before. Hesaid, yes, he had, but this had confirmed his opinion, and he was fullysatisfied now of my having been injured. So I came off with flying colours,though from an affair in which I was at the very brink of destruction.
It was but three days after this, that not at all made cautious by my formerdanger, as I used to be, and still pursuing the art which I had so long beenemployed in, I ventured into a house where I saw the doors open, and furnishedmyself, as I though verily without being perceived, with two pieces of floweredsilks, such as they call brocaded silk, very rich. It was not a mercer’sshop, nor a warehouse of a mercer, but looked like a private dwelling-house,and was, it seems, inhabited by a man that sold goods for the weavers to themercers, like a broker or factor.
That I may make short of this black part of this story, I was attacked by twowenches that came open-mouthed at me just as I was going out at the door, andone of them pulled me back into the room, while the other shut the door uponme. I would have given them good words, but there was no room for it, two fierydragons could not have been more furious than they were; they tore my clothes,bullied and roared as if they would have murdered me; the mistress of the housecame next, and then the master, and all outrageous, for a while especially.
I gave the master very good words, told him the door was open, and things werea temptation to me, that I was poor and distressed, and poverty was when manycould not resist, and begged him with tears to have pity on me. The mistress ofthe house was moved with compassion, and inclined to have let me go, and hadalmost persuaded her husband to it also, but the saucy wenches were run, evenbefore they were sent, and had fetched a constable, and then the master said hecould not go back, I must go before a justice, and answered his wife that hemight come into trouble himself if he should let me go.
The sight of the constable, indeed, struck me with terror, and I thought Ishould have sunk into the ground. I fell into faintings, and indeed the peoplethemselves thought I would have died, when the woman argued again for me, andentreated her husband, seeing they had lost nothing, to let me go. I offeredhim to pay for the two pieces, whatever the value was, though I had not gotthem, and argued that as he had his goods, and had really lost nothing, itwould be cruel to pursue me to death, and have my blood for the bare attempt oftaking them. I put the constable in mind that I had broke no doors, nor carriedanything away; and when I came to the justice, and pleaded there that I hadneither broken anything to get in, nor carried anything out, the justice wasinclined to have released me; but the first saucy jade that stopped me,affirming that I was going out with the goods, but that she stopped me andpulled me back as I was upon the threshold, the justice upon that pointcommitted me, and I was carried to Newgate. That horrid place! my very bloodchills at the mention of its name; the place where so many of my comrades hadbeen locked up, and from whence they went to the fatal tree; the place where mymother suffered so deeply, where I was brought into the world, and from whenceI expected no redemption but by an infamous death: to conclude, the place thathad so long expected me, and which with so much art and success I had so longavoided.
I was not fixed indeed; ’tis impossible to describe the terror of mymind, when I was first brought in, and when I looked around upon all thehorrors of that dismal place. I looked on myself as lost, and that I hadnothing to think of but of going out of the world, and that with the utmostinfamy: the hellish noise, the roaring, swearing, and clamour, the stench andnastiness, and all the dreadful crowd of afflicting things that I saw there,joined together to make the place seem an emblem of hell itself, and a kind ofan entrance into it.
Now I reproached myself with the many hints I had had, as I have mentionedabove, from my own reason, from the sense of my good circumstances, and of themany dangers I had escaped, to leave off while I was well, and how I hadwithstood them all, and hardened my thoughts against all fear. It seemed to methat I was hurried on by an inevitable and unseen fate to this day of misery,and that now I was to expiate all my offences at the gallows; that I was now togive satisfaction to justice with my blood, and that I was come to the lasthour of my life and of my wickedness together. These things poured themselvesin upon my thoughts in a confused manner, and left me overwhelmed withmelancholy and despair.
Them I repented heartily of all my life past, but that repentance yielded me nosatisfaction, no peace, no, not in the least, because, as I said to myself, itwas repenting after the power of further sinning was taken away. I seemed notto mourn that I had committed such crimes, and for the fact as it was anoffence against God and my neighbour, but I mourned that I was to be punishedfor it. I was a penitent, as I thought, not that I had sinned, but that I wasto suffer, and this took away all the comfort, and even the hope of myrepentance in my own thoughts.
I got no sleep for several nights or days after I came into that wretchedplace, and glad I would have been for some time to have died there, though Idid not consider dying as it ought to be considered neither; indeed, nothingcould be filled with more horror to my imagination than the very place, nothingwas more odious to me than the company that was there. Oh! if I had but beensent to any place in the world, and not to Newgate, I should have thoughtmyself happy.
In the next place, how did the hardened wretches that were there before metriumph over me! What! Mrs. Flanders come to Newgate at last? What! Mrs. Mary,Mrs. Molly, and after that plain Moll Flanders? They thought the devil hadhelped me, they said, that I had reigned so long; they expected me there manyyears ago, and was I come at last? Then they flouted me with my dejections,welcomed me to the place, wished me joy, bid me have a good heart, not to becast down, things might not be so bad as I feared, and the like; then calledfor brandy, and drank to me, but put it all up to my score, for they told me Iwas but just come to the college, as they called it, and sure I had money in mypocket, though they had none.
I asked one of this crew how long she had been there. She said four months. Iasked her how the place looked to her when she first came into it. “Justas it did now to you,” says she, “dreadful and frightful”; that shethought she was in hell; “and I believe so still,” adds she,“but it is natural to me now, I don’t disturb myself aboutit.” “I suppose,” says I, “you are in no danger of whatis to follow?” “Nay,” says she, “for you are mistakenthere, I assure you, for I am under sentence, only I pleaded my belly, but I amno more with child than the judge that tried me, and I expect to be called downnext sessions.” This “calling down” is calling down to theirformer judgment, when a woman has been respited for her belly, but proves notto be with child, or if she has been with child, and has been brought to bed.“Well,” says I, “are you thus easy?” “Ay,”says she, “I can’t help myself; what signifies being sad? If I amhanged, there’s an end of me,” says she; and away she turnsdancing, and sings as she goes the following piece of Newgate wit—
“If I swing by the string,
I shall hear the bell ring,
And then there’s an end of poor Jenny.”
I mention this because it would be worth the observation of any prisoner, whoshall hereafter fall into the same misfortune, and come to that dreadful placeof Newgate, how time, necessity, and conversing with the wretches that arethere familiarizes the place to them; how at last they become reconciled tothat which at first was the greatest dread upon their spirits in the world, andare as impudently cheerful and merry in their misery as they were when out ofit.
I cannot say, as some do, this devil is not so black as he is painted; forindeed no colours can represent the place to the life, not any soul conceivearight of it but those who have been sufferers there. But how hell shouldbecome by degree so natural, and not only tolerable, but even agreeable, is athing unintelligible but by those who have experienced it, as I have.
The same night that I was sent to Newgate, I sent the news of it to my oldgoverness, who was surprised at it, you may be sure, and spent the night almostas ill out of Newgate, as I did in it.
The next morning she came to see me; she did what she could to comfort me, butshe saw that was to no purpose; however, as she said, to sink under the weightwas but to increase the weight; she immediately applied herself to all theproper methods to prevent the effects of it, which we feared, and first shefound out the two fiery jades that had surprised me. She tampered with them,offered them money, and, in a word, tried all imaginable ways to prevent aprosecution; she offered one of the wenches £100 to go away from hermistress, and not to appear against me, but she was so resolute, that thoughshe was but a servant maid at £3 a year wages or thereabouts, she refusedit, and would have refused it, as my governess said she believed, if she hadoffered her £500. Then she attacked the other maid; she was not sohard-hearted in appearance as the other, and sometimes seemed inclined to bemerciful; but the first wench kept her up, and changed her mind, and would notso much as let my governess talk with her, but threatened to have her up fortampering with the evidence.
Then she applied to the master, that is to say, the man whose goods had beenstolen, and particularly to his wife, who, as I told you, was inclined at firstto have some compassion for me; she found the woman the same still, but the manalleged he was bound by the justice that committed me, to prosecute, and thathe should forfeit his recognisance.
My governess offered to find friends that should get his recognisances off ofthe file, as they call it, and that he should not suffer; but it was notpossible to convince him that could be done, or that he could be safe any wayin the world but by appearing against me; so I was to have three witnesses offact against me, the master and his two maids; that is to say, I was as certainto be cast for my life as I was certain that I was alive, and I had nothing todo but to think of dying, and prepare for it. I had but a sad foundation tobuild upon, as I said before, for all my repentance appeared to me to be onlythe effect of my fear of death, not a sincere regret for the wicked life that Ihad lived, and which had brought this misery upon me, for the offending myCreator, who was now suddenly to be my judge.
I lived many days here under the utmost horror of soul; I had death, as itwere, in view, and thought of nothing night and day, but of gibbets andhalters, evil spirits and devils; it is not to be expressed by words how I washarassed, between the dreadful apprehensions of death and the terror of myconscience reproaching me with my past horrible life.
The ordinary of Newgate came to me, and talked a little in his way, but all hisdivinity ran upon confessing my crime, as he called it (though he knew not whatI was in for), making a full discovery, and the like, without which he told meGod would never forgive me; and he said so little to the purpose, that I had nomanner of consolation from him; and then to observe the poor creature preachingconfession and repentance to me in the morning, and find him drunk with brandyand spirits by noon, this had something in it so shocking, that I began tonauseate the man more than his work, and his work too by degrees, for the sakeof the man; so that I desired him to trouble me no more.
I know not how it was, but by the indefatigable application of my diligentgoverness I had no bill preferred against me the first sessions, I mean to thegrand jury, at Guildhall; so I had another month or five weeks before me, andwithout doubt this ought to have been accepted by me, as so much time given mefor reflection upon what was past, and preparation for what was to come; or, ina word, I ought to have esteemed it as a space given me for repentance, andhave employed it as such, but it was not in me. I was sorry (as before) forbeing in Newgate, but had very few signs of repentance about me.
On the contrary, like the waters in the cavities and hollows of mountains,which petrify and turn into stone whatever they are suffered to drop on, so thecontinual conversing with such a crew of hell-hounds as I was, had the samecommon operation upon me as upon other people. I degenerated into stone; Iturned first stupid and senseless, then brutish and thoughtless, and at lastraving mad as any of them were; and, in short, I became as naturally pleasedand easy with the place, as if indeed I had been born there.
It is scarce possible to imagine that our natures should be capable of so muchdegeneracy, as to make that pleasant and agreeable that in itself is the mostcomplete misery. Here was a circumstance that I think it is scarce possible tomention a worse: I was as exquisitely miserable as, speaking of common cases,it was possible for any one to be that had life and health, and money to helpthem, as I had.
I had weight of guilt upon me enough to sink any creature who had the leastpower of reflection left, and had any sense upon them of the happiness of thislife, of the misery of another; then I had at first remorse indeed, but norepentance; I had now neither remorse nor repentance. I had a crime charged onme, the punishment of which was death by our law; the proof so evident, thatthere was no room for me so much as to plead not guilty. I had the name of anold offender, so that I had nothing to expect but death in a few weeks’time, neither had I myself any thoughts of escaping; and yet a certain strangelethargy of soul possessed me. I had no trouble, no apprehensions, no sorrowabout me, the first surprise was gone; I was, I may well say, I know not how;my senses, my reason, nay, my conscience, were all asleep; my course of lifefor forty years had been a horrid complication of wickedness, whoredom,adultery, incest, lying, theft; and, in a word, everything but murder andtreason had been my practice from the age of eighteen, or thereabouts, tothree-score; and now I was engulfed in the misery of punishment, and had aninfamous death just at the door, and yet I had no sense of my condition, nothought of heaven or hell at least, that went any farther than a bare flyingtouch, like the stitch or pain that gives a hint and goes off. I neither had aheart to ask God’s mercy, nor indeed to think of it. And in this, Ithink, I have given a brief description of the completest misery on earth.
All my terrifying thoughts were past, the horrors of the place were becomefamiliar, and I felt no more uneasiness at the noise and clamours of theprison, than they did who made that noise; in a word, I was become a mereNewgate-bird, as wicked and as outrageous as any of them; nay, I scarceretained the habit and custom of good breeding and manners, which all alongtill now ran through my conversation; so thorough a degeneracy had possessedme, that I was no more the same thing that I had been, than if I had never beenotherwise than what I was now.
In the middle of this hardened part of my life I had another sudden surprise,which called me back a little to that thing called sorrow, which indeed I beganto be past the sense of before. They told me one night that there was broughtinto the prison late the night before three highwaymen, who had committedrobbery somewhere on the road to Windsor, Hounslow Heath, I think it was, andwere pursued to Uxbridge by the country, and were taken there after a gallantresistance, in which I know not how many of the country people were wounded,and some killed.
It is not to be wondered that we prisoners were all desirous enough to seethese brave, topping gentlemen, that were talked up to be such as their fellowshad not been known, and especially because it was said they would in themorning be removed into the press-yard, having given money to the head masterof the prison, to be allowed the liberty of that better part of the prison. Sowe that were women placed ourselves in the way, that we would be sure to seethem; but nothing could express the amazement and surprise I was in, when thevery first man that came out I knew to be my Lancashire husband, the same wholived so well at Dunstable, and the same who I afterwards saw at Brickhill,when I was married to my last husband, as has been related.
I was struck dumb at the sight, and knew neither what to say nor what to do; hedid not know me, and that was all the present relief I had. I quitted mycompany, and retired as much as that dreadful place suffers anybody to retire,and I cried vehemently for a great while. “Dreadful creature that Iam,” said I, “how many poor people have I made miserable? How manydesperate wretches have I sent to the devil?” He had told me at Chesterhe was ruined by that match, and that his fortunes were made desperate on myaccount; for that thinking I had been a fortune, he was run into debt more thanhe was able to pay, and that he knew not what course to take; that he would gointo the army and carry a musket, or buy a horse and take a tour, as he calledit; and though I never told him that I was a fortune, and so did not actuallydeceive him myself, yet I did encourage the having it thought that I was so,and by that means I was the occasion originally of his mischief.
The surprise of the thing only struck deeper into my thoughts, and gave mestronger reflections than all that had befallen me before. I grieved day andnight for him, and the more for that they told me he was the captain of thegang, and that he had committed so many robberies, that Hind, or Whitney, orthe Golden Farmer were fools to him; that he would surely be hanged if therewere no more men left in the country he was born in; and that there wouldabundance of people come in against him.
I was overwhelmed with grief for him; my own case gave me no disturbancecompared to this, and I loaded myself with reproaches on his account. Ibewailed his misfortunes, and the ruin he was now come to, at such a rate, thatI relished nothing now as I did before, and the first reflections I made uponthe horrid, detestable life I had lived began to return upon me, and as thesethings returned, my abhorrence of the place I was in, and of the way of livingin it, returned also; in a word, I was perfectly changed, and become anotherbody.
While I was under these influences of sorrow for him, came notice to me thatthe next sessions approaching there would be a bill preferred to the grand juryagainst me, and that I should be certainly tried for my life at the Old Bailey.My temper was touched before, the hardened, wretched boldness of spirit which Ihad acquired abated, and conscious in the prison, guilt began to flow in uponmy mind. In short, I began to think, and to think is one real advance from hellto heaven. All that hellish, hardened state and temper of soul, which I havesaid so much of before, is but a deprivation of thought; he that is restored tohis power of thinking, is restored to himself.
As soon as I began, I say, to think, the first think that occurred to me brokeout thus: “Lord! what will become of me? I shall certainly die! I shallbe cast, to be sure, and there is nothing beyond that but death! I have nofriends; what shall I do? I shall be certainly cast! Lord, have mercy upon me!What will become of me?” This was a sad thought, you will say, to be thefirst, after so long a time, that had started into my soul of that kind, andyet even this was nothing but fright at what was to come; there was not a wordof sincere repentance in it all. However, I was indeed dreadfully dejected, anddisconsolate to the last degree; and as I had no friend in the world tocommunicate my distressed thoughts to, it lay so heavy upon me, that it threwme into fits and swoonings several times a day. I sent for my old governess,and she, give her her due, acted the part of a true friend. She left no stoneunturned to prevent the grand jury finding the bill. She sought out one or twoof the jurymen, talked with them, and endeavoured to possess them withfavourable dispositions, on account that nothing was taken away, and no housebroken, etc.; but all would not do, they were over-ruled by the rest; the twowenches swore home to the fact, and the jury found the bill against me forrobbery and house-breaking, that is, for felony and burglary.
I sunk down when they brought me news of it, and after I came to myself again,I thought I should have died with the weight of it. My governess acted a truemother to me; she pitied me, she cried with me, and for me, but she could nothelp me; and to add to the terror of it, ’twas the discourse all over thehouse that I should die for it. I could hear them talk it among themselves veryoften, and see them shake their heads and say they were sorry for it, and thelike, as is usual in the place. But still nobody came to tell me theirthoughts, till at last one of the keepers came to me privately, and said with asigh, “Well, Mrs. Flanders, you will be tried on Friday” (this wasbut a Wednesday); “what do you intend to do?” I turned as white asa clout, and said, “God knows what I shall do; for my part, I know notwhat to do.” “Why,” says he, “I won’t flatteryou, I would have you prepare for death, for I doubt you will be cast; and asthey say you are an old offender, I doubt you will find but little mercy. Theysay,” added he, “your case is very plain, and that the witnessesswear so home against you, there will be no standing it.”
This was a stab into the very vitals of one under such a burthen as I wasoppressed with before, and I could not speak to him a word, good or bad, for agreat while; but at last I burst out into tears, and said to him, “Lord!Mr. ——, what must I do?” “Do!” says he,“send for the ordinary; send for a minister and talk with him; for,indeed, Mrs. Flanders, unless you have very good friends, you are no woman forthis world.”
This was plain dealing indeed, but it was very harsh to me, at least I thoughtit so. He left me in the greatest confusion imaginable, and all that night Ilay awake. And now I began to say my prayers, which I had scarce done beforesince my last husband’s death, or from a little while after. And truly Imay well call it saying my prayers, for I was in such a confusion, and had suchhorror upon my mind, that though I cried, and repeated several times theordinary expression of “Lord, have mercy upon me!” I never broughtmyself to any sense of my being a miserable sinner, as indeed I was, and ofconfessing my sins to God, and begging pardon for the sake of Jesus Christ. Iwas overwhelmed with the sense of my condition, being tried for my life, andbeing sure to be condemned, and then I was as sure to be executed, and on thisaccount I cried out all night, “Lord, what will become of me? Lord! whatshall I do? Lord! I shall be hanged! Lord, have mercy upon me!” and thelike.
My poor afflicted governess was now as much concerned as I, and a great dealmore truly penitent, though she had no prospect of being brought to trial andsentence. Not but that she deserved it as much as I, and so she said herself;but she had not done anything herself for many years, other than receiving whatI and others stole, and encouraging us to steal it. But she cried, and took onlike a distracted body, wringing her hands, and crying out that she was undone,that she believed there was a curse from heaven upon her, that she should bedamned, that she had been the destruction of all her friends, that she hadbrought such a one, and such a one, and such a one to the gallows; and thereshe reckoned up ten or eleven people, some of which I have given account of,that came to untimely ends; and that now she was the occasion of my ruin, forshe had persuaded me to go on, when I would have left off. I interrupted herthere. “No, mother, no,” said I, “don’t speak of that,for you would have had me left off when I got the mercer’s money again,and when I came home from Harwich, and I would not hearken to you; thereforeyou have not been to blame; it is I only have ruined myself, I have broughtmyself to this misery”; and thus we spent many hours together.
Well, there was no remedy; the prosecution went on, and on the Thursday I wascarried down to the sessions-house, where I was arraigned, as they called it,and the next day I was appointed to be tried. At the arraignment I pleaded“Not guilty,” and well I might, for I was indicted for felony andburglary; that is, for feloniously stealing two pieces of brocaded silk, value£46, the goods of Anthony Johnson, and for breaking open his doors;whereas I knew very well they could not pretend to prove I had broken up thedoors, or so much as lifted up a latch.
On the Friday I was brought to my trial. I had exhausted my spirits with cryingfor two or three days before, so that I slept better the Thursday night than Iexpected, and had more courage for my trial than indeed I thought possible forme to have.
When the trial began, the indictment was read, I would have spoke, but theytold me the witnesses must be heard first, and then I should have time to beheard. The witnesses were the two wenches, a couple of hard-mouthed jadesindeed, for though the thing was truth in the main, yet they aggravated it tothe utmost extremity, and swore I had the goods wholly in my possession, that Ihad hid them among my clothes, that I was going off with them, that I had onefoot over the threshold when they discovered themselves, and then I putt’ other over, so that I was quite out of the house in the street withthe goods before they took hold of me, and then they seized me, and brought meback again, and they took the goods upon me. The fact in general was all true,but I believe, and insisted upon it, that they stopped me before I had set myfoot clear of the threshold of the house. But that did not argue much, forcertain it was that I had taken the goods, and I was bringing them away, if Ihad not been taken.
But I pleaded that I had stole nothing, they had lost nothing, that the doorwas open, and I went in, seeing the goods lie there, and with design to buy.If, seeing nobody in the house, I had taken any of them up in my hand it couldnot be concluded that I intended to steal them, for that I never carried themfarther than the door to look on them with the better light.
The Court would not allow that by any means, and made a kind of a jest of myintending to buy the goods, that being no shop for the selling of anything, andas to carrying them to the door to look at them, the maids made their impudentmocks upon that, and spent their wit upon it very much; told the Court I hadlooked at them sufficiently, and approved them very well, for I had packed themup under my clothes, and was a-going with them.
In short, I was found guilty of felony, but acquitted of the burglary, whichwas but small comfort to me, the first bringing me to a sentence of death, andthe last would have done no more. The next day I was carried down to receivethe dreadful sentence, and when they came to ask me what I had to say whysentence should not pass, I stood mute a while, but somebody that stood behindme prompted me aloud to speak to the judges, for that they could representthings favourably for me. This encouraged me to speak, and I told them I hadnothing to say to stop the sentence, but that I had much to say to bespeak themercy of the Court; that I hoped they would allow something in such a case forthe circumstances of it; that I had broken no doors, had carried nothing off;that nobody had lost anything; that the person whose goods they were waspleased to say he desired mercy might be shown (which indeed he very honestlydid); that, at the worst, it was the first offence, and that I had never beenbefore any court of justice before; and, in a word, I spoke with more couragethat I thought I could have done, and in such a moving tone, and though withtears, yet not so many tears as to obstruct my speech, that I could see itmoved others to tears that heard me.
The judges sat grave and mute, gave me an easy hearing, and time to say allthat I would, but, saying neither Yes nor No to it, pronounced the sentence ofdeath upon me, a sentence that was to me like death itself, which, after it wasread, confounded me. I had no more spirit left in me, I had no tongue to speak,or eyes to look up either to God or man.
My poor governess was utterly disconsolate, and she that was my comforterbefore, wanted comfort now herself; and sometimes mourning, sometimes raging,was as much out of herself, as to all outward appearance, as any mad woman inBedlam. Nor was she only disconsolate as to me, but she was struck with horrorat the sense of her own wicked life, and began to look back upon it with ataste quite different from mine, for she was penitent to the highest degree forher sins, as well as sorrowful for the misfortune. She sent for a minister,too, a serious, pious, good man, and applied herself with such earnestness, byhis assistance, to the work of a sincere repentance, that I believe, and so didthe minister too, that she was a true penitent; and, which is still more, shewas not only so for the occasion, and at that juncture, but she continued so,as I was informed, to the day of her death.
It is rather to be thought of than expressed what was now my condition. I hadnothing before me but present death; and as I had no friends to assist me, orto stir for me, I expected nothing but to find my name in the dead warrant,which was to come down for the execution, the Friday afterwards, of five moreand myself.
In the meantime my poor distressed governess sent me a minister, who at herrequest first, and at my own afterwards, came to visit me. He exhorted meseriously to repent of all my sins, and to dally no longer with my soul; notflattering myself with hopes of life, which, he said, he was informed there wasno room to expect, but unfeignedly to look up to God with my whole soul, and tocry for pardon in the name of Jesus Christ. He backed his discourses withproper quotations of Scripture, encouraging the greatest sinner to repent, andturn from their evil way, and when he had done, he kneeled down and prayed withme.
It was now that, for the first time, I felt any real signs of repentance. I nowbegan to look back upon my past life with abhorrence, and having a kind of viewinto the other side of time, and things of life, as I believe they do witheverybody at such a time, began to look with a different aspect, and quiteanother shape, than they did before. The greatest and best things, the views offelicity, the joy, the griefs of life, were quite other things; and I hadnothing in my thoughts but what was so infinitely superior to what I had knownin life, that it appeared to me to be the greatest stupidity in nature to layany weight upon anything, though the most valuable in this world.
The word eternity represented itself with all its incomprehensible additions,and I had such extended notions of it, that I know not how to express them.Among the rest, how vile, how gross, how absurd did every pleasant thinglook!—I mean, that we had counted pleasant before—especially when Ireflected that these sordid trifles were the things for which we forfeitedeternal felicity.
With these reflections came, of mere course, severe reproaches of my own mindfor my wretched behaviour in my past life; that I had forfeited all hope of anyhappiness in the eternity that I was just going to enter into, and on thecontrary was entitled to all that was miserable, or had been conceived ofmisery; and all this with the frightful addition of its being also eternal.
I am not capable of reading lectures of instruction to anybody, but I relatethis in the very manner in which things then appeared to me, as far as I amable, but infinitely short of the lively impressions which they made on my soulat that time; indeed, those impressions are not to be explained by words, or ifthey are, I am not mistress of words enough to express them. It must be thework of every sober reader to make just reflections on them, as their owncircumstances may direct; and, without question, this is what every one at sometime or other may feel something of; I mean, a clearer sight into things tocome than they had here, and a dark view of their own concern in them.
But I go back to my own case. The minister pressed me to tell him, as far as Ithought convenient, in what state I found myself as to the sight I had ofthings beyond life. He told me he did not come as ordinary of the place, whosebusiness it is to extort confessions from prisoners, for private ends, or forthe further detecting of other offenders; that his business was to move me tosuch freedom of discourse as might serve to disburthen my own mind, and furnishhim to administer comfort to me as far as was in his power; and assured me,that whatever I said to him should remain with him, and be as much a secret asif it was known only to God and myself; and that he desired to know nothing ofme, but as above to qualify him to apply proper advice and assistance to me,and to pray to God for me.
This honest, friendly way of treating me unlocked all the sluices of mypassions. He broke into my very soul by it; and I unravelled all the wickednessof my life to him. In a word, I gave him an abridgment of this whole history; Igave him a picture of my conduct for fifty years in miniature.
I hid nothing from him, and he in return exhorted me to sincere repentance,explained to me what he meant by repentance, and then drew out such a scheme ofinfinite mercy, proclaimed from heaven to sinners of the greatest magnitude,that he left me nothing to say, that looked like despair, or doubting of beingaccepted; and in this condition he left me the first night.
He visited me again the next morning, and went on with his method of explainingthe terms of divine mercy, which according to him consisted of nothing more, ormore difficult, than that of being sincerely desirous of it, and willing toaccept it; only a sincere regret for, and hatred of, those things I had done,which rendered me so just an object of divine vengeance. I am not able torepeat the excellent discourses of this extraordinary man; ’tis all thatI am able to do, to say that he revived my heart, and brought me into such acondition that I never knew anything of in my life before. I was covered withshame and tears for things past, and yet had at the same time a secretsurprising joy at the prospect of being a true penitent, and obtaining thecomfort of a penitent—I mean, the hope of being forgiven; and so swiftdid thoughts circulate, and so high did the impressions they had made upon merun, that I thought I could freely have gone out that minute to execution,without any uneasiness at all, casting my soul entirely into the arms ofinfinite mercy as a penitent.
The good gentleman was so moved also in my behalf with a view of the influencewhich he saw these things had on me, that he blessed God he had come to visitme, and resolved not to leave me till the last moment; that is, not to leavevisiting me.
It was no less than twelve days after our receiving sentence before any wereordered for execution, and then upon a Wednesday the dead warrant, as they callit, came down, and I found my name was among them. A terrible blow this was tomy new resolutions; indeed my heart sank within me, and I swooned away twice,one after another, but spoke not a word. The good minister was sorely afflictedfor me, and did what he could to comfort me with the same arguments, and thesame moving eloquence that he did before, and left me not that evening so longas the prisonkeepers would suffer him to stay in the prison, unless he would belocked up with me all night, which he was not willing to be.
I wondered much that I did not see him all the next day, it being the daybefore the time appointed for execution; and I was greatly discouraged, anddejected in my mind, and indeed almost sank for want of the comfort which hehad so often, and with such success, yielded me on his former visits. I waitedwith great impatience, and under the greatest oppressions of spiritsimaginable, till about four o’clock he came to my apartment; for I hadobtained the favour, by the help of money, nothing being to be done in thatplace without it, not to be kept in the condemned hole, as they call it, amongthe rest of the prisoners who were to die, but to have a little dirty chamberto myself.
My heart leaped within me for joy when I heard his voice at the door, evenbefore I saw him; but let any one judge what kind of motion I found in my soul,when after having made a short excuse for his not coming, he showed me that histime had been employed on my account; that he had obtained a favourable reportfrom the Recorder to the Secretary of State in my particular case, and, inshort, that he had brought me a reprieve.
He used all the caution that he was able in letting me know a thing which itwould have been a double cruelty to have concealed; and yet it was too much forme; for as grief had overset me before, so did joy overset me now, and I fellinto a much more dangerous swooning than I did at first, and it was not withouta great difficulty that I was recovered at all.
The good man having made a very Christian exhortation to me, not to let the joyof my reprieve put the remembrance of my past sorrow out of my mind, and havingtold me that he must leave me, to go and enter the reprieve in the books, andshow it to the sheriffs, stood up just before his going away, and in a veryearnest manner prayed to God for me, that my repentance might be made unfeignedand sincere; and that my coming back, as it were, into life again, might not bea returning to the follies of life which I had made such solemn resolutions toforsake, and to repent of them. I joined heartily in the petition, and mustneeds say I had deeper impressions upon my mind all that night, of the mercy ofGod in sparing my life, and a greater detestation of my past sins, from a senseof the goodness which I had tasted in this case, than I had in all my sorrowbefore.
This may be thought inconsistent in itself, and wide from the business of thisbook; particularly, I reflect that many of those who may be pleased anddiverted with the relation of the wild and wicked part of my story may notrelish this, which is really the best part of my life, the most advantageous tomyself, and the most instructive to others. Such, however, will, I hope, allowme the liberty to make my story complete. It would be a severe satire on suchto say they do not relish the repentance as much as they do the crime; and thatthey had rather the history were a complete tragedy, as it was very likely tohave been.
But I go on with my relation. The next morning there was a sad scene indeed inthe prison. The first thing I was saluted with in the morning was the tollingof the great bell at St. Sepulchre’s, as they call it, which ushered inthe day. As soon as it began to toll, a dismal groaning and crying was heardfrom the condemned hole, where there lay six poor souls who were to be executedthat day, some from one crime, some for another, and two of them for murder.
This was followed by a confused clamour in the house, among the several sortsof prisoners, expressing their awkward sorrows for the poor creatures that wereto die, but in a manner extremely differing one from another. Some cried forthem; some huzzaed, and wished them a good journey; some damned and cursedthose that had brought them to it—that is, meaning the evidence, orprosecutors—many pitying them, and some few, but very few, praying forthem.
There was hardly room for so much composure of mind as was required for me tobless the merciful Providence that had, as it were, snatched me out of the jawsof this destruction. I remained, as it were, dumb and silent, overcome with thesense of it, and not able to express what I had in my heart; for the passionson such occasions as these are certainly so agitated as not to be ablepresently to regulate their own motions.
All the while the poor condemned creatures were preparing to their death, andthe ordinary, as they call him, was busy with them, disposing them to submit totheir sentence—I say, all this while I was seized with a fit oftrembling, as much as I could have been if I had been in the same condition, asto be sure the day before I expected to be; I was so violently agitated by thissurprising fit, that I shook as if it had been in the cold fit of an ague, sothat I could not speak or look but like one distracted. As soon as they wereall put into carts and gone, which, however, I had not courage enough tosee—I say, as soon as they were gone, I fell into a fit of cryinginvoluntarily, and without design, but as a mere distemper, and yet so violent,and it held me so long, that I knew not what course to take, nor could I stop,or put a check to it, no, not with all the strength and courage I had.
This fit of crying held me near two hours, and, as I believe, held me till theywere all out of the world, and then a most humble, penitent, serious kind ofjoy succeeded; a real transport it was, or passion of joy and thankfulness, butstill unable to give vent to it by words, and in this I continued most part ofthe day.
In the evening the good minister visited me again, and then fell to his usualgood discourses. He congratulated my having a space yet allowed me forrepentance, whereas the state of those six poor creatures was determined, andthey were now past the offers of salvation; he earnestly pressed me to retainthe same sentiments of the things of life that I had when I had a view ofeternity; and at the end of all told me I should not conclude that all wasover, that a reprieve was not a pardon, that he could not yet answer for theeffects of it; however, I had this mercy, that I had more time given me, andthat it was my business to improve that time.
This discourse, though very seasonable, left a kind of sadness on my heart, asif I might expect the affair would have a tragical issue still, which, however,he had no certainty of; and I did not indeed, at that time, question him aboutit, he having said that he would do his utmost to bring it to a good end, andthat he hoped he might, but he would not have me be secure; and the consequenceproved that he had reason for what he said.
It was about a fortnight after this that I had some just apprehensions that Ishould be included in the next dead warrant at the ensuing sessions; and it wasnot without great difficulty, and at last a humble petition for transportation,that I avoided it, so ill was I beholding to fame, and so prevailing was thefatal report of being an old offender; though in that they did not do me strictjustice, for I was not in the sense of the law an old offender, whatever I wasin the eye of the judge, for I had never been before them in a judicial waybefore; so the judges could not charge me with being an old offender, but theRecorder was pleased to represent my case as he thought fit.
I had now a certainty of life indeed, but with the hard conditions of beingordered for transportation, which indeed was hard condition in itself, but notwhen comparatively considered; and therefore I shall make no comments upon thesentence, nor upon the choice I was put to. We shall all choose anything ratherthan death, especially when ’tis attended with an uncomfortable prospectbeyond it, which was my case.
The good minister, whose interest, though a stranger to me, had obtained me thereprieve, mourned sincerely for this part. He was in hopes, he said, that Ishould have ended my days under the influence of good instruction, that Ishould not have been turned loose again among such a wretched crew as theygenerally are, who are thus sent abroad, where, as he said, I must have morethan ordinary secret assistance from the grace of God, if I did not turn aswicked again as ever.
I have not for a good while mentioned my governess, who had during most, if notall, of this part been dangerously sick, and being in as near a view of deathby her disease as I was by my sentence, was a great penitent—I say, Ihave not mentioned her, nor indeed did I see her in all this time; but beingnow recovering, and just able to come abroad, she came to see me.
I told her my condition, and what a different flux and reflux of tears andhopes I had been agitated with; I told her what I had escaped, and upon whatterms; and she was present when the minister expressed his fears of myrelapsing into wickedness upon my falling into the wretched companies that aregenerally transported. Indeed I had a melancholy reflection upon it in my ownmind, for I knew what a dreadful gang was always sent away together, and I saidto my governess that the good minister’s fears were not without cause.“Well, well,” says she, “but I hope you will not be temptedwith such a horrid example as that.” And as soon as the minister wasgone, she told me she would not have me discouraged, for perhaps ways and meansmight be found out to dispose of me in a particular way, by myself, of whichshe would talk further to me afterward.
I looked earnestly at her, and I thought she looked more cheerful than sheusually had done, and I entertained immediately a thousand notions of beingdelivered, but could not for my life image the methods, or think of one thatwas in the least feasible; but I was too much concerned in it to let her gofrom me without explaining herself, which, though she was very loth to do, yetmy importunity prevailed, and, while I was still pressing, she answered me in afew words, thus: “Why, you have money, have you not? Did you ever knowone in your life that was transported and had a hundred pounds in his pocket,I’ll warrant you, child?” says she.
I understood her presently, but told her I would leave all that to her, but Isaw no room to hope for anything but a strict execution of the order, and as itwas a severity that was esteemed a mercy, there was no doubt but it would bestrictly observed. She said no more but this: “We will try what can bedone,” and so we parted for that night.
I lay in the prison near fifteen weeks after this order for transportation wassigned. What the reason of it was, I know not, but at the end of this time Iwas put on board of a ship in the Thames, and with me a gang of thirteen ashardened vile creatures as ever Newgate produced in my time; and it wouldreally well take up a history longer than mine to describe the degrees ofimpudence and audacious villainy that those thirteen were arrived to, and themanner of their behaviour in the voyage; of which I have a very divertingaccount by me, which the captain of the ship who carried them over gave me theminutes of, and which he caused his mate to write down at large.
It may perhaps be thought trifling to enter here into a relation of all thelittle incidents which attended me in this interval of my circumstances; Imean, between the final order of my transportation and the time of my going onboard the ship; and I am too near the end of my story to allow room for it; butsomething relating to me and my Lancashire husband I must not omit.
He had, as I have observed already, been carried from the master’s sideof the ordinary prison into the press-yard, with three of his comrades, forthey found another to add to them after some time; here, for what reason I knewnot, they were kept in custody without being brought to trial almost threemonths. It seems they found means to bribe or buy off some of those who wereexpected to come in against them, and they wanted evidence for some time toconvict them. After some puzzle on this account, at first they made a shift toget proof enough against two of them to carry them off; but the other two, ofwhich my Lancashire husband was one, lay still in suspense. They had, I think,one positive evidence against each of them, but the law strictly obliging themto have two witnesses, they could make nothing of it. Yet it seems they wereresolved not to part with the men neither, not doubting but a further evidencewould at last come in; and in order to this, I think publication was made, thatsuch prisoners being taken, any one that had been robbed by them might come tothe prison and see them.
I took this opportunity to satisfy my curiosity, pretending that I had beenrobbed in the Dunstable coach, and that I would go to see the two highwaymen.But when I came into the press-yard, I so disguised myself, and muffled my faceup so, that he could see little of me, and consequently knew nothing of who Iwas; and when I came back, I said publicly that I knew them very well.
Immediately it was rumoured all over the prison that Moll Flanders would turnevidence against one of the highwaymen, and that I was to come off by it fromthe sentence of transportation.
They heard of it, and immediately my husband desired to see this Mrs. Flandersthat knew him so well, and was to be an evidence against him; and accordingly Ihad leave given to go to him. I dressed myself up as well as the best clothesthat I suffered myself ever to appear in there would allow me, and went to thepress-yard, but had for some time a hood over my face. He said little to me atfirst, but asked me if I knew him. I told him, Yes, very well; but as Iconcealed my face, so I counterfeited my voice, that he had not the least guessat who I was. He asked me where I had seen him. I told him between Dunstableand Brickhill; but turning to the keeper that stood by, I asked if I might notbe admitted to talk with him alone. He said Yes, yes, as much as I pleased, andso very civilly withdrew.
As soon as he was gone, I had shut the door, I threw off my hood, and burstingout into tears, “My dear,” says I, “do you not knowme?” He turned pale, and stood speechless, like one thunderstruck, and,not able to conquer the surprise, said no more but this, “Let me sitdown”; and sitting down by a table, he laid his elbow upon the table, andleaning his head on his hand, fixed his eyes on the ground as one stupid. Icried so vehemently, on the other hand, that it was a good while ere I couldspeak any more; but after I had given some vent to my passion by tears, Irepeated the same words, “My dear, do you not know me?” At which heanswered, Yes, and said no more a good while.
After some time continuing in the surprise, as above, he cast up his eyestowards me and said, “How could you be so cruel?” I did not readilyunderstand what he meant; and I answered, “How can you call me cruel?What have I been cruel to you in?” “To come to me,” says he,“in such a place as this, is it not to insult me? I have not robbed you,at least not on the highway.”
I perceived by this that he knew nothing of the miserable circumstances I wasin, and thought that, having got some intelligence of his being there, I hadcome to upbraid him with his leaving me. But I had too much to say to him to beaffronted, and told him in few words, that I was far from coming to insult him,but at best I came to condole mutually; that he would be easily satisfied thatI had no such view, when I should tell him that my condition was worse thanhis, and that many ways. He looked a little concerned at the general expressionof my condition being worse than his, but, with a kind smile, looked a littlewildly, and said, “How can that be? When you see me fettered, and inNewgate, and two of my companions executed already, how can your your conditionbe worse than mine?”
“Come, my dear,” says I, “we have a long piece of work to do,if I should be to relate, or you to hear, my unfortunate history; but if youare disposed to hear it, you will soon conclude with me that my condition isworse than yours.” “How is that possible,” says he again,“when I expect to be cast for my life the very next sessions?”“Yes,” says I, “’tis very possible, when I shall tell you thatI have been cast for my life three sessions ago, and am under sentence ofdeath; is not my case worse than yours?”
Then indeed, he stood silent again, like one struck dumb, and after a while hestarts up. “Unhappy couple!” says he. “How can this bepossible?” I took him by the hand. “Come, my dear,” said I,“sit down, and let us compare our sorrows. I am a prisoner in this veryhouse, and in much worse circumstances than you, and you will be satisfied I donot come to insult you, when I tell you the particulars.” And with thiswe sat down together, and I told him so much of my story as I thought wasconvenient, bringing it at last to my being reduced to great poverty, andrepresenting myself as fallen into some company that led me to relieve mydistresses by way that I had been utterly unacquainted with, and that theymaking an attempt at a tradesman’s house, I was seized upon for havingbeen but just at the door, the maid-servant pulling me in; that I neither hadbroke any lock nor taken anything away, and that notwithstanding that, I wasbrought in guilty and sentenced to die; but that the judges, having been madesensible of the hardship of my circumstances, had obtained leave to remit thesentence upon my consenting to be transported.
I told him I fared the worse for being taken in the prison for one MollFlanders, who was a famous successful thief, that all of them had heard of, butnone of them had ever seen; but that, as he knew well, was none of my name. ButI placed all to the account of my ill fortune, and that under this name I wasdealt with as an old offender, though this was the first thing they had everknown of me. I gave him a long particular of things that had befallen me sinceI saw him, but I told him if I had seen him since he might think I had, andthen gave him an account how I had seen him at Brickhill; how furiously he waspursued, and how, by giving an account that I knew him, and that he was a veryhonest gentleman, one Mr. ——, the hue-and-cry was stopped, and thehigh constable went back again.
He listened most attentively to all my story, and smiled at most of theparticulars, being all of them petty matters, and infinitely below what he hadbeen at the head of; but when I came to the story of Brickhill, he wassurprised. “And was it you, my dear,” said he, “that gave thecheck to the mob that was at our heels there, at Brickhill?”“Yes,” said I, “it was I indeed.” And then I told himthe particulars which I had observed him there. “Why, then,” saidhe, “it was you that saved my life at that time, and I am glad I owe mylife to you, for I will pay the debt to you now, and I’ll deliver youfrom the present condition you are in, or I will die in the attempt.”
I told him, by no means; it was a risk too great, not worth his running thehazard of, and for a life not worth his saving. ’Twas no matter for that,he said, it was a life worth all the world to him; a life that had given him anew life; “for,” says he, “I was never in real danger ofbeing taken, but that time, till the last minute when I was taken.”Indeed, he told me his danger then lay in his believing he had not been pursuedthat way; for they had gone off from Hockey quite another way, and had come overthe enclosed country into Brickhill, not by the road, and were sure they hadnot been seen by anybody.
Here he gave me a long history of his life, which indeed would make a verystrange history, and be infinitely diverting. He told me he took to the roadabout twelve years before he married me; that the woman which called himbrother was not really his sister, or any kin to him, but one that belonged totheir gang, and who, keeping correspondence with him, lived always in town,having good store of acquaintance; that she gave them a perfect intelligence ofpersons going out of town, and that they had made several good booties by hercorrespondence; that she thought she had fixed a fortune for him when shebrought me to him, but happened to be disappointed, which he really could notblame her for; that if it had been his good luck that I had had the estate,which she was informed I had, he had resolved to leave off the road and live aretired, sober life but never to appear in public till some general pardon hadbeen passed, or till he could, for money, have got his name into someparticular pardon, that so he might have been perfectly easy; but that, as ithad proved otherwise, he was obliged to put off his equipage and take up theold trade again.
He gave me a long account of some of his adventures, and particularly one whenhe robbed the West Chester coaches near Lichfield, when he got a very greatbooty; and after that, how he robbed five graziers, in the west, going toBurford Fair in Wiltshire to buy sheep. He told me he got so much money onthose two occasions, that if he had known where to have found me, he wouldcertainly have embraced my proposal of going with me to Virginia, or to havesettled in a plantation on some other parts of the English colonies in America.
He told me he wrote two or three letters to me, directed according to my order,but heard nothing from me. This I indeed knew to be true, but the letterscoming to my hand in the time of my latter husband, I could do nothing in it,and therefore chose to give no answer, that so he might rather believe they hadmiscarried.
Being thus disappointed, he said, he carried on the old trade ever since,though when he had gotten so much money, he said, he did not run such desperaterisks as he did before. Then he gave me some account of several hard anddesperate encounters which he had with gentlemen on the road, who parted toohardly with their money, and showed me some wounds he had received; and he hadone or two very terrible wounds indeed, as particularly one by a pistol bullet,which broke his arm, and another with a sword, which ran him quite through thebody, but that missing his vitals, he was cured again; one of his comradeshaving kept with him so faithfully, and so friendly, as that he assisted him inriding near eighty miles before his arm was set, and then got a surgeon in aconsiderable city, remote from that place where it was done, pretending theywere gentlemen travelling towards Carlisle and that they had been attacked onthe road by highwaymen, and that one of them had shot him into the arm andbroke the bone.
This, he said, his friend managed so well, that they were not suspected at all,but lay still till he was perfectly cured. He gave me so many distinct accountsof his adventures, that it is with great reluctance that I decline the relatingthem; but I consider that this is my own story, not his.
I then inquired into the circumstances of his present case at that time, andwhat it was he expected when he came to be tried. He told me that they had noevidence against him, or but very little; for that of three robberies, whichthey were all charged with, it was his good fortune that he was but in one ofthem, and that there was but one witness to be had for that fact, which was notsufficient, but that it was expected some others would come in against him;that he thought indeed, when he first saw me, that I had been one that came ofthat errand; but that if somebody came in against him, he hoped he should becleared; that he had had some intimation, that if he would submit to transporthimself, he might be admitted to it without a trial, but that he could notthink of it with any temper, and thought he could much easier submit to behanged.
I blamed him for that, and told him I blamed him on two accounts; first,because if he was transported, there might be a hundred ways for him that was agentleman, and a bold enterprising man, to find his way back again, and perhapssome ways and means to come back before he went. He smiled at that part, andsaid he should like the last the best of the two, for he had a kind of horrorupon his mind at his being sent over to the plantations, as Romans sentcondemned slaves to work in the mines; that he thought the passage into anotherstate, let it be what it would, much more tolerable at the gallows, and thatthis was the general notion of all the gentlemen who were driven by theexigence of their fortunes to take the road; that at the place of executionthere was at least an end of all the miseries of the present state, and as forwhat was to follow, a man was, in his opinion, as likely to repent sincerely inthe last fortnight of his life, under the pressures and agonies of a jail andthe condemned hole, as he would ever be in the woods and wilderness of America;that servitude and hard labour were things gentlemen could never stoop to; thatit was but the way to force them to be their own executioners afterwards, whichwas much worse; and that therefore he could not have any patience when he didbut think of being transported.
I used the utmost of my endeavour to persuade him, and joined that knownwoman’s rhetoric to it—I mean, that of tears. I told him the infamyof a public execution was certainly a greater pressure upon the spirits of agentleman than any of the mortifications that he could meet with abroad couldbe; that he had at least in the other a chance for his life, whereas here hehad none at all; that it was the easiest thing in the world for him to managethe captain of a ship, who were, generally speaking, men of good-humour andsome gallantry; and a small matter of conduct, especially if there was anymoney to be had, would make way for him to buy himself off when he came toVirginia.
He looked wistfully at me, and I thought I guessed at what he meant, that is tosay, that he had no money; but I was mistaken, his meaning was another way.“You hinted just now, my dear,” said he, “that there might bea way of coming back before I went, by which I understood you that it might bepossible to buy it off here. I had rather give £200 to prevent going,than £100 to be set at liberty when I came there.” “That is,my dear,” said I, “because you do not know the place so well as Ido.” “That may be,” said he; “and yet I believe, aswell as you know it, you would do the same, unless it is because, as you toldme, you have a mother there.”
I told him, as to my mother, it was next to impossible but that she must bedead many years before; and as for any other relations that I might have there,I knew them not now; that since the misfortunes I had been under had reduced meto the condition I had been in for some years, I had not kept up anycorrespondence with them; and that he would easily believe, I should find but acold reception from them if I should be put to make my first visit in thecondition of a transported felon; that therefore, if I went thither, I resolvednot to see them; but that I had many views in going there, if it should be myfate, which took off all the uneasy part of it; and if he found himself obligedto go also, I should easily instruct him how to manage himself, so as never togo a servant at all, especially since I found he was not destitute of money,which was the only friend in such a condition.
He smiled, and said he did not tell me he had money. I took him up short, andtold him I hoped he did not understand by my speaking, that I should expect anysupply from him if he had money; that, on the other hand, though I had not agreat deal, yet I did not want, and while I had any I would rather add to himthan weaken him in that article, seeing, whatever he had, I knew in the case oftransportation he would have occasion of it all.
He expressed himself in a most tender manner upon that head. He told me whatmoney he had was not a great deal, but that he would never hide any of it fromme if I wanted it, and that he assured me he did not speak with any suchapprehensions; that he was only intent upon what I had hinted to him before hewent; that here he knew what to do with himself, but that there he should bethe most ignorant, helpless wretch alive.
I told him he frighted and terrified himself with that which had no terror init; that if he had money, as I was glad to hear he had, he might not only avoidthe servitude supposed to be the consequence of transportation, but begin theworld upon a new foundation, and that such a one as he could not fail ofsuccess in, with the common application usual in such cases; that he could notbut call to mind that it was what I had recommended to him many years beforeand had proposed it for our mutual subsistence and restoring our fortunes inthe world; and I would tell him now, that to convince him both of the certaintyof it and of my being fully acquainted with the method, and also fullysatisfied in the probability of success, he should first see me deliver myselffrom the necessity of going over at all, and then that I would go with himfreely, and of my own choice, and perhaps carry enough with me to satisfy himthat I did not offer it for want of being able to live without assistance fromhim, but that I thought our mutual misfortunes had been such as were sufficientto reconcile us both to quitting this part of the world, and living wherenobody could upbraid us with what was past, or we be in any dread of a prison,and without agonies of a condemned hole to drive us to it; this where we shouldlook back on all our past disasters with infinite satisfaction, when we shouldconsider that our enemies should entirely forget us, and that we should live asnew people in a new world, nobody having anything to say to us, or we to them.
I pressed this home to him with so many arguments, and answered all his ownpassionate objections so effectually that he embraced me, and told me I treatedhim with such sincerity and affection as overcame him; that he would take myadvice, and would strive to submit to his fate in hope of having the comfort ofmy assistance, and of so faithful a counsellor and such a companion in hismisery. But still he put me in mind of what I had mentioned before, namely,that there might be some way to get off before he went, and that it might bepossible to avoid going at all, which he said would be much better. I told himhe should see, and be fully satisfied, that I would do my utmost in that parttoo, and if it did not succeed, yet that I would make good the rest.
We parted after this long conference with such testimonies of kindness andaffection as I thought were equal, if not superior, to that at our parting atDunstable; and now I saw more plainly than before, the reason why he declinedcoming at that time any farther with me toward London than Dunstable, and why,when we parted there, he told me it was not convenient for him to come part ofthe way to London to bring me going, as he would otherwise have done. I haveobserved that the account of his life would have made a much more pleasinghistory than this of mine; and, indeed, nothing in it was more strange thanthis part, viz. that he carried on that desperate trade full five-and-twentyyears and had never been taken, the success he had met with had been so veryuncommon, and such that sometimes he had lived handsomely, and retired in placefor a year or two at a time, keeping himself and a man-servant to wait on him,and had often sat in the coffee-houses and heard the very people whom he hadrobbed give accounts of their being robbed, and of the place and circumstances,so that he could easily remember that it was the same.
In this manner, it seems, he lived near Liverpool at the time he unluckilymarried me for a fortune. Had I been the fortune he expected, I verily believe,as he said, that he would have taken up and lived honestly all his days.
He had with the rest of his misfortunes the good luck not to be actually uponthe spot when the robbery was done which he was committed for, and so none ofthe persons robbed could swear to him, or had anything to charge upon him. Butit seems as he was taken with the gang, one hard-mouthed countryman swore hometo him, and they were like to have others come in according to the publicationthey had made; so that they expected more evidence against him, and for thatreason he was kept in hold.
However, the offer which was made to him of admitting him to transportation wasmade, as I understood, upon the intercession of some great person who pressedhim hard to accept of it before a trial; and indeed, as he knew there wereseveral that might come in against him, I thought his friend was in the right,and I lay at him night and day to delay it no longer.
At last, with much difficulty, he gave his consent; and as he was not thereforeadmitted to transportation in court, and on his petition, as I was, so he foundhimself under a difficulty to avoid embarking himself as I had said he mighthave done; his great friend, who was his intercessor for the favour of thatgrant, having given security for him that he should transport himself, and notreturn within the term.
This hardship broke all my measures, for the steps I took afterwards for my owndeliverance were hereby rendered wholly ineffectual, unless I would abandonhim, and leave him to go to America by himself; than which he protested hewould much rather venture, although he were certain to go directly to thegallows.
I must now return to my case. The time of my being transported according to mysentence was near at hand; my governess, who continued my fast friend, hadtried to obtain a pardon, but it could not be done unless with an expense tooheavy for my purse, considering that to be left naked and empty, unless I hadresolved to return to my old trade again, had been worse than mytransportation, because there I knew I could live, here I could not. The goodminister stood very hard on another account to prevent my being transportedalso; but he was answered, that indeed my life had been given me at his firstsolicitations, and therefore he ought to ask no more. He was sensibly grievedat my going, because, as he said, he feared I should lose the good impressionswhich a prospect of death had at first made on me, and which were sinceincreased by his instructions; and the pious gentleman was exceedinglyconcerned about me on that account.
On the other hand, I really was not so solicitous about it as I was before, butI industriously concealed my reasons for it from the minister, and to the lasthe did not know but that I went with the utmost reluctance and affliction.
It was in the month of February that I was, with seven other convicts, as theycalled us, delivered to a merchant that traded to Virginia, on board a ship,riding, as they called it, in Deptford Reach. The officer of the prisondelivered us on board, and the master of the vessel gave a discharge for us.
We were for that night clapped under hatches, and kept so close that I thoughtI should have been suffocated for want of air; and the next morning the shipweighed, and fell down the river to a place they call Bugby’s Hole, whichwas done, as they told us, by the agreement of the merchant, that allopportunity of escape should be taken from us. However, when the ship camethither and cast anchor, we were allowed more liberty, and particularly werepermitted to come up on the deck, but not up on the quarter-deck, that beingkept particularly for the captain and for passengers.
When by the noise of the men over my head, and the motion of the ship, Iperceived that they were under sail, I was at first greatly surprised, fearingwe should go away directly, and that our friends would not be admitted to seeus any more; but I was easy soon after, when I found they had come to an anchoragain, and soon after that we had notice given by some of the men where wewere, that the next morning we should have the liberty to come up on deck, andto have our friends come and see us if we had any.
All that night I lay upon the hard boards of the deck, as the passengers did,but we had afterwards the liberty of little cabins for such of us as had anybedding to lay in them, and room to stow any box or trunk for clothes andlinen, if we had it (which might well be put in), for some of them had neithershirt nor shift or a rag of linen or woollen, but what was on their backs, or afarthing of money to help themselves; and yet I did not find but they faredwell enough in the ship, especially the women, who got money from the seamenfor washing their clothes, sufficient to purchase any common things that theywanted.
When the next morning we had the liberty to come up on the deck, I asked one ofthe officers of the ship, whether I might not have the liberty to send a letteron shore, to let my friends know where the ship lay, and to get some necessarythings sent to me. This was, it seems, the boatswain, a very civil, courteoussort of man, who told me I should have that, or any other liberty that Idesired, that he could allow me with safety. I told him I desired no other; andhe answered that the ship’s boat would go up to London the next tide, andhe would order my letter to be carried.
Accordingly, when the boat went off, the boatswain came to me and told me theboat was going off, and that he went in it himself, and asked me if my letterwas ready he would take care of it. I had prepared myself, you may be sure,pen, ink, and paper beforehand, and I had gotten a letter ready directed to mygoverness, and enclosed another for my fellow-prisoner, which, however, I didnot let her know was my husband, not to the last. In that to my governess, Ilet her know where the ship lay, and pressed her earnestly to send me whatthings I knew she had got ready for me for my voyage.
When I gave the boatswain the letter, I gave him a shilling with it, which Itold him was for the charge of a messenger or porter, which I entreated him tosend with the letter as soon as he came on shore, that if possible I might havean answer brought back by the same hand, that I might know what was become ofmy things; “for sir,” says I, “if the ship should go awaybefore I have them on board, I am undone.”
I took care, when I gave him the shilling, to let him see that I had a littlebetter furniture about me than the ordinary prisoners, for he saw that I had apurse, and in it a pretty deal of money; and I found that the very sight of itimmediately furnished me with very different treatment from what I shouldotherwise have met with in the ship; for though he was very courteous indeedbefore, in a kind of natural compassion to me, as a woman in distress, yet hewas more than ordinarily so afterwards, and procured me to be better treated inthe ship than, I say, I might otherwise have been; as shall appear in itsplace.
He very honestly had my letter delivered to my governess’s own hands, andbrought me back an answer from her in writing; and when he gave me the answer,gave me the shilling again. “There,” says he, “there’syour shilling again too, for I delivered the letter myself.” I could nottell what to say, I was so surprised at the thing; but after some pause, Isaid, “Sir, you are too kind; it had been but reasonable that you hadpaid yourself coach-hire, then.”
“No, no,” says he, “I am overpaid. What is the gentlewoman?Your sister.”
“No, sir,” says I, “she is no relation to me, but she is adear friend, and all the friends I have in the world.”“Well,” says he, “there are few such friends in the world.Why, she cried after you like a child.” “Ay,” says I again,“she would give a hundred pounds, I believe, to deliver me from thisdreadful condition I am in.”
“Would she so?” says he. “For half the money I believe Icould put you in a way how to deliver yourself.” But this he spokesoftly, that nobody could hear.
“Alas! sir,” said I, “but then that must be such adeliverance as, if I should be taken again, would cost me my life.”“Nay,” said he, “if you were once out of the ship, you mustlook to yourself afterwards; that I can say nothing to.” So we droppedthe discourse for that time.
In the meantime, my governess, faithful to the last moment, conveyed my letterto the prison to my husband, and got an answer to it, and the next day camedown herself to the ship, bringing me, in the first place, a sea-bed as theycall it, and all its furniture, such as was convenient, but not to let thepeople think it was extraordinary. She brought with her a sea-chest—thatis, a chest, such as are made for seamen, with all the conveniences in it, andfilled with everything almost that I could want; and in one of the corners ofthe chest, where there was a private drawer, was my bank of money—this isto say, so much of it as I had resolved to carry with me; for I ordered a partof my stock to be left behind me, to be sent afterwards in such goods as Ishould want when I came to settle; for money in that country is not of much usewhere all things are brought for tobacco, much more is it a great loss to carryit from hence.
But my case was particular; it was by no means proper to me to go thitherwithout money or goods, and for a poor convict, that was to be sold as soon asI came on shore, to carry with me a cargo of goods would be to have noticetaken of it, and perhaps to have them seized by the public; so I took part ofmy stock with me thus, and left the other part with my governess.
My governess brought me a great many other things, but it was not proper for meto look too well provided in the ship, at least till I knew what kind of acaptain we should have. When she came into the ship, I thought she would havedied indeed; her heart sank at the sight of me, and at the thoughts of partingwith me in that condition, and she cried so intolerably, I could not for a longtime have any talk with her.
I took that time to read my fellow-prisoner’s letter, which, however,greatly perplexed me. He told me he was determined to go, but found it would beimpossible for him to be discharged time enough for going in the same ship, andwhich was more than all, he began to question whether they would give him leaveto go in what ship he pleased, though he did voluntarily transport himself; butthat they would see him put on board such a ship as they should direct, andthat he would be charged upon the captain as other convict prisoners were; sothat he began to be in despair of seeing me till he came to Virginia, whichmade him almost desperate; seeing that, on the other hand, if I should not bethere, if any accident of the sea or of mortality should take me away, heshould be the most undone creature there in the world.
This was very perplexing, and I knew not what course to take. I told mygoverness the story of the boatswain, and she was mighty eager with me treatwith him; but I had no mind to it, till I heard whether my husband, orfellow-prisoner, so she called him, could be at liberty to go with me or no. Atlast I was forced to let her into the whole matter, except only that of hisbeing my husband. I told her I had made a positive bargain or agreement withhim to go, if he could get the liberty of going in the same ship, and that Ifound he had money.
Then I read a long lecture to her of what I proposed to do when we came there,how we could plant, settle, and, in short, grow rich without any moreadventures; and, as a great secret, I told her that we were to marry as soon ashe came on board.
She soon agreed cheerfully to my going when she heard this, and she made it herbusiness from that time to get him out of the prison in time, so that he mightgo in the same ship with me, which at last was brought to pass, though withgreat difficulty, and not without all the forms of a transportedprisoner-convict, which he really was not yet, for he had not been tried, andwhich was a great mortification to him. As our fate was now determined, and wewere both on board, actually bound to Virginia, in the despicable quality oftransported convicts destined to be sold for slaves, I for five years, and heunder bonds and security not to return to England any more, as long as helived, he was very much dejected and cast down; the mortification of beingbrought on board, as he was, like a prisoner, piqued him very much, since itwas first told him he should transport himself, and so that he might go as agentleman at liberty. It is true he was not ordered to be sold when he camethere, as we were, and for that reason he was obliged to pay for his passage tothe captain, which we were not; as to the rest, he was as much at a loss as achild what to do with himself, or with what he had, but by directions.
Our first business was to compare our stock. He was very honest to me, and toldme his stock was pretty good when he came into the prison, but the living thereas he did in a figure like a gentleman, and, which was ten times as much, themaking of friends, and soliciting his case, had been very expensive; and, in aword, all his stock that he had left was £108, which he had about him allin gold.
I gave him an account of my stock as faithfully, that is to say, of what I hadtaken to carry with me, for I was resolved, whatever should happen, to keepwhat I had left with my governess in reserve; that in case I should die, what Ihad with me was enough to give him, and that which was left in mygoverness’s hands would be her own, which she had well deserved of meindeed.
My stock which I had with me was £246 some odd shillings; so that we had£354 between us, but a worse gotten estate was scarce ever put togetherto begin the world with.
Our greatest misfortune as to our stock was that it was all in money, whichevery one knows is an unprofitable cargo to be carried to the plantations. Ibelieve his was really all he had left in the world, as he told me it was; butI, who had between £700 and £800 in bank when this disaster befellme, and who had one of the faithfullest friends in the world to manage it forme, considering she was a woman of manner of religious principles, had still£300 left in her hand, which I reserved as above; besides, some veryvaluable things, as particularly two gold watches, some small pieces of plate,and some rings—all stolen goods. The plate, rings, and watches were putin my chest with the money, and with this fortune, and in the sixty-first yearof my age, I launched out into a new world, as I may call it, in the condition(as to what appeared) only of a poor, naked convict, ordered to be transportedin respite from the gallows. My clothes were poor and mean, but not ragged ordirty, and none knew in the whole ship that I had anything of value about me.
However, as I had a great many very good clothes and linen in abundance, whichI had ordered to be packed up in two great boxes, I had them shipped on board,not as my goods, but as consigned to my real name in Virginia; and had thebills of loading signed by a captain in my pocket; and in these boxes was myplate and watches, and everything of value except my money, which I kept byitself in a private drawer in my chest, which could not be found, or opened, iffound, without splitting the chest to pieces.
In this condition I lay for three weeks in the ship, not knowing whether Ishould have my husband with me or no, and therefore not resolving how or inwhat manner to receive the honest boatswain’s proposal, which indeed hethought a little strange at first.
At the end of this time, behold my husband came on board. He looked with adejected, angry countenance, his great heart was swelled with rage and disdain;to be dragged along with three keepers of Newgate, and put on board like aconvict, when he had not so much as been brought to a trial. He made loudcomplaints of it by his friends, for it seems he had some interest; but hisfriends got some check in their application, and were told he had had favourenough, and that they had received such an account of him, since the last grantof his transportation, that he ought to think himself very well treated that hewas not prosecuted anew. This answer quieted him at once, for he knew too muchwhat might have happened, and what he had room to expect; and now he saw thegoodness of the advice to him, which prevailed with him to accept of the offerof a voluntary transportation. And after this his chagrin at these hell-hounds,as he called them, was a little over, he looked a little composed, began to becheerful, and as I was telling him how glad I was to have him once more out oftheir hands, he took me in his arms, and acknowledged with great tendernessthat I had given him the best advice possible. “My dear,” says he,“thou has twice saved my life; from henceforward it shall be all employedfor you, and I’ll always take your advice.”
The ship began now to fill; several passengers came on board, who were embarkedon no criminal account, and these had accommodations assigned them in the greatcabin, and other parts of the ship, whereas we, as convicts, were thrust downbelow, I know not where. But when my husband came on board, I spoke to theboatswain, who had so early given me hints of his friendship in carrying myletter. I told him he had befriended me in many things, and I had not made anysuitable return to him, and with that I put a guinea into his hand. I told himthat my husband was now come on board; that though we were both under thepresent misfortune, yet we had been persons of a different character from thewretched crew that we came with, and desired to know of him, whether thecaptain might not be moved to admit us to some conveniences in the ship, forwhich we would make him what satisfaction he pleased, and that we would gratifyhim for his pains in procuring this for us. He took the guinea, as I could see,with great satisfaction, and assured me of his assistance.
Then he told us he did not doubt but that the captain, who was one of thebest-humoured gentlemen in the world, would be easily brought to accommodate usas well as we could desire, and, to make me easy, told me he would go up thenext tide on purpose to speak to the captain about it. The next morning,happening to sleep a little longer than ordinary, when I got up, and began tolook abroad, I saw the boatswain among the men in his ordinary business. I wasa little melancholy at seeing him there, and going forward to speak to him, hesaw me, and came towards me, but not giving him time to speak first, I said,smiling, “I doubt, sir, you have forgot us, for I see you are verybusy.” He returned presently, “Come along with me, and you shallsee.” So he took me into the great cabin, and there sat a good sort of agentlemanly man for a seaman, writing, and with a great many papers before him.
“Here,” says the boatswain to him that was a-writing, “is thegentlewoman that the captain spoke to you of”; and turning to me, hesaid, “I have been so far from forgetting your business, that I have beenup at the captain’s house, and have represented faithfully to the captainwhat you said, relating to you being furnished with better conveniences foryourself and your husband; and the captain has sent this gentleman, who is mateof the ship, down with me, on purpose to show you everything, and toaccommodate you fully to your content, and bid me assure you that you shall notbe treated like what you were at first expected to be, but with the samerespect as other passengers are treated.”
The mate then spoke to me, and, not giving me time to thank the boatswain forhis kindness, confirmed what the boatswain had said, and added that it was thecaptain’s delight to show himself kind and charitable, especially tothose that were under any misfortunes, and with that he showed me severalcabins built up, some in the great cabin, and some partitioned off, out of thesteerage, but opening into the great cabin on purpose for the accommodation ofpassengers, and gave me leave to choose where I would. However, I chose a cabinwhich opened into the steerage, in which was very good conveniences to set ourchest and boxes, and a table to eat on.
The mate then told me that the boatswain had given so good a character of meand my husband, as to our civil behaviour, that he had orders to tell me weshould eat with him, if we thought fit, during the whole voyage, on the commonterms of passengers; that we might lay in some fresh provisions, if we pleased;or if not, he should lay in his usual store, and we should have share with him.This was very reviving news to me, after so many hardships and afflictions as Ihad gone through of late. I thanked him, and told him the captain should makehis own terms with us, and asked him leave to go and tell my husband of it, whowas not very well, and was not yet out of his cabin. Accordingly I went, and myhusband, whose spirits were still so much sunk with the indignity (as heunderstood it) offered him, that he was scarce yet himself, was so revived withthe account that I gave him of the reception we were like to have in the ship,that he was quite another man, and new vigour and courage appeared in his verycountenance. So true is it, that the greatest of spirits, when overwhelmed bytheir afflictions, are subject to the greatest dejections, and are the most aptto despair and give themselves up.
After some little pause to recover himself, my husband came up with me, andgave the mate thanks for the kindness, which he had expressed to us, and sentsuitable acknowledgment by him to the captain, offering to pay him by advance,whatever he demanded for our passage, and for the conveniences he had helped usto. The mate told him that the captain would be on board in the afternoon, andthat he would leave all that till he came. Accordingly, in the afternoon thecaptain came, and we found him the same courteous, obliging man that theboatswain had represented him to be; and he was so well pleased with myhusband’s conversation, that, in short, he would not let us keep thecabin we had chosen, but gave us one that, as I said before, opened into thegreat cabin.
Nor were his conditions exorbitant, or the man craving and eager to make a preyof us, but for fifteen guineas we had our whole passage and provisions andcabin, ate at the captain’s table, and were very handsomely entertained.
The captain lay himself in the other part of the great cabin, having let hisround house, as they call it, to a rich planter who went over with his wife andthree children, who ate by themselves. He had some other ordinary passengers,who quartered in the steerage, and as for our old fraternity, they were keptunder the hatches while the ship lay there, and came very little on the deck.
I could not refrain acquainting my governess with what had happened; it was butjust that she, who was so really concerned for me, should have part in my goodfortune. Besides, I wanted her assistance to supply me with severalnecessaries, which before I was shy of letting anybody see me have, that itmight not be public; but now I had a cabin and room to set things in, I orderedabundance of good things for our comfort in the voyage, as brandy, sugar,lemons, etc., to make punch, and treat our benefactor, the captain; andabundance of things for eating and drinking in the voyage; also a larger bed,and bedding proportioned to it; so that, in a word, we resolved to want fornothing in the voyage.
All this while I had provided nothing for our assistance when we should come tothe place and begin to call ourselves planters; and I was far from beingignorant of what was needful on that occasion; particularly all sorts of toolsfor the planter’s work, and for building; and all kinds of furniture forour dwelling, which, if to be bought in the country, must necessarily costdouble the price.
So I discoursed that point with my governess, and she went and waited upon thecaptain, and told him that she hoped ways might be found out for her twounfortunate cousins, as she called us, to obtain our freedom when we came intothe country, and so entered into a discourse with him about the means and termsalso, of which I shall say more in its place; and after thus sounding thecaptain, she let him know, though we were unhappy in the circumstances thatoccasioned our going, yet that we were not unfurnished to set ourselves to workin the country, and we resolved to settle and live there as planters, if wemight be put in a way how to do it. The captain readily offered his assistance,told her the method of entering upon such business, and how easy, nay, howcertain it was for industrious people to recover their fortunes in such amanner. “Madam,” says he, “’tis no reproach to any manyin that country to have been sent over in worse circumstances than I perceiveyour cousins are in, provided they do but apply with diligence and goodjudgment to the business of that place when they come there.”
She then inquired of him what things it was necessary we should carry over withus, and he, like a very honest as well as knowing man, told her thus:“Madam, your cousins in the first place must procure somebody to buy themas servants, in conformity to the conditions of their transportation, and then,in the name of that person, they may go about what they will; they may eitherpurchase some plantations already begun, or they may purchase land of theGovernment of the country, and begin where they please, and both will be donereasonably.” She bespoke his favour in the first article, which hepromised to her to take upon himself, and indeed faithfully performed it, andas to the rest, he promised to recommend us to such as should give us the bestadvice, and not to impose upon us, which was as much as could be desired.
She then asked him if it would not be necessary to furnish us with a stock oftools and materials for the business of planting, and he said, “Yes, byall means.” And then she begged his assistance in it. She told him shewould furnish us with everything that was convenient whatever it cost her. Heaccordingly gave her a long particular of things necessary for a planter,which, by his account, came to about fourscore or a hundred pounds. And, inshort, she went about as dexterously to buy them, as if she had been an oldVirginia merchant; only that she bought, by my direction, above twice as muchof everything as he had given her a list of.
These she put on board in her own name, took his bills of loading for them, andendorsed those bills of loading to my husband, insuring the cargo afterwards inher own name, by our order; so that we were provided for all events, and forall disasters.
I should have told you that my husband gave her all his whole stock of£108, which, as I have said, he had about him in gold, to lay out thus,and I gave her a good sum besides; so that I did not break into the stock whichI had left in her hands at all, but after we had sorted out our whole cargo, wehad yet near £200 in money, which was more than enough for our purpose.
In this condition, very cheerful, and indeed joyful at being so happilyaccommodated as we were, we set sail from Bugby’s Hole to Gravesend,where the ship lay about ten more days, and where the captain came on board forgood and all. Here the captain offered us a civility, which indeed we had noreason to expect, namely, to let us go on shore and refresh ourselves, upongiving our words in a solemn manner that we would not go from him, and that wewould return peaceably on board again. This was such an evidence of hisconfidence in us, that it overcame my husband, who, in a mere principle ofgratitude, told him, as he could not be in any capacity to make a suitablereturn for such a favour, so he could not think of accepting of it, nor couldhe be easy that the captain should run such a risk. After some mutualcivilities, I gave my husband a purse, in which was eighty guineas, and he putin into the captain’s hand. “There, captain,” says he,“there’s part of a pledge for our fidelity; if we deal dishonestlywith you on any account, ’tis your own.” And on this we went onshore.
Indeed, the captain had assurance enough of our resolutions to go, for thathaving made such provision to settle there, it did not seem rational that wewould choose to remain here at the expense and peril of life, for such it musthave been if we had been taken again. In a word, we went all on shore with thecaptain, and supped together in Gravesend, where we were very merry, stayed allnight, lay at the house where we supped, and came all very honestly on boardagain with him in the morning. Here we bought ten dozen bottles of good beer,some wine, some fowls, and such things as we thought might be acceptable onboard.
My governess was with us all this while, and went with us round into the Downs,as did also the captain’s wife, with whom she went back. I was never sosorrowful at parting with my own mother as I was at parting with her, and Inever saw her more. We had a fair easterly wind sprung up the third day afterwe came to the Downs, and we sailed from thence the 10th of April. Nor did wetouch any more at any place, till, being driven on the coast of Ireland by avery hard gale of wind, the ship came to an anchor in a little bay, near themouth of a river, whose name I remember not, but they said the river came downfrom Limerick, and that it was the largest river in Ireland.
Here, being detained by bad weather for some time, the captain, who continuedthe same kind, good-humoured man as at first, took us two on shore with himagain. He did it now in kindness to my husband indeed, who bore the sea veryill, and was very sick, especially when it blew so hard. Here we bought inagain a store of fresh provisions, especially beef, pork, mutton, and fowls,and the captain stayed to pickle up five or six barrels of beef to lengthen outthe ship’s store. We were here not above five days, when the weatherturning mild, and a fair wind, we set sail again, and in two-and-forty dayscame safe to the coast of Virginia.
When we drew near to the shore, the captain called me to him, and told me thathe found by my discourse I had some relations in the place, and that I had beenthere before, and so he supposed I understood the custom in their disposing theconvict prisoners when they arrived. I told him I did not, and that as to whatrelations I had in the place, he might be sure I would make myself known tonone of them while I was in the circumstances of a prisoner, and that as to therest, we left ourselves entirely to him to assist us, as he was pleased topromise us he would do. He told me I must get somebody in the place to come andbuy us as servants, and who must answer for us to the governor of the country,if he demanded us. I told him we should do as he should direct; so he brought aplanter to treat with him, as it were, for the purchase of these two servants,my husband and me, and there we were formally sold to him, and went ashore withhim. The captain went with us, and carried us to a certain house, whether itwas to be called a tavern or not I know not, but we had a bowl of punch theremade of rum, etc., and were very merry. After some time the planter gave us acertificate of discharge, and an acknowledgment of having served himfaithfully, and we were free from him the next morning, to go wither we would.
For this piece of service the captain demanded of us six thousand weight oftabacco, which he said he was accountable for to his freighter, and which weimmediately bought for him, and made him a present of twenty guineas besides,with which he was abundantly satisfied.
It is not proper to enter here into the particulars of what part of the colonyof Virginia we settled in, for divers reasons; it may suffice to mention thatwe went into the great river Potomac, the ship being bound thither; and therewe intended to have settled first, though afterwards we altered our minds.
The first thing I did of moment after having gotten all our goods on shore, andplaced them in a storehouse, or warehouse, which, with a lodging, we hired atthe small place or village where we landed—I say, the first thing was toinquire after my mother, and after my brother (that fatal person whom I marriedas a husband, as I have related at large). A little inquiry furnished me withinformation that Mrs. ——, that is, my mother, was dead; that mybrother (or husband) was alive, which I confess I was not very glad to hear;but which was worse, I found he was removed from the plantation where he livedformerly, and where I lived with him, and lived with one of his sons in aplantation just by the place where we landed, and where we had hired awarehouse.
I was a little surprised at first, but as I ventured to satisfy myself that hecould not know me, I was not only perfectly easy, but had a great mind to seehim, if it was possible to so do without his seeing me. In order to that Ifound out by inquiry the plantation where he lived, and with a woman of thatplace whom I got to help me, like what we call a chairwoman, I rambled abouttowards the place as if I had only a mind to see the country and look about me.At last I came so near that I saw the dwellinghouse. I asked the woman whoseplantation that was; she said it belonged to such a man, and looking out alittle to our right hands, “there,” says she, “is the gentleman thatowns the plantation, and his father with him.” “What are theirChristian names?” said I. “I know not,” says she, “whatthe old gentleman’s name is, but the son’s name is Humphrey; and Ibelieve,” says she, “the father’s is so too.” You mayguess, if you can, what a confused mixture of joy and fight possessed mythoughts upon this occasion, for I immediately knew that this was nobody elsebut my own son, by that father she showed me, who was my own brother. I had nomask, but I ruffled my hood so about my face, that I depended upon it thatafter above twenty years’ absence, and withal not expecting anything ofme in that part of the world, he would not be able to know anything of me. ButI need not have used all that caution, for the old gentleman was growndim-sighted by some distemper which had fallen upon his eyes, and could butjust see well enough to walk about, and not run against a tree or into a ditch.The woman that was with me had told me that by a mere accident, knowing nothingof what importance it was to me. As they drew near to us, I said, “Doeshe know you, Mrs. Owen?” (so they called the woman). “Yes,”said she, “if he hears me speak, he will know me; but he can’t seewell enough to know me or anybody else”; and so she told me the story ofhis sight, as I have related. This made me secure, and so I threw open my hoodsagain, and let them pass by me. It was a wretched thing for a mother thus tosee her own son, a handsome, comely young gentleman in flourishingcircumstances, and durst not make herself known to him, and durst not take anynotice of him. Let any mother of children that reads this consider it, and butthink with what anguish of mind I restrained myself; what yearnings of soul Ihad in me to embrace him, and weep over him; and how I thought all my entrailsturned within me, that my very bowels moved, and I knew not what to do, as Inow know not how to express those agonies! When he went from me I stood gazingand trembling, and looking after him as long as I could see him; then sittingdown to rest me, but turned from her, and lying on my face, wept, and kissedthe ground that he had set his foot on.
I could not conceal my disorder so much from the woman but that she perceivedit, and thought I was not well, which I was obliged to pretend was true; uponwhich she pressed me to rise, the ground being damp and dangerous, which I didaccordingly, and walked away.
As I was going back again, and still talking of this gentleman and his son, anew occasion of melancholy offered itself thus. The woman began, as if shewould tell me a story to divert me: “There goes,” says she,“a very odd tale among the neighbours where this gentleman formerlylive.” “What was that?” said I. “Why,” says she,“that old gentleman going to England, when he was a young man, fell inlove with a young lady there, one of the finest women that ever was seen, andmarried her, and brought her over hither to his mother who was then living. Helived here several years with her,” continued she, “and had severalchildren by her, of which the young gentleman that was with him now was one;but after some time, the old gentlewoman, his mother, talking to her ofsomething relating to herself when she was in England, and of her circumstancesin England, which were bad enough, the daughter-in-law began to be very muchsurprised and uneasy; and, in short, examining further into things, it appearedpast all contradiction that the old gentlewoman was her own mother, and thatconsequently that son was his wife’s own brother, which struck the wholefamily with horror, and put them into such confusion that it had almost ruinedthem all. The young woman would not live with him; the son, her brother andhusband, for a time went distracted; and at last the young woman went away forEngland, and has never been heard of since.”
It is easy to believe that I was strangely affected with this story, but’tis impossible to describe the nature of my disturbance. I seemedastonished at the story, and asked her a thousand questions about theparticulars, which I found she was thoroughly acquainted with. At last I beganto inquire into the circumstances of the family, how the old gentlewoman, Imean my mother, died, and how she left what she had; for my mother had promisedme very solemnly, that when she died she would do something for me, and leaveit so, as that, if I was living, I should one way or other come at it, withoutits being in the power of her son, my brother and husband, to prevent it. Shetold me she did not know exactly how it was ordered, but she had been told thatmy mother had left a sum of money, and had tied her plantation for the paymentof it, to be made good to the daughter, if ever she could be heard of, eitherin England or elsewhere; and that the trust was left with this son, who was theperson that we saw with his father.
This was news too good for me to make light of, and, you may be sure, filled myheart with a thousand thoughts, what course I should take, how, and when, andin what manner I should make myself known, or whether I should ever make myselfknow or no.
Here was a perplexity that I had not indeed skill to manage myself in, neitherknew I what course to take. It lay heavy upon my mind night and day. I couldneither sleep nor converse, so that my husband perceived it, and wondered whatailed me, strove to divert me, but it was all to no purpose. He pressed me totell him what it was troubled me, but I put it off, till at last, importuningme continually, I was forced to form a story, which yet had a plain truth tolay it upon too. I told him I was troubled because I found we must shift ourquarters and alter our scheme of settling, for that I found I should be knownif I stayed in that part of the country; for that my mother being dead, severalof my relations were come into that part where we then was, and that I musteither discover myself to them, which in our present circumstances was notproper on many accounts, or remove; and which to do I knew not, and that thisit was that made me so melancholy and so thoughtful.
He joined with me in this, that it was by no means proper for me to make myselfknown to anybody in the circumstances in which we then were; and therefore hetold me he would be willing to remove to any other part of the country, or evento any other country if I thought fit. But now I had another difficulty, whichwas, that if I removed to any other colony, I put myself out of the way of evermaking a due search after those effects which my mother had left. Again I couldnever so much as think of breaking the secret of my former marriage to my newhusband; it was not a story, as I thought, that would bear telling, nor could Itell what might be the consequences of it; and it was impossible to search intothe bottom of the thing without making it public all over the country, as wellwho I was, as what I now was also.
In this perplexity I continued a great while, and this made my spouse veryuneasy; for he found me perplexed, and yet thought I was not open with him, anddid not let him into every part of my grievance; and he would often say, hewondered what he had done that I would not trust him with whatever it was,especially if it was grievous and afflicting. The truth is, he ought to havebeen trusted with everything, for no man in the world could deserve better of awife; but this was a thing I knew not how to open to him, and yet having nobodyto disclose any part of it to, the burthen was too heavy for my mind; for letthem say what they please of our sex not being able to keep a secret, my lifeis a plain conviction to me of the contrary; but be it our sex, or theman’s sex, a secret of moment should always have a confidant, a bosomfriend, to whom we may communicate the joy of it, or the grief of it, be itwhich it will, or it will be a double weight upon the spirits, and perhapsbecome even insupportable in itself; and this I appeal to all human testimonyfor the truth of.
And this is the cause why many times men as well as women, and men of thegreatest and best qualities other ways, yet have found themselves weak in thispart, and have not been able to bear the weight of a secret joy or of a secretsorrow, but have been obliged to disclose it, even for the mere giving vent tothemselves, and to unbend the mind oppressed with the load and weights whichattended it. Nor was this any token of folly or thoughtlessness at all, but anatural consequence of the thing; and such people, had they struggled longerwith the oppression, would certainly have told it in their sleep, and disclosedthe secret, let it have been of what fatal nature soever, without regard to theperson to whom it might be exposed. This necessity of nature is a thing whichworks sometimes with such vehemence in the minds of those who are guilty of anyatrocious villainy, such as secret murder in particular, that they have beenobliged to discover it, though the consequence would necessarily be their owndestruction. Now, though it may be true that the divine justice ought to havethe glory of all those discoveries and confessions, yet ’tis as certainthat Providence, which ordinarily works by the hands of nature, makes use hereof the same natural causes to produce those extraordinary effects.
I could give several remarkable instances of this in my long conversation withcrime and with criminals. I knew one fellow that, while I was in prison inNewgate, was one of those they called then night-fliers. I know not what otherword they may have understood it by since, but he was one who by connivance wasadmitted to go abroad every evening, when he played his pranks, and furnishedthose honest people they call thief-catchers with business to find out the nextday, and restore for a reward what they had stolen the evening before. Thisfellow was as sure to tell in his sleep all that he had done, and every step hehad taken, what he had stolen, and where, as sure as if he had engaged to tellit waking, and that there was no harm or danger in it, and therefore he wasobliged, after he had been out, to lock himself up, or be locked up by some ofthe keepers that had him in fee, that nobody should hear him; but, on the otherhand, if he had told all the particulars, and given a full account of hisrambles and success, to any comrade, any brother thief, or to his employers, asI may justly call them, then all was well with him, and he slept as quietly asother people.
As the publishing this account of my life is for the sake of the just moral ofvery part of it, and for instruction, caution, warning, and improvement toevery reader, so this will not pass, I hope, for an unnecessary digressionconcerning some people being obliged to disclose the greatest secrets either oftheir own or other people’s affairs.
Under the certain oppression of this weight upon my mind, I laboured in thecase I have been naming; and the only relief I found for it was to let myhusband into so much of it as I thought would convince him of the necessitythere was for us to think of settling in some other part of the world; and thenext consideration before us was, which part of the English settlements weshould go to. My husband was a perfect stranger to the country, and had not yetso much as a geographical knowledge of the situation of the several places; andI, that, till I wrote this, did not know what the word geographical signified,had only a general knowledge from long conversation with people that came fromor went to several places; but this I knew, that Maryland, Pennsylvania, Eastand West Jersey, New York, and New England lay all north of Virginia, and thatthey were consequently all colder climates, to which for that very reason, Ihad an aversion. For that as I naturally loved warm weather, so now I grew intoyears I had a stronger inclination to shun a cold climate. I thereforeconsidered of going to Carolina, which is the only southern colony of theEnglish on the continent of America, and hither I proposed to go; and therather because I might with great ease come from thence at any time, when itmight be proper to inquire after my mother’s effects, and to make myselfknown enough to demand them.
With this resolution I proposed to my husband our going away from where we was,and carrying all our effects with us to Carolina, where we resolved to settle;for my husband readily agreed to the first part, viz. that was not at allproper to stay where we was, since I had assured him we should be known there,and the rest I effectually concealed from him.
But now I found a new difficulty upon me. The main affair grew heavy upon mymind still, and I could not think of going out of the country without somehowor other making inquiry into the grand affair of what my mother had done forme; nor could I with any patience bear the thought of going away, and not makemyself known to my old husband (brother), or to my child, his son; only I wouldfain have had this done without my new husband having any knowledge of it, orthey having any knowledge of him, or that I had such a thing as a husband.
I cast about innumerable ways in my thoughts how this might be done. I wouldgladly have sent my husband away to Carolina with all our goods, and have comeafter myself, but this was impracticable; he would never stir without me, beinghimself perfectly unacquainted with the country, and with the methods ofsettling there or anywhere else. Then I thought we would both go first withpart of our goods, and that when we were settled I should come back to Virginiaand fetch the remainder; but even then I knew he would never part with me, andbe left there to go on alone. The case was plain; he was bred a gentleman, andby consequence was not only unacquainted, but indolent, and when we did settle,would much rather go out into the woods with his gun, which they call therehunting, and which is the ordinary work of the Indians, and which they do asservants; I say, he would rather do that than attend the natural business ofhis plantation.
These were therefore difficulties insurmountable, and such as I knew not whatto do in. I had such strong impressions on my mind about discovering myself tomy brother, formerly my husband, that I could not withstand them; and therather, because it ran constantly in my thoughts, that if I did not do it whilehe lived, I might in vain endeavour to convince my son afterward that I wasreally the same person, and that I was his mother, and so might both lose theassistance and comfort of the relation, and the benefit of whatever it was mymother had left me; and yet, on the other hand, I could never think it properto discover myself to them in the circumstances I was in, as well relating tothe having a husband with me as to my being brought over by a legaltransportation as a criminal; on both which accounts it was absolutelynecessary to me to remove from the place where I was, and come again to him, asfrom another place and in another figure.
Upon those considerations, I went on with telling my husband the absolutenecessity there was of our not settling in Potomac River, at least that weshould be presently made public there; whereas if we went to any other place inthe world, we should come in with as much reputation as any family that came toplant; that, as it was always agreeable to the inhabitants to have familiescome among them to plant, who brought substance with them, either to purchaseplantations or begin new ones, so we should be sure of a kind, agreeablereception, and that without any possibility of a discovery of ourcircumstances.
I told him in general, too, that as I had several relations in the place wherewe were, and that I durst not now let myself be known to them, because theywould soon come into a knowledge of the occasion and reason of my coming over,which would be to expose myself to the last degree, so I had reason to believethat my mother, who died here, had left me something, and perhaps considerable,which it might be very well worth my while to inquire after; but that this toocould not be done without exposing us publicly, unless we went from hence; andthen, wherever we settled, I might come, as it were, to visit and to see mybrother and nephews, make myself known to them, claim and inquire after whatwas my due, be received with respect, and at the same time have justice done mewith cheerfulness and good will; whereas, if I did it now, I could expectnothing but with trouble, such as exacting it by force, receiving it withcurses and reluctance, and with all kinds of affronts, which he would notperhaps bear to see; that in case of being obliged to legal proofs of beingreally her daughter, I might be at loss, be obliged to have recourse toEngland, and it may be to fail at last, and so lose it, whatever it might be.With these arguments, and having thus acquainted my husband with the wholesecret so far as was needful of him, we resolved to go and seek a settlement insome other colony, and at first thoughts, Carolina was the place we pitchedupon.
In order to this we began to make inquiry for vessels going to Carolina, and ina very little while got information, that on the other side the bay, as theycall it, namely, in Maryland, there was a ship which came from Carolina, ladenwith rice and other goods, and was going back again thither, and from thence toJamaica, with provisions. On this news we hired a sloop to take in our goods,and taking, as it were, a final farewell of Potomac River, we went with all ourcargo over to Maryland.
This was a long and unpleasant voyage, and my spouse said it was worse to himthan all the voyage from England, because the weather was but indifferent, thewater rough, and the vessel small and inconvenient. In the next place, we werefull a hundred miles up Potomac River, in a part which they call WestmorelandCounty, and as that river is by far the greatest in Virginia, and I have heardsay it is the greatest river in the world that falls into another river, andnot directly into the sea, so we had base weather in it, and were frequently ingreat danger; for though we were in the middle, we could not see land on eitherside for many leagues together. Then we had the great river or bay ofChesapeake to cross, which is where the river Potomac falls into it, nearthirty miles broad, and we entered more great vast waters whose names I knownot, so that our voyage was full two hundred miles, in a poor, sorry sloop,with all our treasure, and if any accident had happened to us, we might at lasthave been very miserable; supposing we had lost our goods and saved our livesonly, and had then been left naked and destitute, and in a wild, strange placenot having one friend or acquaintance in all that part of the world. The verythought of it gives me some horror, even since the danger is past.
Well, we came to the place in five days’ sailing; I think they call itPhilip’s Point; and behold, when we came thither, the ship bound toCarolina was loaded and gone away but three days before. This was adisappointment; but, however, I, that was to be discouraged with nothing, toldmy husband that since we could not get passage to Carolina, and that thecountry we was in was very fertile and good, we would, if he liked of it, seeif we could find out anything for our tune where we was, and that if he likedthings we would settle here.
We immediately went on shore, but found no conveniences just at that place,either for our being on shore or preserving our goods on shore, but wasdirected by a very honest Quaker, whom we found there, to go to a place aboutsixty miles east; that is to say, nearer the mouth of the bay, where he said helived, and where we should be accommodated, either to plant, or to wait for anyother place to plant in that might be more convenient; and he invited us withso much kindness and simple honesty, that we agreed to go, and the Quakerhimself went with us.
Here we bought us two servants, viz. an English woman-servant just come onshore from a ship of Liverpool, and a Negro man-servant, things absolutelynecessary for all people that pretended to settle in that country. This honestQuaker was very helpful to us, and when we came to the place that he proposedto us, found us out a convenient storehouse for our goods, and lodging forourselves and our servants; and about two months or thereabouts afterwards, byhis direction, we took up a large piece of land from the governor of thatcountry, in order to form our plantation, and so we laid the thoughts of goingto Carolina wholly aside, having been very well received here, and accommodatedwith a convenient lodging till we could prepare things, and have land enoughcleared, and timber and materials provided for building us a house, all whichwe managed by the direction of the Quaker; so that in one year’s time wehad nearly fifty acres of land cleared, part of it enclosed, and some of itplanted with tabacco, though not much; besides, we had garden ground and cornsufficient to help supply our servants with roots and herbs and bread.
And now I persuaded my husband to let me go over the bay again, and inquireafter my friends. He was the willinger to consent to it now, because he hadbusiness upon his hands sufficient to employ him, besides his gun to diverthim, which they call hunting there, and which he greatly delighted in; andindeed we used to look at one another, sometimes with a great deal of pleasure,reflecting how much better that was, not than Newgate only, but than the mostprosperous of our circumstances in the wicked trade that we had been bothcarrying on.
Our affair was in a very good posture; we purchased of the proprietors of thecolony as much land for £35, paid in ready money, as would make asufficient plantation to employ between fifty and sixty servants, and which,being well improved, would be sufficient to us as long as we could either of uslive; and as for children, I was past the prospect of anything of that kind.
But out good fortune did not end here. I went, as I have said, over the bay, tothe place where my brother, once a husband, lived; but I did not go to the samevillage where I was before, but went up another great river, on the east sideof the river Potomac, called Rappahannock River, and by this means came on theback of his plantation, which was large, and by the help of a navigable creek,or little river, that ran into the Rappahannock, I came very near it.
I was now fully resolved to go up point-blank to my brother (husband), and totell him who I was; but not knowing what temper I might find him in, or howmuch out of temper rather, I might make him by such a rash visit, I resolved towrite a letter to him first, to let him know who I was, and that I was come notto give him any trouble upon the old relation, which I hoped was entirelyforgot, but that I applied to him as a sister to a brother, desiring hisassistance in the case of that provision which our mother, at her decease, hadleft for my support, and which I did not doubt but he would do me justice in,especially considering that I was come thus far to look after it.
I said some very tender, kind things in the letter about his son, which I toldhim he knew to be my own child, and that as I was guilty of nothing in marryinghim, any more than he was in marrying me, neither of us having then known ourbeing at all related to one another, so I hoped he would allow me the mostpassionate desire of once seeing my one and only child, and of showingsomething of the infirmities of a mother in preserving a violent affect forhim, who had never been able to retain any thought of me one way or other.
I did believe that, having received this letter, he would immediately give itto his son to read, I having understood his eyes being so dim, that he couldnot see to read it; but it fell out better than so, for as his sight was dim,so he had allowed his son to open all letters that came to his hand for him,and the old gentleman being from home, or out of the way when my messengercame, my letter came directly to my son’s hand, and he opened and readit.
He called the messenger in, after some little stay, and asked him where theperson was who gave him the letter. The messenger told him the place, which wasabout seven miles off, so he bid him stay, and ordering a horse to be gotready, and two servants, away he came to me with the messenger. Let any onejudge the consternation I was in when my messenger came back, and told me theold gentleman was not at home, but his son was come along with him, and wasjust coming up to me. I was perfectly confounded, for I knew not whether it waspeace or war, nor could I tell how to behave; however, I had but a very fewmoments to think, for my son was at the heels of the messenger, and coming upinto my lodgings, asked the fellow at the door something. I suppose it was, forI did not hear it so as to understand it, which was the gentlewoman that senthim; for the messenger said, “There she is, sir”; at which he comesdirectly up to me, kisses me, took me in his arms, and embraced me with so muchpassion that he could not speak, but I could feel his breast heave and throblike a child, that cries, but sobs, and cannot cry it out.
I can neither express nor describe the joy that touched my very soul when Ifound, for it was easy to discover that part, that he came not as a stranger,but as a son to a mother, and indeed as a son who had never before known what amother of his own was; in short, we cried over one another a considerablewhile, when at last he broke out first. “My dear mother,” says he,“are you still alive? I never expected to have seen your face.” Asfor me, I could say nothing a great while.
After we had both recovered ourselves a little, and were able to talk, he toldme how things stood. As to what I had written to his father, he told me he hadnot showed my letter to his father, or told him anything about it; that whathis grandmother left me was in his hands, and that he would do me justice to myfull satisfaction; that as to his father, he was old and infirm both in bodyand mind; that he was very fretful and passionate, almost blind, and capable ofnothing; and he questioned whether he would know how to act in an affair whichwas of so nice a nature as this; and that therefore he had come himself, aswell to satisfy himself in seeing me, which he could not restrain himself from,as also to put it into my power to make a judgment, after I had seen how thingswere, whether I would discover myself to his father or no.
This was really so prudently and wisely managed, that I found my son was a manof sense, and needed no direction from me. I told him I did not wonder that hisfather was as he had described him, for that his head was a little touchedbefore I went away; and principally his disturbance was because I could not bepersuaded to conceal our relation and to live with him as my husband, after Iknew that he was my brother; that as he knew better than I what hisfather’s present condition was, I should readily join with him in suchmeasure as he would direct; that I was indifferent as to seeing his father,since I had seen him first, and he could not have told me better news than totell me that what his grandmother had left me was entrusted in his hands, who,I doubted not, now he knew who I was, would, as he said, do me justice. Iinquired then how long my mother had been dead, and where she died, and told somany particulars of the family, that I left him no room to doubt the truth ofmy being really and truly his mother.
My son then inquired where I was, and how I had disposed myself. I told him Iwas on the Maryland side of the bay, at the plantation of a particular friendwho came from England in the same ship with me; that as for that side of thebay where he was, I had no habitation. He told me I should go home with him,and live with him, if I pleased, as long as I lived; that as to his father, heknew nobody, and would never so much as guess at me. I considered of that alittle, and told him, that though it was really no concern to me to live at adistance from him, yet I could not say it would be the most comfortable thingin the world to me to live in the house with him, and to have that unhappyobject always before me, which had been such a blow to my peace before; thatthough I should be glad to have his company (my son), or to be as near him aspossible while I stayed, yet I could not think of being in the house where Ishould be also under constant restraint for fear of betraying myself in mydiscourse, nor should I be able to refrain some expressions in my conversingwith him as my son, that might discover the whole affair, which would by nomeans be convenient.
He acknowledged that I was right in all this. “But then, dearmother,” says he, “you shall be as near me as you can.” So hetook me with him on horseback to a plantation next to his own, and where I wasas well entertained as I could have been in his own. Having left me there hewent away home, telling me we would talk of the main business the next day; andhaving first called me his aunt, and given a charge to the people, who it seemswere his tenants, to treat me with all possible respect. About two hours afterhe was gone, he sent me a maid-servant and a Negro boy to wait on me, andprovisions ready dressed for my supper; and thus I was as if I had been in anew world, and began secretly now to wish that I had not brought my Lancashirehusband from England at all.
However, that wish was not hearty neither, for I loved my Lancashire husbandentirely, as indeed I had ever done from the beginning; and he merited from meas much as it was possible for a man to do; but that by the way.
The next morning my son came to visit me again almost as soon as I was up.After a little discourse, he first of all pulled out a deerskin bag, and gaveit me, with five-and-fifty Spanish pistoles in it, and told me that was tosupply my expenses from England, for though it was not his business to inquire,yet he ought to think I did not bring a great deal of money out with me, it notbeing usual to bring much money into that country. Then he pulled out hisgrandmother’s will, and read it over to me, whereby it appeared that shehad left a small plantation, as he called it, on York River, that is, where mymother lived, to me, with the stock of servants and cattle upon it, and givenit in trust to this son of mine for my use, whenever he should hear of my beingalive, and to my heirs, if I had any children, and in default of heirs, towhomsoever I should by will dispose of it; but gave the income of it, till Ishould be heard of, or found, to my said son; and if I should not be living,then it was to him, and his heirs.
This plantation, though remote from him, he said he did not let out, butmanaged it by a head-clerk (steward), as he did another that was hisfather’s, that lay hard by it, and went over himself three or four timesa year to look after it. I asked him what he thought the plantation might beworth. He said, if I would let it out, he would give me about £60 a yearfor it; but if I would live on it, then it would be worth much more, and, hebelieved, would bring me in about £150 a year. But seeing I was likelyeither to settle on the other side of the bay, or might perhaps have a mind togo back to England again, if I would let him be my steward he would manage itfor me, as he had done for himself, and that he believed he should be able tosend me as much tobacco to England from it as would yield me about £100 ayear, sometimes more.
This was all strange news to me, and things I had not been used to; and reallymy heart began to look up more seriously than I think it ever did before, andto look with great thankfulness to the hand of Providence, which had done suchwonders for me, who had been myself the greatest wonder of wickedness perhapsthat had been suffered to live in the world. And I must again observe, that noton this occasion only, but even on all other occasions of thankfulness, my pastwicked and abominable life never looked so monstrous to me, and I never socompletely abhorred it, and reproached myself with it, as when I had a senseupon me of Providence doing good to me, while I had been making those vilereturns on my part.
But I leave the reader to improve these thoughts, as no doubt they will seecause, and I go on to the fact. My son’s tender carriage and kind offersfetched tears from me, almost all the while he talked with me. Indeed, I couldscarce discourse with him but in the intervals of my passion; however, atlength I began, and expressing myself with wonder at my being so happy to havethe trust of what I had left, put into the hands of my own child, I told him,that as to the inheritance of it, I had no child but him in the world, and wasnow past having any if I should marry, and therefore would desire him to get awriting drawn, which I was ready to execute, by which I would, after me, giveit wholly to him and to his heirs. And in the meantime, smiling, I asked himwhat made him continue a bachelor so long. His answer was kind and ready, thatVirginia did not yield any great plenty of wives, and that since I talked ofgoing back to England, I should send him a wife from London.
This was the substance of our first day’s conversation, the pleasantestday that ever passed over my head in my life, and which gave me the truestsatisfaction. He came every day after this, and spent a great part of his timewith me, and carried me about to several of his friends’ houses, where Iwas entertained with great respect. Also I dined several times at his ownhouse, when he took care always to see his half-dead father so out of the waythat I never saw him, or he me. I made him one present, and it was all I had ofvalue, and that was one of the gold watches, of which I mentioned above, that Ihad two in my chest, and this I happened to have with me, and I gave it him athis third visit. I told him I had nothing of any value to bestow but that, andI desired he would now and then kiss it for my sake. I did not indeed tell himthat I had stole it from a gentlewoman’s side, at a meeting-house inLondon. That’s by the way.
He stood a little while hesitating, as if doubtful whether to take it or no;but I pressed it on him, and made him accept it, and it was not much less worththan his leather pouch full of Spanish gold; no, though it were to be reckonedas if at London, whereas it was worth twice as much there, where I gave it him.At length he took it, kissed it, told me the watch should be a debt upon himthat he would be paying as long as I lived.
A few days after he brought the writings of gift, and the scrivener with them,and I signed them very freely, and delivered them to him with a hundred kisses;for sure nothing ever passed between a mother and a tender, dutiful child withmore affection. The next day he brings me an obligation under his hand andseal, whereby he engaged himself to manage and improve the plantation for myaccount, and with his utmost skill, and to remit the produce to my orderwherever I should be; and withal, to be obliged himself to make up the produce£100 a year to me. When he had done so, he told me that as I came todemand it before the crop was off, I had a right to produce of the currentyear, and so he paid me £100 in Spanish pieces of eight, and desired meto give him a receipt for it as in full for that year, ending at Christmasfollowing; this being about the latter end of August.
I stayed here about five weeks, and indeed had much ado to get away then. Nay,he would have come over the bay with me, but I would by no means allow him toit. However, he would send me over in a sloop of his own, which was built likea yacht, and served him as well for pleasure as business. This I accepted of,and so, after the utmost expressions both of duty and affection, he let me comeaway, and I arrived safe in two days at my friend’s the Quaker’s.
I brought over with me for the use of our plantation, three horses, withharness and saddles, some hogs, two cows, and a thousand other things, the giftof the kindest and tenderest child that ever woman had. I related to my husbandall the particulars of this voyage, except that I called my son my cousin; andfirst I told him that I had lost my watch, which he seemed to take as amisfortune; but then I told him how kind my cousin had been, that my mother hadleft me such a plantation, and that he had preserved it for me, in hopes sometime or other he should hear from me; then I told him that I had left it to hismanagement, that he would render me a faithful account of its produce; and thenI pulled him out the £100 in silver, as the first year’s produce;and then pulling out the deerskin purse with the pistoles, “And here, mydear,” says I, “is the gold watch.” My husband—so isHeaven’s goodness sure to work the same effects in all sensible mindswhere mercies touch the heart—lifted up both hands, and with an ecstacyof joy, “What is God a-doing,” says he, “for such anungrateful dog as I am!” Then I let him know what I had brought over inthe sloop, besides all this; I mean the horses, hogs, and cows, and otherstores for our plantation; all which added to his surprise, and filled hisheart with thankfulness; and from this time forward I believe he was as sincerea penitent, and as thoroughly a reformed man, as ever God’s goodnessbrought back from a profligate, a highwayman, and a robber. I could fill alarger history than this with the evidence of this truth, and but that I doubtthat part of the story will not be equally diverting as the wicked part, I havehad thoughts of making a volume of it by itself.
As for myself, as this is to be my own story, not my husband’s, I returnto that part which related to myself. We went on with our plantation, andmanaged it with the help and diversion of such friends as we got there by ourobliging behaviour, and especially the honest Quaker, who proved a faithful,generous, and steady friend to us; and we had very good success, for having aflourishing stock to begin with, as I have said, and this being now increasedby the addition of £150 sterling in money, we enlarged our number ofservants, built us a very good house, and cured every year a great deal ofland. The second year I wrote to my old governess, giving her part with us ofthe joy of our success, and order her how to lay out the money I had left withher, which was £250 as above, and to send it to us in goods, which sheperformed with her usual kindness and fidelity, and this arrived safe to us.
Here we had a supply of all sorts of clothes, as well for my husband as formyself; and I took especial care to buy for him all those things that I knew hedelighted to have; as two good long wigs, two silver-hilted swords, three orfour fine fowling-pieces, a fine saddle with holsters and pistols veryhandsome, with a scarlet cloak; and, in a word, everything I could think of tooblige him, and to make him appear, as he really was, a very fine gentleman. Iordered a good quantity of such household stuff as we yet wanted, with linen ofall sorts for us both. As for myself, I wanted very little of clothes or linen,being very well furnished before. The rest of my cargo consisted in iron-workof all sorts, harness for horses, tools, clothes for servants, and woollencloth, stuffs, serges, stockings, shoes, hats, and the like, such as servantswear; and whole pieces also to make up for servants, all by direction of theQuaker; and all this cargo arrived safe, and in good condition, with threewoman-servants, lusty wenches, which my old governess had picked for me,suitable enough to the place, and to the work we had for them to do; one ofwhich happened to come double, having been got with child by one of the seamenin the ship, as she owned afterwards, before the ship got so far as Gravesend;so she brought us a stout boy, about seven months after her landing.
My husband, you may suppose, was a little surprised at the arriving of all thiscargo from England; and talking with me after he saw the account of thisparticular, “My dear,” says he, “what is the meaning of allthis? I fear you will run us too deep in debt: when shall we be able to makereturn for it all?” I smiled, and told him that it was all paid for; andthen I told him, that what our circumstances might expose us to, I had nottaken my whole stock with me, that I had reserved so much in my friend’shands, which now we were come over safe, and was settled in a way to live, Ihad sent for, as he might see.
He was amazed, and stood a while telling upon his fingers, but said nothing. Atlast he began thus: “Hold, let’s see,” says he, telling uponhis fingers still, and first on his thumb; “there’s £246 inmoney at first, then two gold watches, diamond rings, and plate,” sayshe, upon the forefinger. Then upon the next finger, “Here’s aplantation on York River, £100 a year, then £150 in money, then asloop load of horses, cows, hogs, and stores”; and so on to the thumbagain. “And now,” says he, “a cargo cost £250 inEngland, and worth here twice the money.” “Well,” says I,“what do you make of all that?” “Make of it?” says he;“why, who says I was deceived when I married a wife in Lancashire? Ithink I have married a fortune, and a very good fortune too,” says he.
In a word, we were now in very considerable circumstances, and every yearincreasing; for our new plantation grew upon our hands insensibly, and in eightyears which we lived upon it, we brought it to such pitch, that the produce wasat least £300 sterling a year; I mean, worth so much in England.
After I had been a year at home again, I went over the bay to see my son, andto receive another year’s income of my plantation; and I was surprised tohear, just at my landing there, that my old husband was dead, and had not beenburied above a fortnight. This, I confess, was not disagreeable news, becausenow I could appear as I was, in a married condition; so I told my son before Icame from him, that I believed I should marry a gentleman who had a plantationnear mine; and though I was legally free to marry, as to any obligation thatwas on me before, yet that I was shy of it, lest the blot should some time orother be revived, and it might make a husband uneasy. My son, the same kind,dutiful, and obliging creature as ever, treated me now at his own house, paidme my hundred pounds, and sent me home again loaded with presents.
Some time after this, I let my son know I was married, and invited him over tosee us, and my husband wrote a very obliging letter to him also, inviting himto come and see him; and he came accordingly some months after, and happened tobe there just when my cargo from England came in, which I let him believebelonged all to my husband’s estate, not to me.
It must be observed that when the old wretch my brother (husband) was dead, Ithen freely gave my husband an account of all that affair, and of this cousin,as I had called him before, being my own son by that mistaken unhappy match. Hewas perfectly easy in the account, and told me he should have been as easy ifthe old man, as we called him, had been alive. “For,” said he,“it was no fault of yours, nor of his; it was a mistake impossible to beprevented.” He only reproached him with desiring me to conceal it, and tolive with him as a wife, after I knew that he was my brother; that, he said,was a vile part. Thus all these difficulties were made easy, and we livedtogether with the greatest kindness and comfort imaginable.
We are grown old; I am come back to England, being almost seventy years of age,husband sixty-eight, having performed much more than the limited terms of mytransportation; and now, notwithstanding all the fatigues and all the miserieswe have both gone through, we are both of us in good heart and health. Myhusband remained there some time after me to settle our affairs, and at first Ihad intended to go back to him, but at his desire I altered that resolution,and he is come over to England also, where we resolve to spend the remainder ofour years in sincere penitence for the wicked lives we have lived.
